Hi - update - I met with my son's psychiatrist and this is the diagnosis -
He is not totally convinced he has ADHD innatentive - he may have it or not -but the main problem is his Oppositional Definance. So diagnosis - possible ADHD innatentive with comorbid ODD and anxiety.
I have spent the better part of 3 years worrying, crying, screaming, being depressed, etc. etc. I'm done with it. I'be pretty much put my life on hold.
Can't do it anymore. The best thing I every did was to start seeing a therapist on my own. I love my son and will always be there for him but he has to find the motivation from within. I now know that we have to sometimes let our kids fail in order for them to succeed.
I've been treating my son as if he has ADHD innatentive - compensating for things and behaviours and allowing things when he may not even have it! I'm so confused. I've been advocating and communicating with his teachers and the guidance dept. for three years and all it did was annoy my son - he barely passed 8th grade - he's in summer school and just admitted he made a mistake - meaning he really doesn't belong there but he screwed up at school.
I guess I'm posting this to kind of help myself heal and get on with life; I love my son but I can't do anymore for him - can't go to highschool for him - can't make him accept directions and instructions.
He, on his own, wants to continue with the psychiatrist. This is good because with his personality - if he didn't want to go - he wouldn't. He's getting something out of it.
Well, now that he is in highschool, if he continues to have the same problems as the past years, maybe now he'll accept the suggestions from his Dr.
He'a a great, smart and talented kid who has the potential to succeed but somehow he just hasn't found the motivation to do well academically yet. I hope this is the year that if he does have a bit of ADHD he'll accept the help - I'm still convinced he does have it a bit. The psychiatrist is an ADHD specialist so I trust him completely.
I can only imagine the frustration of doing all the things you thought necessary to help your child, only now to learn that maybe he didn't need those things after all. I hope you get it all sorted out soon. I am glad you have a therapist's support as you work on wrapping your mind around this "new reality." It's also great that your son is willing to work with a therapist. That's definitely the 1st step to helping yourself (the proverbial you. I don't mean you personally). You are so right that they have to decide they are ready to change. Their parents cannot force them to change.