Help I am new to this | ADHD Information

Ty very much for your responses.  I am in the process of getting us both into theapy I am waiting for her to call me back on Thursday, they will start us off with an in home visit.   My son still doesn't eat properly he has gotten better however but its still not the healthiest, I have him on  a lot of fruit now , which he refused to eat before but I say baby steps. Its good to know that there is people out there that you can talk to.   Ok here goes I am new to your message board and New to ADHD, I have a 4 year old son who has been diagnosed with ADHD. I am a single parent so I deal with this 24 7 My son was diagnosed with this 4 months ago, I have tried the diet change I have put him on a strict routine but yet the behaviors still are the same and on a bad day they get worse.  I have taken my son back to the DR. who in turn threw my begging and pleading has put on him a small dose of medication.

I work in a nursing home and deal with behaviors all day long and can handle most things however I can't handle the head bunting that my son does to me on a regular basis and the hitting and slapping and yelling in my face.

I am so very very frustrated right now as he demands all of my attention, I have to stop everything that I am doing to watch tv with him take him to the bathroom it just seems like I have to be there  for him all the time. I am trying to teach him a little independence that is ok that I go upstairs to vacuum or in the kitchen to make dinner or out on the porch to smoke a cigarette.
I am very frustrated .

He just started the medication this week and I know that its going to take a little bit for it to get in his system, but I am not looking for the medication to change him I am looking for new ways to keep him active so I can have 5 mins to myself in the day time.  Am I being selfish or does everybody go threw this . ?
kitkat3939600.4339699074We all go through it, it is a common behavior with kids who have ADHD. He is also very young, and at an age that kids do constantly want all of your attention. He should grow out of that in a few years, hopefully, my DD is 10 and I am still waiting.

Yes, we all do go through this.  My son (and I'm a single mom, as well ) has been diagnosed since he was 4 and he is almost 7 now.  It gets better every year for us.  We still have our moments,  but they are usually when he hasn't eaten correctly or he is really tired.  His play therapist taught me a long time ago to take notes and notice when he has his flare ups.  Taking notes really helps because it can help you as the parent to take a deep breath and handle it appropriately rather than  go off the handle.  Hope this makes sense. 

May I recommend if you haven't already done so...play therapy.  This has been a great tool for us.  My son doesn't go but once a month, now , yet it helps him keep himself in check.  I also visit with a therapist periodically as I find it a great way to work out my frustrations. 

Hang in there...and know there are others in the same boat as you.  It will become easier for you and for your child as long as you keep on top of it and remember to be there for one another through thick or thin.  It won't be perfect but it will get better and bearable with time and patience.

4myson39600.5745486111Thank you for your advice, I do praise him all the time, he and I spend a lot of time together, we color together we read together make sand castles together sometimes I think I am his only friend that  he wants to be with.

The aggression if I could master that I would be set, my son is the most lovable and funny little boy that you could imagine on a very good day he is singing and dancing and telling knock knock jokes how could you not love that . On bad days I like everyone else could rip my hair out.

As far as smoking goes I don't smoke in my house I do it outside, for the most part I do it when he is not around, I will admit on bad days I do have a breather and have a smoke however I have a side window and can see pretty much everything that he is doing I know he is safe.  I don't smoke that much a pack of smokes last me a week .

Thank you very much for you wisdom and your advice as I have said this site is helping me a lot and I am learning so much from all you great people.   I love reading everyones stories and every little blurb I learn something new I know I am not the only struggling parent out there and its good that we can all stick together . ..
My son is now 13, and I knew at 2 he had ADHD, however, no one would diagnose him as such until he was in school.  My son's father fought me tooth and nail as far as putting him on medication.  We had to try everything else first.  We changed his diet.  We tried behavior modification.  We tried counseling.  We tried everything.  Nothing worked.  He started to fail in school.  Finally, I told him I would take him to court and force him to try meds if he didn't allow it.  He allowed me to try.  It worked like a charm. 

As far as the aggression, he is angry and doesn't know how to properly channel feelings yet.  These kids don't know how to think before they act.  It will be a lifelong struggle with that aspect.

Find times when he is doing something right, and praise him.  Soon, he will crave that attention more and try to do things better.

When my son was 4, I didn't want him out of my sight, as he started to harm himself.  My son had several very serious accidents due to me not being within arms reach.  (My son climbed up a chest of drawers and pulled it down on top of himself. He had to have his head stapled shut.  He also ran through a glass window.  He jumped off of a wall at school and broke his collarbone.)  I really would just realize that in a couple of years it will be a lot easier and take this time to make sure you are there.  It really goes faster than you think it will.

I would SERIOUSLY consider quitting smoking if I were you.  First, you want to be alive to take care of him as you are the only caregiver.  Second, you don't want to have him breathing that in, and lastly, you don't want to leave him unattended.  And who can afford them anymore? (I smoked for 10 yrs. and have now been a nonsmoker for 8).

Also, I would ask for help from someone you trust.  You will need some time to yourself and if you don't take care of your child's mom, who will?  You can't take care of someone else if you don't take care of you.  Even if you don't have someone in your life, find a babysitter to be there to help you from time to time.  Just having some additional hands/eyes is help.

Once he is old enough to go to school, you will have lots of hours to yourself.  It is the now that he needs you most.  Ask a counselor how to deal with his aggression.  Although he is only 4, ask him why he does the head butting, etc. after he has calmed down.  See if he can start to recognize that this is a bad thing and that he is hurting mommy.  Know you aren't alone.

just fyi....a nutritionist told me to make sure when giving fruit to my son that I should also provide a protein

my son was checked for reactive hypoglycemia per psychiatrist who also determined ad/hd...he said that h can contribute to some of the impulsive issues...so if you haven't done this you might want to check into this as well...hence why we worked with a nutritionist

Smiles

kitkat,

We all go through what you're going through right now.  My daughter was 3 when she was diagnosed but it wasn't until she was 5 that anyone would even go near her, therapy or med wise.  She was a big "rager".  She would go into spells where she would hit, kick, head butt, scream, throw things, etc...  It was pure hell.  I was a single mom at the time, going to college full-time, working part-time and trying to be there 24/7 for her so I know what you're going through.

One trick that you may want to try when he goes into a rage is to put him in a room with nothing in it that he can hurt himself with.  Just take him in there, put him in the middle of the floor, walk out and shut the door.  This will give him time to let his anger out without you getting hurt in the process as well as give you a minute to get yourself together.  Take deap breaths and then go back.

I took everyting out of my daughter's room except her bed, pillows, and clothes to make sure she couldn't hurt herself.  This seemed to help her.  After awhile she would just go there when she felt herself getting angry.  It was her safe place where she could be angry and upset without anyone getting upset with her.  To this day she will go to her room if she is having a bad day.

Believe me it does get easier.  You learn to deal with the behavior better and as they get older they learn to cope a little better.  Don't get me wrong.  You will still have bad days and times when you feel like you don't know what to do but that's when you just have to stand back and remember you are his mom and he needs you.

I hope this helps.  Just don't give up hope!

Well I have done that however when he goes in a rage and you put him in the room I have to stand and hold the door so he won't leave the room until he has calmed down which makes my frustration go even higher.  However last week I put a face cloth in the top of the door so he couldn't open it and walked away it took about 45 mins for him to calm down.  He has been on medication for about a week now I have seen a few side effects but not a lot with have the sleeping difficulties but I run him in the park for hours in the day time which I think helps his appetite is very poor but it always has been we do bed time snacks before bed . He is not wetting the bed however he holds it to long and has many accidents in the day time.

I give him lots of eggs and cheese and peanut butter I buy everything with omegas in it lots of eggs and cheese my son won't touch meat and veg tables and when we try it its very stressful at the dinner table.  we are now on Childrens vitamins with iron it as his iron is very low he gets one of those a day however they are full of bad colors which I don't think is good for him either, but the pediatrician told that is was fine.

This morning I woke up with a headbunt to face boy let me tell you thats a great way to wake up in the morning, I honestly didn't know if I should hug him or hit him. Needless to say I walked away with big tears in my eyes and hid in the bathroom to calm down for a couple of mins. We start therapy hopefully this week I am waiting for her to call me back  Baby steps I say
Thank you all for your positive responses I have been on here for just 1 day and have learned a great deal from all you I am so happy I found this site.  As we all do I will keep smiling and no I will never give up hope.
I started my son on 1-2-3 Magic at 4 yr.s of age, and it made a huge difference in his behavior. As you know nothing ever works over night, but it helped it be more manageable. I kept his time as structured as possible so I wouldn't go crazy, and he loved bike riding so we did alot of that, and walks. We were both happier if busy. Yes my son followed me everywhere, couldn't ever shower of go pee by myself. It will get better. You sound like you need a plan on how to raise him because general parenting techniques don't seem to be that helpful with these kids.   Good Luck.