young girls with ADD(ADHD) | ADHD Information
I have posted a little about this already but I really want some advice about how to best handle my daughters' issues. She is 6 - 7 next month and she is most likely ADD (ADHD) inattentive. She does not have problems learning - in fact she is very smart. However, she doesn't usually want to try most times unless it is time she wants to spend with me.
That leads me to another issue - she wants to spend too much time with me. She can't go more than 5-10 minutes playing by herself without coming up with some excuse to ask me something. She does the same to her teacher at school. Not so much with my husband. She wants to give us things - a flower, card, show us something - almost looking for more love if she gives us something. This is worrisome - now some of this could be related to that fact that she is adopted at an older age and probably has residule issues.
Her other issues - are her excitablity. I live by - praise for good behavior and consquences for unaccetable behavior ( I have a son with ADHD so I am experienced parent in this department). For my dd - if she receives praise - she gets so excited she always looses the good behavior and has to be reminded to calm down or stop the certain disturbing behavior (esp. at school). For consquences - she doesn't seem to care for more than a minute. It doen't affect her. Really tough for me and her teacher.
She likes other kids that aren't the best influence - they are loud, non-compliant with adults, manipulative at times. dd appears to be a follower and will do whatever they want. Or if she ever wants to do her own thing - she isn't nice about it. She cheats, she lies.
Lying is the other big issue - she lies all the time. No matter how much we tell her she won't be punished if she tells the truth (we understand kids make mistakes we just want to talk to her about it) but she lies all the time. In fact, it is so bad I never know when she is telling me the truth or I just don't trust a word that comes out of her mouth now. Sad.
Attention seeking - she will do anything to get attention from others. Good or bad attention. She has to be reminded everyday to not this or that from her teacher. And I have the same issues at home.
Ok - these are the main points. I know so many girls are overlooked with the ADD/ADHD dx but I do believe she is. We are back in play/behavior therapy, behavior modification (although I have already been doing that) and most likely meds. Medication has worked so well for my son (her biological brother) . I just don't want to wait and see her self-esteem spiral any further. I believe the attention and the overly affectionate needing towards me and her teacher are real signs she has self-esteem issues.
Would love some feedback on your experience with your daughters. Thanks
newmom39757.5080787037newmom, some of this I'd stop thinking so hard. Leave the possible ADHD and adoption issues out for a minute. How would you handle if those things weren't part of the equation. Me, if she gets over excited by the praise, tone it down some. Some kids you need to make a REALLY big deal about positives, especially kids with lots of negative behaviors. If not the case, a simple, good job, or I'm happy to see you make the right choice and move on quickly may be enough.
Friends........ friends are SO hard! If it were me, I'd control the playdates. She's still young, arrange playdates with kids you are comfortable with. You cannot control who she plays with at school, and I wouldn't try. I would, however, surround her with positive role models and peers, outside school and in extracurriculars.
Neediness (I have one of those ). It is ok for you to set limits on your time. It is fine for you to say, Mommy is reading her book right now and when I am finished we will read one of your books together. If you find a magic solution to this one though..........hand it over!
I am going out with the girls tonight to a craft fair (more about the wine than crafts 
), so my ADHD'er who is 14 lights up and says "oh can I come?". I'm thinking GOD NO. . Even Daddy "gets" that girls night is to get out of HERE. Child and husband LESS.
Medication & behavioral therapy have been extremely helpful to us. My daughter's self esteem is so much higher now than it was previously. She's doing well in school, has many friends and is a pretty happy kid.
The other comment you made regarding her adoption struck a cord with me as well. I would not discount that as a source of some of her struggles. In my reading regarding adoption, her behavior sounds very typical of adopted kids. Many of them end up with ADD labels when in fact they are struggling with problems with self image relating the to adoption experience and it come out as ADD like behaviors. It is something worth looking into and discussing with your therapist.
(I as adopted as an infant and have recently been working with my therapist regarding this topic.)
Diane v - regarding the over excitedness - I almost always just say "good job" or something quick and sutble and quickly move on but then she gets too excited that I noticed her that she starts repeating things or something similar Then excitedness or not good behavior comes right after. Sometimes I actually ignore the good things she does b/c I know what comes right after. It is like she can't control it.
Because her bio. brother had ADHD issues I have done so much research on it that I know the right and wrong way for behavior modification. On her it just doesn't work. She takes the positive to a quick negative and the negative - she doesn't care about the consequences.
Also, she is possibly one the happiest kids I have ever met. She has a great positive outlook - her therapist thinks she is overcompensating here and actually has very low self-esteem. (BTW - her therapist has known her since she moved in with us 2 years ago) And the constant showing of affection is probably related more to the adoption than ADHD. She thought she was possible ADHD back then but thought we should revisit that issue later. I believe both her bio parents were also allegedly ADHD as well.
Neediness: I have set limits, over and over again. She just won't listen. I can't walk by her room, playroom or wherever she is without getting bombarded with something by her. No matter how many times I say - I am working, doing a task, or simply relaxing - she HAS TO speak to me, ask me a question, give me something, etc.... This all might sound nice to some but I relate it to my son when his ODD got unbearable and 40-50 times ( I am not exaggerating) he would tell me he loved me. Too much of a good thing is not the right behavior either. Also, I do set time aside for her and me - everyday.
Friends - that one is tough. I know.
Attention seeking. I try to focus that with creative outlets. She is dance and drama classes and she loves it.
I am not quick to dx, medicate nor ignore adoption issues. I have done so much research on all of this especially with my son last year. I feel she will have issues with the rest of her life but my major concern is her lack of self-esteem and listening/ following directions and rules.
Being a woman and remembering my younger years - oh, the issues I had with self esteem and some of the destructive patterns I had. Now I had a completely normal, uneventful upbringing with 2 loving parents, great education and experiences. She has gone through hell and back all before she was 5 and the fact that she is a happy child makes me feel good. But I just see this could all turn quickly. That is why we are back in therapy, I am looking for behavior modification techniques that will work for her issues and possibly medication. (btw - we did all the alternative routes on her when we were working on my son's issues - diet, food allergies, supplements, therapy, etc....)
newmom39757.5555902778I know, my daughter says hi mom, EVERY SINGLE time she walks in a room or you walk by her.......so by 5:00pm on Saturday you've said hi to each other about 50 times. So I guess all I can do is commiserate. She is on meds and behavior plans for many years, this hasnt subsided much.
Because her bio. brother had ADHD issues I have done so much research on it that I know the right and wrong way for behavior modification. On her it just doesn't work. She takes the positive to a quick negative and the negative - she doesn't care about the consequences.
I wasnt suggesting you were doing any behavior modifications right or wrong, just offering suggestions.
diane v - the thing I hate about typing words is sometimes you can't express the context you are actually saying....I am not offended or on the defense about anything you said. I hope I was just trying to let you know that I need extra help b/c I have gone through this before but now with my daughter it appears so different, ya know!!!
LOL - about the saying hi!! I so know how you feel!! 