Lying. "Did you do this?" ’No.’ | ADHD Information

We are giving every praise we can whenever possible. The self-esteem is healthy, and the lines of communication are open.

Our child knows this. He knows that we are there to celebrate the happy things, and support him when his choices are not the best.

Yet he is still choosing to lie. This morning it was about a chocolate treat that was given to me as a gift from a relative continents away. My son ate it this morning before we woke up. I found the wrapper in the trash can beside the yogurt container he also enjoyed. When asked about this, he lied to my face over & over again. He also emptied 1/4 bottle of dishwashing soap into the dishwasher (which we only discovered once the bubbles began pouring onto the kitchen floor). To this, he also assured us he had not put soap in there.

How have you other parents handled the lying? Was there any form of teaching/discipline that you found helped and worked?

He is just turning 7, and it is extremely important to me that this habit is nipped in the bud.

 

Thanks!

My doctor and couseler say the lying is part of ADHD. My 11 yesr old staed in trouble constanly for lying. Once I found out it is part of ADHD she dosn't get in trouble as much but I still call her on it when I know she is lying. When I know she has done something I calmley tell her ok I know you did this and if you choose to lie to me about it then you are going to get in worse trouble. Ex. Taking some candy she wasn't suppose to have. If she tells me the truth the I usually just tell her stay out of the candy. If she chooses to ly to me then she is grounded from snacks the rest of the day.  I let her know what her punishment will be and then it is her choice of what she wants to do. Also I have notice as she gets older she is getting better about not lieing. What I am having a problem with not is she is making up stories of stuff that has happend at school that never happen. I think she feels her life is borning so she is trying to make it more interesting. So when she tell one of her stories I look at her and say Now did this really happen. If she continues with the storie then I threaten to call the people  that are involved in the storie. Usually she back down whe I do that. I hope I have helped some. Just make sure you do call him out in whatever lie he tells so he will know that he is not getting away with it. And remeber it is all part of ADHD so he may not be able to help it. Melissa

Our therapist advice is similar.   He suggests giving them 24 hours to fess up and if they don't then they have consequences for lying and the infraction. 

He also challenges one to reconsider what you would consider lying - sort of pick your battles.  For example, if you asked your kid if he brushed his teeth and he said "yes" and you know he didn't - roll with it and make it funny - like smell their breathe - pretend to keel over from the smell - and send them to the bathroom to brush their teeth.   These types of situations are different from lying about something more serve - taking or breaking something, the older teen lying about where he as been, etc.

I don't have problems with my girls lying very much, but the 24 hour time period almost always works for them.   They would rather not have the more server consequences.


This has always been a big issue for us as well.  One thing is, make sure you don't set him up to lie- don't ask if he did it, just tell him you know he did it and deal with it from there if need be.

More advise from a therapist:  My son's therapist said to make sure we didn't ever let him get away with it.  She said just call him on it- tell him you know he's lying and why/how you know what he said isn't true.  He used to just make stuff up all the time, like gmsouth's daughter, but he stopped doing that so much now that he knows he'll get called on it even if (or maybe especially if) there are other people there.    My child (nearly 9) lies a ton when his meds are worn off.  Like a pp said, dr. told me that it's common w/ ADHD.  It's very impulsive to lie.  When meds are in his system, he doesn't lie, but he always has an excuse why he's not respnosible for any conflict that comes up.  Teacher already has said that her personal goal for him for this shool year is to get him to see his role in a problematic situation and to admit that he helped bring about the situation.  If she can do that, I'll be writing an essay nominating her for Teacher Of The Year.  I've been working on this issue for years.