how to keep sanity? | ADHD Information
Well I did two things today.l called Neurologist and confirmed that ok to give Focolin even though he is only 5 and drug co. says don't give to kids under 6 yrs. I was informed that they give it to children 4-5 all the time. Reassured me that the side effects are not as bad as Adderal's.
I also have an appt Wed. for myself for my anxiety over all of this. I know that this may help him but I am so anxious over his reaction that I cannot give it to him yet. He has history of many e.r. visits for stitches, dislocated elbow, sprayed eyes with spectrazide bug spray, etc.... and at all visits I was sitting in waiting room with my head between my knees trying to stop myself from passing out while he was running around trying to stick his finger in outlets like nothing was wrong. He goes strong all day long with no nap so my only solace is at 8pm he falls asleep almost immediately after I read him stories. I can't imagine how I could handle the insomnia thing again and maintain sanity. Please don't think insomnia is my only concern it is just one of many.
Thanks everyone for support ,advice, and understanding. I will keep you posted on my progress towards helping myself help my son.
Also has anyone ever heard of pinning child down on floor for timeout for aggresive behavior like pulling cat's tail, kicking dog, hitting a friend or sibling. Not hurting the child but having them lay down on belly with arms stretched out. You staddle them with your hands over their hands so they can't move and do not talk to them . Place an egg timer for 6minutes beside of child and parent. It is a form of nipping aggressive behavior in the bud and showing the child that the parent has control and getting power back? This was recommended by a Psychologist.
jaxx,
Thank you for your response to me earlier. Even though all we go through it is no trial like the one you are going through now. As bad as her mood swings and such are it is nothing compared to what it was like before the meds and the anxiety I went through to trying to make the decision.
As far as your question about holding them down for time-outs. I have never heard of a doctor recommending it. I used to have to restrain our daughter when she was little, before meds, to keep her from hurting herself and others. We used to call them "rages". I used to sit her on my lap and wrap my arms and legs around her and rock her and whisper into her ear until she calmed down. It was more to keep her from hurting herself or others than to teach I was in control though. I would be careful using a technique such as sitting on them with them face down, it sounds kind of dangerous.
As far as the sleeping thing goes. I wouldn't worry to much about it. If you find the right meds it may not be an issue at all. When my daughter first started meds we had to add a small dose of a second med at night to help her get to sleep but we only had to use it for a short time. We have recently had to start it again but that is because of other issues. Most meds wear off before bed time and the child sleeps fine.
Well, that's my 2 cents. You are a great mom and don't think other wise. It's a great thing you are getting some counseling for you as well.
Good luck and keep your head up!!
Hi everyone,
Update: I went to therapy and I will go again next week to deal with my anxiety over my son.
I gave him Focalin XR 5mg today with no major changes in his behavior although he did not go to time-out one time!!! he ate his breakfast and lunch but not dinner.He started to get wound up at bed time but I put on a sleep cd I purchased online and he is out like a light right now! I am still anxious but I have finally gotten past the denial phase and re-read Dr. Amen's book and realize that he really needs the meds. Just like some people need glasses. They can get along in life without them but having them makes life easier. That analogy really helped me.
I am just thankful that he didn't zombie out or whine or rebound like he did on Adderal.
And to top it off I still have my sanity!
Thanks for all of your support during this hard time of transition.
Glad to hear it's going OK so far! If he has trouble swallowing the Focalin again, it's OK to open the capsule and sprinkle the contents on applesauce or something (they've tested applesauce doesn't affect the medicine, but many people have used pudding and other foods and it's worked out well). Also, be prepared that you may see more side effects in the first couple of weeks than you might later on. So, if things pop up and they're not intolerable, you may want to ride it out. Finally, see how long the med lasts, probably 8-10 if it's the XR version. Expect to see ADHD behaviors return in the evening.
May it continue going well!
jaxx,
I'm glad to hear things are going well for you!! Isn't it a great feeling to have a "normal" day?
Like Mom2ADHDboy said you may see side effects but keep at it. Give it at least 30 days to see the full-effect and for things to even out.
I'm proud of you!!
Ok day #2 Things not so good today.
day 2 on meds..I am sorry such a long post but my anxiety level is way up right now! Need to vent and hopefully get feedback.I am remembering now why I didn't like the meds the firs time we tried them in February.Day 1 not bad. Today not my child. Personality change. All over the charts with angry outbursts to tears to head banging, smart sarcastic remarks,hurtful words. I can't give this drug to him tomorrow and don't know if side effect or what? How can you tell me to stick to it and not know how he is going to be tomorrow? I work tomorrow and he will be at a summer day camp. Early in the day crying that everyone was mean to him for no reason. started getting upset over coloring picture not coming out right. got fixated on wanting someone to draw and color him a rhinoserous beetle.He does not have a history of getting fixated on things. "Color me a picture of a rhinocerous beetle now!!."No that's not right!" and starts to cry. Sarcastically says ,"I said do it like this!!" Gets upset and walks away. comes back says,"You are just ruining everything . I hate Oscar(dog), I hate mommy, I hate daddy, I hate God "and stomps away." I tried to talk to him. He is very emotional and tells me he just wants me and daddy to behave. he is screaming this and crying . " Why cant you just make me a rhinocerous beetle."Attempted to draw one again for my 4th time. DD tried 3 times. DS tried 2 times.He screams " I can't stand it anymore" and goes to room and bangs head on his wall continuously until I stop him. I got him to hug me.He cries. I get him a can of spaghettios I can tell maybe hunger... he will eat before us tonight. After he eats he is no longer whiney. go to grandmas for dinner eats a small amount keeps saying inappropriate things &potty mouth. Time out x2 with one extended timeout for not staying still. Got upset with cousin and threatened to hit her for being mean to him. she was not being mean to him nor was anyone else during his outbursts for no apparent reason. put in shower at bed time and is now watching a Little Bear movie with dad in our bed. He is very wound up and not sleepy. It is going to be a long night. Please someone explain to me is this how it is supposed to be? My DH and I and I believe my son prefer his unmedicated ADHD to this. What now? new dose, new drug...how long does this go on? Thanks, Jaxx
jaxx- meds are supposed to help your child. If the meds are doing this to him, you are correct in thinking that they are not the right ones. Call the doctor asap and have him seen!
Meanwhile, I know you are doing your best to reassure your child and try to keep his stress level down. I think moms are good at this. I am glad your husband is involved. Please let us know what happens. You are in my prayers.
Randy
jaxx, the med trial is SO frustrating. Don't give up. My daughter didnt do well on Adderrall or Focalin either. You just never know which med or med combo will "be the right one"./thanks Randy...
I know meds are supposed to make him better but each try has shown to us that it only makes him worse. I don't know which Dr. to call now. The last one he saw was the neurologist that ordered Focalin XR I guess I will call him tomorrow. I fear they will only offer a new med or different dose. He is on 5mg Focalin Xr and that is the smallest dose for that one so I can't imagine they will up it....Or will they? Could that have not been a strong enough dose? I don't understand how you can tell. I know before on both forms of Adderal they increased it and that is when he zombied out.
BTW he is asleep after 2 long stories and the sleep cd by Dr. Lawless.
After nearly 6 months of doing everything I could possible do to avoid putting my 5 yr old on meds. I am back to meds are the only answer. I have taken him to pediatrition, two psychologist's ,a mental health counselor,a nutritionist,a Neurologist,and a private parenting coach.My husband and I took a parenting course on redirecting children's behavior .
We have a bottle of Focolin XR 5mg in kitchen that I guess in the morning I am to give him one and hope for the best. I am so anxious over this since we attempted Adderall and AdderallXR with terrible side effects 2 months ago. Psychologist attempted to do neurofeedback with him but found that he did not respond and it would be a waste of money.
My question is how do you manage to keep your sanity when you are giving your children meds to help them focus and behave but they have other issues due to side effects?I feel that I need therapy just to follow the program and give him the drugs.
Someone please help me with some words if wisdom here to deal with the fear I have of something happening to him because of meds.
jaxx,
We all feel that way. How do you know what is the right way? YOU DON'T! You just have to do what you feel is right for you son. Unfortunately the ADHD medicine is not always the right one the first time. We went through several different meds over the course of a year before finding the right one and that was after 6 months of behavior therapy, nutritional and environmental changes and all that.
It's a hard decision but if you stick with it all will be fine. There are side effects to all medicine and there are side effects to not giving medicine. It's your decision on which you would rather deal with.
We all have the fear that something will happen to our children but I heard a really good piece of advice one time (I think it was from a movie) "If you protect them from everything how will they ever experience anything". I think that was how it went (that's the jist anyway).
Just be strong and do what you feel is best for your child.
Jamie,
Thank you so much for advice. I saw your post about your daughter and I feel so honored that you responded to my silly post about being scared of the unknown when you are living my fears yourself. You are a great Mom and I hope that you get your daughter's treatment and diagnosis straightened out on Friday's visit.
You have helped give me courage to try to be strong for my son and do what's best for him.
Thanks,
Jackie
Dear Jaxx,
I was also soooo against giving Jon medication when he was 4 1/2 years old. The doctor told me to try it on a weekend and if there was no difference just to not give him on Monday and call his office. He told me that giving Jon medication was for HIM not ME and I needed to give Jon a chance. It was a miracle at the time. Jon changed the first day. He was happy and productive (ie he could feel like he fit into the family). As Jon says: "I have feelings, too."
It is up to you to do the right thing for your child. You and your husband need to decide to medicate or not medicate.
Let us know how everything turns out. You know, everyone here wishes you all the best!!
Randy
Hi, Jackie,I agree with Jamie. It's a hard decision, but when I put my 5 yr old on
Metadate CD, I saw a difference in her right away. Yes, there were side
effects (upset tummy, headaches, dizziness), and I felt terrible watching
her endure these. But they went away after a couple of weeks. She is
doing fine now.
Hang in there. Once you find the right meds and behavior plan, things
will be much better. Also, as your child matures, it will get easier, too. If
you need to talk to someone professionally, do it. It will help. (When my
dd was seeing a psych for more testing, I would speak to dr before her
appt. It was brief, but such a "weight-off-my-shoulder" feeling.)
Come to this board, too. These ladies (and men!) here are wonderfully
helpful and knowlegeable.
It helps you...my son has been on Foacalin XR for almost 3 years and we have had nothing but success on this drug. Never any side affects. He started on 5 mg. and just this year moved to 10 mg. Still no side affects. We have had no weight problems, sleeping problems, or other problem on this med. I hope that Foacalin can be the right choice for you son and work the same for him.
I think if you have tried every alternative to this point, it is really time that you consider the medication. Medications can certainly help. That's why we have them. By not trying a new med, who are you really helping, yourself or your son. Remember, you want to do what is best for him, and what will make his life easier and more controllable. We struggled for years with our daughter and tried several alternatives. We also took her to several doctors who kept telling us there was nothing wrong, just be more consistant. It wasn't until we moved from one town to another that we got the help we needed. After her first three days at school her teacher called and suggested that we move her to a new school because she was out of controll and needed serious help. The school immediately wanted her to see a counsellor, the psychiatrist, neurologist, etc etc. We took her to a recommended pediatrician who made the diagnosis and started her on medication right away. By the end of the next week the school called to say how wonderful she was doing and they felt no need for the counsellor etc.
We now struggle with our son. We have tried several different medications, and are still experimenting. We will find one that will help. I think what you really need over is the stigma that is attached to " medicating a child". It really isn't that bad, and can save you and your child years of headache, frustration, and heartache. And only the people you tell, will know. The school, pharmacist, doctor and every other professional involved in his care must keep his info confidential.
Don't give up, there is hope. Good Luck.
Thanks everyone. I was up all night researching again and got scared again and just kept going back and forth with pros and cons. He slept late this a.m.(9am) so I decided to wait until tomorrow. I know I need to give to him tomorrow and just assess one day at a time. I only have weekends off so I don't like giving to him unless I am home to watch him. One thing that rally bugs me is the medication insert saying not to give to children under 6 yrs old. He won't be 6 until Nov. 27th so I keep feeling a need to hold back until then. Is that a reasonable excuse???
His behavior is off the wall at times and my husband and I are so tired of the constant disicpline,time outs etc... We fear for his self esteem and all that stuff but really want him to do well in kindergarten which is not for another 2 months. He has been up today for 3 hours and been in time-out 3 times already!
My head is pounding 
Something that I think everyone is trying to tell you is that just because you had bad side effects with adderral does not mean that you are going to have bad side effects with another med. My son jd was put on adderral when he was just 5 and super tiny, it made him cry and cry when the medicine was starting to leave his system. The doctor tried uping the dose but the side effects just got worse. so they switched him to ritalin which worked like a wonder medicine. Eventually they put him on focalin xr when he was 6 and he stayed on that med for 2 years. I am wondering why you did not try to give him the dose when he woke up at nine. That is usally not to late. I will not tell you to try the meds or not because only you and your family know what is best for yall but I will say that once jd got use to the meds he preffered to be on them as oppossed to not being on them. He said that they made him in control of himself. Which I totally understand since I am bipolar and take meds myself. Good luck to you and your family. God Bless.
Hi all,
He attempted to swallow and couldn't get it down. I didn't push the issue . I think we will give it a break for now until closer to school start August 18. I will in the mean-time seek cousel for myself as I have discovered that I now have very high anxiety over this medication issue and will need help dealing with the adjustments that will follow once he is on meds. I am thankful for everyone's support and input on situation. I just can't get over the cons with medication issues even though there are some good pros. Maybe counselor can help.
hi jaxx
you are doing the right thing. I mean, getting some counseling for yourself and coming to terms with whether or not to use meds. My daughter, also diagnosed at 5. We, like everyone, did not want to meds, and didnt for four years. I dont regret waiting, nor think I did anything wrong, I didnt, I waited until we were completely ready. Then it wasnt easy, by ANY STRETCH. We struggled for a long time with meds and side effects, BUT we've all learned and lived and grown and now she is almost 14 and has a decent med regimen (not perfect, but working with no side effects). Everyone above is right, you make decisions on right now. HE IS ONLY 5. You have lots and lots of time to work things out. If you're anxious, he's anxious. Please also know you can stop anything at anytime. If you see something you dont like, stop, that simple. I give you a LOT of credit, you are struggling with this, but seem to know that meds may very well help (and I think they will when the tie is right for you all), but you are forging ahead to do whatever it takes to help your child, what a lucky kid to have such a GREAT MOM, keep doing what you're doing...........
Jaxx,My son wasn't diagnosed until he was 6 and in 1st grade. I was pretty sure he had adhd before then. He had a wonderful kindergarten teacher who accepted him as he was. She didn't think his behavior was to bad for a 5 yr old boy. So i waited to get him diagnosed. He continued to fall behind academically because he could not focus. His behavior at home had always been difficult. I was lucky that he didn't throw tantrums at school like at home. He would have total melt downs at home. He gave me such difficulty with sleeping, getting dressed, doing homework, etc. When the doctor suggested meds, I was terrified. How could i give meds to my 6 yr old. Since he wasn't learning to read and struggling more in school, I finally relented.
We started out with Ritalin xr. I noticed improvement in his behavior at home right away. He occasionally complained of a stomach-ache. I don't know if it was from the med or aniexty over school. The med affected his appetite, so he didn't eat much during the day. I would allow him to eat whatever he wanted in the late evenings. He would often eat a whole days worth of food at 8:oo in the eve.
We moved on to focalin and his appetite increased a little. I now have him on the Daytrana Patch and the Dr. just addded tenex, because he doesn't go to sleep until after midnight, and he still has trouble with his impulsivity and hyperactivity.
He is almost 10 now and the meds have been a lifesaver. I remeber how lost and out of control I felt before he was on meds. It was like walking on eggshells because I never knew how he was going to behave or react. Nothing seemed to work with any consisitancy.
Remeber you can give the meds a try and stop if you don't like them. If, you find a med that works well with little or no side affects, it will help tremendously.
I also wanted to tell you that my son had difficulty swallowing pills. While you are waiting to start the meds you might want to get him used to swallowing pills. Start with some small candy like M @ M minis, Tic tacs, or skittles. Have him try to swallow those. You can make it a reward system, if he swallows it he can eat a few. That way if you decide on meds he will know how to swallow them.
You know what is best for your child. It sounds like you are at your wits end on how to deal with your child. I've been there done that. You may find the meds to be an answer.
Good luck.