feeling so conflicted | ADHD Information
Your words certainly mirror my concerns and make me question my parenting beliefs. This generation now, I guess they call it Y, are a bit better than the generation before. Kids now days, in regard to work anyways tend to needs to question why but then once its explained just go ahead and do it. Maybe google it. Good topic starter, or are you just trying to worry us more.
Diane- I think the rebeling against society is just my punk rock roots showing. The better way to put it would be to say that I want them to be able to remain true to themselves despite the fact that society will be pressuring them to conform.
I have two of the quirkiest kids ever. I have photos of DS (who's 10) dressed in a bathrobe, sunglasses and a turkey hat (the turkey is on top, your head's in the nest and the legs tie under your chin) while jumping around the room "playing" a guitar he made out of sheets of craft foam. My daughter (7) has one of the most twisted senses of humor (by this I mean funny stories about people turning into zombies or getting mauled by bears) that I have ever met- always totally deadpan, somewhat sarcastic and seemingly random. Most kids her age don't know what to make of it- come to think of it neither do many adults.
Obviously I don't want them to get into trouble, but I don't want them to settle into thinking that you just have to accept whatever the authority figure tells you as truth. I want them to feel confident enough to question (respectfully) the reasons for things, the information sources, and if their getting all the info, or just bits and peices.
The more I think about it though, the more I think it really hinges on the ability to think critically. And the lack of critical thinking skills is something that spans generations- it's also something that's not particularly taught in schools. I think teaching them how to analyze and think critically about situations, information, and even about themselves is going to end up being the most important thing when it comes to preserving their odd-ball individual selves.
And I can start by trying to get DS to think critically about the substance abuse info they've dished out at school. He's come away with the impression that cigarettes are the worst drug of all, just one sip of alcohol will make you a drunk (as I found out last night when I attempted to have a glass of wine with dinner), and crack is not that bad because not as many people do it- that last one is particularly disturbing. 
Does anyone else find that their brain seems to work better when it has something to worry about obsessively? What would I worry about if I didn't have kids?
Well, your two kids sound like our adhd'er!! NOT kidding!!
I think we just do our best to teach them that they have to stand for some things...despite the rest of the world. If they believe it then they should stand firm in it. Teaching them that and to be respectful to still hear out others is a good lesson. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree is also a good lesson...Drugs and Sex is something I believe should be taught at home because it's over done at school and isn't done on a level of what our individual children can grasp. Unfortunately, there are parents who won't do that so our school systems are picking up the slack.
Critical thinking will come ... Our ds hasn't got much of that right now but I think eventually he'll get it. He learns everything the hard way and he's only 6 but at least he does get it once he gets smacked with it!
Love them and guide them and I believe in praying for them...teach them what you know and hope it sinks in. The sense of entitlement and other hoora that comes with the new college people will fade. they'll learn like the rest of us.
I agree with what you are saying. I also grew up poor and we (dh and I) work hard to give our children a 'good life'. It's never enough...I know I'm not the only one who says that.
But I will say this, too. I just got done nick-naming our adhd/impuslive ds 'Our non-conformist chid' because everything he does, at six years old, seems to go against the grain. He learns the hard way, plays hard, works ... um...not hard, and sees the world through different (not always rosy) glasses. For instance, we were on vacation at a water park. The whole set up was on a curve. The chairs curved like a C to meet the shallow waters. Here comes our ds with a chair and slaps it down right out in the middle. He plops his little butt down and looks over his shoulder at us with this 'awwww, yeah.' look!! I guess my point is that we can teach them to be themselves, like the others said, without getting into trouble.
Let me say this, too. These kids who feel entitled and feel like they're owed will soon get a big ol' slap right across the face with REALITY! THey will soon realize no one is going to give them a hand-out and if they do get one...it IS too good to be true. It's not an easy world these 'kids' are entering (I'm only 27 but also feel older, ha ha) and it'll teach them and humble them a lot. Let them be self-indulged at the moment because it's only temporary.
I agree with navywife30 that, "I think the key is to encourage your children to be who they are without getting into trouble. There is a fine line between rebellion and breaking the rules. They do not have to conform to society but you do want them to have friends and be able to function in society."
Growing up, my dad encouraged us to think for ourselves, to go the distance, and to not be one of the sheep. At the same time, he was big on education, proper social behavior, self-discipline, responsibility, and commitment. He worked very, very hard. As a kid I didn't get it. In retrospect, I think I was lucky to have had that mix and influence.
Jaderock54: IMO, you can't go wrong by teaching your kids the value of hard work. Your example is a gift to them and one day they will realize that. Good luck to you.
jaderock54,
I understand your concerns completely. We are in the military and we see all these kids that have come through "boot camp" (which nothing like what it was when my husband went through it) and they are so self-centered and whiny that is just grades on my nerves. They think they should just make rank without having to work for it. We have 11 years in and my husband (and our family) have worked very hard, given up a lot, and had to suffer just for him to make E-5.
I think the key is to encourage your children to be who they are without getting into trouble. There is a fine line between rebellion and breaking the rules. They do not have to conform to society but you do want them to have friends and be able to function in society.
We have taught our daughter to voice her opinion but with respect. She questions everything (we are trying to teach her to quit questioning us about every choice we make). It's hard and I think all parents have the same worries. Just teach your children to trust their gut instinct. We have always told our daughter that she should do what her teachers and such tell her to do but if she feel that it is not right than she should question it until she feels safe. We don't want some teacher or something to try and take advantage of her someday because she will do whatever they say but we also don't want her to be disrespectful.
I guess there is no good answer. Just be the best parent you can and hope for the best.
Forgive me if I ramble here, but this has been rolling around in my head of a while now. I'd be interested to hear others' thoughts on the matter.
I spend so much time and energy trying to get my kid to listen, follow directions, do what he's told. So much effort goes into building self-esteem. And then I meet some of the college grads recently hired at DH's office, or I talk to some of the older neighborhood kids and I see a bunch of "kids" (I'm not that much older than that college grads- I just feel a lot older) who are entirely self-centered and suffer from an astounding sense of entitlement and a lack of critical thinking skills. Years of being told how special and wonderful they are, coupled with a general parenting trend toward being friends with your child and wanting your child to like you, seems to have resulted in a bunch of kids who are "good" but think they are entitled to success without the years of hard work.
It makes me wonder if I'm doing my kids a disservice. I want them to question what they are being told, question authority. Both my kids are very creative, but truely inspired art tends to be a double edged sword (think "tortured artist"). Both of those things seem to be in short supply lately.
When I think about what it is I want for my kids none of it involves being complicit, obediant and fitting in with a "group." And yet when I think about how I'm raising them I worry that that is what I'm setting them up for. How do we raise kids that we can live with while at the same time teaching them to rebel against society? How much is too much when it comes to making them feel good about themselves? Although I guess with an adhd child this last question is not as much of a concern, but many of us also have children without.
I still have moments when I look around me and think "where did this life come from?" I grew up very poor and worked hard to get where I am- I worry about my children not having that experience, that sense of accomplishment. Where do they get any sense of accomplishment when we give them so much?
If you've read this far, thanks. I think I'll go write the book now. I'm sure every generation of parents worries about the next- I'm resisting the urge to stop worrying in order to satisfy the non-conformist in me. 
The part of your post that rang Most true" to me was that every generation worries about the nest. I recently went to a lecture on generational differences. It was VERY interesting. Each generation has it's "pros and cons", but they all had one thing in common, the parents of the up and coming generation all thought that generation was spoiled, lazy, disrepectful. and entitled......sound familiar 
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Teaching your children to respect authority and follow some basic rules is not making them conform to anytihng other than being good people. Why do you want your kids to rebel against society??? That line confused me? Why push for adversity? Isnt' the goal to allow them to be who they want to be. Give them tools to do whatever they want, but also be part of society? A strong sense of community is wonderful, NOT a bad thing IMO. Non confoRMity means not allowing yourself to be forced into a mold that doesn't fit you, but what IF it does fit you?
Diane V39622.5249652778