Intervention for teenagers | ADHD Information

DH and I are looking into (further) outside intervention for DS, ADHD.  I came across one website with information as follows:

There are a lot of ways to help the troubled teens. Discipline through facilities such as behavior modification schools, boot camps, boarding schools, group homes, troubled youth programs and wilderness camps is one option. Therapy through counseling is another choice. These facilities offer several key components to help them deal with their issues and they include academics, reinforcement of appropriate behavior, family involvement, and personal and emotional development.

Would anyone care to share experiences, knowledge, or opinions on such facilities?  DS is already undergoing counseling, which has not seemed to be of much benefit.  Things are getting out of hand (for example, he disappears when I am sleeping at night and doesn't show up until wee hours of the morning; this morning, in particular, I awoke to him coming in after 5:00 a.m.  He is 16).

Sorry, I don't have any experience with this, but I have read some horror stories about incidents at so-called "boot camps," so if I were you I would be VERY cautious before sending a teen to any type of camp or program of this sort. I would do a lot of research and check out the credentials of those running the program very carefully. Maybe try to get a referral from a professional that you trust (such as your son's counselor or doctor)? I'm sure it's really hard when you're in this situation and you're at you wits' end. Good luck.

I don't have any experience personally either, but a good friend of my sister's sent her daughter to one and they saved her. She was a MESS and younger than your son. She really needed that structure and STRONG discipline. I agree with inspired that you need to research diligently, but I think you're doign the right thing by intervening. I know a LOT of teens who got this way and dropped out of school, none of them turned it around. I know people DO, but I dont know any. I would do WHATEVER it takes to keep him in school and out of trouble. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, you cannot tolerate this, coming home at 5:00am stuff, whatever he is doing in the middle of the night out of home can't be good.

I hope that doesnt come across too negative, but I know you're worried and I think you are right to be. Dont wait and see if it's phase....................

To both you both:  Thank you, thank you, thank you for your good information and support.  It helps a lot. 

Two of my nephews had trouble as teens, both ended up serving time, one actually was a member of gang and tells some hair-raising stories (my son has heard them); very fortunately, both turned their lives around and seem to be doing okay now (30 and 28 years old).  We hope to be able to help DS turn his life around now before he ends up in a similar situation - there is definite potential for that.

You know, we just toured a bunch of different schools for my daughter for high school. There were a couple of alternative high schools that were VERY well run. They were specifically for kids with "issues". Different kinds of issues, some learning some beahvioral, either way the one that comess to mind in your situation was smart kids who needed MORE. It was a VERY strong academic/vocational program. LOTS of structre, lots of social counseling, you earned "Shop" or Voc time with good beahviore, shop and voc time means more money and less academics. There are a LOT of things out there, Look around and look HARD. This program also had a 6 week summer component.

Diane V:  Hope all goes well with your daughter's new school! 

My son transferred to an alternative school in January 2008.  He will start vo-tech on the same campus in the fall.  Your post prompted me to call there to investigate possibilities for my son.  I had a lengthy discussion with his guidance counselor, who shed some light on his academic performance, and also gave some suggestions for intervention.  In speaking with her, I learned (unfortunately) he failed two classes.  Now he has to plan to attend summer school.

It's going to be a fun summer (not).

I'm going to pm you the link to the school I am talking about near me. Look it over and feel free to ask me any questons, I spent a good hour visiting and talking the director. It wasnt what we were looking for for my daughter, but it was a GOOD program. I'm sure there are options in your state also.I don't care what my child was doing, boot camps are run by people who aren't monitored like schools and kids have been killed at these camps.  Counseling early, if possible is a must.  If it is too late-it is never too late.  Start with someone who specializes in ADHD counseling or anger.  I would never, under any circumstance put my child in a boot camp.  Never.

In addition, I would try to fix the problem in the home, meaning that if you send the child off to boarding school or some other place away from home, what makes anything different with regards to the interpersonal communications issues at home?  What I mean is that my son oftentimes will behave better for a stranger than for me, but fixing OUR interpersonal communications is only going to happen by having me involved in the process.

Just one mom's opinion.

[QUOTE=Yme!]  I know I might get hit for saying this, but you can simply "love him too much" to make it better.  Act as if he is doing things normally, and show him love--even when he is driving you crazy.  It might defuse the situation. [/QUOTE]

I know parents are to love their kids unconditionally.  It is true that when he knows we care and love him for who he is, it really means a lot to him.  He's fortunate too, in that he gets along with kids and adults alike, and has a concerned extended family.  In the long run, hopefully, things will work out okay.

Thanks much for taking the time to give words of encouragement. 

I am so glad that I was helpful.  I will add that you may also be dealing with what is calling "mirroring" with regards to his behavior.  Meaning, if you are frustrated, and show it--he mirrors back that to you.  This is even more possible if both parents are acting this way.  Honestly, I have had the most difficult time in dealing with my son's hyperactivity and destructive ways.  It has made me, who was raised with anger and aggression even more so.  However, I always found that the more upset I got, the worse his behavior became.  The more loving I acted, the lesser his negatives became.  I know I might get hit for saying this, but you can simply "love him too much" to make it better.  Act as if he is doing things normally, and show him love--even when he is driving you crazy.  It might defuse the situation.  Once you all can get back to treating each other respectfully with regards to the way you communicate, you can then work on fixing those behaviors deemed unacceptable.  He will listen to someone he feels "gets" him.  He will listen better to someone who shows him love.  I swear this to be true.  It will not immediately fix anything, except perhaps his feelings of isolation, and negative self esteem.  And fixing that is the first step in moving towards the goal of a child that is successful in life--as well as the family.  Good luck to you.

[QUOTE=Yme!]I don't care what my child was doing, boot camps are run by people who aren't monitored like schools and kids have been killed at these camps.  Counseling early, if possible is a must.  If it is too late-it is never too late.  Start with someone who specializes in ADHD counseling or anger.  I would never, under any circumstance put my child in a boot camp.  Never.

In addition, I would try to fix the problem in the home, meaning that if you send the child off to boarding school or some other place away from home, what makes anything different with regards to the interpersonal communications issues at home?  What I mean is that my son oftentimes will behave better for a stranger than for me, but fixing OUR interpersonal communications is only going to happen by having me involved in the process.

Just one mom's opinion.
[/QUOTE]

Hi, Yme.  I appreciate your input.  It gives me food for thought.  When I began researching camps, etc., for struggling teenagers, boot camp is just one of the options that was mentioned from one of the websites I visited (copied and pasted a paragraph from that particular website in my OP).  It's not something that we are considering seriously.  There was information about other camps that were more like what I would consider along the lines of a "retreat" - not so harsh.   

I have my "collected days" where I can forge ahead and try to keep our somewhat fragile relationship on an even keel using what we have in place (including counseling for DS), THEN I have days where I'm in a "reach out and get some more help" mode, hence, my original post.  I know, too, it is important to start the groundwork at home and I continue to do my best.  However, I have two hot heads living here - DH and DS - (I'm not exactly always Mrs. Calm, either) and I can only go so far to try to "affect" their behaviors and intervene in their conflicts.

I always am open to learn and explore options to help DS; perhaps, this may be my saving grace.  I greatly appreciate information I find on these boards and suggestions I receive.  Of course, those not involved in a heated situation could be more objective than those in the midst of it.

You've been helpful.  Thank you so much.