My 9 yo DD (im new here) | ADHD Information
Dianne V - Sorry that it took me sometime to reply to you, but I will definately do all of the things that you recommended - that is why I have been coming to this website so often - I get so much input that helps to guide me with what I should be doing as this is only the beginning for us. I went back and read a post of yours and I am so happy for you and your DD in regards to her new school situation! To be honest it sounds like something that my DD could greatly benefit from. Hopefully after her appt. on Tuesday I will know more about which direction we can head in! Thanks again My opinion, after reading your original posting is that your child probably has more than just ADHD. (Although I would definitely say much of what you have posted sounds like my child, who was diagnosed with ADHD and by multiple doctors and methods.)I will say this: you have punished your child for doing what she could not help herself from doing and you have done so for years. You didn't know better, as I can tell you love your child. However, that doesn't change the fact that she will now show symptoms that children who suffer from verbal abuse exhibit. (This is MY opinion based on what I have seen and experienced in my own life and in doing years of reading and research, others no doubt may disagree with me.)
If a child has ADHD and they are not on medication, there are certain things they simply cannot do. Even on medication, there are things my son still struggles with. You will need to adjust your expectations of your child. It will make you less upset, and your child will then get a mom who is more understanding, showing more love and kindness, and therefore she will start to turn around with regards to some of the self esteem issues. Although you may want to consider some counseling for the family since she might need some help dealing with this-and no doubt it will help the dynamic no matter the causation, or issue. (Counseling helps her, you and the family unit as this is a family issue, not just hers.) It won't make her challenges go away, but will help you all deal with stress, and the emotional challenges that this has wrought on your family.
Also, some of the things you mentioned are NOT symptoms of ADHD or of self esteem, but they sound like some kind of cognition issues, perhaps dyslexia, or some other type of learning disability. (You will have to have her tested and find out why she mixes up letters, etc. as there are specialists that can help once you know what the exact issue is.) Once you have a diagnosis, then and only then can you enforce your legal rights with regards to extra help at school. You will then be able to get what is called an "IEP" or an individualized education plan for her. These are set up child by child to help them achieve their unique needs and goals. If she is diagnosed with ADHD, (there are other things she may be diagnosed with as well that may also qualify) she will be protected under the ADA laws-- if you are in the USA. ADHD falls under the "otherwise" disabled and you have legal rights for additional help.
As far as the other kids go-- this is a problem. Does she have even one friend from school? Kids that are bullied or made fun of for years, as it sounds like she has been, will have a real hard time of it. Do everything it takes to get her acting "like the other kids", which means that my son still bites his fingernails even on medication. However, somehow you need her to work on the finger in the nose thing. That will never be ok. Once she is on the proper medication, she will stop doing the impulsivity things, meaning she will have that extra second to think before she acts, and some of her behaviors considered obnoxious to her peers will stop. Some might not. Down the road you may decide to change schools if the bullying doesn't stop. This is a long road to walk.
I hope I have been helpful, as that was my intent. If you have questions or need additional help, ask. Best wishes.
Yme!39609.6155439815
[QUOTE=KatelynsMOM]Dianne V - Sorry that it took me sometime to reply to you, but I will definately do all of the things that you recommended - that is why I have been coming to this website so often - I get so much input that helps to guide me with what I should be doing as this is only the beginning for us. I went back and read a post of yours and I am so happy for you and your DD in regards to her new school situation! To be honest it sounds like something that my DD could greatly benefit from. Hopefully after her appt. on Tuesday I will know more about which direction we can head in! Thanks again[/QUOTE]
Please know my daughter is older than yours. She is in 7th grade. It was time for us to make some hard decisons. But, she had a lot of the same issues your adughter has, and probably more, at that age. She didnt have a lot of friends,d id the nose picking... etc., etc, she's outgrown all fo that now, but school is just too hard for her. We want her happy and functional so I've worked my BUTT off for over a year and spent thousands on an advocate, but we needed a different path and we've found it hopefully. We are currently in a good med place I think and a good place I hope and I am not embarrassed to say we VERY much deserve it. She's had it way too hard for a young girl, life is not supposed to so hard for kids................
Yme, you absolutely have been helpful - no one that I have talked to yet about this has had the understanding that you guys have here. I understand and agree totally with what you were saying about the verbal abuse issues. The one thing that I can say (and I promise I am not making excuses or trying to make myself look better!!) is that I have always been kind of a "soft" mom in the sense that my DD has been a very sensitive child her whole life and as I am extremely sensitive myself I tried not to be too hard on her about things because I knew she would just get upset and cry. But with that said there are still many, many, instances where myself and her dad would say - "Why did you do that? How come you didn't do this? How many times have we told you?" blah blah blah.. And now more and more everyday I realize how dumb we were then. I have completely changed my expectations of her and my level of understanding with her as increased greatly as I read and educate myself more and more. Things are so much happier at home just with that and the marble system has really helped her stay on task and feel proud of herself! Last night she took her first Omega3Joy and had one again this morning so I hope to see with in the next month or so how that will impact her. As far as the kids at school go, it is not all the kids and she does have more than a handful of friends which is great. She has been in the same after school care with the same five kids since Kindergarten and they are all really good friends and that helps since they are all at the same school. I hear the same 3 names over and over in regards to the bullying and I just really encourage her to avoid those kids all together as she usually tends to engage them. They pick on her but yet when she sees them at the grocery store she runs up and says "HI!" like they are best friends and the kid usually just looks at her like she's nuts I do feel that we are on a long journey but I already feel like things are getting better everyday, which is a blessing to us all. Oh and also - I totally agree with the counseling and family counseling, it is definately need to help us transition. Thanks to everyone again for taking time to reach out to us 
I have a friend who's son was an absolute terror. He repeated kindergarten 3 times, kept getting suspended for violent outburst. It was awful.
Finally, he was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated. And guess what - he wasn't a terror, he had a leaning disability. His frustration was that he couldn't understand what numbers were - he just had no concept of it. So, now that he was calmer, they worked with him on the learning diability.
Now he's a new kid. He's polite and smart and follows directions. I was scared of him before. Now it's like he's making up for past time. A total turn around.
So take a deep breath and relax. It's horrible going through the early bit of it. I just couldn't believe what I was being told about my son. But he has a really good doctor who is willing to answer my questions and let me know what is going on, and we're getting through it just fine. And so will you.
I am a new poster to this site but have but on it night and day reading for weeks now. I absolutely love all of the knowledge and information that I have gotten coming here! I have to say that I have read as many of the posts as possible and I have laughed and cried... It's strange to think that someone might actually get what I am going through with my child! I will try to tell the people closest to me and my DD what is happening and even though they say they understand, they are usually looking at me like I'm crazy or just making excuses for her.
I have actually delayed posting here because even though I really wanted to tell everyone about my DD and what we are going through, I felt like it would take hours and pages to get it all down... Today's the day, so hopefully that doesn't happen lol And if it ends up being way too long I apologize in advance
My DD is 9 yo (will be 10 in Dec) and has not yet been diagnosed with anything, we have had a consult appt. with her pediatrician and are being referred to a ped. neurologist for suspecting "processing problems" Our appt. is 06/16/08. The concern for my DD started mainly with concern over learning difficulties and when the school finally actually tested her in 3rd grade they told me that they felt the main problem was inattentiveness and impulsivity and that I should seek medical advice. They also said that they can not help her until I do due to her test scores. She tested 1-2 points above what was needed to qualify for "special resources".
Until the school brought up the ADHD topic in regards to my DD I had never even thought about it... She always just was the way she was... But once I came out from under the rock of denial it's amazing what I see. I seriously have to ask myself often if it's getting worse or it's just that I am paying more attention to different things now and thinking about them in a way that I didn't before. In an effort to make this less lengthy I am going to just list the things that DD does
Completely unable to grasp the concept of math or numbers, Unable to tell time on an analog clock, Unable to count money, Transposes when writing but can usually spell the word out loud, always mirror writes so that her sentences have absolutely no spacing, can not write on paper without lines - otherwise the words go diagonal down the page, reads best out loud, skips words/adds words when reading, spells mostly without vowels, difficulty drawing shapes, is VERY hard on herself when it comes to her work - tries to the point of frustration and melt down and then we end homework due to the crying being out of control, gets in trouble for doing things "she didn't mean to do", doesn't really have any "bad" or "extreme" behavior but talks nonstop, gets out of her seat in class a lot, needs constant "help" with her work, answers the question before it's finished, attempts to finish the teachers sentences, always touching something, I have to remove everything from the kitchen besides the table and chair she sits in or else she can't help but touch whatever is there and concentration goes out the window, if she is not talking or singing she is tapping or clicking or doing something that makes noise, she constantly bites her finger nails, plays with her face - pulling on lips, cheeks etc.. and has a horrible habit of picking her nose, she is extremely sensitive and emotional and cries a lot at school because she is "embarrassed or has hurt feelings", The kids (with the exception of a few friends) at school don't like her because she is a tattle tale, a cry baby, and a nose picker, she's unable to clean her room, loses everything, and gets completely overwhelmed when she has to find something (like the ketchup in the fridge) .... She is excellent at memorizing things, takes dance and piano class and is in a theater group, she is amazing when she is on stage - like a different person...
See I told you it would be a lot lol..... I am curious to see what anyone thinks and also what will happen at our doctor's appt. I have ordered Omega3joy and started a marble system which is great at helping keep her on task. I am lucky that we don't have a lot of misbehavior issues but staying on track, remembering things (as simple as washing hands), and attempting to avoid frustration meltdown makes life a daily battle at times... I feel bad because for so long she got yelled at for things that I now realize that she just can't help but hopefully now we are on the road to happier times Sorry again to write so much!
hi and welcome!
It seems so overwhelming pre diagnosis. Once you have her evaluated and find out EXACTLY what is going on you'll be able to figure out what her needs are and how to proceed. Sounds like you're doing the right thing. Can I suggest you get a full neuropsych evaluation? What did the school assessments show as far as learning disabilties? Some of the things you describe could be related to inattentive and/or impulsive ADHD, but others stand out as maybe something else. With all her writing difficulties I'd request an OT evaluation from the school. Why does she mirror write? Why is her spacing still off in third grade? also for all the sensory related things, picking, touching, these could be fidgeting issues stemmed from ADHD OR could be sensory related. This is why it's a good idea to have a FULL evaluation done.
School is probably out for the summer, but the SPED departments are still staffed. You can get your evaluation done in June then once you get that report, go from there. If you can get a neuropsych over the summer that's great an request a school meeting in writing once school re-opens. School's move at a snails pace, so it'll be mid year before you get anything going anyway. She's young and you have lots of time so dont panic about that, just take your time, sort out her needs and ask LOTS and LOTS of questions.
Thank you so much for your reply! The funny thing is I don't really know what the school testing showed as far as learning disabilities - all they wanted to discuss was the "ADHD" problems. I even said doesn't anybody see this, this, this.... and they were like of course we do which is why you need to get a diagnosis. Other than that sentence they did not address any of the learning problems which really infuriated me because I was told that was what the meeting was for. I believe (but could be wrong) that she was tested by a Neuropsych at the school. I gave all of the testing results to her doctor because I honestly could not make heads or tails of them. Her school is year round which means that the last day is July 21st, so I am hoping that at least I can get some sort of thing in place before fourth grade starts. Thanks for all of your suggestions and I will ask about an OT evaluation. Is this something the doctor can do or does it have to be the school? I will now also begin googling sensory problems! Thanks againGet a copy of that report. The doctor will be able to interpret for you, but you need to call a new meeting. Get a copy of the report and learn about what they've discovered.