My relationship with ADD | ADHD Information
both of your stories sound pretty close to home...
Same life cycle as normal Adult ADDer's....high IQ, but never excelled,
had a 3.8 gpa in my major, but 2.4 overall. How I made it through
college was a miracle. I hated every minutes of it becuase studying was
just too difficult. the funny thing is in a psyche class, the prof gave
us all some tests and he determined I was someone who had "Multiple
Association." By this, whenever he gave me a free assiciation test I
could not even answer becuase my mind was "seeing" a million things at
once. this should have been my first clue, but back in the mid-80's
hardly anyone had ever heard of ADD.
Looking back, I have had so many passed opportunites and times of my
life where I was actually depressed becuase I could not focus on
getting my crap together. I really wasted about 10 years by doing
nothing with my life.
I am quite the handyman around the house; always fixing or improving
something. However, it would take me FOREVER to finish projects. Even
if it was only a simply thing remaining, I would never completely
finish it. Of course, my tools were leftr wherever I last used them and
the wife was obviously upset that so many projects were left unfinished
forever.
The internet was the owrst thing for me at work. I would spend 30
seconds on a project and 30 minutes surfing the web. I never thought I
might have ADD becuase I never missed a deadline and have exceptional
focusing ability on the tennis court. However, I did not know
hyperfocusing was actually a symptom of ADD. I am also a project
manager and actually excel at my job. Mostly becuase I can multitask to
so well, but also becuase of my hyperfocus ability.
Also, no matter where I was or what I was doing, I always felt like I
needed to be somewhere else doing something else. ALWAYS. and it was
not a typical feeling, it was a raging DRIVE abd NEED to be somewhere
else. I think this is the hardest thing to explain to a non-ADDer, but
the feeling is truly overwhelming.
My wife and I had just had a huge fight because I had left 4 cabinet
doors in the floor of the bathroom for 3 months - YES - 3 MONTHS. I had
completely rebuilt a cabinet, but could not make myself put 8 screws
back into the frame to hold the doors. Sound familar?
I can;t even remember why I started thinking I may be ADD, I was up
late after the fight and came across an online test. I believe they
said if you scored >15 you were ADD...I scored a 30 out of 35.
I looked up a doctor on my insurance that had training in Adult ADD and
she agreed my symptoms were waaaayyyyy off the chart. She prescribed
straterra and it worked wonders from the start.
The sexual side effects of stratera were too much for me and she
switched me to Adderrall XR. Although it does not work near as well as
the Straterra, it is helping without the side effects. We are still
experimeting with the dasage.
Funny thing is I get so much done now I am bored. However, I don;t feel
the same pressure to be somewhere else all the time, I am much calmer,
more focused, and have the discipline to stay with things much longer.
I have stayed on a healthy diet for longer than any other time in my
life and my days are much more organized. It really has changed my
life.
therefore, I urge you to get a diagnosis from a doctor TRAINED in Adult
ADD. I have done tremedous research into the meds anf I can tell you
from a lot of the posts in this forum that there are too many docs out
there without a clue on how to prescribe these drugs.
It has well been worth the effort to treat my disorder. it has helped
in all facets of my life. One other thing....don't know if you have the
same experience, but I used to want sex with my wife every night. I
learned that too was possibly due to a dopamine imbalance and once I am
on the meds I only want it once or twice each week. The thing I have
noticed is my wife is much more "into" sex now as the pressure is off
her each night and she ifeels the act is more imtimate than just an act
and she is even the agressor some nights. it is definately a QUALITY
over quanitity thing and to be honest with you, i don;t think the sex
could be any better.
Hope all this helps and I hope you make the decision to get some help.
I did get help until I was 38 and regret the years I missed. God Bless!
dont really fit in with any social groups?!?! Heres one where you definately fit in!
"Also, no matter where I was or what I was doing, I always felt like I needed to be somewhere else doing something else. ALWAYS. and it was not a typical feeling, it was a raging DRIVE abd NEED to be somewhere else. I think this is the hardest thing to explain to a non-ADDer, but the feeling is truly overwhelming.
My wife and I had just had a huge fight because I had left 4 cabinet doors in the floor of the bathroom for 3 months - YES - 3 MONTHS. I had completely rebuilt a cabinet, but could not make myself put 8 screws back into the frame to hold the doors. Sound familar?"<-------------------------DRIVES OTHER PEOPLE NUTS AND I WOULDNT OF EVEN SAW THE CABINET DOORS
Are we the Corsican brothers?
Add/Adhd isn't lack of focus as told by a my adhd brother in laws psychiatrist he sees. They focus on the outside things. Learning stragies to tune out would also be beneficial I would think. Rshn
Yes, it's because thing's are not stimulating enough to easily over come the ADD your dealing with.
Im not a doctor but I know what you mean, it's not depression... depression is being "bummed out" no matter what.
This is not bummed out it's just you can't focus unless something happen's that pull's you out of it for a short time... pull's you away from focusing on not being able to focus.
That's my 2 cent's.
What's up guys. I'm 18 and just diagnosed with AD/HD, more the innatentive always preoccupied with thoughts type.
Yeah, you guys share a lot of similar experiences that I have had. Stuff makes sense one day, you get up and do a lot of things, then you never finish them and people think you are a lazy bum. I hate that, used to think I was lazy until I realized I was working twice as hard as everyone else to do the simplest things.
Anyways, I need to see if you guys have ever had this happen to you:
You start your day. I am focused on too many things besides the task at hand, debating philosophical and moral questions, crupling papers and chewing on pens without even knowing it. Then all of a sudden, something intense happens, be it you barely miss getting into a car accident, a hot girl (guy, if ur a girl) starts lookin at you, or your doing something that's exhilarating like breaking the rules. All of a sudden, I feel VERY in control. I am completely aware of where my attention is directed, what I feel is very tangible, and I can even see better. Yes, my vision improves. Things seem that much more "real." And that isn't just during that exciting experience. It seems to rub off onto the rest of the day, and you do much better. This happen to anyone else?
I try to create this a lot for myself. Music is great for me. I find a song I love and just get into it. I can get myself pumped up for a day by headbanging to some hard stuff.
Hey Meatball4u - Ya I hear ya, I have had days like that, days when
life just seems so clear and real and so exilarating, on those days
life seems soooooooooooooooooo easy, it just flows, even the bad stuff
doesnt stick.
I have had those kinds of days a lot, actually when I used Ritalin
thats what happened to me, I used to stop taking Ritalin for a week and
when I took it again I could usually have a wicked day, but it was
touch and go, worked most of the time but sometimes I didnt get that
"clear high" and coming off ritalin is a bitch so I havent really used
it in three years, plus I really suspect it nearly gave me a psychotic
break so thats f**king scary.
I am looking forward to trying some new meds, I would like to clear that haze away again if its possible.
Also, no matter where I was or what I was doing, I always felt like I needed to be somewhere else doing something else. ALWAYS. and it was not a typical feeling, it was a raging DRIVE abd NEED to be somewhere else. I think this is the hardest thing to explain to a non-ADDer, but the feeling is truly overwhelming.
My wife and I had just had a huge fight because I had left 4 cabinet doors in the floor of the bathroom for 3 months - YES - 3 MONTHS. I had completely rebuilt a cabinet, but could not make myself put 8 screws back into the frame to hold the doors. Sound familar?
SPOT friggin on man, I can be setting here like right now and I feel like I am coming flat the hell out of my skin, cant stop thinking about what needs to be done but there is a million things and I cant focus and do just ONE thing.
Im a 24 year old guy and this has had such an effect I dont concern myself with sex most of the time.
I shy away from relationships because I know once they figure out I got a problem they will jet.
Females are worse about this because the guy is supposed to be the stable point of the relationship, hes supposed to support and be rock solid.
I had a girl flirting with me somewhere I went to get lunch the other day, I almost started flirting back and I had that mental reminder *let it be and leave, soon as she understands or figures out you got problems, shes gona jet.*
So yeah, spot on.
WoW, well I am not sure where to start, I have to admit its nice to find a forum specifically about adult add.
I have been somewhat in denial about my condition for years now, theres
a small handful of people in the world that know I have add and it
tends to get strange looks and stupid questions from people when it was
brought up in conversation, so I just shyed away from talking about it,
but its always been there.
Every once and awhile I sort of remind myself (or am painfully reminded
by others) that I still live with ADD and I will do some surfing and
see whats new in the field, I cant imagine such a thing as a cure, its
such a part of who I am, ADD is me.
I suppose theres no harm in pointing out that im a 27 year old guy and I
was diagnosed when I was around 6 or 7, I started on methelphenadate
back then, later moved on to Ritalin and was on that for years, I
actually wonder if Ritalin triggered near psychosis in me during high
school, some very strange things and thoughts happened then, a time I
would rather forget.
I moved to the other side of the country just to get away from the bad
memories, I have managed so far, things did get better once I hit
20ish, things seemed to focus a bit more and the haze I felt I lived
under for years seemed to disappear somewhat.
I exhibit all the classic symptoms of adult ADD, boredom is the
absolute worst thing imaginable, dont really fit in with any social
groups, very forgetful, cant handle tasks too long, its really f**ked
me up, I mean I did it, like I said earlier, "IT" (add) is me but its
the part of me I really wish I could change since it seems to have
caused so much pain throughout my life.
I am in one of those slumps that seem to last for years, I cant seem to get my sh*t together.
I am bareing my soul hoping someone can tell me a good example of how
they work with this disorder, like I said I have managed thus far,
lieing to myself sometimes and running away when that wouldnt work,
occasionally facing my demons head on but mostly feeling pretty
powerless to the patterns of this disorder which seem to rip away any
real progress I feel I make.
As my first posting I throw this out into the crowd, what tips would
you offer ? I am reviewing medication but I am a bit freaked out, as I
mentioned before I really think Ritalin took me dangerously close to a
psychotic breakdown in high school, not good.
So let me know what you think, does your story have a different ending
? How the hell do you pull yourself out of this disorder ?
What meds work for you ?
Alexander38333.1018287037LOL, I had to do check by phone on my insurance I got a notice it was cancelled yesterday....OOPS. THat just reafirmed my willingness to try medication
I am 43 and just diagnosed. As a child I suffered 7 broken bones from risk taking behavior before I was 13. My early IQ tests showed me pretty average i would draw patterns of circles in the answer boxes halfway throguh, my later ones showed my IQ as 137 but my last year in High school I had a 1.8 cum avg.....BORED! The horrible handwriting, reversed letters, bad spelling. Every report card i ever got said fails to live up to potential. I have been called a slob my whole life for not putting things away, closing cabinets, leaving tools where I finished using them, piles of paperwork. I have been married once and my Ex's biggest complaints against me were all ADHD related ones, absentmindedness, leaving dirty clothes whereever I took them off, fionancial impulsiveness. I somehow have kept the same job for 23 yrs. It isnt real challanging but it does allow me to do other things that hold my interest like posting here from work. I created a persona of eccentricty to mask my ADHD...it didint mask my ever growing frustration with self so I finally have ended up at a Phychatrist. My Mon ahd mentioned I had all the symptoms as a kid before she passed. A friend reviewed a questinare and got to question 20 and said you are 17/20 what's the point of going on? It was the last push i got toward help.
Anyway even with my miswiring, inability to organize, inability to manage money, chaos, chronic latenes, forgotten appointments( I see my DR for a heart thing 4 times a yr I now call a few days before to amke the appointment I missed so many) I am back in school and even unmmedicated my cum is 3.4 after earning 48 credits. I ofcourse excell in what I like and struggle with the rest but, I am able to struggle with it now rather than do nothing liek I did at 18. I own my own place, own my own car even insure it! , have money automatically put into a 401k so i cant blow it...sure I pay my bills late and erratic but I do pay them. A hell of a lot of people w/o ADHD havent had my success. YEah, I am frustrated with the crappy traits of it, frustrated enough to get help but I am not a failure. My Wife whomy Traits dorove crazy, I filed not her, I'd had enough of nagging from a woman who refused to do anythign to help support herself and her 3 kids from a previous marriage and cheated to boot.
I guess I am trying to say I dont think you may be as bad off as you feel. Sometimes we are doing better than we think we are. I feel hopelessly overwhelmed by life at times but given a little time that changes even with ADHD untreated it has. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is cut ourselves some slack i think. No one is more critical of me than me. Maybe getting into a therapist might be good for you. So many issues liek Anxiety, substance abuse, depression show up with ADD from what I have read. There is no shame in asking for help. If you lack insurance if a state liek texas has a free clinic( friend lived there and went for sepression) than anywhere you live has one if you look around.
GL man I really can relate to at times feeling hopeless about traits I now know are from some miswiring in my head. It's pretty frustrating to get a call from my mortgage company when i have had the money to pay it in the account for 3 weeks.
Thanks man, I am giving some serious thought to medication, though I
cant seem to get an appointment setup. I am actually in Canada so
our medical system is essentially free so no worries there.
I just want to be done with this disorder, I dont even know who I would be without ADD, funny thought.
Thank you for sharing your stories.
All of your stories are helping one frustrated wife here understand more about her husband.
Yup, Alexander, sounds like me. I underacheived my entire life. HAd no
friends in high school. I was on Ritalin, Cylert, and finally
Dexedrine. Nothing helped much. I graduated, and then nothing. Dropped
out of college, got myself out of the Army when I lost interest. Then I
floated for awhile. On an impulse (2 days notice actually), I packed up
and left El Paso, Tx for Indiana. My parents were furious. I had to do
something. I had to leave my bad memories, and most importantly my
enablers.
I started a job as a CNA. Anyone that has worked in
the medical field knows how frantic, and rushed the work can be. Well,
that was the answer. Not only did I find something I enjoyed doing
(taking care of elderly people with real problems, compared to mine)
actually helps me with my chronic depression. I also discovered that in
work environments that are extremely stressful, hectic, physically
tiring, and demand high levels of flexibility, planning, and
responsibility, I excel. Yup, I said planning. I found that ADHD let me
plan very well. It was the execution that was always the problem.
In five years, I've been employee of the month numerous time and of the year 4.
My employers absolutely love having someone that,
after establishing several strict routines, can work and work and work,
and after everyone else is dead tired, still work. 16 hour shifts, no
problem. 7 days a week, easy as pie. I am always excited and upbeat.
The patients love it. The resident psychiatrist hounds me all the time
so I started Adderal.
The Adderal helps with depression issues somehow,
but I find at work I don't need it. Other things are still problems.
Bills, cleaning, relationships. Not important. Microsoft Money helps
with bills, my girlfriend ( who is also my only friend lol) encourages
me in man ways to clean. Happy workers are productive workers right?
As usual I am babbling so let me get to the point. FIND SOMETHING YOU LOVE.
If
you love it, you'll do it. You must have one passion. Think of
ADHD as a gift. Don't be like normal people that don't know what they
want to do with your life. Even if you haven't thought about, you must
have one love, one passion. Do that...
Stanley
Weapons of Mass Distraction
Stanley38419.0559490741wierd i am a lot like you guys only I am just now figuring this out! I am 27 years old, i have 3 children and married, someone mentioned school! OMG school was pure hell on me too, unable to sit still in class, my mind would wander off, during a lecture! I couldn't for the life of me study and come out with decent grades either. I am not stupid though but my GPA was a 2.0 scary huh? Just thought I would mention that!
Well, you all are still luckier then me. I am 40 years old now and am "suspecting" myself has ADD after constently being accused of being lazy, not trying hard enought, not paying attention, don't put my heart into my work, and forgetful......etc. I am yet to be diagnosed by anyone because my hubby got laid off (together with his 170 co-workers) after the .com bubble poped (he was an IT/e-Commerce engineer), and we do not have any insurance for 3 yrs now.
I starting to look into ADH after my friend who has it ask me to research into it after I told har about my agony (memory problem). I am now reading (and listenning to book on tape) Driven to Distracton and Delivered from Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell and could not believe that my problems in my whole life are actually due to the ADD. While reading/listening to the books, I also found that my hubby has it too. I have a 4.5 yrs old daughter. I don't think (I am praying) she has it.
Does anyone of you know of any good self-help book for adult ADD/ADHD? I need more on memory problem and organization. Anyoen know of any good none prescription drugs that is effective?
Oh! another thing I like to do is to pick fight (argue) with people, especially with people close to me. I also has urge to break rules. of course I like dengerous activities too, but since I have my daugher, I have been a little more tamed. Anyone has this problem? how do you "control" yourself?