compare my kid to others-is it a crime? | ADHD Information

Tonight was curriculum night at school.  This is my son's third yr at this wonderful Catholic school.   They have been outstanding in addressing and meeting my son's needs.  So far so good.  So I sit in his tiny desk and listen to his teacher talk about the coming yr.  Then I go out into the hallway to read the 'what I did on my summer vacation' essays written by all 58 third graders.

Fast forward to crying all the way home.  Unable to control myself, I sob while holding my 3 yr old, attempting to get her ready for bed.  My son's essay compared to all of  the others was very upsetting.  His printing, inability to express himself, command of the english language, spelling, all of it was on par with a first grader with delays.  He works with a private tutor, attends Resource (for kids with challenges), is medicated, and is a bright child.  Yet some disconnect exists when writing what he wants to say.  I devoured the other essays, written neatly, stating concrete thoughts. I kept hoping that some other kid would exhibit even a hint of the struggle evident on my son's essay.  Nope. 

Next up is even more testing, trying to determine how to unlock the locked door.  He does great in math and science but writing is such an intregral part of grammar school.  My husband did a great job of comforting me, but this deep and heartbreaking fear remains.  I watch my son like a hawk for signs of depression and self esteem issues concerning his performance compared to his peers.  How do other parents handle this? 

 

Your post is heart-wrenching. There's a book that I bought online. It's called The Most Wonderful Writing Lessons Ever by B. Mariconda. I bought it because it was mentioned in an article as a great book to teach writing to ADHD kids. It is simple and direct. I don't think a private tutor is going to cut it with the writing. You might want to take this on yourself, if you can make the time. I came up with some really creative story ideas last summer, and my son was drawn in. We brain-stormed on topics. His writing stunk when he finished 3rd grade last year. You are probably surmising that I handle this by conducting a nightly study hall in my home. I don't trust tutors to do it right.

You might also consider public school because there are more resources available.

Check out Mel Levine's books "A Mind at a Time".  It's one of the bests books I have read that explains why writing is difficult for some kids.   There are so many different skills involved and is more complicated than one thinks it is.   While writing, one has to remember how to form the letters,  rules for grammar, how to spell the words and what it is you are trying to say.  If you have to work really hard to to just write letters - you run out of bandwidth to remember all the other stuff too.   

My daughter struggles with handwriting & neatness.   She also a competent speller on tests but in the context of writing, it's not so good.  After reading, Levine's book, I finally understood why. 

Does your son express himself well verbally?   You act as a scribe and have him dictate his work to you.  I've done this a lot with my daughter.   By removing the piece she struggles with (the handwriting),  we get a much higher quality work.    Typing instead of writing also makes a big difference.  If he doesn't already know how to type, I'd recommend teaching him.  This will greatly help in the long run.

Another thing you might want to consider is getting him evaluated for learning disorders.  It might help pinpoint more specifically where the disconnect is and give you a better idea how to approach the problem.

 Hi trixila. I juswant to share my knoweldge with you about your son's writing problems. What your son has is called Dysgraphia. Dysgraphia is very common amongst children with ADHD and also learning diabilities. Writing requires more than one function. Its involves thinking and then transferring the thoughts to paper. Children with ADHD have a hard time doing both becasue it takes tremendous mental energy. Your son has concrete thoughts. He just can't get them down on paper too well.

Students with an attention deficit disorder (especially with hyperactivity) often experience rather significant difficulty with writing and formulas in general and handwriting in particular. This is because ADHD students also have difficulty organizing and sequencing detailed information. In addition, ADHD students are often processing information at a very rapid rate and simply don't have the fine-motor coordination needed to "keep up" with their thoughts. All the writing practice in the world won't change that.

There are two things that are helpful when the ADHD child has dysgraphia. If you can get permission from the school to have your son do all his wiriting on a lab top computer it might be worth investing in one if you don't have one. Secondly, what helps for many is Occupational Therapy. Its not a cure all but it strengthens fine motor skills. Your son hathe same abilities everyone else in the class has. He just has limitations that prevent him from demonstrating those abilities. Ive been where you are mom but hang in there and in the mean time we are alwys here to help. Cheer up. You have a bright young man there and one day the world will know it

trixila, also don't beat yourself up for "comparing him to other kids". That's human nature. Just know, those kids aren't perfect either.[QUOTE=Jessica N]

There's a book that I bought online. It's called The Most Wonderful Writing Lessons Ever by B. Mariconda. I bought it because it was mentioned in an article as a great book to teach writing to ADHD kids. It is simple and direct.

[/QUOTE]

OMG!  THis book, is on my "To buy list" and I was wish-washing about it ... I teach grade 3/4 and this one caught my eye, but now for SURE i'm going ot get it.  Nothing better than a recommendation to convince me!!

 

Hey keep in mind that one of those kids on the wall with the most perfect essay of all may be really bad at math!  YOu said your son is good at math and science right?

Your post is so relateable.  I don't have anything to add except to let you know I know just how you feel. 

Bingo!  Research indicates that indeed my son has dysgraphia.  I cannot believe how consistently his writing performances fits the profile.  I cannot thank the respondants for their input.  Getting right on this one.  Wonderful to have an answer--and it sure beats the 3K I was getting ready to drop on some specialized testing.  BTW, the day after the trauma of the essay, he brought home a spelling test with 100%, in addition to some really excellent class work.  The sun does shine again.  BTW part II, I did forget that even though I had a hysterectomy earlier this year, my hormones are intact, and I was experiencing some pretty strong hormonal surges. 

trixila wrote:
Bingo!  Research indicates that indeed my son has dysgraphia

Yes, as I said in my earlier post, its not uncommon for children with ADHD to have Dysgraphia. Once you identify the problem and why the child is having such difficulties, thats half the battle BTW, the schools better beware of moms with hormonals surges who are advocating for their children Been there myself and we are a force to be reckoned with