Looking for advice | ADHD Information
I am sorry to hear about your son. Is is possible that when he is with you it is usually nighttime and his dose is wearing off? When my son was on meds he was a monster at the end of the day. He'd make it through school and then we'd have an awful kid at night. Some people give another dose to get through the nighttime stuff too.
Keep coming back to this board. I'm surprised no one has answered your post - there is alot of great advice here.
My name is Kristen and I have a 5 1/2 yr old son named Colin that has ADHD. He started taking adderall this summer to get him ready for kindergarden and so far it is working ok. My problem is that he is an angel for other people and when he is home with me and my other 2 boys (ages 11 and 7) he is a monster. I hate to say that about my child but he is. I try to disiplin him and he either hits me or runs off and does something destructive. I am at a loss and dont know how to handle this any more. I am home alone with the kids and dont have the support of my husband due to his job-he is a long haul truck driver and is gone for 2 weeks at a time. If there is anyone out there that can give me some advice as to helping to gain control of my son please help any advice is welcome. Thanks so much
Kristen Imanse
I think this is a scared child... what has changed at home?
Do not put a scared child in time out alone. Put him in time out and then get his calming things, warm milk, blankie, teddy etc. Sit with him and just be. Rub him if he likes that.
Did he just start kindergarten? How is it going for him?
Try this... Spend 10 minutes of alone time with him at waking. Just lay with him and rub his back and love him awake. No dressing, discussing the day, or chores. Just be at his disposal, if he wants to play or read he gets to choose. I just lay with my son and rub his head. Than after school, 20 minutes. His choice but talk for a minute about school, how was his day. Then swing or watch tv together. No cell phone. Then 10 minutes at bedtime. When he is needy during the day say we can talk about that in our time.
I think you will be amazed at the difference in him when he does not have to be ugly for your attention.
My daughter used to behave this way as well. People outside of our home would have been shocked by the things she did at home.
The following books are good one:
The Explosive Child - Greene
10 Days to a Less Defiant Child - Brenstein
From Chaos to Calm (don't remember the author)
Have a New Kid by Friday - Kevin Leman (I haven't read this one but I have heard him speak about the book and read other books by him)
A few other suggestions:
1. Don't engage in a fight. Walk away or put the in a room by themselves. When they are calm, then you talk. You can't rationalize with a child in a tantrum. When they are tantruming, they are in fight or flight mode. They aren't able to think things through.
2. Our therapists has "never behaviors" and "dial-down behaviors". Violent acts - hitting, destruction, etc fall into the "Never" category. Yelling, back talk, etc fall into the "dial-down" behaviors. The consequences for never behaviors are VERY expensive. For example, if you send them to their room and they trash it, take everything out of the room except their bed. When my daughter hit and kicked me for taking away her DS, she spent an entire weekend in her room - all activities were canceled. She hated it - mostly because she doesn't like being along. Since then, she has only been sent to her room a few times for this type of behavior. If they break something, they need to work on fixing it or earn money to replace it. My daughter couldn't use the computer for a week until she came up with enough money to replace the keyboard she broke.
3. Work on one behavior at a time. For my daughter, we worked on compliance. We charted the number of times she said "OK" and followed through with the task. She used the tallies to earn back her game boy and then a new game. Once a tally was earned, like 3LittleKids does - we didn't take them away. That was too negative. This was a real self esteem builder for my daughter. Everything about it was positive. After 2 or 3 months, she told me she no longer needed the chart.
4. I know it's hard with 3 kids and your husband traveling, but try to spend one-on-one time with each child doing whatever they want. This is great for building self esteem as well. The more positive interactions you can have together, the better he will feel about himself.
5. Evaluate his medication. My daughter is much more successful when her levels of medication are correct. When they are off, she has a much harder time controlling herself. The dosages could be to low and/or you could need an afternoon booster. I'd talk to your doctor. How is he out of school or on the weekends?
6. A good therapist is also very helpful. I had read tons of books, but working with someone directly made a huge difference. The support he provided me as a parent has been invaluable. My only regret is that I didn't go this avenue sooner.
One last thing, talk time out of each day to do something for yourself.
Welcome Kismanse. What you need is a good behavior modification plan. Medication in combination with a good behavior modfication plan will help the situation tremendously. Raising 3 boys practically by yourself is not easy. What type of doctor is treating your son for ADHD? Lets start there and perhaps we can guide you along.Hang in there. I agree that the meds might be wearing off and it's a
rebound effect. Talk with his doctor about what you are saying. In addition,
a good routine at home for all the kids is always good. There is a marble
behavior modification idea at the top of this section. A lot of people use it
and it seems to work.
I'm not sure if you're aware of the Magic123 program/book. It's fantastic. 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.
It's all about keeping YOUR cool, when they lose theirs. And remaining firm & consistent when they do not follow the rules. Yes, it is HELL the first few days on the program, when I stuck with it, he was on time-outs every 1/2 hour at LEAST. But after a few exhausting days, he realized that I wasn't going to relent, and that his behaviors were NOT acceptable.
I had to use a combo of the marble (to gain rewards to 100) and the Magic123 for time outs. He couldn't handle losing marbles and would go into an even worse emotional breakdown. So, I stuck with Magic123/time outs for inappropriate behaviours, and used the marbles to earn for good behaviours.
Thank you everyone that has responded to my questions!! it means alot knowing i am not alone in this battle. To fill you in I have made an appt with his dr to discuss changing the meds or the dose. I have started trying to do time outs in a room where i can see him because he is getting to violent that i am concerned for his saftey if he is in a room alone. It is working ok, it is just important i am learning that he think it is not bothering me, if i seem calm and cool it almost is not worth it to him to act out. I have read the info on the marble chart and that sounds wonderful i am going to start it for not only him but for all my boys. I do try to do one on one time with the kids, my 5yr old (the one with adhd) we spend and hour or so everyday when he gets out of school either taking our new puppy to the park and playing with her or just watching a movie or playing a game at home. he is the most loving child during this time since his meds are still working and i enjoy the quiet time with him. i do the same for the older ones throughout the evening once homework is done. Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback i will let you know what the dr says on thursday when we go
Every day when I pick my kids up at the bus my 6 yr old son 's behavior gets worse when he has to compete w/ his older brother for attention. In fact, they both get worse until they feel they have had my attention for a few minutes. I try to give each one of them a turn to talk while we are in the car and then at home they each get attention. But it IS hard. They will both get angry and jealous until they feel they have been listened to. And a snack ALWAYS helps the situation (LOL).
My six yr. old has adhd/as and we had to adjust his meds this year because he was experiencing rebound as they wore off at the end of the day. He takes 10 mg focalinxr at 7:30 am and then 5mg focalinxr at 12:30. It really helps.....made a huge difference.