My DH just doesn’t get it!! | ADHD Information
Good Morning, Having a rough day today not just because my DS is struggling and we're trying to find the right med for him, but because I am so frustrated by my DH's attitude. This is an intelligent man who has been by my side (with our DS) through the last 3 years of doctor visits, testing, PPTs, etc. etc. However, when my DS acts up, my DH reverts to "He's only misbehaving because he isn't getting his way or isn't being properly disciplined at school/home" UGH!!!!! The problem is, he goes back and forth between accepting that my DS's serious issues are behind his behavior.
JJ has phenomenal support at school including his own aide, a weekly counselor I take him to, and a doctor for meds. However, it always becomes a big issue ("I'm drugging him again) when the two of us discuss changing the dose or type of med JJ is on. He actually heard that commercial on the radio about the guy who has this "magic" behavior plan and thinks that's a solution. Altough we implement various strategies at home and at school, my kid is way beyond a simple fix and I'm the only one of the two of us who accepts this.
Is anyone else where I am? Thanks for listening!
I am sorry, there are times I have to remind my DH about our son, who inherited it from him, ironically.
My son wouldn't be on meds if it wasn't for me. I would have started him earlier if my husband hadn't fought me, but I finally said enough. I regret not starting meds at 5. My hubby has even admitted that he needs his meds.
DH is there for our son but can "forget" and treat him lousy at times, until I remind him and that he is right there by DS's side supporting and defending and advocating.
Maybe your hubby had a bad day too. Any thoughts that your hubby has ADHD? Or feels guilty that about it?
It is so hard and a lot for us, but we have to remember just how awsome our kids are and that they are worth everything we are doing for them. It will also help them be better adults, and parents as well.
Hang in there, and yes, I have moments with my husband as well.
Thanks Beth Ann. I needed that support. Thanks for listening to my rantings.
No, my DH doesn't have ADD; it's on my side of the family for the most part, though I strongly suspect my DH's brother has it.
The crazy thing is there have been times when he has admitted that "the meds seem to be the only thing helping him." He just absolutely hates, as do I, putting JJ on anything. Maybe he sees it as some kind of failure, I don't know. A guy thing??? I don't like the times when he's too hard on him verbally and I have to get in the middle; then I'm seen as taking sides or undermining him. Feel like I'm walking a tightrope sometimes!!
Anyway, I got a lovely note from JJ's teacher (who is fantastic and totally devoted to him) that he's silly and unfocused and working in the special ed room. Cherry on top of my day. It's back to the drawing room with his meds, since the ones we've tried either don't work, wear off, or have side-effects. Combined with the fact that he ABSOLUTELY cannot swallow a pill - believe me we have tried and tried (and tried) everything. Here I go ranting again....
Thanks again.
Oh I SOOO understand!!I strongly believe my 9year old son would not be where he is today if it hadn't been for the fact that *I* pushed the evals and such at such an early age (2.5years old). My son was diagnosed as severely autistic at that time and is now considered high-functioning. *I* was the one who made the decision to put my son on meds (and add ADHD meds when I felt it was warranted) and as a matter of fact, *I'm* the one who deals with ALL things medical when it comes to both of my children.
I'm the one who is pushing for my younger son to be tested for ADD/Dyslexia because he's struggling in school. This is something I would of never known about had I not questioned his teacher.
Good luck on finding meds! My son takes Focalin XR because the pill can be opened and put into something he can eat. He can't swallow pills (actually, neither of my boys can) and likely will never learn since he has so many oral sensory issues.
*HUGS*!
jjsmom,
Another negative reputation in school, I just posted to another mother about that. It really breaks my heart about that having dealt with it myself. We too had that and couldn't shake the label, it still is around after 6 years!
My son didn't do anything in particular, just his adhd stuff. He too is speech delayed, but smart with computers, video games, plays sports, etc. but knows about kids being mean to him and bullying him, real lousy world.
We found concerta and dealt with the dosing, it truly saved him, but we still deal with stuff. I think we all aren't alone with that stuff, adhd or not. It is hard growing up now a days. Both the parents and kids can be cruel to others. So sad.
I wish the best with the med journey, keep us posted!!
Beth Ann - we tried the patch for 10 days (10mg) and teacher/sp. ed teacher saw "absolutely no difference." We increased the dose, 2nd day (election day) I got a call from school that he was breathing heavy. They thought at first he was just angry about something, but he told them he was having tighness. Immediately called me (told him to take off the patch) and the nurse (who checked him out) -- not in that order. Luckily all was well, but so much for the patch. We are going to try lowest dose of Vyvanase.
You are SO right about him not needing anything else to be picked on about. He has a negative reputation in school due to things that happened 2 years ago, not to mention he was speech delayed and has services for that. I think if we just find a med that works for him, 90% of the battle will be won. I'll keep you updated, and thanks again!!
have you tried the patch? some seem to have success.
We gave it a try once, but it never took affect so we stopped.
My son needs meds to make it through the day successfully. Otherwise he is a mess and goofy for an 11 year old. And we don't need to add anything to make the kids pick on, if you know what I mean. It is hard enough being ADHD.
Meds have really and I mean this truly, saved my son's life!
Yes, that is right, adderall xr can also be opened and sprinkled onto food, pudding, yogurt, ice cream, etc.
Finding the right med took us a while, right med and right dose, but it was worth it. We lucked out with DS swallowing pills, he tried and tried and likes to please me, and got it.
hang in there, it will all work itself out, especially since you care and are seeking help when needed!! 
Our son is 8 and was on Concerta in 1st and 2nd grade. Due to my own health concerns I recently did a lot of research into "natural foods", vitamins, etc. Which then led me to read about ADHD meds and what I read totally and completely freaked me out. In August I took DS off of his meds and am trying the above mentioned "natural" things, even spending $$ on a chiropractor. This was against my DH's wishes, but in the end I guess he thought I just needed to try it to get it out of my head.
Anyway, DS's teachers report than his academics have definitely suffered now in 3rd grade. (He also has a learning disability so the academics were hard to begin with.)My DH is now adamant that we go back to meds.
I don't want to teach our son that to conquer a problem you throw a drug at it, but also don't want him to fail miserably in school. He is just such a less moody kid and actually eats since he's been off the medication. Before, I could count every rib in his back he looked like a skeleton. He's put on 11 pounds in the last three months!!
I am so torn, I just don't know what to do. I don't know how long to try these other methods and how long is too long?? The school and our family doctor have been very supportive in dropping the meds, but I'm just not sure it's going to work. I feel like a horrible parent either way since I can't seem to figure out what is best for our child!!! Please, any advice you can share would be very appreciated.
Zee, could you possibly copy this and post in "new topic"? This way everyone can address jjsmom's concerns and your's separately?
I know there are lots of people missing your comment here and I know that they are ready and willing to help you!! jjsmom, I want to say that I DO totally understand.
However, I don't want to but will admit that I, too, backslide in this area. I want our ds to just be 'normal' and not have to be that way with meds so I tend to fall into 'denial' every once in a while. It's good that the light bulb goes off for your dh every once in a while, it means he's trying to grasp it! It's so hard because ADHD can't be seen from the outside. There's no diagram or pictures to show you what it looks like or how it works and it's just so COMPLICATED. It is, at times, too big (I think) to grasp. we just have to remember that our kiddos rely on us to REMEMBER and REALIZE what it is they're struggling with and what helps them...*little pep talk to myself there, ha ha Hang in there...