When parents don’t agree on treatment... | ADHD Information

So, we had our big appointment yesterday.  I really liked this doctor- he is a pediatrician who specializes in ADHD and works out of the multidisciplinary ADHD clinic at our local children's hospital.  He was super with dd, very thorough, and I felt really listened to us, not rushing us at all.  In the end, he felt that eventually dd would really benefit from meds, but that it was our call.  He suggested a trial of Concerta, 18mg, and we are booked to go back to him in a month.  I am especially glad that he explained that while most kids do well on the first med they try, there can be some tweaking or changing of meds depending on side effects, and that should we end up in that boat to hang tight, and that we will come up with alternatives that work.  He was optimistic and realistic at the same time, and encouraged us to call him if we needed to.

Anyhow, in the end dh and I were in total agreement- that we will indeed try a trial of this stuff, fingers crossed.  We're going to start on the weekend, when dh will also be off work and we don't have much scheduled.

So navywife30- you were bang on.  Dh really did listen to this doctor.  I think it was both his approach, and the fact that he was totally comfortable in answering the hard questions.  I know dh is nervous about this stuff- I am too- but I don't have to tell you all that any parent wants to help their child in any way they can.

Thanks all, you are all such a huge support to me :)

tosca,

That's great!!  I'm glad to hear that things went so well with the doctor and your husband.  It makes all the difference when you find a doctor that you click with and feel comfortable talking to.

Good luck and keep us updated!!

Jami

Good to hear things went well You go!

Lawyers are cautious by nature.  They don't make decisions based on gut feelings.

Once your husband listened to the doctor and analyzed the facts, he came on board.

Good luck.  Sounds like you have a good pediatrician.

 

Sounds like there is club for wives with husbands that don't agree on medication.  I belong and it was a challenge to reach a compromise.  My 9 year has been on mes for a year now and it has made a huge difference.  It's not like surgery; you can always stop the meds.  No one WANTS to medicate their child.  But if there is something that may help, it should be investigated.

My daughter was initially diagnosed at age 5. We opted not to use meds. My husband was adamant, I just sort of agreed to wait. By age 9 I was ready, him less so, but we did it. Now at almost 14 she is still on meds and we all (my parents, everyone) realizes how much easier her life is FOR HER on meds.  I agree that sometimes it's hard to accept it until after they are on meds and you can see the changes happening.

 

My husband has seen the benefit but wants to get my son off meds. We are going to try a med break. I spend more time with him so I see more of the benefit of the meds. He is calmer and able to get a long with others so much better when he is on meds. His doctor suggested a med break and asked to just lower the dose.

My husband is rather anti-doctor. He takes very few meds and only goes to the doctor when he is at death's door. He is very holistic in his approach.

I come a family of ADHDers (I am one too). I see the benefit of meds and the difference it can make in a person. I am on meds myself and it makes life so much better. What I can tell you is the ADHD  changes as you age. The hyperness become internalized as you get older, it never really leaves you. You  learn how to compensate and adjust.

reruho- Funny, I live in an entire community full of people like your husband.  Think ultra-granola, Birkenstocks, a yoga studio on every corner.  And in many ways I consider myself to be in sync with this stuff.  But I have tried all the natural stuff, I am doing all that good behavior modification, consistency, and dd still struggles with certain things.  When I even alluded to the possibility of dd going on meds with a couple of very close friends, their reaction was an immediate "OMG!  NO!"  But they don't have kids in this boat, they don't get it, they don't live it.  So I'm feeling very very guarded right now about who knows about this.  It's not a shame thing, I just find it exhausting to have to explain and justify and rationalize to people who have already made up their minds.

And really, what's important is that dh and I are on the same page and we trust our doctor.  Maybe I'll get past feeling this stigma at a certain point, but right now I can't help but feel a bit defensive about the whole thing.  Which is crazy, I know, because I know this is the right way to go right now. 

You will get past that feeling of failure once you see the difference it makes. And many of your friends will notice the difference. These friends do not live with your child, they only see your child for short periods of time. They do not have go through those hours when you want to scream or just want your child to go to sleep. They do not experience the sheer exhaustion from dealing.

Trust your feelings. My advice is read as much as you can, become as knowledgable as possible.

I'm not sure we're at this point- yet.  But I don't think we're completely on the same page either.

We have our big appt tomorrow with a renowned pediatrician who specializes in ADHD.  I have been researching this stuff forever.  And yes, the thought of medicating my 8 year old is a difficult one, but so is the thought of letting her go on.  It's all about risks vs. benefits as far as I am concerned, and to me the risks of not trying medication (in addition to all the behavior stuff) is bigger.  I know that it's a bit of a crap shoot, what works and at what dose, but I'm ready to go there.  I think we owe it to dd to do everything that we can for her.

Dh is more...on the fence.  He has said in the past that ADHD is more a personality type than a pathology.  I asked him what his gut is telling him and he says nothing.  He's waiting to hear what the ped. will say tomorrow.  Fair enough, but he himself is on Prozac for depression (which is managed very well).  There are lots of people who say that depressive types are a personality type as well, but why wouldn't you want to help them as well, which he has certainly done, and rightly so.  Then he comes back at me with the whole informed consent argument, and I come back with, YES, we as her parents have this duty. 

My dh is not a stupid man.  He's a lawyer.  He's used to extracting fact from rhetoric.  But I know he's been reading those scarier websites, and this is our child we're talking about, so hence the sober pause. 

I can't be the only one to have gone through this.  Advice anyone?
tosca39630.617974537My husband was against medication completly until we had our big meeting with a child psychologist and psychiatrist. I was on the fence. We tried 1 med that made him a zombie and now DS,10 is on Vyvanse and doing well. hubby gave in after listening to the Docs.

I agree with spamula.  Let him hear what the doctor has to say, he might be more receptive to a proffesional.  Have him go to some of sites you go to instead of those scare tactic sites.  And have him make a list of his questions and concerns for the doctor so that he feels fully informed.

Good luck tomorrow!!

My hubby was resistant to meds because he grew up in an anti-med family. As the spouse with the medical science background, I found all the info for him to digest. We hit a point that our youngest was 9 and depressed, anxious, failing in school and life, throwing violent temper tantrums and wanted to die. At this point my hubby said he would get out of the way and let the doc try meds. What a difference it has made . For us it was the right choice and we work with the doc to adjust the meds to her specific needs. My hubby is now on board with the treatment, which is a testament to his willingness to learn and change his thinking from how he was raised.

Just take things one at a time. If your doc thinks meds could help, maybe a trial phase would help your husband see for himself whether the meds work or do not in this case. It is hard to get on the same page at the same time because people are so different. Good luck with this tough journey.