punishment suggestions
anyone have any suggestions on anything we can try for punishment when things start to get extremely out of control? it does nothing to him if we take T.V. and video games away.
i do praise when things get done and good grades are made. i have always been big on that.
ideas please
For major offenses I assign extra chores or he must make restitution in some manner- whichever is more appropriate. The chores work great for those things that really don't have natural consequences that would impact him like throwing a tantrum and cussing me out. But you do have to keep in mind that it should be a soon after the offense as possible and should be enforceable, meaning that you're willing to spend the whole day waiting for him to get sick of sitting in his room and actually do the chore, if he's anywhere near as stubborn as my son.
I second the fact that the punsishment/consequence must be immediate. And sometimes it feels like we as parents are being punished more than the child but it is so important to give up that afternoon to deal with the issue. I've had to cancel plans and leave places I wanted to stay because I had to take Sean home to deal with his inappropriate behavior. It is worth it in the end.
Sean will work towards earning his privaledges back, but then when he has them back his behaviors tend to slowly drift back to the way they were before. I've had to be "the bad guy" a lot. Oh well. I'd rather he say he hates me now, than to have him in prision in another 10 years. I keep reminding myself of that.
Hi, everyone
I'm new to this message board, i'm not sure of what I'm doing yet, I hope I'm doing this right. I've have a child with adhd and behavior problems. I've been dealing with this for 4 yrs, and finally have a confirmed diagnoses. It's been a hard journey.I also am raising his sister that has been diagnosed but, no meds yet do to all her medical problems. I read SOS Help for parents that the Doctor gave me. I'm using the time-out method, I just started three days ago. He started Tenex yestarday 1 mg ,nocked him out (not good) I called the Dr's and had it decreased to half a pill and he is doing much better today. Having two childern with adhd and major behavior issuse is wearing me out. Any one have any suggestion.
Figure out what he values the most and withhold it. If TV and video games don't seem to affect him, then figure out what he really enjoys and make that more of a privaledge rather than taking it away. If you take it away it can set up increased resentment. It works better for us to make those things "rewards" and "privaledges".
I am going to try a new reward chart for Sean (9) where he must follow all the rules and complete all his responsiblities before he can have any priveledges
Punishment for ADHD kids needs to be immediate and as with all kids relate to the crime. Example: Don't drink your milk...no cookies (food related consequence). Won't go to bed on time...Goes to bed earlier on Friday (time related consequence). Won't do chores...allowance docked....you get the idea.
The immediate part is because ADHD kids typically, live in the moment; only considers 2 minutes prior and thinks about what will happen 2 minutes into the future. So if you administer a consequence like 'no cookies' then make it for a day or two, but not for a week or more since it will not reinforce behavior that far out.
Many of us have stripped our kid's room of toys mostly out of frustration in a last attempt to modify behavior...it didn't.
One final thing, whatever consequence you threaten with, you must follow through. Realize that the consequence may not change the behavior, but your child will still know that an unacceptable behavior will result in a predictable consequence.
Paul
[QUOTE=gram/2]Hi, everyone
I'm new to this message board, i'm not sure of what I'm doing yet, I hope I'm doing this right. I've have a child with adhd and behavior problems. I've been dealing with this for 4 yrs, and finally have a confirmed diagnoses. It's been a hard journey.I also am raising his sister that has been diagnosed but, no meds yet do to all her medical problems. I read SOS Help for parents that the Doctor gave me. I'm using the time-out method, I just started three days ago. He started Tenex yestarday 1 mg ,nocked him out (not good) I called the Dr's and had it decreased to half a pill and he is doing much better today. Having two childern with adhd and major behavior issuse is wearing me out. Any one have any suggestion.
[/QUOTE]
You would be better off starting a new topic or else people will overlook your request for suggestion as this topic was started about a mom needing suggestions on disapline/punishment for her step child. If you start your own topic, you will get a better response. 
We have always found the marble system work best for us. Our kids earn marbles for good behavior, and we let them earn a lot initially. Praise, praise, praise..."Here's 5 marbles for being nice to your brother today", "Here's 2 marbles for brushing your teeth without any problems", etc. When they were younger, they used the marbles to pay for stuff they wanted (extra desserts, video games, movies, tv time, etc.). Now, they earn 10c per marble and can use it any way they see fit (with some rules). They must save 20%, donate 10%, and the rest of theirs to spend, although we do require them to pay for anything extra we weren't planning to budget for that month (ie: a new toy they want, vacation play money, etc.). It works wonders. Encourages independence. Allows child to feel in control of situation (my kids have learned how to make marbles fast if necessary!) And, we can take away marbles randomly for poor behavior. Certain acts lose lots of marbles (ie: aggression, backtalking, etc.).
We love it because there is no complicated charts or procedures. You can adapt it easily as you see fit each day.
Just a thought! Best of luck!
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