Parent Tantrums... | ADHD Information
Hey guys! I've had something on my heart lately and thought I'd bring it here but have been hesitant to do so. However, reading a few of the latest posts has made me feel we could all use it...
Don't judge me for my embarassments here...I'm sharing because I really think there are others who may share in my struggles and this could also prevent new parents from making some of the same mistakes...
I struggle BIG time with my own frustrations. I can't seem to find enough patience or get enough of a 'refresher' through the nights or when I'm at work...I still feel overwhelmed...like the days before just pile up.
Another thing I struggle with is forgiving myself for the wrong choices I've made along the way. Then, new ones tack themselves on top of the others and it builds...
We always talk about the struggles our kids have, but what about US-the parents!!? Does anyone else share in my trials?
Every day!
Well, almost, it really gets somewhat better as they get older. You learn coping skills and so do they. They have less hyperactivity and "boredom" and find some of their own productive interests.
Keep trying, you're doing great, we all get frustrated. If it truly gets to be too much, go see some one yourself, some one unbiased, not related to you so you can just VENT adn they will help you learn you're own coping skills.
ilovemyboys,
I can definately relate to what you are saying. I think all parents have alot of regrets but we might have a few more.
I don't think there is any such thing as a perfect parent so sometimes you just have to give yourself a break and move on.
My mother talks about how she wished she could have spent more time with me when I was a child but I had a very sick brother so I was often alone while she was napping since she was up all night. I hadn't realized my childhood was lacking until she told me.
I have found a few people to chat with about our exceptional kids and it helps.
Good luck!
lsaniga39645.5747569444
I tell my son I need a time out, and he lets me go. Aren't I lucky? :)
I've had some not-so-good moments, but I talk to my son afterward the same way I do when he has a melt down.
You've got to remember to do what you can to take care of yourself. If you can't nurture yourself you'll be more likely to explode at your kids. So consider some pampering your Rx.
Best of luck!
I think we all have those feelings from time to time. So many mornings I've gotten to work after dropping the kids off at school and was mad at myself for the way I handled a situation.
I do the same as Corrina and talk to my son after handling a situation poorly. It shows him that we make mistakes also and teaches him about forgiveness.
My husband and I were watching a show on abc about turrets and I looked at him and said "You know ADDs is not the challenge I thought it was". For the first time since he was diagnosed in October that I thought we can manage this and it will get better.
Blessings.
I don't think many parents have tantrums where they scream uncontrollably, throw themselves on the floor or scream unremittingly for two hours! But I know the stresses of being a parent let alone the parent of a child with adhd. I don't scream or kick but today I said something that I felt very sorry for after my son accidentally hurt the puppy by dropping her again. When your child knows that you can appologize and mean it; when your love is unconditional and your child knows it; when you are fair and consistent your child appreciates it.
All of us drop the ball at one time or another. We do what we can and knowing how horrible we feel helps us understand even better how our ds/dd feels when they have not been able to control themselves. It's how we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off that will stick with our child and hopefully become an example to him/her.
Randy
I totally get what you mean. I get very frustrated...Some days are way harder then others...and some nights so much longer..laying awake thinking of my mistakes! The good thing is they are very forgiving and loving! My DD gets I am human...I make mistakes...Since her and I were diagnosed within a month of eachother I always try to tell her we are learning at the same time and she has to be patient with me.I have a very low frustration threshhold..She knows when i have had enough..I say ...I am done..I need a time out...and she is slowly learning not to follow me! ( unlike before when she would follow me through the house!!) I feel lots of guilt for being " this way". I wish I was more competant..and alot of times i think if I just didnt have ADD myself I would be a better mom..But at the beginning of every day I know she loves me " this way"..SHe doesnt know me any different..Even when I am irritated and frustrated, and say things i shouldnt...when i tell her sorry and that i love her..she looks at me and smiles and says you're so silly mom I already knew that! Kids really do have a unconditional love!!! Slowly I am learning to let things go and forgive myself..she does...maybe she is teaching me more than I am teaching her!!
Keep your chin up we all understand and have those days!!!
This is an awesome thread. I too experience some of the same feelings that have been expressed. Diane, it is nice to know that the older they get (and us for that matter) the better it can be. I think I'm starting to see that myself and my son is only 6. Even though we have some tough nights the nights seem better than before. Especially when I sit back and take a good hard look at everything. I think we just have to keep an open mind and accept that we are not perfect and they are not perfect. Both just have to learn coping skills and accept when we are wrong and apologize etc.
I don't have the struggles with blowing my top. I am very patient and positive with my 12 year old ds. (Have to be since hubby isn't!)
But to be honest with you, I get depressed and lonely. Depressed because life is such a struggle for my ds and I have tried so many things with only marginal success. Very few things in my life have been as frustrating as dealing with ADHD.
I think I don't deal with the frustration very well because it is hard to vent about it. I don't want to vent about it with other parents at school because if I really let it all hang out sometimes, I doubt they would want their children to play with my son. Everyone wants their kid to be around good influences.
For example, in 5th grade, one of ds's friend's mom was complaining to me that he had brought 2 late slips home and she didn't have time to deal with that. I commiserated with her that those late slips were tough, and we had got some too- but I didn't let her know that my son had already received 13. I am sure she would have been shocked. She had seen my son win honors for his school work. I sometimes talk in general terms about our struggles, but don't usually go into the details about how big the struggle really is. I'm friendly with the other parents, but I realize I don't get to know them as well or as easily as the parents of my younger dd. I find it isolating to have a child with ADHD.
So I come here to these boards at least several times a week. Don't respond very often because I usually check it at lunch at work, but had set up my password at home when I started. I listen to others ideas and struggles to get ideas and to know that I am not alone. Because to be honest, I am often actually jealous inside that we have to struggle so hard while most parents I know get to coast.
It is SO nice to have this forum!! It seems that we are all in agreement that it's good to apologize after our mistakes. I've definitely told Tristen that making good choices is hard for even moms and dads sometimes.
I think it's all the hoopla we hear about how we re-write who they are when we blow up, say things we don't mean, spank and whatever else that has me laying awake at night...I just want so badly to be the mom that everyone truly dreams of being. (June Cleaver, ha ha ha!!) But, he got me instead and at least I love him more than life itself. He has a tendency to say stuff like "Everyone's mean to me" and "I'm just not a good boy"... most of the time it's right after he's gotten into trouble. This makes his daddy so mad because he feels like it's a tactic ds uses for me to be sympathetic (which totally works!) and less harsh on the consequence side of it. See, if I lose my cool, I tend to feel bad and I do 'lessen his sentence' so to speak for whatever he's done.
What makes it so much worse is that our ds is not 'bad' or 'mean'... unless he's pushing his little brother or grabbing his feet while he's running...so it's mainly just his persistence in whatever it is he's doing at the moment or wanting at the moment. It's his repetition in words and noises and in doing things that he is told each day not to do (50 first dates...)
I love our boys, it's my forum name after all 
, and I just want them to grow up knowing it!
Our 13 year old is SO good and I never get to yell at him because my attention tends to mainly be focused on the younger two...The other night our ADHDer says "Blake NEVER gets into trouble" and I said "I KNOW, You need to settle down so that I can pay more attention to HIM and yell at him for once!" So a few seconds went by and we were eating supper and I looked over at our 13 year old and yelled "Will you STOP chewing your food so loud!? I mean, come on, how rude can you be?? Golly!!" and everyone at the table just roared with laughter and ADHDer says "THANK GOODNESS!" ha ha ha
I'm so thankful for all of you here!! Isn't this forum a God-send???
I can so relate to this thread. With everything Em has been going through lately, being a stay at home mom for the first time ever, moving to a new country, dealing with a dog that seems to think it's ok to pee in the house, and trying to get our place together some times I want to blow up!! Sometimes I do blow up!! Usually I just tell Em that I need a little time alone and I'll go in my room and read or come onto this board. I've also been going to the gym lately and that has helped a lot. I just feel like I don't get any down time. I get frustrated and irritated. My husband thinks that because I'm home all day that when he gets home that the house should be clean, dishes done, and dinner started and that because he works all day he shouldn't have to do ANYTHING. What he forgets is that I handle all the shopping, dr appointments, animals (1 dog, 4 cats), cooking, laundry, driving Em to Japanese class every morning and picking her up an hour later, and go to the gym everyday (for my fibromyalgia). Yeah, there are days when I just don't do a lot but I'm tired (I also have chronic fatigue syndrom). I feel emotionally and mentally drained most of the time. Dealing with Em alone has been a full time job lately (hopefully now with the new meds that will get better). And now he's wanting me to go back to work when Em goes back to school.
Before we got here I had a full-time job and made really good money. I had to travel a lot and sometimes had to work weekends and nights. And he still expected me to do it all on my own. I still coached baseball and soccer, went to every game, took care of the animals, took care of the house, did all the cleaning and cooking. I was EXHAUSTED!! I don't want to go back to that.
So, we as mom's have a tendency to get worn down and have a right to a blow up now and then. Everyone does it. Just make sure to apologize afterwards. Our kids are really resiliant (look at all that they deal with all the time). They understand because they have their melt downs too. Teaching them that apologizing after saying something hurtful is a very valuable lesson. Also, it's good for them to know that parents make mistakes too.
Actually less than 2.5 weeks... We've had a pretty good summer up until now..
I took him swimming to get out some energy and instead all he wanted to do was lay around and look at birds..
THat is way to funny!!! I knwo when my DD got medicated her behaviour improved so much I had time to focus on the other two.They hated it!!! I love that you did that at the dinner table. What a great way to incorporate what your son said and make it humourous at the same time!!
Yes it is a godsend, and has truly improved my daily life with A.D.D. You all are the first ones I want to tell when something is going on... Thanks !!!!
Funny, I should read this now.. I'm having a major tantrum right now with Will.. I swear, that child is KILLING ME today. He's off the wall and I cannot get ONE SECOND of peace and feel like my head is going to EXPLODE.
I just screamed at him that he's making my BP go up and I was going to explode.. I know.. it's not my best work, but...it's like suddenlly, this week, his meds stopped working...
Of course I'm kidding. Just take a breather...Have a do-over. Hang in there, just a month or so before school starts back (seems like a year on a 'bad' day, huh)!