I was glad to find out that I wasn't just an idiot.  I discoverd about three years ago that I had ADD and I now am fifty three.  I have had too many automobile accidents to count.  I'm always late.  Can't focus on a project for too long.  I can't work if I think someone's watching me.  I'm slooow to finish a job. Usually I'm much better to focus and be motivated in the morning.  I have found that when my nervous energy is low is when I have the most trouble.  I have said for years that the only thing I was naturally good at was, "not quitting."

I am a maintenance man at Chrysler by trade but I am also a bi-vocational Pastor. It is only the grace of God that has carried me this far.  I wrote this poem a year ago to describe my frustrations.

A.D.H.D

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one

Caught in this dilemma

The endless cycle of hope and doubt

That keeps me from being a winner

My ego is like a large glass house

Or maybe the Crystal Cathedral

But when the winds of uncertainty blow

It shatters into a million pieces

Those that know tell us to set clear cut goals

In increments of progression

Though I set noble goals

They always end in another goal setting session

One thing I hate is that I am always late

No matter what the occasion

Frantically I search my mind in

Hope of finding some consolation

Is there any possibility that prudence

Is just not part of my mission?

Isn’t it more likely that circumspection

Radiates from the vision?

God often chooses the foolish and the weak

To show better men the way

If those are the necessary attributes

Wait till you see my resume

In the morning it seems there is ample

Focus, courage and determination

As the day wears on focus is gone

It’s a whole different situation

The stage is set the people have met

To hear me stand and deliver

My faith has passed my heart beats fast

I hope they don’t see me shiver

I think I think as well as anyone else

Though the times are so uncertain

It’s when I don’t and don’t know why I don’t

That leaves me often hurting

Some tell me there is no such thing

As Attention Deficit Disorder

I wonder then, why simple things

Sometimes are so much harder

I truly believe that it is in our weakness  

God’s strength is perfected

My thorn more often emphasizes

That under his wing I am protected

Laugh at yourself it’s liberating

Don’t take yourself so serious

You are so vital to God’s cause

Or maybe you’re just delirious

Success or failure is not up to me

That decision belongs to the Lord

My responsibility is to see myself

In the mirror of his word

Not a sight too flattering

Nothing I'd brag of                                       

Yet grace descends so wonderfully

I am the focus of his love

There really is an upside to

This frustrating lack of attention

When I am able to focus

I seem to have elevated retention

Goliath stands in front of me

Giving me his opinion

He laughs at me and taunts me

I’m not even in his division

He tells me I’m insignificant

No one would care if I were dead

I confess that he is not a Giant

Just a voice inside my head

I believe the stone in David’s hand
is the one the builders rejected
I’m no longer in the valley
I see myself from Heaven’s perspective

Dennis Bazzell February 2nd 2007

Wow, revdcb, how inspiring!  Thanks for sharing.  Your strength shines through.