Hi. My name is Carolyn.  I am new.  I posted my story above in the share your story post.

My husband, Tom, has ADD.  Only recently has it all come together for me what I am up against.  Ignorance is bliss, or at least for a while.  I always thought there would be that job that would turn him around. I have been searching for answers for 22 years. I went back to school two years ago to finish my teaching degree. I will be done in one year. Then I will start applying for a teaching position.

Tom has had 14 jobs in the last two years. It has been insane.  He recently quit another job to start another commission job.

The problem is that we have gotten in such deep trouble that my parents had to bail us out of foreclosure. He still hasn't paid the June mortgage.  I told him that I didn't want him to do these new commission sales jobs, but he is forging ahead. He quit his last job without even telling me until two days after the fact.

I told him that if he doesn't have his act together and paying the bills that I am kicking him out.

He cannot help himself. He feels that this job is too big of a deal and too big of an opportunity to miss.

I am ready to quit. I don't want to live in chaos and on the edge anymore.

Help. I am so tired of trying to make this work.

Carolyn

Has he had treatment, has he seen anyone?

If not then tell him it's the street or the shrink.

One thing I learned early is do what you love and forget about the money. If your doing what you love the money will come because you'll be good at it.

If he's hooked on a "make it big and quick scheme" he's in trouble.

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, he has been diagnoised. He is on anti-depressants and Adderall. I am realizing how much I have to do to keep the boundaries firm.

He decided to do the commission job part-time and look for an hourly or salary job that is full-time. I will believe it when I see it.

I am afraid I will have to use the big guns to keep him on track.  I am reading as much as I can about ADD and trying to get a grip.

Thanks again,

Carolyn

Find a coach, call Hallowell Center in MA and they might be able to refer one for you.

I just attended a Group Couples session. It was a real eye opener for me. I really don't have ADD as bad as some and my wife agrees. But I could see myself in the more serious cases just not as amplified.

I can see how much my wife has put up with, seeing that alone I hope I can change some to help her. Someone with severe ADD might not see it though. But I can certainly see why some non ADD spouses are ready to throw their hands up.

I have not read them my self but the Hallowell books are constantly raved about.

Good Luck !!

Oh and a new book just for couples is in the works.

Thanks again for replying. It is really so nice to get some feedback.

I have been reading Dr.Hallowell's books, and I also found a book published in 2005 called Attention Deficit Disorder by Thomas E. Brown PhD.  It is a comprehensive study with up to date information. Dr. Hallowell high recommends it.

This book is helping me to understand a lot.  It is unreal that it took us this long to get to the crux of it, but as I read the book and explain things to my husband, he is becoming more receptive.  I realize that I have to deal with him without tearing him down. It is easy to tear someone down when they keep messing things up.  But, when I find the language and way to explain to him what he's doing and how it relates to the ADD, he cools down faster and we seem to be able to resovle things.

I know I have a lot of work to do. He still doesn't have a job, but I am going to stick to my guns.

Thanks for listening!!!!!!!!!

Carolyn