HELP...My son is Lying all the time | ADHD Information

My son is 9 and has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, Asperger's, Oppositional Defiant disorder and Depression.  I am worried though because he lies all the time. He lies from something as small as not brushing his teeth to huge things.  I don't know what to do.  He does see a counselor and he is trying to figure things out too.  At his last counseling appt he lied to the counselor and pretty big lie. His uncle died from a gun shot wound and my son told the counselor it was because his uncle was protected my son from a robber at a store but that is no where near the truth.   He lies to everyone and I am getting very worried.  Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. 

Good news, Melinda.Hope it continues.

Randy

mmc722, I think it is great that you have worked out a system with your son.

Any update on your son's relationship with his dad?

His father cannot simply remove his son from his life because he is upset over this, that is really ridiculous and immature on his part. Your son needs his father to be a part of his life. Is there any talking to him? He can't just walk out of his life!!

You mention that you still believe the story about the step brothers and a knife. It very well may be true. It sounds like there is some "other" stuff that has happened in the past to make you believe your son. Stick to your gut.

I do hope he get's his relationship back with his father!

Things have been a little better with my son and his lying.  I just ask him or give him "the" look when I think he is lying and then he tells me the truth. 

I know what you are saying.  My son told his first grade teacher that he had an older brother away at college (not true) and that I spoke Chinese at home (I'm all American - of Irish decent).  There have been many many other lies thru the years.

Not sure I can help you with it - a psychologist told me that I should call him on every lie he does and tell him no one will believe anything he says.  Just keep on him.

My son is now 13 and although I constantly question in my head things he says, I haven't caught him in a lie in quite a while.  Hopefully they grow out of it.

 

 

That is a good idea, I will keep on him about it.  His counselor said to write the lie on a sticky note and when he wants to do something tell him he can't until the lie on the sticky note is gone by telling the truth.

Sometimes I have told my son "You have a wonderful imagination.  maybe when you grow up you can write books" or something like that.

Hi- lying is pretty worrisome but you need to know the WHY of kids lying. Kids lie to get attention, because they are insecure, because they don't want to look bad in people they look up to, because they don't want to face the truth, or because their minds are racing in a hundred directions and the words  just "pop out".

So- the trick is what can you do about it? First of all- NEVER ask a child WHY. You are asking them to make choices when you do that and you DON'T want them to do that. Just ask WHAT - such as what broke the window? - A Ball, a Bat, a Head?  For example:  Jon broke the window in the house next door last week. He came to tell me that the window was broken. The conversation went something like this:

What hit the window and broke it?- A rock.

What made the rock hit the window?- We were throwing rocks against the tree and it bounced off and hit the window.

Then I just tell him: Thank you for being my truth boy. I really appreciate that you can tell me what happened.

At Sunday School last week, the teacher was talking about 'words' and how they can be used to edify or destroy. Somehow the conversation moved to kids lying and he told us how his 13 y/o son (who was sitting in the classroom with us) went to work with him and lied about texting a message on his (the teachers phone). I suggested he use the WHAT. So he asked his son what made him lie and the son said it was because he was afraid the dad would be mad at him... You should have seen the look on the dad's face.

Sorry to ramble. Hope this helps. And PLEASE, NEVER CALL YOUR CHILD A LIAR. Don't keep after the child to tell the truth after you called him a liar or he has lied. You are confusing the child and just making it worse. Most people lie once in a while. Even adults.

 

randyjim39626.8447800926Thank you randyjim and adhd trisha.  That is so much help.  I will start doing both of those things and see if it helps.  He is such a cute boy I just want him to stop lying.  He is also very depressed right now because at the beginning of the year he said his step brothers held a knife to his throat and threatened to kill him so of course I got the right people involved.  Well the authorities didn't keep the case open because my son's story changed a little and now his dad won't have anything to do with him and calls him a liar and hasn't seen him since January because he has a history of lying.  I actually still believe him about his step brothers though.Well his dad still has no contact with him.  He didn't call him yesterday either.  I called his dad last week and gave him his dx's and he said he was going to call me later that night to discuss it more but he never did call.  The 6th is my son's 10th birthday we will see if he calls.  I will always stick by my son.

Thank you.  It took a lot of guts to send him a letter but I am tired of how is treating his son.

Well as you probably know my son's father decided to cease all contact with my son. 
If you don't know, In January my son said that his step brothers held a knife to his throat and threatened to kill him.  I had him at the ER 3 times in January and on the last time he told the doctors and nursed about it and they got social services involved.  His dad didn't believe him.  Social services interviewed him, then a few weeks later they interviewed him again with a dectective present because one of the boys was 14.  They also went and interviewed my X and his step sons and wife.  After that the case closed the case because they said there was not enough proof and the stories from both sides were different. Of course the step sons would deny it.  They have done stuff to my son in the past like hitting him over the head with a plastic sword and he had to have staples, writing obscene things on his back, and he says his step mom is mean and stuffs socks down his throat and won't feed him when his dad isn't there.  These are some of the reasons why I believe him about the knives.

So yesterday the 6th of July was my son's 10th birthday(which we made a big deal about and gave him lots of attention and fun) and his dad didn't even call him.  He is such a jerk.  I am remarried and I have been with my husband for 6 years.  He loves my kids and does anything for them.  My kids love him too.  My son has a close relationship with my husband(his step-dad) but he is still having a really hard time about his dad.

I am wondering if I should ask his doctor to let us take a med break from the concerta and take an anti depressant or if he can take them together.  It breaks my heard to look at his sad face. 

 

I agree that something happened to your son. Why does his father protect these other monsters? Was he consoling to your son when he received the staples? I also think it is disgusting what the step monster does him like allowing her son's to be mean to him. Her son's have serious issues. For the law to get involved, it is only a matter of time that those other boys will be headed some place not pleasant. I just wonder what is going through your ex's head! And not feeding him, what a witch he married. I believe what your son is saying.

I know this is hard but he may be better with your husband in his life than his bio dad, especially after how his father has treated him. I also don't think I would want my son going to visit to their house if he has adhd/aspbergers and those people don't understand.

I would ask the doctor about what you want to try with the meds. Why the change?? Is he that depressed?? poor little guy - what is he doing for the summer! Can you take him someplace fun????

He is doing a little better I just say ok now tell me the truth and he will(most of the time).  I really like your idea too.  I am going to tell him about being creative is a good thing.  I really believe the step brothers and step mom have done things to him that he says.  I am so mad that his dad is mad at him because he thinks he lied and that his dad is sticking up for his wife and step kids and not his own son. 

How's it going with curbing the lying?

My son lies trying to back himself up.  He'll say something outrageous and then insists he read it in a "science book."  I've worked with him by telling him being creative is a good thing, and he should be proud of things he makes up, and tell everyone when he has a great idea of his own.  It seems to be working.

Unfortunately he's not being believed now.  Case in point - on the 4th one of my cousin's daughter's threatened to punch him in the face.  I was right next to him and just about broke my jaw when my mouth fell open.  My mother, who wasn't there, doesn't believe him and thinks we're just trying to talk down about the family.  Then again, my mother is sort of a special case, so I should take her madness with a grain of salt.  My son is recovering from a broken arm, and yesterday he was hit by a whiffle ball at the daycare.  His DC provider just thought he was whining because she forgot about his arm - he's out of a cast.  Then again, maybe she's a special case, too - I'm sure kids try to get over on her, so she has to assume that's what he was doing.  So maybe it's just the company he's keeping...

I think that they sound dysfunctional. Your son is better off not around them. His visitation should stipulate not to include this "family" - only to be one on one with his dad, if he choses to visit.

How about him getting even closer to your husband since this has all happened with his father? Is that a possibility?

this is really heartbreaking. his father just not be worth it!!

I agree.  I wrote a letter to his dad tonight that expresses my concerns for the best interest for my son and it included in him not going over to his dads house. If his dad wants to see him it has to be only for a short time and not around his step mom or step brothers. Good for you. Sending your son and you big hugs. You did the right thing!!

It sounds like things are going a lot better for your son.  I just hope his father comes around.  My husband was adopted, well his adopted parents got a divorce and when he was 7 his dad told him he wanted nothing to do with him anymore and didn't want to see or hear from him every again.  This was to a 7 year old.  My husband tried to reconnect with him when he was 18 and his father is still a jerk.  He has a great step-dad that has been in his life since he was 15 but all those years with no dad really affected him. 

He still has anger issues to this day but thanks to his step-dad teaching him what a real dad is is supposed to be he is an amazing father to our little girl.  He helps out with her baseball team and he makes sure he gets to all of her important events.  He just loves spending time with her.  He knows how important it is to be there for his child.

I guess my point is your son's dad really needs to get it together and start rebuilding a relationship with his son.  It is so important.  And if he doesn't than that's his loss and one day he will regret it.  But I think at this point your son needs that strong role-model to help him deal with everything that's going on.  But more importantly he needs someone to believe in him and love him unconditionally.

You're doing a great job!!  You're son will be just fine as long as he knows he has you and you love him no matter what!!