Help please adhd daughter lying/stealing | ADHD Information

Ok, I'm going to throw a wrench into the thread here.  I have never heard that there is a direct link between ADHD - lying and steeling.  Yes, adderal can cause moodiness, irritation and dramatic mood swings, but I've not read any thing about lying and steeling.  Now, that doesn't mean I'm right.  lol  There are a LOT of times that I'm miss-informed.  I'll get with ms.mom and luvmykids on it, they know more about the strange traits than I do.  But I can say that I do think you all are right about it being compulsivity.  But, I'm ADHD (severe and I just turned 37), my son is ADHD and will be 11 in one month.  Telling lies is a phase, even NON adhders go through it.  But the steeling, not a phase.  I would have NEVER stole any thing; EVER!!  My son, NEVER!!!!  If he would the guilt would eat him alive.  Most ADHDers are people pleasers.  They will do any thing to please their parents at this age and when they get into the mid-teen years, they will try to fit in with their friends.  But that is where the hard part of parenting comes into play.  The first time you find out about it, you have to learn the most valuable form of currency your child has and remove it.  And remove it NOW for a LONG time.  The first few times of this and you will not have a clepto problem any longer.  Children usually learn very quickly from their mistakes if you punish right away in the Right way.  Find that curacy and you will be cutting the head off the deadly snake. 

Speaking from experience, I never stole any thing, but that is because I knew my parents would punish me to my room, no games, no TV, no phone, no friends over, all the chores in the house they could think of, and reading every night for an hour, and worse of all I had to write sentences.  Usually a 2 line sentence about why my behavior was wrong, and I had to write it 30 times.  So, you have be diligent with us ADHDers.  We learn hands on.  I know it sounds extreme.  Just remember, sit with your child first and go over all the different ways of punishment and decide together what you both feel is right for each offense and then your child will feel more mature about what he/she is doing and I guarantee the steeling will probably stop after the next time (if there is a next time when they know the punishment ahead of time).  And it really does work.  Read the marble thread for the first few 5 pages, you will see how well it works.  But, I promise you, steeling is NOT normal and can lead to serious jail time.  I would worry what my son is steeling that I "don't know about".  When you know what they are doing, they are actually doing 10 times more you don't know about. 

 

I hope this helps.  Feel free to ask me any questions, I'm an open book on ADHD, I live it every day and raise it every day.  I find the joy in it and know pretty much how to manage it with GREAT success.  You would NEVER know our son is ADHD.  Any of my tricks and tips are yours, just ask!

Hi, xeno.

From what you said, I can only guess -- maybe she is falling victim to peer pressure to the point where she would do something she may know is not right in order to gain acceptance?  That is a big guess only. 

I have heard others here say their children have lied, myself included.  My son lied to teachers, my husband, and me in years past, and we confronted him; it was about homework and school issues.  At that point in time, he was overwhelmed, so thought if he lied, it would ease some of his pressure; guess he thought he could fool everyone.  Lying still is a problem and he is now in 11th grade; however, he/we are receiving therapy now, so that seems to be making a difference, as far as having what I call a "mediator," a calm voice of reason (we have some tough issues we are dealing with as a family at this time; hence, the therapy).

Hope I didn't discourage you; just trying to bring out the point that there may be things going on in school that you may not be aware of/she might not have felt comfortable to discuss. 

Good luck.  Keep us posted.

Hi,

My DD is the same. Adderrall XR didn't help her Implusitivy...which is what it sounds like you are saying...she's lies and takes things and can't see anything wrong with doing it. I would get her another medication to try...it doesn't sound like Adderrall is it for her.

 

 

Hi,

I am the step parent of a ADHD child. She is 10 years old and she is driving me and her mother insane! She is constantly lying and stealing things from us. Last week it was 6 dollars and then this week we checked her locker at school and found my wife's class ring in her pencil bag. We have tried everything we can think of and nothing works. She is taking adderal 30mg and think she may need more. When she gets caught all we get is lie after lie and everything is our fault. She says we just don't understand her.



xeno,
My 2 cents: I think therapy of some sort is an excellent suggestion. This sounds like pretty extreme behavior for a 10-year-old and you seem angry and frustrated. I am guessing that there are underlying issues and it would be best to address them before this child hits the teen years.
I think luvmykids comments about kids who are viewed negatively make a lot of sense. It would be great if you could help your stepdaughter find some positive activities/interests to focus on.
Gretchen, sorry you had such an upsetting experience with your son's school.

gretchen:  It is evident how much you care and are concerned for your child's well being.  Sometimes even with best intentions and lots of effort, we parents are blindsided when a tough situation comes up.   

Counseling is a positive.  Explore your options.  Personally, lately, we have found counseling to be a good method of support and education, though, it did take time to get to that point. 

Good luck. 

Children, ADHD or not who are always viewed in a negative light will very often lie to protect themselves by lying so that they are not in trouble once again or viewed negatively once again. Lying may be more prevalent amongst children who are labeled "trouble or trouble makers" because people in general constantly look at what the child did wrong instead of what they did right. Children who are unable to keep up with assignments, homework, etc but are held to the same standards as children without challenges will once again lie to avoid punishment. Lying is not a criteria of ADHD but it is strategy a child will insitnctively use to avoid consequences for things the child may not be able to control. Lying has nothing to do with impulsivity. Its  a defense mechanism. Very often when the adults change their behavior and their view of the child, the child changes their behavior as well.

Stealing, on the other hand is something entirely different.  Stealing is also not a trait of ADHD. It is a cry for help and perhaps there are other things going on. Sometimes its a cry for attention but that is something I would investigate further. Children with ADHD do know right from wrong and have a clear perception of reality.  Once you isolate the reason for the stealing, then you can go on to address the problem and correct it. Hope this helps :)

 

My son recently got caught stealing at school. He is 11 years old and was caught by the school liason officer by watching the camera recordings. He is in major trouble. I have taken various things and he will have to earn them back. He is grounded. I took this very seriously and my ADHD son knows what he did is wrong. However without offering any excuses for his behavior I explained some of the reasons for his behavior to the school police officer and was basically told that I was a liar and something else was going on with my child other than ADHD and maybe he needs counseling because something is wrong with him. I was so upset about this I still am unable to commincate with the principal about my problem with her view. If my child is treated as if his behavior regardless of the issue is a choice he is deliberatly making to to be bad, then I will not get anywhere with helping him become a successful student. Don't let people tell you its not something you might have to deal with as an ADHD parent or let them tell you thier is something major wrong with your child. Its not all thier fault even though they will have to suffer some consequences for the choice's they makeds make, it's not entirely something they can control due to maturity level. I included some information below that I have got from various articles. Don't let anyone tell you something is major wrong with your child.

~ogram~39745.6532291667Such symptoms are indicative of many things that cfan be non related to ADHD so please don't give much credence to statistics or statements written on the internet. Improperly or untreated ADHD can lead to undesirable behaviors but again, this is not the criteria for diagnosing ADHD. Stealing and lying to such an extreme degree needs to be addressed  by a professional to ascertain the reasons why. Only a trained professional can make a differential diagnosis so  please don't allow non professionals or internet articles to be your compass. If there are extreme concerns, consult a psychaitrist or a neuro psych.Your absolutely correct. There is someothing wrong with my son. I will stop the ADHD medicine and get him pyscholigcal help. I am a bad mother and I don't have a clue.My daughter went throught the samething last year. She would stela books from the school library and just little piddly stuf from her grandma.  We would punish take away thing spank we tried everything and nothing was working. She had other things going on in her life also at the time. Her grades were down the tube. She didn't really have any friends.  Her self esteem she had none. And she was looking at another year in the fifth grade. Well we set up a app with her Dr and he suggest couseling. So she had one on one couseling one a week and we had family couseling every other week. This gave her someone to tak to with her feeling like she was being judged. It helped. The stealing has stopped. We do still have trouble with the lieing but at least the stealing has stopped. Her couselor said she thinks the stealing was just away to let off stress that she was under. This year she was held back but grade are going better. and her materity is more around the kids in fifth grade this year. The couselor also told be that lieing is part of ADHD that her her patients that has ADHD lie also. When you catch Elisabeth in a lie to tell her you know she is lieing and say I am going to give you one more chance to tell me the truth and then this is going to happen.  Most of the time that works. But if everything you have tried try couseling it really helped her. Melissa