Son Suffering Socially-PLEASE HELP! | ADHD Information

My son is 11 yrs old and was dx'd when he was 5 years old. This year he
is in middle school and really struggling socially. He has been bullied, and
even though the school has been very good about handling those
situations, he has almost no friends. He made 1 nice friend who he gets
together with often, and he just found out he is moving a about a month
because his dad got a job transfer.

A lot of his elementary buddies don't really want to hang out with him
anymore, prob because he is more immature than his friends. His English
teacher said that sometimes he makes odd comments in class, (trying to
be funny) and that maybe that irritates kids?

I've tried social skills training, but he never seems to want to take any of
my suggestions. He lies a lot, so it's hard to know if he is telling the truth
half the time. Im so worn out and frustrated, thanks for letting me vent.

My son is also 11, 6th grade in Middle school this year. We struggled in elementary school. medication has really helped our son.

Mine played sports which helped him cross over to middle school. He had really no real friends in elementary. He has friends in middle, but no calls socially.

does your son like sports or any activities? he needs to feel that he belongs somewhere. Would he do scouts? What does he want to do? He needs to feel that he belongs.

My son joined in but was really never included. They played sports at recess and a few times he came home upset at being picked last, because the others are friends, even though he was better at the sport.

To be very honest, if it wasn't for his meds, he would still be doing the stuff that the kids don't like. I hate to sound like I am pushing them, but it really works. And my son knows it!! He is very hyper and impulsive.

I am sorry to read your post, it really touches home. My son has had some bullying this year, but school really nipped it in the butt. Police were even called due to what this kid said. So I can relate to the bullying thing. I am glad that school jumped in to stop the bullying towards your son!!

What state do you all live in? And does your son complain about it to you?

BETHANN39770.9611342593Thanks for your posts, they are comforting to read, in the sense that I'm not alone in this. My son is on medication, but it's no magic wand. It helps him quite a bit as far as academics (he had all A's 1st quarter) but it doesn't
seem to help him socially. He will do basketball starting in January, but that is the only sport he is interested in. (he is not very athletic) I am going to look into martial arts though, maybe I can get him interested. We live in
Southern California, and he does complain about it, but not every day, mostly when he gets upset, it all comes spilling out. His school has been very helpful in regards to the bullying, but they can't force kids to be his friend.

He has recently taken to skateboarding, so we encourage him to do so, otherwise he will just stay inside all day alone. Our daughter does not have add, and has lots of friends and play dates. It breaks my heart when he
comments about how it's not fair she has so many friends. However, I also get frustrated that he doesn't take any of our advice on how to make and more importantly keep friends. Thanks again for your posts, they really help!

Nancy

Nancy,

We too have a younger daughter, age 9, who has tons of friends, even girls from sons grade. She is always playing with someone. Very opposite kids.

My son stays in on the computer when not at a practice/game. HIs best friend, who moved away 3 years ago, calls to play on the computer. He is the only caller. The two of them didn't get along until Logan's last year in town. Now they are best friends. Both ADHD'ers!!

Our kids our younger, yet some brighter, than others. We too makes straight A's in school.

If it wasn't for the computer, I don't know what he would do.

We live in MASS. We want to move out to the San Diego area at some point, our son loves Univ. California La Jolla with Lego Land up the street!!

DOes your son play Runescape??

This is a tough one.  I have my 9 yr old son in a variety of differnent activities outside of school.  Not only to keep him active but to scope out new friends.  We are new to our area.  No real takers yet, I try not to over focus on it, but he only has a 3 yr old sister for a sibling.  I have heard that middle school can be really challenging.  Are there things like martial arts, a local Y or park district soccer league for him to participate in?  Sometimes a good friend is out there, you just have to expand your horizons.  On a related note, my son had an impromtu playdate with a classmate that was at a weekend basketball clinic on Saturday.  I know my son likes this boy, and the boy was dropped off at our house after the clinic for an hour or so.  My kid did a goofy thing and ended up spitting on the boy (my son spit down our laundry chute and this other boy stuck his head in the chute at the same time).  Not a good scene.  One step forward, two steps back.  Try to find activities outside school to build up his self esteem. Ds has a few
friends thankfully (mostly ADHDers) that "get" him. We try to focus on a few
sports that he can excel at - Judo, Baseball, etc. Soccer was tough on him
this fall but we made it through. He has a younger sister who does really
well socially (not ADHD). She just naturally gets all the social cues. I really
struggle to teach ds social cues. Meds definitely help. Just keep going and
take it one day at a time. "you can't stop the waves, but you can learn how
to surf"Thanks for all of the encouragement. Bethann, I think he does play Runescape, it's a computer game right? In any event, my husband and I are getting away for a night on Friday to spend some stress free time together. Our
son's behavioral therapist suggested that we make a strong effort to spend time alone together away from our son, to "de-stress" from the strain he puts on our family. It does help!

Junior high is a real turning point for ADHD kids.  No longer do they have one teacher who coddles them nor is there an aid on the playground to make sure everyone plays fair.  Now they've got 5 teachers who only need to put up with them until next semester and there is little or no supervision during breaks and lunches. 

Our kids, usually have limited inpulse control and lack the ability to read social queues.  Combine those with their hyper nature and you have someone who is a target for teasing and bullying. 

First thing to do is to extract them from any activity where there is limited adult supervision.  Monitor your child's bus rides to school and home.  This is an environment where things often start since the bus driver can't supervise to the level necessary to curtail bullying. 

Second, monitor Physical Education.  Again another environment where there is limited adult supervision and often has overlap onto the rest of the day and interactions.  For us this was a biggie and finally were able to get a doctor's note pulling our guy out of P.E.  It really reduced the amount of teasing. 

Third and foremost, when your child gets bullied and there is physical contact, get a name and call the school immediately.  Once the word is out that bullying your child equals a trip to the principal's office, it will begin to curtail. 

Bottom line is that our son finds social acceptance and positive interactions at activities outside of school.  Martial arts, dance, religious school and friends from out side his junior high. 

Paul

We lost our computer last week. i am at work when i am on the boards.

Would your son want to play with my son, could we maybe set that up once the new computer arrives?

I know my son would LOVE it, if it is ok with you.