I am new and DESPERATELY seeking help... | ADHD Information

When i was a child i went through about 13 years of abuse in my life.  Everything from sexual, physical to emotional.  I was diagnosed as a child with Bipolar, adhd, ocd, odd, Borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.  Well here i am almost 24 years old and have worked past most of my problems.  I now have a almost 5 year old daughter.  By the age of 4 she was diagnosed with Adhd and Odd.  I was desperate when she was 4.  I sought out someone to come in and help me.  My daughter went from the loving little girl she was to a angry little girl.  She used to get into everything imaginable.  She would ruin things on purpose.  She would beat on her brother just to make him cry.  She would not listen or do as she is told.  She can not even follow simple instructions.  She shows no remorse and often throws tantrums for hours.  She is very loud and bossy.  I have taken her to see psychologists and play therapist you name it.  Nothing seems to be working.  I am at my wits end.  I am losing my mind.  I am at a loss here.  Nothing seems to work for her.  She is on meds its called Dextroamphetamine.  It does not seem to be helping at all.  It worked at first but they have had to up her dose three times now.  I am very structured in my home.  I use the same disciplines.  But it does not phase her.  She seems to never learn from her mistakes.  Any help at all...  Please?
Mama2139668.9817592593

hi kellie and welcome

boy have you been through a lot!

Who is managing her meds? Just curious if it's her pedaitrican or a psychiatrist? It certainly doesn't sound like her meds are working. Not all meds work the same on each child. Every person is different and it may be worht trying something different. Have her tantrums always been this way or are they worse since being on the meds?

Also these kids succeed better using a postivie discipline plan, like ograms marble system, by praising and rewarding positivr behaviors and consequence for bad. The key is to have more positives. Sometimes you need to create them yourself in order to get her to sense the reward she gets when she behaves. Read the marbel thread on this board, you can adapt it easily or a variation of it that works for you. That in combination with the right meds should help, but it takes a LOT of time and patience.

Thank you to everyone who responded.  I wanted to tell you that she sees a psychologist not a family doctor.  I would not let my family doctor prescribe anything beings as i felt she needed to see a specialist.  I also have family connections where people come in and visit with us and help me with instilling discipline and other neat things.  And we also have an in home therapist coming in as well.  The thing that terrified me the most was about a week ago i was scared.  I awoke to her sitting on top of my newborn (He was only a month old at the time) on top of his chest.  I panicked and took her off.  I did not yell at her but wanted her to understand that she could hurt baby.  I did not think she did it out of anger.  So i have been trying to get her to help me with her baby brother as much as possible.  Throwing away dirty diapers helping feed him in my lap etc..  I am hoping all these efforts will help her.  Never mind my emotions its about her being happy with who she is.  And getting an understanding the older she gets on who she is.  And that These disorders are not holding her back but bringing her forward.  Sometimes i feel like such a bad mother.  I lose my temper so easily.  I am always agitated.  I do not work i am a stay at home mother.  She sees her real dad 4 days a month.  Otherwise this is my full time job.  I just cant get over feeling like i failed somewhere like i did not do my job as a mom.  Anyone else feel like this?
I knew there was something else i wanted to ask.  I have an appointment coming up but i am concerned as i have noticed new behavior.  My daughter has these weird little quirks about her.  They just started popping up.  Like for instances.  The other night when i put her to bed i saw some containers she has in her room stacked up little ones that hold like neck lasses and such!  There were 5 of them stacked on top of one another.  I picked them up and put them away.  Immediately after i did i left her room.  I watched her stare nervously for a minute then she got up and put them back stacked and went to sleep.  Exactly were they were before exactly the way she had them stacked.  I put them away again after she fell asleep.  I awoke and woke her up in the morning and they were right back where they were when i put them away the second time.  I asked her why she was doing that and she said mommy please leave it alone.  So i left it alone.  Now every night she does this.  She has to have everything a certain way or she cant go to sleep.  Some days she is like a butterfly bouncing from activity to activity.  Other days she doesn't want to be bothered and is in her own little world and doesn't seem to hear anyone or anything.  Anyone else go through this?   I also want to extend my support.  You have been through a lot, both in your childhood and as a parent.  I agree that the meds aren't working well at this point, and it's probably time to try another one.  I hope you find one soon that works well!  I also agree that a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician is best to oversee meds.

i just wanted to give u hope and mention that meds effect every kid differently. maybe u can try another kind. adderall did not do anything for my son. it was like he didnt take anything. but for others it has been the one that works great for them. concerta worked ok for awhile. we had to go from 18 to 27 mg. it works great for some ppl. now we are taking vyvanse 30mg. hopefully this will be the right one for us but we will have to keep looking otherwise. i have heard that the average is about 4 attempts to find the right med and then the right dosage. hang in there. u will know when u find the right med b/c it will work great. vyvanse with my son so far has made such a difference. and diane is right about the positive reinforcement and other interventions to keep our kids on track. im sorry u are going through all of this. i have struggled with a few things that u have mentioned also and know how hard it is. thats great that u have sorted out your life and u are trying to help your daughter. i wish u the best of luck. sorry i dont have alot of info as we have just started meds 2 months ago and are still trying to find the right one. (lets hope this is it) but i am here for u for support if u need it! things will get better!

kim

mY SON ALSO TAKES vYVANSE AND IS DOING VERY WELL ON IT. i AM SORRY FOR ALL YOUR TROUBLES IT MIGHT JUST TAKE SOME MORE TRYING IN THE MED DEPT. BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU MY SON IS MEDICATED AND HE STILL HAS PROBLEMS LEARNING FROM HIS MISTAKES. THE MEDS ONLY HELP IT STILL TAKES WORK. MY SON ALSO SEES A THERAPIST EVERY 2 WEEKS NOW AND THAT HELPS HIM AS WELL AS US ON HOW TO DEAL WITH CERTAIN ISSUES.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU

I am fortunate to be married to a wonderful woman who had already successfully raised a child and is a tenured elementary school teacher.  So when we began to raise oour son who had ADHD we discovered that many of the parenting skills that worked in the past did not work now!  As a result we ended up in family therapy to learn new skills to deal with this very special child.  So don't be frustrated with yourself because your parenting tricks aren't successful.  Your intuitive skills just don't apply; you need special tools as well as being able to look at your child in a totally different manner.  Remember, an ADHD'r is only aware of two minutes before and reflects only two minutes into the future.  They live in the moment, they want it now, when you say NO, that makes you evil and the enemy because it impacts the here and now.  They don't realize that the tizzy, the broken toys or bad words will result in a consequence...they only want what they want NOW.  It sort of like they're in a boat with a hole heading towards a waterfall.  It's not that they don't care about the waterfall, they're just to busy bailing water.

You are doing the right things, please be sure that both you and your partner continue family counseling together with a trained professional who has experience with ADHD.

Paul

those compulsive type behaviors could be anxiety driven. Stimulant meds can increase anxiety too. I would mention it to her doctor.