Before I let you in on the ADHD issues I currently experience, let me give you a little background information. I'm 28, will be married for 10 years next month, and we have 3 great kids ages 9, 7, and 5. The 9year old is the one that gives me the most trouble, but both boys (9 and & 7 year olds) have ADHD. Ok.. here's the issue:
For MANY years now, I have had a lot of trouble with my oldest son. From the time he could stand in his crib, we have had problems. He'd pull down and break blinds, smear his "feces" from his diapers all over walls and such. He'd climb onto his high chair and jump off even after getting hurt. Before his school years, he was always wound up, running everywhere, not listening at all. You couldn't talk to him because he never really looked at you or paid attention. He cannot sit still.. In Kindergarten, he was running through the school, running away from teachers on the playgrounds and throwing rocks at them, he would climb book cases, cut rugs, and even cut his shirt and another child's hair! He repeated kindergarten from it and then was started on meds because he was found to have ADHD. Since then, he hasn't had to repeat a grade and he's gotten good grades. However, since that year where he repeated school, he's put huge holes in walls, broke EVERYTHING he can find, he used to start fires to watch them, he'd burn stuff just because he wanted to see what happened, he's snuck out of the house a few times (that problem has been remedied a long time ago), he still cannot sit still very long. When standing, if you were to test it by asking him to try standing still, he simply cannot. Some part of his body is either fidgeting or moving. He has carved his name into my parents' house and then denied doing it even though his siblings couldn't even read or write at the time. This past summer and past year or so really, he has gotten to where he lies ALL OF THE TIME.. He blames his siblings for his behavior when caught, when he goes to bed, it takes him about an hour or more to fall asleep. Then, between 12 and 3 he will wake up and be ready to play or get into things. When we've tried to discipline by taking things away or grounding, it doesn't work. If we take things away, he will search and search until he finds it, take it back in his room, and play with it. Even if he gets into trouble, he continues the same exact behavior the very next day! He has unplugged our pc, took it into his room, and hooked it up! We recently had to put a door on the entrance way into the kitchen and padlock it because when he gets up at 2 or 3 in the morning, he's sneaking into the kitchen and messing with whatever he can find... He eats a ton at meal times and snack time yet when he gets up in the middle of the night, he will eat TONS more stuff and/or hide it all in his room.. Bags of hot dog buns, frozen cookie dough in the fridge, all ice creams or popcicles, snacks for school, any cans that can be opened he opens.. the list goes on and on.. When he causes his brother or sister to get hurt, he laughs at them but luckily he hasn't tried to cause harm to himself. If you tell him to go downstairs and get the clothes from the dryer, he'll go down and eventually he'll come back up with the clothes. BUT, not before messing with all sorts of things and getting into the laundry soap and throwing it all over the place. When I'd let him outside to play, he couldn't just play in the yard. He would mess with the neighbors plants, or try to climb the fence. We've tried to cut out as much sugar from his diet as possible because it tends to make things worse with him..
I've had him seen by a couple of psychologists, but they never seem to get him to talk or they tell me he's normal and there's nothing wrong. I've had TSS employees come to the house for home visits and they witness his tantrums that he has. They've accompanied him to daycares and seen how he has thrown tantrums there. I WANT someone to run tests and find out if there's some kind of chemical imbalance or some kind of neurological issue. We've tried rewarding good behavior, and that doesn't work. Groundings, time outs, taking things away..nothing works.. I'm at the point sometimes where I just want to send him away to someone else and I hate feeling like that. I love my children with all my heart. He's my oldest and my sweetie and yet he drives me crazy with what he does. When you try to talk to him about things, he just looks around and clams up. He sees the special ed teacher at school 3 times a week and a voluteer from the local hospital's behavioral health center also sees him. I just feel like there's GOT to be something that I am doing wrong. Something that I am missing or something that I need to do to get through to him. I'm worried that when he gets older he'll be a kid in juvenile detentions, or one of the ones you see going to boot camps, or even worst put in to jail for doing something.. I care about him and want whats best and I just wish I had a solution.
The most recent thing that happened was when I got home last week, I pulled the car into the driveway to find my husband and my 9yr old outside together picking up trash. Normally this would seem ok, but we usually have our son do the trash duties. He was supposed to go out, pick up the trash that was left on the ground from the trash man, and then take the trash can back up to our porch. Instead of doing this, my husband gets a knock on the door, and the next door neighbor was standing there with our son. Evidently, he decided to hit her car repeatedly with a stick.
Yesterday, we took our son to a place called The Meadows because we were desperate to understand why our son was doing these things and what we could do. If we had to, we were willing to admit him for observation. Luckily, we met with a really informative woman who assessed our situation and determined that he didn't fit the criteria for admittance. However, she did let us in on a few things that I wish the dang doctors would have told us years ago. When our son gets up in the middle of the night, it isn't because he just wakes up and decides to play in the kitchen. When he's on Adderall and the meds wear off at night, his body wakes him up because he becomes so hungry that he has to go and satisfy that need. His body tells him I'm hungry and he feels like he has to take care of it NOW... She said that before bed, if we can give him a snack or something with protein such as nuts or eggs, or even peanut butter sandwiches; this will help cut back on his hunger. In addition, we can have signs up so that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he reads the signs that tell him to wake us up and we'll get him something to eat. OR, have some sort of alarm on the closed doors so that when/if he opens them, they wake us up and we can help him. She's also going to set us up with referrals for the phsychiatrists and such that we've been needing for years. I told her that we appreciated all that she can set us up with because we just felt at such a loss. We were never able to get the help we needed and we came to them at The Meadows because we just didn't know what else to do...
WHEW..This is my situation.. But let me say this--It feels sooooo good to know that there are so many others going through similar situations. Up until we met with that woman and she told us everything that she did (including ways to find other ppl with similar issues); we felt like we were the only ones that had to go through this. I felt so alone and so confused but it is so very reassuring to finally find a place where I can talk with others and try to understand this situation a little better.. Thank you for listening to my story..
Yes- it is so difficult to deal with an adhd child when meds aren't fine-tuned. You did not say who dx'd your son and who is prescribing meds- but perhaps it would help if you called up and had the doctor check to see if there are other meds that would help your son with his impulsivity and anger. I know about the holes in walls, hitting neighbor's cars with eggs, rocks and sticks, breaking windows, scavaging for food at night etc. our son is 9 also and even though his meds are now pretty much what he needs, I always am stressed when he goes out to play or I take him out in the evenings. I always check to see if he needs his afternoon focalin- I have 5mg quick acting if he is acting out. I haven't had to give it to him every day but when he plays with other children I give it to him.
Good luck and let us know what happens. Oh- and I put a lock on our pantry door and a chain and lock on the refridgerator.
Wow, you've been through alot. One suggestion I would give you is go to your pediatrician and have them referr you to a Pediatric Behavioral clinic that just deals in these type of behavior. There should be a Licensed Clinical Social Worker,Licenced Phychologist and Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician. Discuss the possibilty of a Neurologist, That should give you the answers you need and some relief. ADHD is the one of the hardest things to deal with. Hope thing get better and good luck. Actually, when we went to The Meadows, they did get us the referrals to the places you have just suggested..We have an appointment on the 8th and then another appointment on the 15th...So we finally have things in motion.. :)