Sex talk for boys-what age? | ADHD Information

Well I have to take that back but I found out this weekend he has been telling the other boys in the neighborhood about french kissing. When I went to discuss it with him, he said MOM I AM ONLY 9! and went in his room. We are pretty open here but I do want to know that his info is correct, this came from one of his friends with a teenage sister. Now all the mom's are calling me. lol. I guess I am going to need that book sooner than I thought.spamula39657.2811689815

They are starting younger and younger these days!!  My 9 yo informed me that one of her friends back home told her all about sex...the sad thing is she was pretty on target.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  I want my innocent little girl back!!! 

Answer their questions and don't into any more detail unless they continue to ask questions. I think this is the scariest thing that most parents face with children, aside from health issues.

Dad had to talk with the 12 year old boy after his older sister found a deposit on her bathroom wall. She is 10 years older and married. Dad asked about the boy if he knew what masturbation was and the boy said, "What???" Dad threw out a few slang terms and the conversation got started. 

Last month, I had to ask him if he had had sex. He kept running to the bathroom and then told me it burned when he went. We talked about what might be causing it, urinary infection and about sexually transmitted dieases. He had a look of shock and said, "Who would I have sex with around here?" So I know he and his friends are talking about it.

He didn't have an infection but does have orthostatic proteinuria. It is a benign condition that he will out grow, but we will continue to monitor it. We decided the burning was because he was dehydrated. We live in Florida, so being dehydrated is a major concern. I remind him to drink water or else his urine can get too concentrated and it will burn again.

I think sex talk should be dealt with progressively. That is, don't share everything all at once.

At 9 years old it would be OK to talk about body hygene and that babies came out of mom's private part. I think it's OK to naming private parts by their proper name, and to let him know that it's inappropriate to use slang terms.

Our 8 yr old DS eventually came to the conclusion that he was not hatched, came from the stork, or came out of mom's belly button. lol But he has not been told about intercourse. That talk will probably happen about 12 years old, unless he brings it up beforehand. Most likely, our DS will learn what "doing it" means before I talk to him. But I'm going to wait until he's 12 to have our official and complete sex talk, probably during a weekend camp outing.

The thing that I'm always concerned about is, do my wife and I treat the topic of sexuality as if it's embarrasing, dirty, or sinful? I don't think we do, but we're always being midful that we want our DS to think of sexuality as a gift from God, and to be treated with respect. As a result, when we've caught him playing with himself during bath time, or when he tries to get a look when a baby is being diapered, we don't scold him. He is curious, however, as to what girls have, and why some baby boys are uncircumsised. And, we've been honest with him, but didn't give anymore info than he wanted.

I, too, agree about not giving them any more information than they can handle.  Brief and to the point with the younger ones is what I've heard. 

My daughter felt the need to discuss condoms with her younger brother (think he was 15 at that time) because she was concerned, as he was dating a girl that (supposedly) had a history of sexual activity.  That was an eyebrow raiser to me, of course, but at least DD wanted to let me know she was going to do this. 

I was really not uncomfortable about discussing sex with my kids as teens if the situation warranted; not on a personal level but in a general sense.  It is very concerning to think about all the young people, who are sexually active; supposedly, sexual activity starts at a much younger age than in my generation.  One more thing we all have to worry about...

I agree with 4th grade being too young. My son is going into 5th and he is barely asking questions so I wait till he asks. he is asking about girfriend/boyfriend stuff but nothing sexual here.Heck, our DD is 9 and already asking TONS of questions!!  We got her a book called "The Care & Keeping of You; The Body Book for Girls".  They also have a boy version of the book.  It's made specifically for their age group.  I doesn't go into sex or anything (I think she is still too young and she's going into 4th grade) but it does go into puberty and body changes and emotional changes...things like that.  She absolutely LOVES the book.  It has answered a lot of questions for her.  She still wants to know how the daddy's sperm gets into the mommy to make the baby but I'm just not ready for that yet.  I only went that far because she wanted to know why it took a mommy and daddy to make a baby (we have a cat that was going through heat).  It's been a summer full of questions for us!!  Hi, my son just turned 9.  We are getting ready to give him basic facts of life.  He will start 3rd grade next month, his school covers it in 4th.  He has not expressed any interest at this time.  Curious how other parents have handled this.  He has matured much over the past year, his meds are working great, and most importantly, I want to be able to control this part of his life.  We adopted him at birth, so we have the extra bonus questions about his placement and the fact that his mom and dad cannot have biological children.  Am I rushing things?  He is attending day camp with older kids and my radar is on.  There are no older sibs, just a much younger sister.  Thanks.

If he hasn't expressed any curiousity or made any comments on the subject you probably don't need to worry about it until he does.  Asking about it is supposedly the sign that thaey are "ready" for the info.  In my experience, when kids hear things they don't understand they will either ask or they'll repeat the comment around you to see how you react. 

I've always given out info as the subject came up with my kids (7 and 10).  I'm very straightforward with my kids and I'm not easily embarrassed by the subject matter, but I can see where some people might not be comfortable with this approach because then they wouldn't be mentally prepared when the time came. 

Third grade was the year my son started coming home having heard something from someone- usually a slang term for a body part.  The really funny part was that he honestly thought that DH and I wouldn't know what it meant and he would walk around saying it all the time.    They were conversation starters though.

I can totally understand wanting to make sure the info is coming from the parent and not the peers.  Do you have any friends or relatives that are expecting soon?  That was actually what prompted the first conversation with my kids.  They wanted to know how the baby got into my friend's belly. 

Hey Trixila- We have 7 children: 4 adopted. From the day they were born, so to speak, the adopted children knew they were adopted. It is something we talk about with joy- that mommy and daddy wanted a baby so badly that God grew him/her in another lady's tummy because we couldn't grow a baby in ours. Even before they were born, God had picked these children out to be ours. Even the children that are not adopted know they are also adopted- because God has adopted us all as His children. It is true, it is natural, and it has made all the children comfortable.

As for the facts of life- my 8 and 9 year olds have twin girlfriends. We had a discussion about the word 'chaste' and will soon discuss babies. Since we homeschool now I don't have to worry about outside influences. When they get curious we will answer questions. I don't think 4th graders should get sex education in public schools, but that is just my opinion. They do just that- SEX education when I want my children to know the kind of love that God wants them to have and put it in a biblical context.

Randy

I think 4th grade is kind of young for school too. What exactly will they cover? I don't have a boy, but at age 10 told her "some things" because her body was changing and I did not want her to get her period unprepared. We left it at that though. Then in 6th grade health they elaborated some and I bought her a book by American Girl, it covered things like acne, body hair, needing deodorant, getting your period....etc., etc., but nothing on sex. Prior to my prompting though I just answered questions as they came up also. Didnt sit down with a big discussion just answered that one question and the next until she had enough. My point is that school is probably discussing VERY basci things at this age. If you think he's ready and you are also ready then you should discuss what you feel appropriate. I bet the library has great books and/or DVD's if you need help.

Fourth grade seems terribly young to me for the schools to even be addressing this.  The school here does a personal hygiene/body changing video and talk here in the 5th grade, and then in 6th grade they do one on periods/boy stuff (I dunno what that one covers cuz my boy isnt' that old yet). 

BUT, neither one of them talks about sex, or where babies come from.  Here we have the opportunity as parents to view the videos and materials before the kids seem them if we want to (I chose to) - and we have to sign permission for the kids to see them and attend the discussion.  You can also opt out and not let your kids view the video or be part of the discussion. 

I can tell you right now that if they had discussed sex I would have opted my kids out of them.  That information needs to come from me, not the school - in my opinion anyway.