you know, to me this is the harder part of ADHD than the academic piece.
You CAN help her though. A couple of suggestions are try to do a LOT of one on one playdates. This way you can guide her on how to see social cues, how to respond how not to respond. Not necessarily by critisizing her in front of the friend, BUT a litle correctiona nd help whne dealing with 5 year olds is appropriate. Role play at home before the playdate, role play after the friend leaves. Try to have playdates structured. So always have something for them to do, not letting them work it out on their own. So maybe all do a craft together, play scavenger hunt (with you), things you can be part of and work with them. If possible have playdates with younger children, they are porbably more at her social level. KEEP doing it, it will be slow and steady progress, but it will help.
A child's inability to pick up on social cues is indicative of many disorders, not just ADHD. Having said that, the two daycare providers who brought it up are not child psychiatrists. Only unskilled doctors, meaning those that aren't specialists or non professionals like daycare providers will say "might be" or "looks like". A specialist bases their final assessment on the distinctions of the disorders. Each disorder is very different than the other, not similar but again, a non professional will compare what they think are similarities. Many things factor into making a definitive diagnosis Many things can look like ADHD to the untrained individual, including a serious medical conditions like diabetes, thyroid problems, allergies, etc However, if your child does get diagnosed with ADHD, the most effective way to treat the symptoms is by getting your child effective treatment and then enrolling your child in social skills training classes. You can ask the school if they conduct them or get a referral to a psychologist that conducts these classes. ADHD children don't learn by watching other children in a social settings. They learn through role playing with a group of children under the direction of a psychologist. They learn visually and through hands on examples. They are taught how to cope with and handle any given social situation. What most children without ADHD naturally learn, children with ADHD have to be taught through visual props and repetition but again, they only learn in combination with effective treatment. Without effective treatment, they are still not focused and so distracted that even trying to learn how to pick up on social cues in the right environment to learn doesn't work too well. The unfocused child who is put into a social situation will not learn from another child because they are not focused enough to even realize what's appropriate behavior and what isn't. Diane V is right in that role playing has to be done but this is most effective in a group setting because all the children are role playing and interacting with each other because they all have the same problems. I also agree with Diane that social issues are much more complexed than the academic issues because the social issues affect every area of life. Role playing includes, how to diffuse a potential confrontational situation, how to walk away from a fight, how to curb speaking out impulsively, learning how to wait ones turn or any other negative behaviors that cause these children such serious social problems. Also, keep in mind that children with ADHD have a 30% maturity lag. When you feel the time is right, I highly recommend that you get your child evaluated to identify the underlying problem because if there is an underlying problem, the sooner you get the proper interventions, the better the outcome. Good luck and please keep us informed :)