Just Really Sad & Frustrated | ADHD Information

I am sorry your son had such a bad day at school.  They aren't fun for anyone. 

I know how frustrating it can be and totally related to the not knowing if it is ADHD or just being a stubborn kid.  I'm right there with you on that one.  One thing to keep in mind is that we ALL have bad days from time to time.    With my daughter, I find myself over analyzing stuff all the time - be it behavior, school work, interaction with family/peers, etc.

The one thing that I have found really helpful is to keep a journal.  This helps me track the good, bad and ok days.  I can look for patterns and predict when we might have issues and find the triggers.   It was pretty eye opening.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.  It does get better as they get older.

I'm sorry too. Those days are HORRIBLE. BUT so you know, parents of kids wihtout ADHD have "days" too. Maybe not like that and maybe not as often as we do, but their life's not perfect and they get teacher calls too.

The journal's a great idea, it WILL help when looking back.

It DOES get better. Maturity does wonders, experience does wonders. The walking on eggshells feeling never goes away........sorry, it hasn't for me. I even do it now with my other daughter. Overreact and just WAIT for the issues to arise. Not much to do about that, but TRY, if you can, to only focus on today and what's happening right now and TREASURE the times that are going smoothly. My daughter is now 14 and FAR from perfect, and still very much has ADHD, but we've found our path for her and what is working. For now anyway. Some of it has been me working VERY hard to lowere my expectations of what to expect from her. Let her be her sort of. I never thought those silly behaviors would end. But, we're getting there, VERY< VERY slowly we're getting there.

Boy, do I know how you feel.  Always feel like I'm waiting for the "bomb to drop".  I have a hard time enjoying things going well because I'm waiting for things to go bad - it is a terrible way to live.  To be honest I never had these issues until last year (my DS was dx'd ADHD when 5 and he is now 13).  It is really affecting my mental health.  I also really struggle with trying to figure out what is normal 13 year old behavior and what is ADHD and what is my DS just being stubborn.  DO you have friends that you can talk to about these things?  I don't and I think if I had friends to talk to about it that it would help.  Thankfully we have this board where we can vent and people understand - wish we could all meet for coffee!

I had a horrible time with my son last year.  He had a teacher who I really think shouldn't be teaching.  The way I figure - every kid gets a bad one eventually - at least he got it over with early.

This year - first day of school - I requested an IEP adjustment.  His new teacher came down and started talking about how he was a discipline case, and the vice principal told her, this year he is nothing compared to what he was last year.  I brought my mother to the meeting (I thought it would be a big mistake, but I think it worked out in the end) and she backed me up, too.

The effect of this is that his teacher understands that no, he's not a discipline case, he has impusivity issues due to his ADHD.  And he has not been to the principal's office once this year.  Seriously, this time last year I thought he would be expelled.

Believe me, I know it's hell when you're going through it.  But this is a great learning opportunity for you.  You can learn who can help you at the school (and who's going to get in your way).  You can learn about the laws and the vocabulary and all that stuff.  And you can learn, through trial and error, what works for your child.

One thing I would have a serious talk to the teacher about is being positive and setting goals.  Punitive discipline has no effect on my son at all - he only remembers being punished, not what he did wrong.  When someone is negative to him he holds onto that feeling for days, and it just snowballs.  It's frustrating for the teacher, too.  But if you can get her to try to change her attitude about your son, to praise him every time he does what he should and redirects rather than scolds him when he doesn't by referring to his goals.  I do a weekend thing with my son every week he does well in school.  His favorite is "date night" - we go out to eat and go to a movie.  His teacher knows this, and when he starts to get out of control - another big thing, nipping it in the bud rather than letting him get himself in trouble - the teacher will say, "don't you want your weekend privileges"?  He knows exactly what that means, and what he's giving up if he doesn't knock it off.  Again, it's not punishment, it's an extra activity that he has to earn, so it's his choice to do it, and his choice to lose out if he doesn't.

Okay, I'm getting rambly.  But just know that if you work at it, it can get better.  Find your allies at the school.  Try to look at the positives if you can.  Hang in there for your son.  He's worth it, and you're worth it.

Best of luck to you.

Just having a really bad day/night. 6yo son in kindergarten recently started Vyvanse. Doing great for the most part for the past month on it, then had a really bad day today. Teacher said he didn't want to go to music, so he refused to go, then he had to go to the safe seat and tried to break it because he was upset, then he told the teacher he hated her, then he had to go to the principal's office, then didn't want to listen to the book being read in circle time, then he made raspberry noises, and so on and so on and so on.

I just don't understand how he can go from good days to days like today.

And I don't understand some teachers, how they say they want to help but they make you feel like your child is a burden, difficult, and mentally challenged in a horrible way.

And I don't understand how even when your child tells you they've been having "good to great" days and you relay it to the teacher because you haven't heard of any problems, the teacher responds with, "well, they weren't that great."

Granted, today was a bad day and son's behavior was unacceptable. But I feel like he's never going to break free from this. His teachers always are going to see him as the problem child. His dad and I always are going to feel like we're walking on eggshells in life, just waiting for the bad day to come, then getting upset all over again about everything. I just feel like we're in a spiral downward that we can never get out of. The moment we think we're climbing out, it all comes crashing down. Then I get upset, and worst of all, take it out on my son by yelling at him about school, making it all even worse.

I just don't know what to do to help him be more compliant at school. We tried a higher dosage when testing out the meds, but he was like a zombie. Perfect in terms of following instructions, but overfocused on writing and not interacting with the class. I don't want a zombie child that goes through life like that. But I don't want to get so upset with him either. It's so hard to tell what is the ADHD and what is a stubborn kid. I just don't know what to do ...

 

I feel the pain of each and every parent here. I went through this 15 years ago with the teachers and the school system and its really horrifying to realize that despite all the education about ADHD, not much as changed in terms of ill informed. ADHD is not a behavior pill and will not make the child perfect. When medical science comes out with such a pill teachers will be the first to know The medication allows the child to focus thus, make choices instead of acting on impulse. However, when the child is anxiety ridden (which is very often at school because the child is labeled as a "bad kid" by staff and singled out every time they sneeze the wrong way) This creates major anxiety for the child and when that happens, no treaatment plan or intervention works. In a perfect world, we would all have great days every day. My son was on effective medication but when the expectations of teachers became unreasonable he would bounce off the walls like he was on no medication at all. Then I would get that dreaded call from teachers asking me to raise his dose There are exceptions whereas the medication needs to be tweaked or changed but thats for medical professionals to decide. The goal with medication is maximum benefit, minimum side effects at the lowest dose possible and if your child is having more good days than bad, thats how you gauge how effective the meds are. As children get older, the challenges are different but ADHD or not, with children there will always be ups and downs. . Just a thought for all to ponder. While we are all concerned about the child's behavior, sometimes the solution is the adults changing their behavior in terms of raising the bar so high that its unreachable. Parents, continue to educate the system and whenever possible, give the teacher handouts of information about ADHD and the medications for it.  Everyone here is giving great advice. Thanks for being so supportive of each other. Hugs to all

If you have an IEP and the teacher conveys that your child is a burden, difficult, mentally challenged -- you call and IEP meeting to change the situation.

Jessica N39908.4041550926I'm very lucky in that even when my son has bad days at school, his teacher knows how to spin it in a positive way. Let me explain...

My son has a way of being SO OVERLY dramatic and SO obviously NOT listening that it just makes his teacher smile (and she's 7months pregnant, so for a kid NOT behaving to make her smile, it's a big deal...) It's just the way he is about it.

Ashton's VERY favorite phrase when he's upset is "I'm melting, I'm melting!" (aka Wizard of Oz) and he'll say it over and over again. His teacher also has a way of making him be compliant without making it a power struggle. However, Ashton has gotten keen to this lately and will do ANYTHING he can to NOT look compliant, in the least. He's not doing it to be mean, he just wants his way; and his teachers DO NOT let him get his way; but they know how to make him think he's getting his way without letting him walk all over him.

I used to worry myself sick about Ashton's bad days but because his team of teachers is SO suited to him and knows how to take the positive spin on things, I never worry. I literally used to sit at home all day when he was in school waiting for the phone to ring because of worrying how he was doing at school; even WITH a cellphone.

I know my son is well-cared for, loved, appreciated and respected at school. So what if he screams during the day? His teachers look at it that he's being indepedent and sticking up for what he wants. They don't let him get away with it (as it's obviously not appropriate for a 9yo to scream for what he wants) but they understand it and work with him.

His teacher actually wrote me an email the other day that said my son is one she truly enjoys working with and is close in her heart. She wants to follow him through all of his schooling. Awwww :) Yep, my baby is loved and cared for and that makes all the fighting and changes I've made happen for him worth it.