Hi, all. As you may know, my 5yo son has been diagnosed with ADHD. We started meds (Ritalin) last Spring and he did great at the peer-model preschool he attended. (We didn't tell the teacher and she talked about how she started to consider our son one of the peers. Yea!) For summer, I debated on whether to give him meds all of the time or just when needed. I think my fear of the med lessening its affect over time caused me to go with the "when needed" approach, right or wrong ... 

Anyway, we've been giving him meds when he's in group settings. (His most challenging environment, as the more kids he is around, the more impulsive and hyper he gets.) That included t-ball games, big playdates, parties, etc. This weekend we went to a picnic with about 8 kids one evening and a birthday party with about 10 kids the next day, giving him meds for both.

Here's my challenge: Because of previous situations (bad, mean, horrible neighbors who we have since moved away from), I find myself over-monitoring my son at these events. I end up watching him the whole time and/or following him around, yet my 3-year-old daugher who is easy going is on her own. When I see him do something wrong, I've been working to nicely pull him aside to remind/redirect. My fear is that I'm overparenting and should let him handle some of these social situations himself. But then I also don't want him to take a situation too far. For example, he can be a very physical kid and while I know boys like to wrestle, I usually don't allow him to do so for fear he won't know when to stop, etc.

Any advice on how you all handle similar situations? Again, the meds help in these cases but no kid is perfect and I worry that I'm trying to create the perfect child or stop him from being a kid as it's so hard to separate "ADHD behavior" from so-called "normal behavior." Thanks in advance for your advice!

Just my opinion, but I think you're doing the right thing.  He is 5 and you appear to just be reinforcing and setting limits.  Eventually, as I am sure you know, he'll start self-regulating more on his own.  Like I said, just my opinion; coming from one who always felt the need to keep tabs on and redirect my kids but know that they eventually needed to learn from their own mistakes.  I would guess you can judge when you feel he will be able to take on more time independent of you watching his activities. 

Do you give him opportunities to get into activities where it is appropriate to be active and rough and tumble? 

Thanks, Hangedinthere. We tried soccer -- not the best fit as he just wanted to knock other kids down when they were all clustered around the ball so he could get it. When we told him he couldn't do that, he went the other extreme and stayed back too much as I think he was afraid of getting too physical.

T-ball was a pretty good choice this summer as he was able to run, bat, etc. (although he thinks too much about throwing). He had a couple of "fights" over the ball but all the kids did that and he didn't do it any more than the rest of them. He loves swimming, too, and is starting to click with that. And he's learning to ride his bike without training wheels ... after trying to reinforce that crashing and falling on purpose aren't the objective. ;)

I've been debating about flag football for the fall. I think he would love it but again worry that he wouldn't be able to just grab the flag and would prefer to tackle. He's a big kid for his age, very strong and tough/never cries. I've also thought about a dance class for boys but don't want other boys to make fun of him. (Hey, I think Justin Timberlake is cool ... :)  Just trying to find the right fit for all that energy!

I agree that you're doing the right thing. He is young and all 5 year olds need a little social guidance, but our kdis need more. I find myself still "overparenting" my 13 year old (I know, I know, not good, hard habit to break). I am trying very hard to not do this my 6 year old, but she doesnt have anywhere near the issues my oldest has.

Another GREAT sport is gymnastics. At 5-6 they come out of the co-ed and go into all boys. My 6 year old is going on hr fourth year of gymnastics and LOVES it. Very little down time, doing something for the full hour and not a lot of interacting with the kids so you dont have to worry too too much if they're a little aggressive (my daughter is not though). Some kids are just better suited to individual sports. I highly recommend gymnastics if you can find a boys class. GREAT energy burner, all that running jumping flipping rolling....it's GREAT!

Awww.  Your post made me smile!  He sounds like he just loves to dig in and participate.  You're smart to let him try different sports and to try to channel his energy in a positive way.  Gymnastics sounds cool; Diane made a good point about it not being a contact sport, which might be good for him, if you're concerned about him not being able to juggle a contact sport at his age. 

If you decide on flag football, I'm thinking maybe you could give the coaches a heads up about tackling concerns?  My husband coached football and I got the idea the coaches knew how to handle these kiddos with a lot of energy being initiated into sports - guiding them as to what they can and cannot do.  There are some really good coaches out there.  

Swimming sounds fantastic.  I always enjoyed it myself; unfortunately, my kids didn't like it as much as I did.  I think it's so important for kids to learn to swim well.

You sound like a great mom!  How does your 3-year-old do with her big brother?

Sounds like you're doing a great job!  Sports are great to get rid of some of that extra energy.  Our DD plays baseball and loves it.  She will try just about any sport as long is it is not "girly" (like cheerleading or ballet).  We also had to "overparent" her when she was little but over the last couple of years I've learned to ease off a bit.  She is 9 now and pretty independent but I still have to remind her not to be bossy or get too rough, even with the boys.

Good luck!!

Thanks, everyone! I appreciate all of the positive feedback. Gotta love this board! Will look into a boys' gymnastics class. I think my son would love it!

And a side note to Hangedinthere -- My 3-year-old is great with my son. Fortuantely, now that she's older, she won't put up with his aggressiveness or taking toys, etc. I think my son has improved with other kids because he's had such a great little sister who can hold her own. She idolizes her big brother and likes hanging/playing with the boys, but still has her girlie side with pink and princesses, etc.

Just thought I would put in a plug for Martial Arts.  I know it depends on if you can find the right place but it has been great for us!