I just don’t know anymore... | ADHD Information

Thanks, Vickie. I got a note home yesterday and basically it said that they want ds to see the counselor for 15 minutes on Wednesdays...She is going to talk with him about handling his feelings-especially the angry ones!  At first, I wrote a note saying that he is fine and that his dad and I are handling things at home. But ds said he'd really like to have that time with the counselor (he likes her a lot) and, therefore, I okay'd it.  I want to give him any and all available tools that we can. I'm feeling much less desparate today and feel a bit more in control, so that helps.  It's hard to be strong when your children are suffering but it's the time they need you to be strong the most. My mom always said that being a mother would be the hardest job I'd ever have, but also the most rewarding...so far, she is more than right!Hopefully with the support he is getting, your son will get through this. Maturity will help with time.

dear ilovemyboys,

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through.  Trust me I can relate to some extent.  My son just got diagnosed and he is 4.  His whole life I knew he was different.  He just didn't play like the other children.  He is still very much socially behind and impulsive.  He is very very sweet (as your son sounds the same) he's always telling us he loves us and were his "best buddies" as he puts it, but I am scared of the future for him.   He is still young and impressionable.  Things can change.  Kids can start to tease or pick on him.  They might see him as weird or a problem child.  Oh and by the way that comment you made about your not wanting your son to be that problem child in school......gosh can i relate to that.  That is one of my worst fears.   I am a hairdresser and I have clients who are elementary school teachers.  They come in, we chat and they talk to me about their "problem children"  they seem exasperated and cannot wait for the day, week or year to end because of these kids.  And whichever gets this kid the following year, everyone feels sorry for that teacher.  THIS IS WHAT THEY TELL ME.  All the while I hear this and think to myself "how awful for this child, they need help and a teacher who is very patient and understanding, gosh I dont want my kid to be the one that their teachers are going to rant about in the chair of their hairdresser"  But I may very well consider the fact that he may be that child every once in while.

It seems ever since his diagnosis (which wasn't a shock to me or my husband) everytime he acts out all i see is the adhd.  Before I just wondered "could it be that" but now that I know, thats all i see and it bugs the crap out of me.  I've been feeling more and more willing to medicate him but i feel he is too young.  However, the other side of me feels that now is the time to start making him "normal" so that way he can make friends and keep them in school.

I understand you completely.  I feel for you and I hear you loud and clear.  Remeber their are moms out their going through it too. 

 

Well, I appreciate your words of 'we're there, doing that'...it helps. I just wish we all lived in the same town!   Can't you just imagine the 'creativity' going on in that town! ha ha

 

You know, I'm a Christian woman, and I am going to have to start handing some of this over to God. So much of this is out of our control and only He can handle it. Especially when I'm getting to the point that I can't take deep breaths!  I feel sorry for the teachers who can't embrace the challenge and learn to adore the child forcing them to think outside of the box.  It's all about our perspective. I'm in agreement that our children probably are, more often than not, that child that your clients talk about. But you know what? His reading teacher LOVES him and she is fun and pretty and intelligent and she is HYPER! She has energy and she's creative and not lazy. Sometimes, I'm beginning to wonder, if our teachers are lazy and don't want to even try to help our children. I'm learning that I am my son's only advocate. As much as his dad loves him and as much as I love his dad, most dads arent' willing to do what we do.  So, it's me. It's up to me to find what works for our child.  It's a challenge but ds is teaching me I can rise up to it! Amen?  Amen!

 

Can you tell I am really, really trying here...

I do agree that their are some teachers who are lazy.  And there are some who are not lazy.  But on another hand I feel that the eduaction in this country has put so much pressure on these teachers and the children.  I cant beleive what these kids are expected to know by the end of kidergaren.   My sister's son who is adhd is in the 6th grade and she said they are teaching him algebra.  I was flabergasted.  Everything seems to be rushed to fast and for some kids they can keep up but for others, it gives them a lifetime of struggles in school and their performance.  They ended thinking their dumb or stupid and they just give up.  It's so sad and I've seen it so many times.

 

 

You're right about that!  And let me assure you, too, that I have the upmost respect for teachers. I don't think my words came across very well in my earlier post. We have been blessed with the teachers we have come in contact, for the most part. I'm thankful for the ones who are teachers because they want to educate and because they love children!  I don't understand why everyone is rushing our children to grow up so fast...they wonder why they're on drugs and feeling too mature in relationships at too young of an age...it's all pushed at them all the time. But that seems to be another post....

 

I received another email from his principal. It was very nice and eased my heart a TON! She ended the letter with "You are great parents with a really great kid and he's going to be just fine!"  How awesome was that?  How do you thank someone from the bottom of your heart?! 

ilovemyboys, also know ALL parents are dealing with issues with their kids. Not just "us". I have a 6 year old in first grade too. Let me tell you, the kids in her class are WILD. One girl is her friend and I know her Mom pretty well. They are STRUGGLING...........a lot!.........socially and behaviorally. She has no diagnosis of anything. Part of elemntary school is learning appropriate behaviors and our jobs are to help them get there. You're doing everything right. I agree with your family.................he's going to be GREAT! Try not to beat yourself up every time an issue comes up (I am SO the pot calling the kettle black here! ). Part of being a parent, EVERY parent is handling issues as they come up, and again they ALL have struggles of some sort. Keep up the good work. Lucky boys you've got!

Diane V, you're right-you keep telling yourself you're doing great too! I've talked enough with you here to know you're a great parent!!

By the way, the principal did say "No one ever said parenting was easy" Thank God she's a parent, too!!  

Thanks for your encouragement. Because of it, I do feel better today...

Ds is in first grade and is doing great academically. However, behaviorally, he is having some struggles. We had him on medication and I hated it so I took him off. It turned out to be a very, very selfish decision because I found out, very quickly, that he could NOT function in school without it.  I received a note home last week Thursday that he'd had four incidents of pushing and shoving his 'friends'.  He was so upset and so was I. I called his doctor and requested his script be written up. This is a true brain disorder and I guess I've been in denial. You know how it is, you just don't want to have to give your child a pill so they will 'behave normally', it seems so SAD.  

Anyway, we put him back on the medication and I thought he would do fine.  Yesterday was his first day back on it. He walks in the door after school and I'm so excited to hear about the wonderful day he had, when he hands me a note from the principal's office.  This is not the first, but first for this year.  Apparently, he and another boy were playing 'keep away' from another child.  This other child got so upset, he ran to some '2nd graders' and asked them to beat up my son and another child...The other child ran and our ds stood his ground. WHY?   Anyway, he explained it to me as though he had the football in a football game and everyone wanted that ball, so they pounced on him. At this point, our ds's temper hit the fan and he came up swinging. He's very sweet hearted and not a mean child at all, but because he was tackled, he was threatened and he lost control. He is very, very strong for his age.  Anyway, he came up and grabbed one of the kids on top of him, threw him to the ground and put him in a choke hold...Fortunately, his teacher came yelling at him to let go and he did.
However, the next two days our son has to spend recess with the Principal. She called me explaining how much she likes our ds and how he's a 'very, very sweet boy' but "when he's angry, he makes bad choices". I called his teacher and had to give her an ego stroke because she felt I didn't approve of anything she did nor did I trust her ability as his teacher...simply because I questioned her...It was frustrating and I'm exhausted from it all.

I will admit that tempers run in our family. We are not perfect (but we don't beat! No one does in this family) but we still have short fuses...but we have tried to raise our boys with love and respect and to teach them to treat others that way. Normally, ALL of our sons are wonderful and respectful...but because our middle ds has ADHD, he becomes the target in many situations. I'm sure many of you can relate...Please tell me you can!
Yesterday I just cried and cried. I couldn't hardly breathe because I don't want him heading down a road of trouble. But when I talk to those in my family they smile and assure me that he's going to be great. He is so kind and sweet and thoughtful and smart and CREATIVE...but when this side shows, I realize what kind of struggles he must have going on inside of his little body/mind. It hurts my heart so much! He attends a small school and I'm so afraid of him becoming 'that kid' that no teacher wants or 'that child' who is always in trouble.
He tends to hang around with boys who are as active as he is. Therefore, they tend to be in trouble a lot as well...I've heard this is common, but I hate it! We love him. I adore him and all I want is for him to have a good life. Not one of all of this CRAP. He's 7 and has struggles, it seems so 'unfair'...

  I don't really know what I'm asking or expecting by sharing this ... I just needed some moms to talk to who have the same path to walk that we do. I feel like God has a plan for our ds because he is so special but on the flip side, I'm just terrified ... I feel so emotionally wrecked!

Good luck with this journey. It can be tough at times.

When my youngest was having skirmishes with a boy (and his friends) at school. The teachers in each of the rooms gave instruction on respecting each other and that no violence would be tolerated from anyone. My daughter was counselled about going to a teacher for resolution rather than taking matters into her own hands (this needs to be reitterated many times with these kids). Also the yard gaurds were made more aware of what to watch for and the issues subsided with time. THe adults took extra care to catch these kids when they were doing something right and give rewards. My daughter has learned to control the impulsivity with meds, maturity and practice. We are lucky that the principal was a special ed teacher in a past life and the special ed teacher works closely with the regular classroom teachers to work out these issues.

Look for allies to come up with a plan that will help with all of the kids. THis helps keep bullying down in thier future grades.

It will get better.