My ex and I are arguing over my nearly 7-year-old son's ADHD. He refuses to believe that our son has it, although it has been mentioned several times by child care (he was even kicked out of two centers for behavior), counselors, friends, and his teacher at school. The problem is that I cant get his dr. to prescribe medication w/o dad's consent. I really dont want to take him to court, but I will if I have to. I have ADD and had ADHD as a child which went undiagosed until my 30's. I am doing so much better on meds. I refuse to allow my son to have the same experiences in life that I did. I feel that it is my responsibility to help him, but my ex feels it is his responsibility to keep him off drugs. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? Any suggestions?

Welcome Blonde1. My question to your ex husband is how much reseach has he done on ADHD children who go through childhood with ineffective treatment or no treatment at all? Statistically, those who don't get effective treatment are at high risk to self medicate and those that do self medicate do go on to use street drugs , booze or both so how does he intend keep your son off drugs? What is his plan? Does he have a better alternative? Those are good questions for him and also, there is no other treatment besides medication in combination with other interventions that has proven to fully manage the symptoms. You live ADHD so you would know better than anyone.

My point is that your ex may be making his decision based on his own ignorance or maybe he just want to be right. The decision to medicate is a very personal one and medication is not right for everyone but when decisions are made, they should be made as a result of being accurately informed about the subject. Can you give him some reading material about ADHD and the long term effects of a child gone untreated and will he sit down and discuss it with you? If he refuses to discuss it then he just wants to be right and therefore, he is negligent. Not negligent because he refuses to allow medication but negligent because he refuses have an open mind about how you can truly help your child have quality of life.

There are so many other parents in the same situation and hopefully they will share their wisdom with you. I am also posting this on the parents board and hopefully you wil get more responses. Good luck and please keep us posted.

Thank you so much for your input. My ex is definitely one of those people who "needs to be right." He is a wonderful father. I would never say anything bad about that, but this one issue is the only problem, I will get some literature and give it to him, and see what happens. The hardest part is that he does not BELIEVE that Tucker has ADHD because Tucker behaves for him. He is one of those dad's who makes him walk the line though, and Tucker is a bit fearful of upsetting dad (he wouldnt hurt him, he's just big and intimidating, and loud). The issue I take with that though is that his dad only has him every weekend. When dad takes him, it is all about Tucker. From the momemt dad picks him up until the moment dad brings him home, he is the center of attention, and this is exactly what he needs. However, as we all know, that is not realistic in the real world. Also, at my house, he has two older siblings, I am a single mom, and I work full-time at home doing transcription (which I have done since he was born). He makes it impossible for me to work when he is home. He intentionally annoys his siblings for attention, as well as myself, or anyone else around. How do I convince dad that Tucker indeed has this? To answer your question, Wyatt's mom, yes he has been to the dr with me. We have gone to two counslers (one for a few months). The problem is that the teacher and I would fill out the paperwork with our observations, which were quite similar, but dad would fill his out as though nothing is wrong. He, also, is very intimidating, and would sort of "get in the counselors face" anytime something negative was said about Tucker. This of course got us nowhere. We also went to see the pediatrician seperately, and that is when she told me that her hands were tied because dad would not agree to treat him with med. I dont understand this as I am the custodial parent. Also, because of the teacher's observations, I would think these things would override dad. I did take Tucker to a different pediatrician yesterday. She is going to go over all of the paperwork that was filled out. I will see her again at the end of this month. She did seem to agree with me after going through all of the signs and symptoms. Also, she was fortunate enough to observe Tucker at his very best (lol, in an "episode/meltdown.") I hope and pray that this dr will allow him to try the meds. Thanks again for the input, I am so glad I found this site. Finally, I am not alone!

A major trait of ADHD is the child's ability to focus and behave when they are one on one. Time alone with dad means no other distractions and no competition. When the ADHD child is amongst a crowd or in a busy setting, that's when they become overwhelmed, over stimulated and therefore appear to be a behavior problem. Being over stimulated and overwhelmed creates a lot of anxiety for the child. The distractions are so overwhelming that the child is all over the map. Having ADHD is not a behavior problem. These children have a problem with listening skills and very often don't pick up on social cues. They are not purposely being defiant. When they are lacking focus and overwhelmed, they shut down and then they get punished for what they can't control. Anyone that knows anything about ADHD knows that when the child is one on one, they are far more successful in any area of life.

Education is the key to understanding why these children exhibit the behaviors that they do and the more one understands, the more patience and knowledge they acquire and therefore, they better able to make informed decisions.

If you haven't done so, I suggest that you get a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist or a neurologist as they specialize in diagnosing and treating childhood disorders. Pediatricians are just not knowledgeable enough. At that point have your ex sit down with the specialist. A formal diagnosis will also make your case stronger.

With regard to Native Remedies, there is no such thing as natural and none of these remedies have been tested for safety or approved by the FDA so thread carefully with that. I will send you some information in a private message that you can print out and show to your ex. There are tons of websites with bogus information so I will send you the credible ones.

Why can't you get meds without your ex's consent? I'm ignorant on custody stuff, but I took my son to a child psychiatrist and my spouse has never met with the doctor. He did not ask my spouse to fill out any forms or to talk with him. I don't think the form even asked whether we are married or not.

Thank you, luvmykids02. I completely agree with the one on one stuff. I just dont know how to get through to his thick-headed father. We did have one appt with the child psychiatrist at Kaiser, together. I only went there for a second opinon, but we did not follow up with him. I will call on Monday and do that, as you are right, it will make my case stronger.

Jessica: You are very fortunate that you were able to get the meds w/o dad. I did not realize until we took our son to his first counselor and filled out the ADHD papers (last year for behavior problems when he was kicked out of two daycares) that there would ever be an issue about the meds. By the time I realized that he needed meds, dad and I were in counseling with Tucker. This is when dad protested the meds, and has continued to do so since. We then took our son for a second opinon at Kaiser and we were both asked to fill out the paperwork, and once again, dad clearly made his point that he was against meds. Then when we saw the pediatrician, and he once again made his point. I suppose all of this is where the doctors were able to see dad's opinon and I was infrormed that they would be unable to medicate w/o both of our persmissions. My hope is that this new pediatrician will side with me, and she will not be able to easily meet with dad since he lives four hours away. I suspect at some point he will take a day off to go see her himself, but hopefully by then I will have at least got him on meds and gotten a chance to see if they are working.

QEEG is the test they used with my son. Only a few doctors use this test that I have seen. It is costly if you don't have insurance( but very worth it). If you do then it isn't too bad in cost. This helped my ex and I both see what was going on with a visual picture. I knew something was up, but my ex wasn't as convinced before this test.

As for the meds...even though my ex believes my son has ad/hd he still brings up not doing meds on occasion. He did however see for himself recently that the low dose of meds we have my son on are helpful. It has been almost 3 years for us dealing with the meds.

Another thing our doctor had us do at the same time we were going through the QEEG was a 6 hour glucose tolerance test. The glucose tolerance test pointed out that our son had reactive hypoglycemia. It was explained to us that some of the ad/hd symptons could be connected to the hypoglycemia symptons. So our doctor had us work with a nutritionist on top of using the low dose of meds. He believed in the whole picture vs. just meds. Play therapy is another tool we use. We found that with all 3, we see continued progress. We still have some flare ups but overall nothing like we saw prior to not knowing what was wrong.

i think that alot of ppl think meds will turn u into that zombie like state or we are told using meds increases chance of drug abuse. atleat this is what i had heard.i was scared they would hurt my son. that is until i saw the difference between him on and off meds. i got my son evaluated by a nueropsychologist and they did med trials with him. it showed me that he really did have adhd and the meds helped him out alot. my drs have also never asked for dads permission which is great b/c we dont have contact with him. sorry u are going through all this. my son is also really good when he is one on one and so i had trouble with my dad beleiving me. he thought i just needed to discipline him more or that he could get him to listen. up until recently that is, when my dad had trouble with him at a wedding b/c there were crowds of ppl. now he beleives me. maybe once u get him dx by a neuropsychologist maybe u can see if your ex will atleast try the meds and if they dont work then take him off or if they affect him bad. or tell him that your son doesnt have to take them on the weekends. he will be with dad anyway and not having to have the meds for focus at school on those days. can u take him to the dr without dad or do u have some sort of divorce agreement where he has to know or gets sent the bills?? maybe your ex was just misinformed and beleives meds wont help your son. i think alot of ppl are in denial also just b/c its hard to beleive some thing is wrong with our children and that no one is perfect. i really wish u the best of luck!! i hope u get him to see your side of things. oh yah and i also wanted to say that the when u do try meds the 1st one might not be the right one. i would hold off on telling him until u find the right med or right dosage.

Thank you so much for you input and encouragement. I will talk to the dr about him seeing the neuro. His insurance unfortunately is through his dad. We were not married, but do have a custody agreement that states that we are to make medical decisions together. I am goign to try and do as much as possible before dad catches wind of it so I can at least see if the meds work, or if I can get a more formal diagnosis, as that would increase my case, if someone like a neuro gave our son the diagnosis as well.

QUOTE=Blonde1]Question, does anyone know if there exists a way to test the brain for ADHD? Such as a CAT scan or anything? Perhaps that would help prove this once and for all. Thanks![/QUOTE]

Unfortunately there is no one single test that will give you a definitive diagnosis of ADHD. Cat Scans, MRI'S and X Rays are used to measure brain anatomy or structure. The EEG is used in medical practice to evaluate epilepsy or to determine if there is a serious brain pathology such as a tumor. The QEEG evaluates the manner in which a particular persons brain functions. An QEEG is a medical tool that is used along with other tools to make a diagnosis of ADHD but cannot in itself make a diagnosis of ADHD.

I know this must be extremely frustrating for you but remember, the more armed with knowledge you are, the better your chances are of winning this battle so that you can get your son the help he needs.

Everyone's divorce agreements are different, not so black and white as some might think and unfortunately part of yours was the ex having a say in the medical decisions for your son. Its unfortunate because like many people, he may just want to be right, which makes him lose perspective in terms of what is best for your son. However, your a great mom who does want what's best for your son so don't give up trying to make your ex see the light. If he can't see it your way, maybe the courts will.

Any ideas for keeping my ADHD (and ODD) kid busy for the remainder of the summer w/o the benefit of meds? I work from home, and this summer has been a nightmare. He needs undivided attention. My two older children have no patience with his constant demands, and intentional annoying them for attention. Honestly, I really cant blame them. He is so hyper and demanding. I have had friends over, and that is fine until they have to leave, and its a temper tantrum for the rest of the day. TV only entertains for a while. He has all kinds of games, but they too only hold his attention for a bit. He can play outside, but MUST have an older sibling because he is only 6. They are tired of playing with him, as mentioned before. I have to get my job done. I am a transcriptionist, and have certain hours and quota that I must meet everyday. Please dont suggest summer schools, activities out of the home, as I cannot afford these and most of the church camps are already done for the summer. Unfortunately, friends do not want to take him either, even though he does great with other kids especailly on their turf, my friends have seen the way he acts at my house and dont want the added stress. HELP!

how about a local teen or preteen to come over and play with him at your home? My daughter used to do this for a neighbor while the Mom slept (she worked nights and slept during the day) so she only paid her $5.00 per hour (opposed the $8.00 she gets now) and she would be home if there was an issue.

Even just for an hour or two to keep him busy and give your other kids a break..............

My child with ADHD is almost 14 though, so she's fine and my 6 year old is pretty good so she does ok, but BOY am I glad she is at camp this week.