Stepparent of 10 yr old boy- ADHD | ADHD Information
Hi All,
I am new to the forum and wanted to know if there is a recommendation for step parenting a child with ADHD. He is 10 almost 11 and my son just turned 12. There is a constant rollercoaster on privelleges given to each child, structured discipline or lax discipline. Since my son does not have ADHD and is a round about average child. I am easily frustrated with the daily, by minute constant issues that comes with trying to help, teach and trying to stay on track with structured discipline that gears towards not only my step son with ADHD but also my own child and their individual characters. I am the discplinary one in the house hold where my husband is the extremly laid back parent.
We have two very different views on how to handle his son. I want constant and consistant structure. But I don't always have the support.
Ultimately it really effects my relationship with him and my step son and I see it now more than ever carrying over to my own son and our relationship since I am more irritable than ever.
Has anyone experienced anything similar and/or is there any advise you can give me? There are alot of stories and posts on here that are interesting but I haven't found anything yet on this topic. I have read where divorced parents are upset with the other new mom or dad in the picture on the other side.
My SS mother is not in the picture at all. She sees him once or twice a year (which I don't even agree with that).
Just frustrated and hope to find someone in a similiar situation or hopefully someone to lean on for great advise!
Thanks all!
HI!
I can understand your frustration...and I'm the one with the oposite situation. Dh and I have two of our own children and he has a son from a previous marriage. My step son is SUPER! He is good, smart...just 'normal'. It's our ds we have together that has ADHD. Our boys love and adore each other...but Dh and I realized B, my stepson, was suffering (from all the 'issues' that ADHD can bring on everyone involved) and we decided to make a plan to help us all.
First, you and DH are going to HAVE to get on the same level (for the most part). Being a mom is different than being a dad, so you guys will just have to decide when to agree to disagree and to pick your battles with one another on the issues at hand. But an overall plan that you can sit your kids down and explain on black and white paper is the best. Your son needs to know what is going on with his brother-explain to him what ADHD is and educate!! It's best for all involved. Explain rules and expectations and CONSEQUENCES, not only does this leave it cut and dry (for the most part) for the boys but also gives YOU a guideline to follow. This will especially help you when you feel completely emptied out, depleted-and you can grab your "Sanity on paper" and folow it.
Having a blended family is an issue on its own, so this kind of complicates the situation. BUT it doesn't have to make it BAD. Just get a plan, make it a family issue where everyone can see what is going on.
A family night, once a week at least, will also really help. We're considering making wednesday night our family night. Full of things that will give us some good, quality time together. I told DH this is the night I'll make everyone's favorite meal (no hassle meal) and we're just going to enjoy one another. It's a good idea, I think. I got it from someone else, so I'm not bragging! ha ha
Just keep educating yourself. Love your boys and your husband. Make communication a KEY in your family. Make NO yelling a top priority. I'm currently working on this one...it's a hard habit to break. But I realize it affects everyone NEGATIVELY and so I'm done with it! Take time outs for yourself and have do-overs, too. When you mess up, and you will, allow yourself a do-0ver and allow your boys those, too! (including dh)
Best of luck and I hope this helped and did not seem like rambling! I'm in a hurry!!