I am sorry this might be lengthly, this is my first post, I just joined today desperately seeking answers.  I would like to give my background before I start.

My parents were divorced when I was to young to remember.  My mother remarried to a man who couldn't keep a job and constantly moved from state to state looking for work and drag us in tow.  He was my step father but he loved us like his own inspite of his poor choices in raising us.  Then my father remarried to a woman whom I could not stand, she was strict and not very compationate for me at all. 

Hoping in between lives with my mother and step parents learning about life was difficult.  My step father was the dominate one but also compationate and accepting of me, my step mother was the dominate and cold.  I continually moved back and forth between parents because I loved my mother and wanted to be with her but living with that family provided an unstable life growing up, at least until she left him and I went a whole 3 years of highschool living at my mothers house, but ended up not graduating because I was so far behind in credits I would have been 21 before completing 12th grade. 

School was hard for me.  I could never understand when the teacher was saying something why I didn't get it, why I couldn't make it past basic math when so many others were in algebra.  All I cared about is having a boyfriend but apparently noone saw me sereously enough to date me for more then 3 to 6 months.  I was pretty and used that to get a boyfriend and it always turned into a disaster cause I seemed to care more about the boyfriend then myself.  I was depressed all the time until I was about 27 years old cause I didn't feel worthy of myself. I had lived in 3 or 4 different towns, several phyco roomates and went from 1 part time job to 3 or 4 part-time jobs at one time because I didn't have a diploma.  I tried going to a special program that got me a payroll job that I absolutely loved but my supervisor was constantly looking back at me from her desk shaking her head in disbeleif for what ever reason.  I was to disorganized, or I made to many mistakes all the time I don't know.  Then finally I hit the lowest of my low and didn't work at all for a year.  A dear friend supported me until we got into it because I was to much of a slob and he was an adhd clean freak.  I got kicked out and had to go back to my most phyco roomate of all.  Then I got a job in a production plant that is when things started to even out for me.  I finally had stability.

I had always wondered why I wasn't like others and blamed my unstablized life as child the reason why I couldn't "get it together".  Then I found out about Adult ADD when I was in my mid 20's but noone really knew much about it.  I realized I had been ADD all my life and it was a relief that there was a name for it but it is depressing that there really is no real fix for it. 

Anyway back to my story.  Immediately I got on my own two feet getting an apartment.  I still fought depression a bit but once I got on my own things started to look up.  I finally got the opertunity to see a mental health phyciatrist with high hopes he had answers.  He said there is no way that I could be ADD and put me on Zoloft.  All that did for me is allowed me to go to work, I would come home and go to sleep until the next day I would do it all over again.  That didn't work out so I just stopped and gave up. 

Well I have been at my job 14 years in March of next year, only due to the wonderful management I have worked for even though they change management every couple years, I still have a job.  They have always placed me in postitions to where I don't have to track my quota such as everyone else.  When I first started there I just went to work and did my job, got my 8 hours worth of pay and went home, all I cared about is if the managers were happy with me, I was happy.  Some of the girls didn't like me for it and and they rode me pretty hard, they said I was dumb and they nicknamed me Phoebe after the Phoebe on the popular show "Friends", the gal who instigated most of it she liked  me and didn't do it in a mean way but talking behind my back on how stupid I was is mean.  She can be very brutial to people who she doesn't "approve of" to be in her circle.  Luckily we have been able to maintain as long as I kept my mouth shut.  Years went by and she left my department and I finally felt "free".  People stopped treating me like I was stupid cause she wasn't around to influence everyone(she is very popular) Then one day I had opertunity to advance, I stepped up when we lost our team leader and applied for the postion.  Our management changed so often that the current manager didn't have any history on me.  I was showing interest and he was interested in promoting someone so he promoted me.  The so called friends I had were mad about it but after 3 or 4 years they either already had moved to another department or they quite in time.  Finally in the last year and a half everything calmed down and I was finally comfortable and feeling confident. 

One day a couple weeks ago management came to me and told me they are taking my job away and giving me more responsiblity.   It wasn't a choice.  The last few years I had ran my own digital photography business on the side and I had made graphs for my department in excel and done different things that showed off my interest in computers.  They have me do the "partner of the month" posters that I make that showed paying attention to detail.  In the last 14 year I have worked there I did alot of physical labor.  He has put me into a postion where I will be responsible for all the financials of the company doing all the ordering with the outside vendors and multi tasking on about 14 different things in a day.  Multi tasking is a blessing for me because I can't stay focused on one thing all day.  I am very concerned and have anxiety because I  have a sereous problem with forgetting things.  Not to mention I am now back working with this crazy brutial woman that I have a love/hate friendship with.  This was my first week that I have been in the postion, I made so many mistakes I was making mistakes trying to fix mistakes and I am so scared of making mistakes that I just make more.  My husband (whom I have been married to for 7 years) tells me to join the real world and that is normal.  I did forget to mention that I am on straterra and that does help but it doesn't help alot, just makes the clouds in my head go away most days and helps me be a little less scatter brained.  I couldn't live without it.  I have asked for a higher dose even though I have been on 80 ml for about 6 months now my medication managment lady said it wouldn't make me more focused, it would just increase the dry mouth. 

So after all that, I wanted to say that I was in tears when they told me about the job because I didn't want to be a carreer team leader, it was time to move on someday.  I just felt so complemented that they thought of me, not to mention they said of all the people who work in that plant they thought it was an easy pick and there wasn't a lead that had the same thinking as I have.  I think of the customer first, ect... I love the computer part, I am good with computers but I am so scared I will be making to many mistakes.  I feel like my supervisors thought to much of me and doesn't really realize that I am ADD and put me into a position that I have to pay attention to detail and keep organized.   My coworkers are anal about being clean and orginized.   I am sure my new supervisor is ADHD  but that is why he is passing off the computers off to me becuase he can't sit still and wants to manage the floor.  I am so scared I am not going to be able to do it.  They have already promoted someone into my old postition and I am just so scared.   Can I be successful in a postition like this with ADD?  While my boss was training me he was watching over my shoulder on the computer and I kept messing up.  He asked me what I was doing, then that made me more nervous.  I know once I get to know what I am going I will be ok but at the same time I am having to learn 14 different things in a months time.  Plus the girls are asking multi questions throughout the day and this one who I mentioned that named me Phoebe talks obssesively.  Then I have to come home and listen to my 9 yeat old son talk obsessively because he is ADHD.  I have a 20 month old too, and if she turns out to be ADD, I don't know what I am going to do.

I am just so scared because I want this job so bad but it is like I will try to hard, then I will make mistakes, then this gal will ride me and get me kicked out of my job.  If she wasn't there I would probably be less nervous.  I make notes then forget to look at them.  I am about the most disorganized person in the world, and everyone is so anal about cleanliness. 

This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me in my working career.  Most of my jobs have been waitressing at easy resturaunts like pizza places or coctail waitress.  The payroll clerk was a huge step for me but I only did that for about 6 months then made a stupid move by following a live-in boyfriend to Oklahoma so he could get his self together.  I had been fired from so many jobs because I couldn't "get it together" I couldn't count how many times that has happened.  I am just scared. 

I know you didn't have to hear my whole life story to respond to this thread.  I congradulate you if you made it all the way through, lol.  It just felt good to write it and get it out.  I always wonder how many other Adult ADD people have made it successfully.  I know it can happen but what types of jobs do they do?  I have a love hate relationship with my ADD but you have to take the good with the bad.  I can hyperfocus on things and be very very good at it.  I hope that is what happens with my job.  I love computers and this is what I want to do.  I just hope I am ready for it. 

I also feel like life is hard but life with ADD makes it much harder.  I am trying to deal with my own condition, plus I have a family and fulltime job.  Stress seems to make my symptoms only stronger when it is hard enough to deal with on just a day to day basis without stress.  Sleep is even a issue.  I wake up in the middle of the night for 2 to 3 hours at a time 2 or 3 nights a week.  I hate it. 

Well thanks for listening.  My luck When I go to post I will get a warning that i have typed to many caractors!

Phoebe

Hey phoebe,

Is your son being treated for his ADHD? If so, I would suggest you talk with his doc about your issues. It is quite common for parents of ADHD kids to seek treatment after diagnosis and treatment of thier kids.

I read that you were once put on zoloft but you should see if you can try out a stimulant and see if it helps. Yes, there are ups and downs in life, but there is nothing wrong with getting help so you are on a level playing field with others. You do not have to live with the constant chaos, and you may find yourself a more consistant parent with proper treatment. This is good for your kids and yourself. In other words, do what you can to take care of yourself and your whole family will benefit.

Good luck with this tough journey.

yes my son is on Ritalin, I am taking strattera.  We both have seperate doctors that perscribe our medications and we both have seperate councilers.  I have tried stimulants and it makes me feel like I am on cocaine.  It was aderal or something like that so I am afraid to try any other kind of stimulant.

Thank you so much for responding to my post.  I just needed to know if there is hope out there.  I want to know if there is other people who are sucessful out there in jobs that seem not to be add friendly.  I am stuck in a hard spot and I feel like I was punished by being promoted the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Phoebe

I heard something on parents journal this morning.

its ok  to journal  even if you never look back at it.

it relieves stress and helps to focus on immediate things.

so i say let it out!

then i like to follow  my vent with  

1. quesions i would like answers to?
2. concerns!
3. Suggestion?
4. all but not limited to the adove.