Frustrated and emotionally exhausted | ADHD Information

My 4 and a half year old son was recently (about a month ago) diagnosed with "possible" ADHD. He is very impulsive at school, hitting out of frustration, and recently started biting again! (he hasn't bitten since he was 2 yrs. old!)

Out of desparation, and fear of him being kicked out of school- my husband and I decided to try medication after seeing a neurodevelopmental pediatric psychiatrist and listening to his recommendations. We tried Adderal XR for 3 weeks, but it made him worse.  He was so irritable and whiny, I didn't even recognize my own child! He also completely lost his appetite, and lost 2 pounds. He is now on Tenex.  We just started on Saturday and not only is he still irritable, he is exhausted! I picked him up from camp today and he was sleeping in the director's office.  She said he had an altercation with another child- he hit the child because he sat in his seat, and the child hit him back. After crying for 10 minutes, he feel asleep. My child has become so difficult, evening have become unbearable- he whines and cries ALL THE TIME and our entire family winds up suffering because we have to rearrange our entire schedules around my youngest (I have 2 older sons, 8 and 10 yrs. old). We can't take him anywhere without him crying, whining, and virtually ruining the event. (soccer, dinner, a short store visit, etc.)

I feel guilty for feeling as frustrated as I do, he is only 4 but I am emotionally exhausted and don't know where to go from here as far as meds are concerned. We have tried behavior therapy, but it didn't help.  I have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow. Does anyone else have any other tips or advice?

 

I understand your frustration my daughter is 4 and a half she was recently diagnosed with adhd it started around 2 i noticed behavior changes but i was pregnant with my youngest and we just thought she was adjusting to the idea of a new baby and mommy being tired all the time longgggggg story short we finally decieded that an appointment with a doctor was necessary after her preschool screening went horrible so they recommended a pshcologist she had no clue even suggested the possibility that there might be some mental retardation so as her mother i not only wanted to deck her i soon realized that when she had only met my daughter one time and hadnt even tested my d for ANYTHING  and wanted to put her on meds she needed someone else so her ped recommenend her a behavioral specialist we finally got in and he is an excellent well known doc in our region with lots of exp in alot of different things he simply suggested because she is so young and adhd met the most criteria to her behavior to put her on liquid fish oil the bad news it takes 4 months so see much but no side affects and other health benifits also he recommended 123 magic a book for parents also minamize tv to almost nothing slowly very slowy and remember your child is still a child he might be playing you some and needs extra help learning his boundries dont get me wrong my parenting skills with all of this are still very much adjusting but ive found staying calm and not let them see you sweat has made considerable improvement point being dont take every doc too seriously they often dont always know what is right for your child u know your child better than anyone u must be comfortable with the doc and what they suggest trust your gut also that specialist recommeneded a child pshcologist that has a lot of exp as well bottom line meds arent always the best way to start they are alot of other ways to determine the best way to manage adhd

Oh, how I remember what 4 was. Those were nightmare years because we had been told there was nothing wrong with my child, he was just difficult. I gave up a lot of social activities because of him and it was hard on his older sister. I think we had a limited social life. I tended to keep him out of those volatile situations that led to meltdowns.

I don't have any good advice. I can tell you it will get better. 

Your feelings are very normal.

reruho39664.8804513889

what med is he on currently, if any?

We had trouble with adderall xr as well. My son has been very successful with concerta and tenex. we started meds at 6, wish we had started earlier.

Your son may be also suffering rebound, if he is on a stimulant. that is another conversation and we can talk about our experiences with it.

If he is not succesful with the med on the first day, then you need to up the dose or try another med entirely. we went through this, but is it so worth it.

Please post what med he is on now and we can share more!!

Please know that you are not alone.  I remember 4 all too well.  It was a disaster.  We were also told that there was nothing wrong with her, I was just a bad mother.  She was 5 by the time we got a real diagnosis.  It took us a year to find the right medicine and dose.  I almost gave up so many times.  I was trying to finish school and work and she was starting kindergarten.  But we kept with it and it was well worth it.  She is now 9 and doing great.

Don't get me wrong.  She still has problems here and there but she is a normal 9 yo girl with hormones.  The medicine will not fix everything but it will calm him down enough to where you can teach self-control and discipline becomes easier.

Just hang in there and don't give up.  I know it is hard right now but it will get better.  My suggestion would be to get him back to the doctor.  They may need to change his meds or just up the dose a little.  You'll be surprised in the change when you find the right medicine and dose.

Good luck!

4 is THE worst age IMO. Both my kids were not good at 4. My oldest has ADHD and was diagnsoed at 5 and my youngest is 6 and has no diagnosis of anything and she mad a complete turnaround at age 5, but both were awful 4 year olds. My youngest was really bad and now she's fine. Still wants her way and doesnt get pushed around, but has learned boundaries and behaves well. It WILL get better.

Adderrall cauSes emotional lability in a lot of kids. Why not try regular Ritalin. It's been around the longest. Your med options are somewhat limited due to his age. The BEST thing you can do is a solid behavior plan. the pp suggestion of staying calm is key. Even if you lose it later, dont do it in front of him. Anytime he is out of control put him in his room (or any room) and that is where he stays until he calms down. No fighting, no lectures, no anything. Once he "gets it" that he can't be around you and has to be by himself when he behaves this way, you wont even have to talk just point (or carry or drag ) to the room and walk away. It took my daughter about 2 weeks to know we meant business and we were DONE fighting. She could flip out, but she had to do it alone. They want to engage you....don;t let them. It sounds easy, but it is the MOST difficult thing you can do, but the less you fight, the better................

Hang in there it really is going to get better. Keep posting, venting, asking questions.........avoid his triggers at all costs at this age.

Diane V39665.1947916667

I think 4 is so hard because it is that bridge from baby/toddler to reasoning child. They are becoming aware of right and wrong and you can reason with them. Sort of a test run for puberty. LOL

I have to agree with Jamie, the right med will be like night and day. Not just for you, but also for them. As an ADHDer myself, I can tell you they are filled with this confusion that they cannot express or control. It is just as hard for them. 4 is old enough to start learning some self control.

Diane's idea is really good too. Putting them in a quiet place, away from everyone helps them to settle down, removes the stimulus. It teaches them to get away when things get to be too much. My husband had always used this technique with both kids. He has left a resturant or store and sat in the car with them while I finished whatever I was doing. He would make them sit un their seat with the seatbelt on and not talk to them. The daughter picked this one up quickly , the boy (ADHDer) was more resistant. Now at 12, when he is done shopping--he likes to pay for his items and sit in the car and wait for me.

I got the bad parent rap from the therapist. After going to him for 6-8 weeks, where he never reviewed his notes and ask us the same questions week after week, we quit. I carried the bad parent rap for another 3 years until the Ped diagnosed him during a routine visit. My son was bouncing off the walls in that little room. The doctor had to reassure me that, "Yes, he difinitely was ADHD and that therapist was out to lunch."  He went on Concerta and what a difference.

I think we have been very lucky with meds, my son tolerates them very well. Adderal XR was probably the one that gave us the most side effects ( appetite suppression, insomnia, stomachaches and headaches).  The stomachaches and headaches came at when raised the dose to 40 mg, too high. He is on 30mg of Vyvanse for the summer and will go back up to 50mg when school starts again. 

I can relate to what your husband said about being tired of hearing all the
negative stuff. We went though that as well. I had a knot in my stomach
his entire PreK year when we were first getting him diagnosed and then
trying out several meds. The teacher would stop me every day at pickup
and tell me all the things that happened (he only went 8-12 and had
lunch and recess breaks!). I tried to avoid her most days because I just
didn't want to hear it, but she would find me! I don't know how I made it
thru that year really. I don't ever want to feel that way again. I had a few
calls from school that year as well telling me that he had to be picked up
because he got so upset that they couldn't calm him down. He was never
mean or aggressive, he just was very emotional depending on the med he
was trying out or rebounding from. As they say, what doesn't kill you
makes you stronger. I am stronger about it now and things are much,
much better. Turns out that there are 2 other boys in his class on meds
for ADHD as well. I am not so alone after all!I totally understand where your husband is coming from. When our son (now 5, almost 6) was in preschool, we got negative notes everyday. We got so tired of hearing about all the bad stuff, when we knew we had a good kid. Why couldn't the teacher see that? The teacher suspected ADHD (without really out and out saying it), so we went ahead and had him evaluated and he tested as such. We started meds toward the end of the school year in the spring and didn't tell the teacher so we could get an objective POV. After we started meds, she raved about how much he had matured, how proud they were of him, etc. (All because of the right meds. ) So tell your husband to hang in there. When you find the right meds, OTHER people will finally start to see the great kid that you KNOW you have. Don't get hung up on their negative talk. People are so hard on kids that age and expect them to be perfect. I've come to accept that my son is not perfect ... but neither is anyone else's!!!Tenex takes a while be build up in their system.   I can't remember for sure, but I think it was 4-6 weeks.    It is can make them tired and this side effect can go away with time.    Dosages can also be split between AM & PM.

Tenex alone doesn't control my daughter's ADHD symptoms.   She also takes Concerta.  The combo is a good one for us.

3boys1

Is your son eating during the day? The afternoon crash could be his meds wearing off and his little body running out of fuel at the sametime. I get really grumpy when my blood sugar gets low around that time of day. Maybe, if he had a snack around 3:00pm it might help with this rebound effect. See if the camp will allow him to eat a PB&J or granola bar or even a protein bar around 3:00 pm.

Thanks for all the replies, it makes me feel a little better. Right now he is on Tenex, without any other meds. It has only been 4 days since we started on this med.

When we dropped him off at camp this morning, the camp director suggested we start picking him up earlier in the day because he seems to start having problems at 4:00.  He "crashes" as they put it, and it makes it difficult for him to control himself. My husband yelled and ranted the second we got in the car about how is is tired of hearing only negative things about his child every time he goes to drop off or pick up from school/camp. (my husband is usually not a yeller).

I do know all of the behavior modification correct things to do, and have tried all of them- Magic 123, positive reinforcement, treasure box, time outs, etc. (believe it or not, I am a pre-school director myself!) They usually work for 2 or 3 weeks, then it begins to get boring or old for him and we switch it up- it's just completely exhausting.

I have an appointment with a new therapist today at 4, I will let you guys know how it goes!

We go back to the Dr. next week and I am hoping he is going to change his meds. I am still not content with ADHD diagnosis. I think he may be more ODD.  He is so impulsive and defiant.

Thanks for listening.........

 

 

Well the second dose seemed to help today.  He had a much better day, and a great night.

Only time will tell. I hope it wasn't a fluke. I hate to think negatively, but I am nervous to get my hopes up. I keep reminding myself its okay to take this one day at a time.

Thanks for listening, it has gotten me through the last few days.

 I will keep you guys posted.

 

I went to the behavior therapist yesterday and LOVED him. He gave great tips to help manage my son's behavior. One suggestion he made was to validate his feelings when he gets upset about something. For example, if he says he wants eggs for dinner and you don't have eggs in the house, when he starts yelling and crying hysterically about the eggs simply say , "I understand you are upset that we don't have eggs, but there is nothing I can do about that right now. Would you like pancakes instead?" If he continues to carry on and throw things, etc. tell him you cannot talk to him when he acts like that and walk away. Tell him you will talk to him when he calms down. I have done this 3 times since yesterdays appointment, and guess what! It really works well!

Today was not a good day. The direector at camp called me at 2:00 and had me pick him up early because he was being too aggressive.  He hit 2 children, and shoved another. Now they are telling me I have to pick him up from camp everyday by 2:30. This is really crazy since both my husband and I work!! I don't know how we are going to make this work. I am soooooooo frustrated, I could scream! I called his Dr. and told him what was going on and he said to give him a second dose of the Tenex at 1:30 before he starts to crash and have episodes in the afternoon. I am going to start this tomorrow and pray it helps! Pray for me. I'm at my wits end! I wish I could afford to stay home and just hold him and protect him from the world, but it's simply not possible.

 

3boys139666.6069675926

Hang in there! Most of us have been there and understand.

(We've been living in the frustrating world of adjusting meds, too. Had been using 4-hour Ritalin for challenging situations -- school, parties, etc. -- anything with lots of kids/stimulation, but wanted to switch to something longer acting for school, which starts in a couple weeks. It's a pain in the behind to find the right med/dosage and the right situations to test it out in! We're seeing some positives with Concerta/18, although tried 36 as a comparison only to have son up half the night, taking 2 hours to go to bed, then waking up at 12:30 a.m. to hear him playing in his room! NOT fun!)

Let us know how the second dose of Tenex goes. I'm thinking of you!

 

4 is a difficult age. It is hard to know just what is going on with them. DS,
now 8, was a difficult 4. Mainly because of sleep apnea at the time and
undiagnosed ADHD. At 5 we finally had him diagnosed with ADHD and
had his tonsils/adnoids removed to cure the sleep apnea. It was a very
stressful time for our family. Good news is that between the right meds
(adderall was a nightmare for him), behavior modification, supportive
friends and teachers, he is now doing great. Sure the ADHD and anxiety
is there, but is controlled so he is much happier (as are we). Still have
things to work on, but doesn't every child really. I would suggest a new
med. The right med makes all the difference. There are lots you can do
at home as well. Make sure there is a good routine at home/school, look
at his diet and see what you can modify there, behavior charts or other
modifications. Tackle one issue at a time. hang in there, it will get
better.