Need to Vent about friend’s comments! | ADHD Information

I think that really stinks!

You do deserve a friend with compassion.

You wrote about NOT saying to her about her own daughter's learning disabilites in reading, well maybe you SHOULD.

I don't think I like her too much, a friend wouldn't do that! They obviously discuss your son.

I also think I would request them NOT being in any classes going forward!

So sorry to hear that this happened to you. I have only one son diagnoeds with adhd, but my daughter is on a watch, my watch  I am getting ready to request the evaluation.

hang in there, and I hope you like it here!!

ive had a similar experience.friends phoning me and then casualy dropping into the conversation what my son has done and said in the day.ive even had her daughter meeting me at the school gates to fill me in on the days events.its like the gossip police at our school gates.in the past i have been really upset and even gone in to see his teacher to see if the LOCAL JUNGLE DRUMS are true.luckily i have a good relationship with his teacher and she is aware of the situation and how much millage some mums and kids get out of my sons condition.i think im going to bang on the JUNGLE DRUMS myself shortly.my son was made class prefect today.lets see how quickly thet gets round.so i would maybe have a quiet word with the teacher about the situation or its going to drive you nuts.It is hard enough to have to hear from the school and teacher about my childs behavior without having more people involved. I would talk to the teacher AND think of a nice but firm way to approach my friend. If it were my best friend (of 30 yrs ) I would just say " Look, I know you are just trying to help but ds teacher is taking care of his classroom behavior and keeping me informed."

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. Your suggestions are greatly appreciated. If she mentions something again-or maybe I should say when!-I'm going to have to firmly comment that it's bothersome to have her talking about my child's behavior, or to have her have her daughter police my son's behavior. And, if it doesn't stop I'll have to seriously ask myself if this friendship hasn't run its course.   Having 2 kids with ADHD is enough of a burden. I need friends to at least have compassion for my situation-even if they don't truly understand it, ya know?

Anyway, thanks so much! I used to belong to another board for another topic but hadn't found a good parent forum I liked. Now maybe I have!

I agree with Aaron's Mom. However if it remains a constant problem and your friend doesn't stop then I think I would talk with the teacher and give her a head's up about the situation.  The teacher may find a way to approach your child without the other children knowing. Using signals, etc. 

Teachers are like parents and sometimes in the thick of things say things in front of the other students without meaning too...they are just trying to multi-task.  Hope this makes sense.  In the short of it...I'd talk to the teacher.  She just might not realize what is happening. 

Most of what I say comes from my experience as a teacher and in recent years that as a parent, too. 

I would just tell her that you have all the imput you need with the teacher and though you appreciate the effort  to keep you informed she really doesn't need to do that.  Something nice like that.  If she doesn't get the hint and tells you about another day from her daughter I would be a little more forcefull about not wanting a daily report from her.  Our children are not perfect, nobody's is.  The way I see it, if the teacher or the school isn't calling, isn't telling me about it then it was  a good day.

Aaron'smom39694.7959143519

My friend's daughter and my son are in class together this year. On the phone today, my friend mentioned that her daughter said my son "wasn't too bad today", and that he only inturrupted the teacher a few times. She commented that he was probably just excited and that when I countered with my son's comments that he had a good day, she said that "Oh, I am sure to "my daughter" that a few times was bad to her". She even acknowledged that she prompted her daughter by ASKING her how my son was today! She couldn't wait to tell me that the teacher "only had to ask him to not inturrupt 3 times".

And, I'm caught because I don't know if my son is telling me the whole story when he gives me one side, or if this child has the real story. Either way, my best friend providing ongoing unrequested comments about my sons' has gone too far.

I am just so fed up of people believing that because my sons have ADHD and not some other health or learning disability that it is "funny" to laugh at their behavior and judge it publicly. You don't see my going around commenting about her daughters' learning issues "Well, she struggled with reading today", etc.!

What is the best way to handle this without it becoming a huge issue with my friend? I can't take this all year long! And, do I say anything to the teacher about this relationship? (Between my son and my friend's child)

Thanks for any help!

How are things going now that it's been almost a month ? Is your friend doing better at supporting you ? is the school being helpful with that situations ?. It's a hard place to be in when your friend is not ther for you and is rubbing it in. Best of luck.

 I find  that parenting a child or children who do not have any special needs or learning disabilities to be challenging.  If you add in the special needs, it can be down right overwhelming. I have had so many "friends" pass judgments on myself or my achildren with ADHD, that I recently decided that I can no longer tolerate it.  I have pretty much given those individuals the "boot". I try to surround myself with people who are supportive and who try to understand my situation with my children.  However,  this is so much easier said than done.  I met one of my closest friend at an OT/PT facility.  My son has various special needs, & her son is autistic.  We understand one another & our situations.  She has been incredibly supportive of me.  I really do not know what I would do without her. I can honestly say that in the 2 1/2  that I have known her, that she has never said anything hurtful to me.  This is rare, I know, but this is one of the many reasons why I treasure our friendship so much. I had a "friend" who once said that perhaps my son's Sensory Integration Disorder" & ADHD was due to the fact that I took pherergan during my pregnancy, due to severe morning sickness (ended up having home IV's- I was miserable).  That was a terribly ignorant & cruel comment.  I no longer associate wih her anymore.  I moved on.  This may seem a bit harsh, but life is short. I will not deal with "toxic people" or their comments anymore.  We all slip up sometimes & say someting we regret, but a "best friend" should enrich your life & be supportive, especially with the challenges you have presented to you.  I say tell your "best friend" to take a long walk off a short pier!  She has absolutly no right to comment, or get her daugther involved in your or your son's business.   Try not to let her comments upset you too much.  She is ignorant & incapable of showing any empathy.  I might have a talk with the teacher.  Perhaps she could take a little time to teach the children "tolerance" & reinforce to them that "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all"!   I feel for your situation.  You are a good mother, or this wouldn't bother you.  Stay strong, & good luck!

May I just say that I have had friends that have made comments to me like " I am so glad he is not mine because I could not stand all the questioning" and " how do you take that all the time" etc.. Needless to say, they are not my friends anymore.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your comments. I have backed off from my friend emotionally-for this reason and many others honestly-and while sad, I am less annoyed without her. Having 2 kids with adhd is trying enough-let alone with friends who not only don't get it, believe they do and run their unhelpful mouth! 

Thanks for letting me vent!

  Hi, I understand the difficulty in having two kids with ADHD.  Both my boys have it, along with Sensory Processing Disorder.  I have been trying to tell the pediatrician & a clinical psychologist (that has seen my nine year old daugther for anxiety), that she has ADHD as well.  They would not agree since she was not showing symptoms at school, until this year that is.  She has gone from staight A's to D's & F's.  I am beside myself.  Thankfully, I meet with her pediatrician tomorrow.  I spoke to the psychologist on the phone & read some of her teacher's emails to him, where she stated my daugther doesn't pay attention, has difficulty concentrating, always moving about, etc.  He said it is almost as it the teacher took those right out of a text book!  It is such a shame that my daugther has had to go through this before anyone would believe me.  I have been telling my husband that it was just a matter of time before the behavior that we have seen from her at home, "rears it's ugly head at school"!  I have learned that just because someone goes to medical school, doesn't necessarily mean that they have all the answers.  I have done countless of hours of research on ADHD because of my two sons having it, but this meant nothing to them.  How frusturating! 

I just can no longer deal with people who are so darn judgemental about my kids' & their situations.  I did feel badly after I posted my comments to your message.  I didn't mean to sound so harsh.  I just do not understand why people feel as if they can just comment on whatever they want.  You were hurt by what your friend said, very understandbly so.  I would have been too.  I am overly sensitive sometimes, but this type of behavior is still uncalled for.  I truly hope that you find the strength & support that you are so deserving of!.