private school? | ADHD Information
My experience with a private school has been very positive. THere are over 500 students and the administration has been proactive. We established an IEP and are in the process of tweaking it. I would continue to push them for services. Your school district should be able to provide you with some guidelines. My son has benefitted from the structure of a Catholic school. I find it Hard to believe that they are so resistant to provide help to your child. THis is his third year there and it's going well. He attends morning care each day to burn off steam before sitting in a classroom. He takes heavy packages (a weighted box of books I supplied) to the office to get him out of the classroom when he is in need of a break, and last year they set up a trampoline in a spare office for him to use as needed. He's on his third med, Focalin XR, and it is effective. Still, they have been great with accomodations (modifying the number of spelling words, etc). I have frequent conferences to ensure he is on track. Surely they have other students with challenges. If they already have a special ed teacher on staff, it should not be a big deal to work with your child. Perhaps if you are armed with an outline of simple changes that will help your child succeed, they will see that it is not that big a deal. Good luck, it's way too early to throw in the towel.I think, like with everything, this is quite individual. Although I agree it may be soon to give up. Just being in public school won't ensure all your needs be met, however, there are WAY more services available. Either way you'll need to push for them. Rarely do school's just jump in and offer accomodations and/or services. I say this coming from a WONDERFUL district, in some ways, but you still need to be educated and know what to ask for and how to ask.
I also, would know your rights and laws and figure out what your child needs and meet with the team there and see how things go. Sometimes it's only a few things they need, like preferential seating, the option of modified homework when necessary, etc., etc.
However, school pressure can and will exacerbate symptoms and I wouldn't hold out for the "right time" if you feel your child is struggling and the move is what you want to do. Go with your gut, it's usually right
This is a complicated situation! She lives to play basketball and because she has a 'D" she's ineligible. In our zoned district, students can have up to 1 'F' and be eligible. This really throws a wrench in the decision. Many students at her school know she's an avid basketball player and it won't take them long to put 2 and 2 together! If we were to transfer her in the next week or so, she could play at the local public school, which is considered excellent.THey want me to bring documentation of ADD to the mtg. They knew she was ADD since school started and I wrongfully assumed they would be more flexible. Now that I have brought up "modifications" they said I must bring documentation of testing and a report to the mtg.
Since they're are SO few students that get special help, DD doesn't want to be THAT singled out. I think the rigor of the academics and the individual responsibility is way over her head. Her work ethics really need to improve, but I'm not sure such a rigid program will do it.
Yes, Yes to making things worse! Her emotional state has been much worse since all this started. She is very grouchy.
It really depends on the school that you enrolled in. Some may have the resources an funding and some may not. In our case they had no resources or knowledge. We were in private from K-3. It was very small 11-15 kids per class and they had no services and my ds struggled. They had no idea how to help him at all. After many months of trying to help they asked that he transfer to public 5 weeks before school ended. Seriously!!! They already knew that he was going public for 4th as I had told them this multiple times. I knew he needed more than they could give him. I refused to leave 5 weeks before school ended and fought it as he was so emotionally fragile that this would have destroyed him. They agreed that they would keep him there on a day to day basis and luckily we made it through. He started in public for 4th grade and he has blossomed in this short time!!! He was given an IEP, is getting the help with spelling, has a shared para in a regular ed class, has support from guidance and made a ton of new friends. I wish that I had put him in their sooner. They have the knowledge, the budget and resources to help the children that need it.
Any child with special needs from developmental to physical will always have more opportunities and resources in a public school. Remember, that there is funding (both state and federal) couple with extensive oversite to level the playing field for your child. Of course you have to be an advocate and assertive to obtain it, but many of those resources are not available in private schools. Imagine attaching an aid to a child for half the day; in a private school the funds for that aid might make the difference between the private school being profitable or having to raise the cost of tuition. Did you know that teachers in many private schools do not have credentials since many states don't mandate credentials for private schools! There are no class size restrictions and 504's or IEP's are often not welcomed nor necessarily followed. Remember, 504's and IEP require extra time and administration; something private schools often lack.
Of course I'm generalizing, but if a teacher in a private school feels that a child is distruptive to the class (because of their challenges), they can make the experience so uncomfortable that you'll want to leave. But if that were to happen in a public school you would have a whole cadre of legal recourses to pursue.
I guess the bottom line is that in a public school your child is guaranteed an education whereas in a private school, you get what you pay for.
Paul
You will find a public school doing more for your child on an individual basis if needed. Private is just that PRIVATE. They can do what they want, they are private. The public schools have to follow the federal and state laws, they are funded by both.
If your child needs special accomodations such as through a 504 or IEP, then a public school is in his/her best interest. There are great towns/cities out there with public schools that operate just a well as a private school, especially those surrounded by private, they need to compete with them in there own way. A lot of lovely towns are expensive to live in due to their education system and it keeps property values up.
If you feel your child would be better serviced in public and that private will not help her, I would reconsider public. They will certainly do more for her if she qualifies, it is the law!
Best wishes!!
I am so glad your story ended happily. I can't believe the private school would even consider asking him to leave that close to the end. That couldn't be good for any child's self-esteem. At the private school we're at, I know of at least one struggling student (much lower than DD) that received a letter in the mail stating that maybe this school was not the best place for him.I believe in my heart that this school is trying to compete with area prep schools and students' standardized test scores are their priority. I get the feeling they almost discourage students who aren't of a certain type to stay. If DD got a letter or any hint that they wanted her to leave, her self-esteem would plummet.
My kids are also at a private school which is very academically
challenging. DD started in pre-K and is now in 5th. All in all they both do
well academically, DD better than DS. They are wiling to help to a point
but it is hard knowing exactly what to ask for. DS's 2nd grade teacher is
actually working with him one on one after school once a week in spelling
which is really his only problem area. DD doesn't really have any academic
problems, it is more organizational and social. With that they don't seem
to know what to offer. What I notice more and more with DD is that she is
missing maybe 20-25% of what goes on in class whether it is material
being presented or something having to do with assignments. That is
what trips her up. As far as social skills and organizational skills, I feel
like DD is really toward the bottom of her class and often wonder if she
wouldn't do better in an enviornment with other kids who struggle with
some of the same issues. The families at this school are nice though and I
wonder if she wouldn't struggle where ever she is. It's a tough call but I
do think struggling through school for whatever reason can really hurt a
child's self esteem. Good luck to all.Happy2bemom,
My two cents: Although I would hate to rush a decision of this sort, it seems as if your gut feeling is that your private school is more interested in retaining a certain "caliber" of student than in helping those that don't fit the cookie-cutter mold. Add that to the fact that your daughter loves basketball and would be able to play at the public school, and I think, if I were in your position, I might just take that leap and transfer her now. I think promoting and supporting kids' areas of interest is extremely important. If she has something she loves and is good at, it can make all the difference. It can make the difference between feeling good about herself and NOT. It can make the difference between being happy at school of hating it. It can make the difference between having a reason to want to do well and not caring.
Plus, as others have mentioned, public schools have more services available and are legally obligated in ways that private schools aren't.
So, based on what you've said, I think I would very seriously consider transferring NOW. And I would do a lot of research and try to get a 504 set up right away.
Good luck and let us know what happens!
Also, on a personal note: My daughter began school at a highly-academic charter school. It did NOT suit her and we made a pretty quick decision to transfer her into our local public school mid-way through kindergarden. The charter school, while legally obligated to accept all students, had subtle ways of weeding out those that didn't fit the high-achiever mold. I wondered, at the time (silly me) why they didn't appear to care much about losing a student when I decided to transfer her out. Obviously they didn't want to have to pay for services and didn't want a student who might drag down their scores. Transferring her out was a fantastic decision! (This charter was a great school for my son, though)
My daughter stayed at the public school through elementary. She is now thriving in 7th grade at an arts-oriented charter school with lots of kids who don't fit any mold!
happytobemom, I have been where you are. I sent my son to a private Catholic school and was astounded at the lack of understanding/ support that I received. I have no solutions for you, in that your DD is in 6th grade and your options are limited, but I will tell you that ADHD/ ADD doesn't get any easier as your child gets into teen years. In fact, as I feared, it gets more complicated. The main problem that you have, aside from any negative academic outcomes, is what this school is doing to your child's self esteem on a daily basis. Most of the research data about ADD/ADHD individuals all agrees on this one vital area. Daily assault to a child's self esteem is more dangerous to their future than any other co-morbidity of ADHD. If you are feeling uneasy and upset, there's a reason and I encourage you to take it by the horns now. I was persuaded to wait, when my head told me to pull him in October. Thus I put my son through a hideous year while I tried to "work with them". If I had paid attention to my instincts he would have been much better off. YOU know your child the best. Pay attention to your gut, and don't be afraid to take the gloves off in pursuit of what is best for your child. Unfortunately, as we all find out, no one give these kids much slack.
Hi,
I think everyone makes very good points. Having said that both my children are in a private independent school and doing very well. Both children have ADHD. In general, (I hope no one is offended) religious schools probably have less tolerance/knowledge about learning differences and accomodations. They tend to not be as expensive and therefore have less money for additional services. Many of my friends send their children to Catholic schools and some are very accomdating and some not so much. I think it is very individual to the school.
My children's school teachers are all credentialed, small class sizes, college prep (K through 12) and very expensive. So expensive I am not sure how much longer we will be able to afford it. My son started to struggle in 4th grade we began medication (after many many meds have found the right one) and he is doing great in 6th grade so far. My concern about putting him in public schools was that he is so bright he wouldn't qualify for accomodations because his scores are very good. In general, he is a very good student but struggles with the typical ADHD kid issues such as remembering homework. I have found the school very very helpful as long as my son is not being disruptive and he is doing his work. The teachers have been a source of inspiration for our family and have always stepped forward to help. Many of the teachers have attended workshops by Mel Levine who is a very forward thinker on learning styles and how to reach unique learning styles. What I am trying to say is that the school does make accomodations but does not provide additional services. In fact, the middle school quidelines specifically addresses learning styles.
While I know that public schools have to make accomodations is it only when the student is failing or do they help when the child is just not meeting their potential?
Paul, you bring up some very good points that I hadn't thought of regarding changing to public school in later school years. I was thinking of changing my ds next year in 7th grade to a very well respected public middle school. The reason for the change was to give him a bigger social circle. But, maybe that would be difficult for the reasons you mentioned.
We live in a diverse neighborhood and the school is very diverse (for a private school). The school lacks the hispanic culture because generally in our area they choose Catholic schools. My son is the only non minority on his soccer team. So I do think he gets a fairly well rounded exposure to different cultures. HOWEVER, my ds does not get much economic diversity exposure of other cultures. The diversity that he sees in his life is cultural not economic. He has not been exposed to children who have parents in jail, parents on drugs, or kids who have little food to eat. At this public middle school he would have more exposure to economic diversity.
I chose the private school because at a young age I could tell my ds creative and intellectual abilities would not be fostered in the public school. Our public schools are all about teaching to the test not about the love of learning. He is a 6th grade ADHD kid who loves to go to school because school is interesting in every respect. I did not want him to survive in elementary school but to thrive. The private school has accomplished that. I really don't think his problems would have been on the radar screen at the public schools. The public schools have so much to deal with. I have had many public school teachers tell me ds school has the education all children should get but don't. Very well rounded, very broad and very deep.
Where I live the public schools that are in affluent areas tend to be very good because they are not using the extra resources to bring up the struggling children. However, they all teach to the test. If it's not on the the test it most likely won't be taught.
Also, my husband was very much like my ds at the same age. However, at his public school in 6th grade his grades were 4 Ds and 2 Fs. The school wanted to have him repeat but didn't think it would do any good. He went on to get a ph.d and is in the tops of his field internationally. His parents were saints.
Last night I raised this topic to several junior high school teachers (public) and though there were many different thoughts, there was one point of consensus among all. Most of the children, regardless of academic challenges (or not) had a difficult time socially transitioning from a private school to a public one if the change was done at the junior or high school level.
As pointed out, private schools are composed of a much smaller population often containing little diversity in culture, race and religious values. So imagine an adolecent trying to 'fit in' with little or no experience dealing with these differences. Some folks would prefer to isolate their children from these influences while others prefer to embrass them. Regardless of your personal feelings, the real point is: a child's ability to adapt with limited or no experience to these influences.
Typically, these kids end up isolated and having a miserable time during their first year. So if you are considering the transition, keep in mind the social influences which become even more important as a child grows older.
Paul
If meds are optimize and the performance is declining, then it's time to modify the environment. Change schools!
In regards to 'learning a lesson'...we've all attempted to teach our kids 'lessons' but have discovered that normal parenting tools just don't work. The reason of course is that our kids have a different 'window' to the world than others. I probably have over use this analogy but.... imagine your child in a boat trying to land a fish and approaching a waterfall. It's not that they don't care about the waterfall, it's just that they're to busy catching the fish. Our kids view the world in the present with little or no filter of the past (less than two minutes) and little thought of consequences from the future (they only think a couple of minutes ahead). They are prisoners of the present; too focused on their immediate needs to realize the consequences of their actions.
Paul
The mtg. yesterday that was called by the school went about like I expected. Even with the ADD report sitting on the conference table, they will do little modifying. They want her to have a full evaluation and only then will they consider real modifications through their academic support teacher. It seems she is "under a microscope" there because she struggles some. They will let her try out for basketball, but every 2 1/2 wks they will check her grades to decide if she can get off the bench. (At public school, she would be eligible w/o question).
The ironic part of all this is that I AM a special education teacher in public school. I know all about 504 plans and many different modifications that can be done.
Question for you all: What do you do when your child just doesn't "get it" about the importance of work ethics (like homework?). DD just seems to be-bop around the house at night oblivious to any school obligations. I know she could do better, but the maturity level (not even 11 1/2 in 6th grade) is low. I know much of this is her fault for not being the kind of student she has the potential to be. Right now there's no self-discipline about academics.
This would break any parents' heart---one teacher told me that DD's self-esteem in academics is about ground level. She said she acts embarrassed to raise her hand for help and will pretend to understand when she doesn't. DD denies she feels bad about school at all, but this makes me wonder if the pressure of private school is taking a toll.
Bottom line-------we have about 3-4 days left to decide what to do. In public school she would blend in with many learning styles and could play sports. But, maybe she needs to "learn a lesson" about being responsible??? (Basketball is probably her ticket to college though!)
When does parenting get easier? And I thought the terrible 2's, 3's and 4's were tough.
2 more cents:
Kids with ADHD do tend to be more immature. I don't believe that your daughter is at fault for not being more responsible. It is much harder for kids with ADHD to focus and organize and plan in ways that would make it possible to handle school work responsibly. They need things broken down for them, modifications and appropriate techniques that make it possible to learn, succeed and feel good about themselves. It seems that what your daughter is learning and would continue to learn in the private school is that she isn't good enough and it's not worth trying. Based on what you've said, I think the public school sounds like a better opportunity for your daughter.
Have you read any of Dr. Mel Levine's books? I think you might find A Mind at a Time very helpful. The Myth of Laziness, too.
Good luck!
I agree about maybe not worrying about teaching her a lesson right now. There are more positive ways to instill better work ethic in regard to schoolwork for these kids. She may never care. My daughter is 14 and really if given her way, she'd never do a speck of schoolwork. But she has learned over the years she has no choice in the matter. It really has taken a lot of battles and a good working relationship with the school to set her up to succeed. She can't figure it out on her own. Help give her the tools now and eventually you'll have to pull back and let her pay the natural consequences of not doing the work. Be sure she has the right tools to succeed first. My daughter would generally start a school year without a privilege (like no school night tv) until first quarter report cards came in. If she didnt have lack of effort in any subject she earned back weeknight tv after all homework. We had done it previously the other way around and she lost a privelege with a bad report card, but it was a negative...taking the privelege she had away. The other way she did the right thing first then earned the privelege. Getting something ALWAYS beat out losing something.
Oh and not sure it EVER gets easier 
Papers that are turned in a day late are counted off 1/2. You all know how well that works with an ADD child!
I've been asked to meet w/ all teachers Tuesday. I am wondering if this is the beginning of a sort of "weeding out" process.
Has anyone else ever tried private school? DD is not a cookie-cutter type student and I think that's the problem.
My daughter is only in the 1st grade at a private school. She too is not the cookie-cutter type. She is the only little girl in the class that gets multiple card changes per day and numerous talking sticks taken away. Most of her talking sticks are taken away because she is asking the child next to her what to do next because she has forgotten. She was just diagnosed at the beginning of first grade. Her teacher has been very supportive, but I can tell now she is getting a tad more frustrated with my daughter. She asked me the other day when I thought the Strattera was going to start working for my daugher. (Strattera is her third med. Stimulants didn't work very well with her.)
My dd's psychologist told me we should reevaluate our situation at the end of 1st grade because public schools are required by law to make accommodations for our daughter, whereas private schools are not. The school she attends looks for the best of the best students. She is very bright, but she has her set-backs. I am afraid her second grade teacher may not be as understanding with her situation. So, we don't know what to do.
She has a lot of anxiety, too. She has to get up in front of the entire class every Friday to recite a Bible verse. She hates it and of course, her teacher will not make an exception for her. The pressure of this school is probably too much for her right now, but I hate to make a change right in the middle of the school year. That may make her anxiety worse.
I just wanted to let you know we are in the same boat. I will look forward to seeing the responses you get to this post.
I think you made a good decision. The fact that your daughter is happy and excited about it says alot. Hopefully it will be a great fresh start for her! Let us know how it works out. [QUOTE=happy2bemom]
I keep blaming MYSELF. I think if I had just stayed more on top of her homework, or reminded her more to turn in papers, or contacted teachers about her grades early on, or changed medicine, then none of this would have happened.
[/QUOTE]
I think we all blame ourselves at times or at least wonder if we could have done something different or better, but we're doing the best we can and nobody's perfect. You can't do anything about the past, just keep trying to move forward, one step at a time. I have a feeling that in your situation, this may all work out for the best anyway.
The replies to my note have been so helpful. People w/o an ADD child try, but don't really understand.
After much thought and prayer, we have decided to put DD in public school next week. She is on cloud 9! I think it's important that she be in a place where other learning styles are accepted.
I keep blaming MYSELF. I think if I had just stayed more on top of her homework, or reminded her more to turn in papers, or contacted teachers about her grades early on, or changed medicine, then none of this would have happened.
All this school stuff, plus the anger issues at home we've been dealing with, and I think I'm ready to pack up and live on a deserted island alone! I wonder what exactly it is about the ADD mind (biologically) that makes it so complicated? And, yet so special? She is so creative and fun, and can light up a room. I would wager a bet that many inventors, artists, musicians, etc.. have a degree of ADD.