I recently was diagnosed as ADHD by my primary care doctor and another doctor she referred me (neuro something). I kind of suspected it for a long time. They have not run the standard tests but they were pretty convinced I had it all my life. And looking back it all makes sense. I think I've managed because I had great work environments for a adhd person, work that really interested me and a great wife.
Problem is I'm 49 and have got by all these years very well. Masters in computer science. Held job at one company for 15 years, then 10, and now 2 (I'm head of software in a small company).
But I have a huge issue though. I can't get myself to code (write software) any more. In my last job I was a fairly senior leader. I could never sit at my desk. I would code at night and usually fixed very complex problems in other peoples code that nobody else could fix. It was like a puzzle to me and sometimes I'd stay up all night doing it. The Praise of finding and fixing things helped keep me going. I was also the leader of 20 programmers for a while.
Well health wise I can no longer do all nighters. And I have to code during the day which I just can't do any more. I might for a few hours a couple times a week.
The rest of my life is very good. I sleep good, have great wife for almost 30 years. Vacation home on a lake. I couldn't ask for more. And home projects I'm good at starting and finishing.
But I can't get myself to code. Once in a great while if I get into a project I might be ok for a coulple weeks. But those get fewer and father between.
I keep browsing the internet and buying expensive toys.
The work I do requires a lot of concentration and is very complex.
I'm scared to death to go on meds. Because I don't really want to change who I am. But it's killing me to not want to code any more. Even though half of me wants to but the other half wants to surf the net or leave my desk and it wins 90% of the time.
One other thing I do more and more is skip words when reading or writing. I have to reread what I write 20 times.
Is there anyone out there that felt the same way and took the plunge on the meds.
I need advice from others that have been through it. I don't trust doctors they hand out meds like candy.
programmer,
You are not too old to try the meds. I started adhd meds at age 52! And, gosh, do I wish I had been dxed and medicated sooner! Life is much smoother. I am a retired nurse and retired AEMT. I hear you! I have experienced the same things.. You are not alone!
You sound like a very accomplished person. It also sounds like your career is very demanding and difficult. After so many years, it probably takes its toll, and I can understand your concern with not being able to code.
My son had trialed different ADHD meds prescribed by his pediatrician but eventually I decided to go through a psychiatrist for that purpose. She does the prescribing and a therapist there conducts the sessions. More than once, the therapist has told us that meds are optional (how about that!) at this point in my son's life (16) but that he would likely do better with medication, if we could find one that works for him. Like many others on this board, my son has had to try different ADHD medications, due to reactions, etc. He is on the fence about starting the newest-prescribed, Vyvanse.
I would say give it a try. Discuss your apprehension with the prescribing physician. Research the different meds available, as many on these boards have suggested. Maybe the revelation of ADHD will take time for you to digest, at this point in your life.
Going down this path with my son, I have thought about different aspects of my life and realize I, too, have had a degree of difficulty with staying focused. I often wonder if my job would have gone smoother had I had intervention in the early days; it can be quite stressful, as I have to maintain attention for long periods of time and production is key, as well as accuracy.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Give yourself time to sort through everything.
Listen Programmer, go ahead and try the meds.
I am 51 almost 52 and I just went on meds. I can't tell you how much better I feel. I am part of a study for a non-stimulate medication normally used to stop smoking. The first day I could not believe the calm that came over me. I told the doctor if this how normal people feel, then I want to continue. It isn't that hard to start projects now and one of the best side effects has been sleeping. I now sleep 6-8 hours as opposed to the 4-6 hours I used to sleep.
I wish I had done this years ago. I know I would have been much more successful. I still feel like I am the same personalitywise, just calmer internally.
If you don't like the new you on meds, you can always quit.
I may try the meds. But one of my concerns is I read so many threads that folks feel good for while and the effect wears off. Then they boost it and feel good for a while again. Then they have to switch meds and the new one doesn't work as well or has side effects. Or they get withdrawal symptoms. Some wishing they were back where they started.
One thing the brain does it regulate where it thinks it's supposed to be. You change something and the brain will learn how to rebalance itself to where it was. That's why meds lose their effect in a lot of people. Then they go off the med and the brain forgot how to produce it and needs to learn how again.
I may try some Alternative suppliments first. Like I said I feel pretty good overall. I just can't get myself to code.
I used to work in the software industry and can totally relate to your all nighters and solving that problem that no one else can do. I was a Software Test Engineer (and then Test Manager for many projects) and loved the challenge of finding that elusive bug that then you guys had to fix...
Problem is with the type of programming I do it just is not practical to take a break and go back. Things have been changing (advancing) at an ever increasing pace and quite a bit depends on prior knowledge. I've had friends "take a break" and now they work at home depot or block buster. Programming at the level I do (and I'm no where near the sharpest) is pretty intense even for a sharp non ADD person. Besides taking a break won't pay the mortgage. Even if the world were to stop while I take a break, I'm a firm believer in "use it or lose it".
I've also had some unplanned breaks over the years due to project cancelations, company mergers etc. where we did nothing serious for a long time. I think these breaks are where I actually lost some of my edge. On some breaks I did some home grown projects that I put in open source that I'm very proud of and put me on top of my game.
But right now the ADD thing is getting in the way big time.
John has some good points. I have found that I am more motivated to start projects since I started the meds. It is sort of like the thought " this won't be that bad" is lurking in back of my mind now. Also, the calmness that the meds provide me make doing anything easier. I have always felt like the world and I were two gears traveling at two different speeds and therefore not linking together like we should. The meds have been a slight speed adjustment to make things work together.
I also do supplements, I am not sure they have made any major improvements but I am using them for good health. I hit middle age and started to felt like I was falling apart. The only supplement I really could feel a difference with was Co-Q 10, it helped with the motivation to do things. I take that because I take a statin, my doctor didn't like my chlolesterol being 218.
Yes, I think you are both on to something. But I think it's a combination that big projects are hard work but with the ADD they tend to be extra hard. My brain over the years has learned that once I do jump in, it will be a long time before I come up for air. But if I can reduce the ADD thing (not have read a text book 9 times and maybe only 2) it won't be as bad. In the past the only way I could get serious work done was todo all nighters once or twice a week. But I just can't physically do that any more.
So maybe it is true it may not directly motivate me. But indirectly if I know it won't be quite as hard or I know I'll be more productive it may help motivate me in the long run.
I've been trying PS this week and it hasn't done much.
Well Programmer, if "right now the ADD thing is getting in the way big time" then it sounds to me like right now is the time to try medication. Supplements are OK and you should try them sometime, though their effect is slow and subtle. Here is a link to the best summary for supplements that I've found: http://www.amenclinics.com/bp/articles.php?articleID=10. I take a few of these supplements (with my psychiatrist's knowledge and consent). I don’t notice any changes on or off supplements, but I like to think they help.
But let me tell you, I've found no supplement combination that can hold a candle to the ability of Adderall to settle my brain. I've been at the same dose over two years, so not everyone needs to go up as you fear. And you don't need to take it all the time--many take it "as needed". Given your concerns, I suggest you start with and stick with as low a dose as possible, and couple it with some way to get your engines fired up to tackle the next code job (meds alone won't do it--they're not a panacea). If I read you right, there's two issues: