Hi,
My 5 year old son was just diagnosed on 8/12/08 with ADHD. I am so clueless to all of the changes I need to make in my home. I have 2 other boys 2 and 2 wks old. I am trying to find out how to properly discipline my 5 year old. I know that since he has been diagnosed with ADHD the are different ways to handle different behaviors I just don't know how? How do I know when he is acting out due to his ADHD and not being able to control his impulses verses when he is just doing it to do it and get a reaction of some sort. I have purchased 3 books on ADHD and nothing has the answers I need. Up until now I have been a stressed out mom who feels like shes is always yelling. I need some major help on how to handle my son correctly in different situations. Can anyone suggest some methods or maybe a good book to have as a resource?
Thanks in advance,
Jennihansen77
I use "stop, breathe, think" to get him to slow down when he's starting to act out. You can make a chart with him and post it in your kitchen for him to remember those words. A good book others recommended to me was "Magic 1-2-3." It seems to be a good fit for ADHD kids in that it gives them a chance to stop behavior and move on to positive behavior. My son is 5, too, and these have been helpful for us. Good luck and welcome! I'm currently reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, I got it at Amazon very cheap and it has been a great resource for me to an extent.
Discipline of ADHD children is VERY tricky I am finding. The trick to this is understanding that what most people use as discipline doesn't work w/ADHD kids!
I'm only finding success these days with taking away fun stuff and treats. Even that is iffy, it's unfortunate, but in reality, not much phases these kids because they cannot neccessarily "control" their impulses to act out. The book is good in that it helps me understand what he is truly feeling.
I've also found that if I stop, in the moment, and just grab my son (who is 6 1/2) gently, get on his level, in his face so to speak and say "OK, we cannot do this, SO, what should we do right now?" He does tend to react in a positive way, most of the time. I've learned alot also about keeping him updated on what's going on, as in timelines. I have to remember (and it's so hard!) To give him time increments, set the timer on the microwave and say "OK, in 10 minutes, it's time for a bath" or "OK, in 5 minutes you need to get dressed for school". etc. It's amazing what that does, hearing the magical "beep" of the timer actually encourages him to do the right things, hence lessening the drama.
I may have gone off topic of the original question, but I've found that this trick, when applied to the issues that cause the bad behaviors, can prevent some of the need for punishment. Many of the issues I had to punish my child for are now no longer existent. I was VERY skeptical about that approach and was pleasantly surprised when I gave it a whirl! I used to let my son sleep til the latest moment, then get him up to go, now I give him an hour, I put on his favorite show, put him on the couch w/blanket, make sure he's happy for an hour before we have to leave the house and "Voila" he is a different kid! I make sure to always give him the time increments and plans of what's going on and he is fine with it all, if he knows in advance. I had not put those pieces together of our puzzle until I read this book!
Unfortunately though, we still have issues, of course, he's a child, testing boundaries, etc. I've also found that I have to use the "bribe" method (much as I hate it!) and let him know that if he does not behave, he loses out on something, but if he has several good days, then he gets a reward. He did get lulled a couple years ago into thinking that for every ONE good day, he got a reward, still thinks that at times! LOL!
I've also learned that letting him have responsibilities and letting him "help" has really made a difference in his impulse to misbehave in the first place. I thought he was too young, but I was wrong.
I have ideas to PREVENT the bad behaviors, but am still learning what to do for effective punishment when the bad behaviors happen. I did find that making him stay in his room for an hour, ignored by me, very much upset him, now the threat of that makes him think a bit. I am not sure there is a very fool proof way to punish ADD/ADHD children myself.
I knew my son was different from the time he was 1 yr old.. When he was diagnosed I was actually realived that I wasn't just a horrible screaming mon. I am a little add myself and lack the patience that a parent of an adhd child needs. That being said it just means I have to try harder and I have found that structure has helped. Believe me it isn't perfect and I should be more structured but it has helped.
I also give him fish oil and good multivitamins. If I were you I would start that right away. You won't see a change right away but it should help a little later on.
Good luck and keep reading these boards- you have found a great resource!
Thanks Again!
Magic 1-2-3 book is the way to go. Generally, rewards and not consequences work out best. Check the marble thread on the board.
We have read/used the 1-2-3 Magic book with our kids. The biggest struggle we had with it is staying unemotional while counting. The author of that book , Dr. Phelan, has a book called "All about attention deficit disorder" which is really good.
yea, because he has an adhd kid
. i'm gonna pick one up!
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