When parents won’t consider meds | ADHD Information

This is a pet peeve of mine, as well. My dd (age 9) is ADHD and on meds, and I teach in public school. Every day I see children who need meds, but parents don't want the "stigma" related to placing their child on meds. My hands are tied, b/c as a teacher I am not allowed to say "your child needs to be tested" or "your child should be on meds". This could cost me my job, and make the school liable for any and all bills related to treatment. It's frustrating to watch these children suffer day in and day out, unable to focus and participate in class. I feel your pain, Trixila!I see this differently (perhaps because my daughter is not on meds, at least not on meds for ADHD).
I can understand your frustration, but I think it is unfair to assume that because meds have worked well for your son, that you know what is best for this other family. There may be other medical or non-medical issues that you are not aware of. You stated yourself that you don't know what approaches this family may be trying. You are basing your opinion on some sporadic observations and your babysitter's gossip. We all hate to be judged based on what other people think they know about our children.
I'm sure this mother feels that she IS putting her child's best interests first and is trying to do what is best for her son. Maybe she's right, maybe she's wrong...
Since you don't feel you know the mother well enough to call her and share your opinion, I think the only helpful thing you could do is, if you run into her and she asks how you're doing, you could say something like, "Great, DS is having a great school year. Ever since we started him on meds, he's doing so much better and is so much happier." Maybe this would cause her to reconsider her opinion on meds and then if she wants to discuss further, you can share your opinions. If not, then that's her right. And she may think you're every bit as wrong as you think she is.
Hope this didn't come across as too harsh. I know I get frustrated with some parents in my neighborhood too and I do tend to be judgemental of other parents too. Hopefully things will improve for this other boy one way or another!

My ds teacher says my child is the class favorite(when he's been on his meds correctly) and my own mother is that parent who says children do not need to be medicated. My mom is my best friend and sadly, ya'll know more about what's going on with gabey than she does at this point. I feel so sorry for those parents I see out in public who look like their at the end of their rope with their children. I always want to just go hug them and tell them that it can and will get better........

just wanted to share that. I sure hope the parents of "adam" will see that he is crying out for help before its too late. But then again, like you had said earlier things could be different in their family, I really wish my child didnt have to be on meds but I know he needs it.

best wishes

I know a family with a son very similar to mine.  Both are 9, adopted domestically at birth.  Same neighborhood.  I've known this boy since he was a toddler, and witnessed his behavior.  We've had a couple of playdates, but the boys don't mesh.  Over the years, my friend's son (call him Adam) has become increasingly difficult.  My babysitter lives next door, and the stories she tellls me are very disturbing.  Adam is an only child.  He was at a wedding reception with us recently, and I could not help but be upset by his actions.  This weekend, the babysitter told me that the mother told her that she would never even consider putting her son on medication.  No way, no how.  I respect her decision, but it is frustrating to sit by and watch this child go down such a troubled path.  I don't know her well enough to call her up and tell her our story (my son has responded well to meds and therapy).  The mother is very dismissive of meds, and her statement "No child of mine will be on drugs" is clear.  The family may be pursuing other remedies, diets, or disciplines.  All I know is what I see, and it is heartbreaking.  I have always felt that the child's best interests should be put first.  It is very hard to just sit by and witness this situation.  There is nothing that I can do to remedy this, I just had to sit down and post my frustrations.  Even with all of my son's issues, he is still a joy to me and my husband.  And it is a total bummer to see this family struggle.  If I could approach this woman, grab her by the lapels, I would say: "It's not what YOU want, it's what it is best for your son."  Okay, end of rant.  Glad this board is here for me. I feel for you because I know the struggle you are going through to try to
keep your thoughts to yourself and want to shake the mom and explain
how it can really help this child not only now but in the long run.

My son, 4, used to be very active and very disruptive. He has been on
meds for a year now and doing great. Meshes well in his class. Its
wonderful. There is another boy in his class that is clearly needing help
and the mother just keeps saying 'oh bos will be boys' or 'boys are always
very active'. There is a point when this is true, but when the other kids in
the class are saying to their moms that they are afraid of this child and
that he acts like how my son used to act, there is something that needs to
be done.

The worst part of ths kids situation is that he was super 'active' to begin
with. Now the parents are going through a divorce and he has gotten so
much worse since.

I feel your pain! Hang in there and vent away.I *USED* to be of this mind frame until I realized just HOW MUCH being on meds made my son a much happier, easy-going, and better able to function kid!

Now, with my 2nd son I'm not hesitating putting him on meds if he needs it; because I know they CAN and DO work for lots and lots of people.

Do I LIKE that either of my children have to be on meds? NO.... but, in my 2nd son's case he's on medication for asthma and allergies and I see ADD/ADHD/Autism, etc as no different. If the need for the meds are there and they WORK, then that's all that matters. It's not for MY convenience, but it's to help my children function and live in this world

THe med decision can be tough, especially if there are relatives and other friends that will have a negative response to a child on meds. It can be hard to overcome this to see that meds have a place in treatment for many. Also without the right mindset, the medication journey is even harder because there is even a stronger reluctance to try more than one med, at one dose and decide it was all a bad idea. This is just asking for failure.

If there is a way to quietly get the mother information about positive reinforcement behaviior modification from a place like:

http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/behavioral

she might look around at the other information available to add to her descision making. Maybe you cant print the page and have the babysitter leave it at the house.

vickie39764.8664351852