Our daughter went through that stage when she was about that same age. Corrina had some great advise. That's about how we handled it. However, time outs never worked for our daughter so our dr at the time recommended spanking her (not hard, just an open handed swat on the butt) to get through to her. We would also tap her mouth when it got out of line. Once again it was never hard, mostly like just putting my hand to her mouth. It worked. Once I got her attention I would let her know I was disappointed in her actions and try to work with her to voice what was really bothering her. I still use these techniques to this day (however we haven't had to spank her in over a year). But her mouth does get ahead of her at times and she has to be reminded who the adult is and what is no appropriate to say (she doesn't cuss and never has). I also let her know that what she said was hurtful and explain why. That's the most important thing...letting them know why it's not good behavior and how to voice how their feeling more constructively (talking out their feelings). Can your son write yet? If so I would maybe give him a journal and have him write in it when he feels angry or upset. Our daughter is 9 in writes in her journal daily about how she is feeling or just what happened that day. It helps. Talking helps the most though. Make sure to keep an open communication line with your son. He may only be 5 but you'd be surprised at how well they can communicate how they are feeling even that young (we started with our daughter when she was about 3).
Good luck!! And cheer up it will get better.
Thanks, Jamie. The journal is a great idea. He starts kindergarten in the fall, but is a super smarty pants and can already read/write (loves it), so this would be a great outlet for him. I also like the idea of covering the mouth of a second to get their attention and then redirect. Appreciate the response! Glad I could help. I hope it works for you!! Keep us posted!! Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me???Hi there. We've been trying to limit meds this summer for our 5-year-old son (although I'm starting to understand why many people don't do med breaks ...) Most of the time we can handle the ups and downs that go along with ADHD, including the temper tantrums that come with our son not getting his way and not handling disappointments well. The thing that has been tough lately is the tantrums now have started to include mean talk. When we tell him no or tell him something he doesn't like, he'll pitch a fit and say a number of things to get a rise out of us. The mean talk has ranged from "I don't want you to be my mommy anymore" and "I don't love you anymore" to "I want to kill my mommy and daddy" and "I want to kill myself" when he is really upset. It was shocking for me to hear the latter two the first time as he is not a violent kid, is happy most of the time and doesn't really understand what that means except that it gets a reaction (which I'm confident about based on a couple of serious discucssions we had). He gets so emotional and lashes out so quickly. This happens maybe once a week. We've pretty much ended the "I don't love you anymore" talk by responding with "That's OK, I'll always love you." This could also explain the escalation to the more serious mena talk. I'm trying to deal with the other horrible comments by just ignoring them rather than giving him the reaction he wants. Just started reading Magic 1-2-3 as it seems to address these kinds of words ... but was curious if anyone else has experience with the mean talk and how you handle it. Also, we haven't done meds for long; do most of you that have had this problem find that the meds help in this area, too? (Which is why I'm seriously considering ending the med breaks approach ...) Any advice, words of wisdom, etc. on how to get past this "phase" or responsive comments that you find work well like the I love you anyway one would be greatly appreciated.My son (6) can be a terror, too. I approach mean talk the way I do any other disciplinary problem.
First, I make sure that even though it's summer he has a schedule in place and he's sleeping and eating well. I also keep my school time routine of reading to him every night. It keeps his schedule intact, but it's also low key time for us to be close, and no matter how crazy things get during the day he has that time at night to know it's over with. He has to do something really radical to not get read to.
He knows that saying horrible things is equal to hitting. Period. Grounds for immediate discipline, including losing privilleges and time outs (which he hates).
It is pretty easy to see when he's about to lose his cool. When I see it happening I point it out to him, because sometimes he doesn't realize it and that's all it takes for him to wind himself back down again. I don't threaten him, but I remind him of the consequences of his actions as soon as he starts to melt down. Then we talk through his issue. And I keep reminding him of his behavior and consequences through the talk.
Most of the time we will have a heated conversation that will end up with a positive conclusion. I'm big on distracting him from what's making him angry, and, if that's not possible, pointing out that "no" is only for right now (usually) and if he acts correctly we can revisit his request at a more appropriate time.
One thing - I don't validate what he's saying. I would never say "that's okay" if it really wasn't. And I make sure I let him know how I feel about what he says. Not to guilt trip him, but because he really doesn't see the effects of what he has said. He really appreciates me pointing this stuff out, because he can't recognize it on his own, and it helps him work out techniques for controling his impulses.