I dont think I can take this | ADHD Information

, I'm so happy for him.................and you!That is so fantastic!  And also, it's a positive behavior reinforcement for him.  He now knows what he needs to do to not be picked last, and it will be it's own reward if he keps on this path.  Remind him of this success when he falters - he'll be able to get himself back on track.

Hi all,

     I just wanted to update everyone.  My son was constantly having trouble with the same 2 boys at school and one of them lives in my neighborhood so I went straight to his parents and told them what was up.  They had a talk with their son and things have surely improved with him. The other child was calling my son names.  Well, I belong to a mothers group and we met some new members and guess what?  Thats right, the bullies mother was part of the group and my son pointed out the bully who was there.The mother, upon finding out what was up immediatly pounced on her son and gave him a talking to.  She has since e-mailed me to let me know the situation was handled and that I should contact her if there are any more problems.

     My ds came home Monday and told me that everyone was playing soccer the week before and that the two captains got into a fight because neither one of them wanted my son on their team.  Why was my son telling me this?  Well, on that day ( Monday) they were chosing teams and he was very happy and proud to tell me that he was chosen for a team and that he was not picked last.  The look of happiness on his face at this simple act nearly broke my heart.

     I told hubby that as he is a good student, that he is so sweet natured that maybe it is not his behavior that needs changing but maybe my point of view.  I am hoping that things continue to improve for my little man.

 

 

Longsally- I remember when my older son went to camp. He lasted 6 days. The counselor told me all he wanted to do was count beebee's. He would go and collect used beebee's and spend all day counting them. Then they spilled all over the cabin floor and the beebee's were taken away. My son came home and we didn't try camp again..

If your son's meds are working in the morning, perhaps it is rebound in the afternoons that make him worse or just the meds wearing off. Jon wants to go to church functions in the evenings and it can't be done. He just can't behave and I will not punish him for what he can't control. He went to a behavioral psychologist for 6 months and it did make a difference for a while. But- even with insurance, Jon's med bills are hundreds of dollars a month and there are things we just can't afford.

So- if you arrange a playdate for your son- do it in the morning when his med's are working and let them go to a park where he can run around and play. That is helpful to Jon.

Hope this helps. I don't think it gets easier- I just think WE adjust to it.

Randy

Thank you to all for your understanding.  We bought my son a skateboard for his 8th birthday and he loves to go to the local skatepark.  Hubby said he will start taking him there every weekend and paying for him for lessons.  It is something he can do by himself where he challenges himself.

We did try baseball but he wasnt very good so they would put him in the outfield and he woud look at everything but the game.  He was bored and wanted out so...Now he wanted to do tackle football and we said yes but he doesnt like it but I am making him finish what he started so.....I am thinking about karate or something like that for him which will also teach him self defense and some self esteem.

My heart aches for him and as much as I love him, I need a break sometimes.  Even over the sumer he is home with me all day on the days I dont work.  I was really hoping that as he got older it would get better and it has in a lot of areas.  The social skills is the only problem we really have with him. He makes good grades, he doesnt tease others, he loves plants and animals, he is generally a good kid.  I just wish he would learn to get along.

    This story rings true for my ds as well. He does have aspergers as well. I can sympathize with you and your family. He sees a speech therapist 3 times a week for pragmatic problems. He learns turn taking in conversations,  answering questions correctly, learning social cues and more. It has worked wonders for him. He started 3 years ago and has had great improvements. That is not to say he can keep his hands to himself while talking and he is VERY persistent when talking about what interests him. But this plus his social group therapy at school are getting him on a better social track. They just started the group thing recently because his 2nd grade class alone has 3 kids with aspergers, 1 bipolar and many true adhd.

     OK, My son has had social skills classes, he is on medication, he is making all a's and b's in school.  So what is the problem?  he has NO social skills to speak of.  He started 2nd grade this year and only has 2 children that will play with him at school.  We went to a religious school function tonight and noone there wants to play with him.  He gets in everyone's faces, talks over them, never lets others speak, pushes other people around.  WE have spoken to him about his behavior, we have done everything we can think of but he cannot apply the knowledge he has.

     I dont want to sound like a completely horrible person but I am tired of not being able to go to functions and relax and enjoy myself because my son can not get along with others.  He can not go to b-day parties that are drop off as the last one he went to I was called after 45 minutes to come and get him due to his behavior.  He is told repeatedly not to complain about people in front of them but yet he does.  Sometimes I just want to hit some sense into him and tell him to get with the program.  Truth is, I was so depressed today over his behavior that I told him to get used to his computer, gameboy and play station because he will not have any friends and I cannot help him any more.

     I have never seen such creative, smart and loving child that is so lonely and that I know will lead a very lonely life because he cannot get along with others.  I cannot even send him to summer camp like other children because I know that within 1 week, he will have alienated all the other kids and he will be miserable and I cannot stand the thought of him being hit and attacked by other children.  I feel trapped.

Hi,

I would like to say "what a terrible mother" but I too have said similar things. I cry sometimes when I think about my comments to my son but I know that I was at the end of my ropes. We want them to see life like we do, but it aint so. They have a very different lense to the world and it's not like us. Having said that there are great benefits to their minds but the parents want to tear our hair out. Tonight, I want to cry about how my son acts because I don't really know what to ignore and what to punish. I know the "experts" don't like to hear the word punish but what does a parent do when the child is clearly at faultl?

I would love to have great advice for you but hang in there and just remember how differently they view the world. I read a book called "The curious incident of the dog in the nightime." It was a very interesting thought provoking book on how different the world can be viewed by different minds. The author although not autistic wrote the book as a person with autisim and how a person with autisim views the world around them. It was a very interesting read about how different minds work.

oh longsally, I thought things were getting better for you! I'm sorry this is not yet. I truly believe it will though. Sometimes maybe you should do some tings separate and not with your son there. My daughter can "ruin" outings with us too. We're trying to come to a balance. For examply over the summer while she at school, my husband and I took a vacation day and took my youngest to a water park without my oldest. We had a BLAST. No complaining, little impatientce, didnt want every little thing at the snack bar and gift shop, not constantly talking about what we're doing next so we can't enjoy what we're doing now. I felt SO guilty, but my oldest does a LOT of activities and we really enjoyed the day with our younger daughter.

your son will outgrow some of these behaviors and you'll be able to send him to things. He may not become the model child in social development, BUT he will get better.

hausof4, I read that book also.

Longsally - my son was in second grade last year and he had horrible behavior towards others with sometime violent occurrences. That was the school year we finally tried medication (and luckily found the right one asap) and we just gave it time. My son used to complain he had no friends at school - I assumed all this happened from the way he treated people and how do you tell a child it is his "fault" so to speak. I didn't - I couldn't. So I told I didn't have many friends at his age and it will get better. Also, told him - they will soon figure out how wonderful he is and gave him lots of love.

I still gave out consequences for bad behavior, praised the good ones and just stuck to my guns and learned to remain calm (that wasn't easy - let me tell you)
But sometime over the past summer something happened (gradually) he didn't fight back all the time, his first words weren't always negative responses, he was calmer and, dare I say, happier.

I acquait this to medication, discipline from us and school and maturity. 6 months to them is like 5 years for us. Prime example of how I know he really improved - last year he came home at least 3-4 days a week with bad colors. He couldn't go 2 days in a row with a great color (behavior colors from school - green, yellow, etc...) This year it is the exact opposite. Almost all great colors during the week with the occasional medicore color and only 2 timeout colors!! Which amazed me.

Give it time - it will get better!

newmom39731.242037037My son is so into his own world, he doesn't even notice that others don't want to be with him (girls more that boys). I dislike going to after school social events because we end up being isolated either by other people or I tend to pull him aside so things do not escalate into a larger problem. In school he is a different child than he is at home and I think it is the social factor.

Things have improved in the last few years. I believe it is the meds that help and I am hoping maturity is the key. In Kindergarten, we had fighting issues when he became frustrated. By 1st grade, the "active" boys learned that it was fun to get my son involved in unexceptionable behavior and then bow out and let my son take the blame. Later teasing him. Second grade, was better still flying off the handle frequently but did make a few casual friends. Here we are in Third grade, having writing/handwtiting skill difficulty. Friends are still casual and infrequent. In the class he still gets time to leave the group and pull himself together.

I found that team sports do not work! He now is in Karate and excelling. Signed approval of the teacher is needed to promote. Our Sensei (Karate instructor) does teach personal responsibility to the class and then also helps with individual students with school difficulty. Those little talks really help to link Karate expectation to life in general. I noticed there are a lot of ADHD and other children with LD in our Karate school. I consider this part of his medical treatment.

Hang in there.


CDEHART - I totally agree about team sports. My son did 2 years of spring baseball and I think it wasn't great for him. He couldn't focus long enough, so he never really improved so he was always stuck in the back field. He wants to keep going but I don't want to encourage it. On the flip side, he is fantastic at golf, swimming, skateboarding - his focus is unparalleled - even before meds. I agree that an individual sport is the way to go - it builds up self-esteem and confidence.

We have a similar story.  My ds had a rough time last year but this year he has all new kids in his class that do not know him and his old reputation (from 2 years ago!) and he is happier.  He wants a kid to come over on Sunday so I sent in a note for him to give to his mom. 

As a toddler, he alienated all the neighborhood kids so we didn't get into the playgroup.  He was just too rough.  I went back to work and found a great preschool with a director that really understood him.  Then in 1st grade (2 years ago) we tried meds.  Now we are reaping the rewards but it has been an uphill battle.

We are doing Tae Kwon Do and he loves it!  I think it has helped his behavior as much as maturity (but not as much as the meds  .  )

 

Good luck!

 

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