Is this normal or just being Adult ADD? | ADHD Information

I am not sure how to explain this but I will do the best I can.

When you are out of your comfort zone do you act differently? For instance.. when I had my last child at 39, and I went on maternity leave.  I felt confident of taking care of my child while I was in my home enviroment.  As soon as I walked out the door I would do really odd things like to forget to buckle her in, once I got out of the car at a yard sale and forgot she was in the car.  (thank god I have never done that before going to work).  I was really doubting my ability to be able to take care of my precious little daughter that I worked so hard to get.  I thought I was going to accidently kill her.

Now I am 20 months recovered and I am in a different situation that makes me feel simular, just not as deadly.  I worked in my department for maybe 6 years, I was pulled out of my postition and into a new one.  I have to train in the background posititon before going to the desk and doing all the numbers.  I have been in the background position for two weeks now and I have done ok but I swear I have said and done some of the dumbest things ever.  It is like I can't think for myself while being trained and if someone doesn't explain it to me in detail I can't do it properly.  I have said the dumbest things, done dumb things and I feel like I made so many mistakes.  Noone has complained, which is a good sign but I was technically supose to train in the background postion for a month before going to the numbers that management seems to think I can do.  I was told two days ago that they need to speed things up and they want me onto numbers by monday morning.  I will be trained on the computer with my boss standing behind me telling me what to do the whole time.  I am nervous as it is and with my supervisor behind me on an ADP system that I am not familiar with makes my fingers go in places I don't want them to go.  I can't think about what I am doing I am just going through the motions and like the last two weeks each time I do it, it made more sense to me.  My last trainer was very good about just letting me go after showing me a couple times so noone is looking over my shoulder.  I just started feeling comfortable with the computer part of what I was doing but still did alot of dumb things in other parts of the job.  The job is very detail orientated and every one looks out for others mistakes and I made plenty of them.  I know better on all of it because of my expeirence with the company but I was out of my enviroment and I can't think straight.  Just like I know I should buckle up my daughter before shutting the door to the car so I don't realize half way home she is completely free. 

How do I overcome the fear of making mistakes only to realize that I have made a mistake to try and correct the last mistake I made?  How can I stop making these darn mistakes?  I am trying my best to get good sleep, exersize, eat better?  Is there a brain food out the there?  I started taking sleeping pills because I was sleep deprived.  I am starting to walk around the block on my breaks to get fresh air and exersize to make up for the lack of exersize I am getting now compaired to what I am use to in my last position.  So far it hasn't helped.  I am just devistated that my boss may come to a conclusion to fast that I will not be capable of this job because I make to many mistakes.  Once I do it long enough it will be my new enviorment and I will get to know the job by routine and be successful at it.  I just need time. I dont' know how much time they will give me before they decide I am to dumb to do the job.

Let me correct myself, I don't think I am dumb and I feel that people who know me really don't think I am dumb if they have had a real conversation with me, but my actions speak different volumes and I am sure people do doubt my ablities when I do off the wall dumb things.

Pheobe 

Keep us posted Phoebe.

We're rooting for you!

Awee you guys have been really awesome to read, I only regret that it took so long to reply to my post.  I get my messages emailed to me on my phone then I check in on the phone and it makes it difficult to reply until I get to my computer.  I actually did try and reply on my phone this morning when I couldn't sleep but the page got lost after typing so much I was just frusterated and thought I would wait until I got to the computer.

Alot has happened since I originally posted.  I have actually gained a little confidence and the flow has been a little more productive.  I still feel like I have no periphal vision and have two left hands but I am hoping it will come in time that I will get it again.  The last couple days the working part of my job has gotten easier.  I had a really rough rough rough week with my co-workers.  They started being mean to me and it seems like I spent the last half of the week crying all day long.  Friday I literally cried all day.  I started taking sleeping pills, Tradazone.  They are supose to help with depression and anxiety.  I think that the pills increased my anxiety and created depression.  I am trying to get over it this weekend and try to get ahold of my doctor to see if it could actually give me the reverse effect or if it is really because my work life has been turned upside down and I am having a hard time with the adjustment. 

I didn't take the pill last night and I have been up since 1:00 am not able to sleep.   So I need to get some since it is 11:00pm. 

I have made alot of mistakes in the last 3 weeks, and I had alot of doubt of myself.  I wonder sometimes if I routinely do this day in and day out if I will stop making those stupid mistakes all the time.  Gain periphal vision and have one left hand and one right hand, if I will finally stop making them so often. 

Thanks for your support that meant alot to me.

Phoebe

 

Also keep in mind that Edison FAILED 100+ times before he actually made a working light bulb I'm not trying to be negative here but I'm not looking to be famous or to make some grandiose invention.  I just want to learn from the little mistakes that I make and repeatedly make.  Sometimes old dogs don't learn new tricks.

It doesn't mean I give up or will quit trying to improve but sometimes it's just so flippin frustrating. It seems like I keep running into that wall even though I know it's going to hurt. For example,  I've been trying to manage my money now for all my life (46 years old) and maybe, just maybe, I'm learning how to figure it out.  I've learned that impulsive spending gets me into a mess. (Yes, I talk to myself out loud in the store to get out of making that purchase) I've learned that I can't do my bills and budgeting on my own. (yes, I ask my daughter to help.  It's humbling to show your child the mess you've created)  I'm going to keep trying but I'm learning how to make it better.  Yes, I'll still make mistakes.  Yes, I'll still get frustrated.  Yes, I may still beat myself up about it (but working to improve that).  But I will keep trying.

Thanks.


Uh and Phoebe?

YOU AREN'T DUMB!!!!

Your well-written letter and ability to put your circumstances proves it

Tell us how you manage. We'll be waiting for your report
Phoebe - I can't tell you how many times I've been in your shoes.  Where I've felt incompetent (but knew I could do it), where I made so many mistakes (mistakes just seem to compound themselves) and it all chipped away at my self-esteem and confidence.  I know you feel confident that you can do the job but your actions may display otherwise.  There's got to be a way (of course, I don't know what that is) that you can tell these people that you will perform better if they don't hold your hand.  I know sometimes on my current job, I'll ask questions to things I should know the answer to but that self-doubt creeps in.  Sometimes the best booster is for me to go ahead and make the mistake anyway and learn from it.  If I'm sincere about it, most of the time bosses are compassionate about it.  It's hard for me to judge when to ask for help and when to try to figure it out on my own.

I don't know if any of this really offers a solution but you're not alone in your dilemma.

Is it possible that your body is trying to tell you something? By that I mean that there are some tasks that us ADDers can master and there are others that we will never be good at.

Is it possible that your need for A job is clouding your judgement about THIS job? From what you described your job is not very ADHD freindly.

The reason that I ask this is because I have been in my current position for the last 5 years now. Then one day my boss added some additional responsibilities and to make a long story short I realized that because the new duties are not ADHD compatable I am now having to look for a new job.

I realized a while back when I got a jury summons and started feeling anxious and nervious about it that it was my body telling me that sitting in a chair quietly for several hours was not something that I can do.

This isn't about me but I wanted you to know where my off the wall questions were coming from.

phoebe:

It's not uncommon for ADHD'ers to feel really pressured about learning new things. We often get kicked around a lot emotionally in school systems and classes causing us to tense up when we are adults. Many of us don't do "hovering" very well.

Is there any way to get a copy of the software you need to use and take it home to "play" on? What about some sort of dvd/cd instructions you can go through so you can learn without feeling that someone is watching over you?

You seem to be a "hands on" person. Most folks are visual. How the majority learns, and your learning style, may be different.

Are you talking about ADP for payroll? Or something else?

If I read that right, you were supposed to have a month to learn this, then the time frame was moved up? If so, can you speak to them about extending your learning time?

Try to get a timeframe of how long you have to learn. If you have a union, speak to them now--so if you really feel you can't manage you can see if the company must move you elsewhere or back to your old job due to the Learning Disabilities Act in your area.

I had to learn an extremely complex medical system at my last job. I had the IT guy set up a faux unnetworked software system on my computer and practiced punching in fake clients and such [by myself] and just experimented until I figured out how it worked.

Is there someway you can do that, so the mistakes won't matter for a bit? It would take a great deal of pressure off the learning environment.