Emotional Abuse @ School, Please HELP | ADHD Information
I hurt for you! PLEASE go immediately and DEMAND something be done! Please get back to us! This is outrageous!
If you've had trouble with this school since your son has been in Kindergarten, do you think maybe you should explore other schools??
This teacher made him write things that he doesn't even comprehend, yet embarrassed him. It makes me want to cry for you and your son. AWFUL!
I agree with the others. The one thing I am really wondering is why doesntthe teacher call you or talk to you directly? Dont you need to know what
happened in the classroom to deal with this at home? If you dont know what
happened then how can you talk to him about his behavior?
The teacher is really immature and seems like she cannot confront you.
Please call the school.
I don't even know what to say. I just cannot imagine how people like this can be allowed to teach.
You absolutely need to get to the school note in hand and look that prinicpal in the face while they try to explain this. Then get your child out of that class.
UNACCEPTABLE! The school is WAY out of line.
Is this the way they deal with all children? I am sure your son is NOT the only ADHD'er at this school.
Have you talked with his teachers, special ed department at all? Does he have an IEP or 504 plan?
Are you even sure you want to keep your son at this school? I wonder since they have never helped you, if it is too late with the labeling. You need to contact the school - principal, superintendant, go over heads - do NOT let them bully YOU or push you aside. Your son is only 8 for goodness sake.
Call the school ASAP - NOW!!! Don't let him go to school today without a call from you or even your husband (they always seem afraid of the fathers 
)
You need to protect your son and keep him safe - even the children are bullying him - it all has to stop or move him to another school and give him a fresh start, lots do it!!
Please post us what is happening, this really concerns me!!
Today my son gave me a letter that was handwritten by him, but the words written were not his. I am distraught by the words he was forced to write and the WHOLE tone of this "letter". There was no call from school nor was there an email to inform me of what exactly occured at school. A small note on his weekly homework assignment sheet stated as follows:
Behavior note - sign & return
*B* made a student cry with a joke & tried to overflow the toilet in the boy's bathroom.
For whatever reason, I am still trying to come to terms with and not take offense, the teacher never signed her name to any of these notes nor did she address me or my husband. My son *B* was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5, he is now 8 years old and in third grade. I received a long letter of complaint about my beautiful shining son the moment he was dropped of from the bus on his first day of kindergarden. It was the first of many to come... Of course, I knew the second that my son walked in the front door today that he had a hard/bad day. So, as I am sure you all too must do daily, I got as much information from his mouth and thought process as possible. I asked what, when, where, why....in terms he understands, but he gets so confused when he is trying to explain all of the details. My mind works almost exactly like his so this does make it easier to ask questions that the "normal person" might not think of, but I can never know with certanty what he is truthful about. I am sorry, I realize that I am rambling some... Here is the letter:
"I am writing this assignment because my behavior has disturbed other students and the teacher. Any student who acts the way I did is showing others that he doesn't understand the meaning of common courtesy. This kind of immature behavior should not happen in a classroom. It deprives other students of a good education and it could hurt other people either physically or emotionally. Which kind of student am I? Do I respect the right of others, or am I too immature to control my actions while people are trying to learn?"
That was it. I was speechless, violently trembling and hurt. I was hurt for my son. I am no wilting flower and I always give the teachers the benefit of the doubt. I figure hey, I live with the boy, he's my son, I know how difficult he can be, but in my opinion NO 8 YEAR OLD should ever be forced to write a self depricating and demeaning letter to his parents for them to sign and return.
My question is was this out of line on his teachers part? I feel as though he was violated by her in the cruelest way possible. She has never once sent home a note, called me or even ask for a conference even though they were last week. Just two weeks ago, he told his father that he requested to speak to the counselor because he was feeling sad that everyone makes fun of him, calls him annoing, avoid him and also tell them they hate him. He spoke with her one time. The school didn't inform us of this at all. I am at a loss of what to do. Please tell me what you would do. I know that he is not an easy child, he never has been, but how can his teacher think that he deserved to be treated like less than.
Thank you for any help you can give!!!!
Jill
First of all, if your son is under the plan of an IEP or 504, call an EMERGENCY IEP/504 meeting NOW. I would pull him out of school and let them know they must provide a home tutor until they can provide a FAIR and suitable educational placement for him.That teacher is HORRENDOUS and I'd be DOWNRIGHT FURIOUS!!!
Give your son a hug from me! that behavior (on the part of the teacher) is beyond unreasonable and I would do everything in my power to make sure my son was no longer in her classroom.
Go and talk to the school administrator. I'm an educator and this is out of line. Take the note with you.
How terribly debilitating this is to your child's self esteem I was horrified reading what your poor son had to write The way ths teacher handled the situation was demeaning, insensitive and totally unprofessional. This teacher needs a serious reality check and its of my opinion that she should see consequences before she demeans another child like this. Having said that, I suggest that you contact the school administration and if your complaints fall on deaf ears I would then contact the district superindendant and I would also insist that SHE write a letter to your son explaining that he is not a bad person, she is sorry that she made him feel bad about himself and that she handled herself very unprofessionally. The fact that the teacher didnt even have the decency to sign her name to any of these notes shows a total disregard for you as a parent and lack of respect for you as a parent as well.
I agree that your son should be removed from that classroom and that teacher needs to take ownership for her behavior. I feel your pain and Im so sorry your little boy had to endure such cruelty
That note makes me want to get sick. That teacher is dispicable. Lord knows these children try hard enough to fit in and do well amoungst their peers, then to have to deal with this crap is totally out of line. Put your soldier face on and speak to the school about this. My son is 4 years old. I can only imagine what i'll encounter in the future because I know that not every teacher is going to be understanding to his needs for 8 hrs. But this is WAY OUT OF LINE!!.
Request an emergency meeting. YOU should have been notified via email, in person, or by written request in regards to your son's behavior. Perhaps this was something 'new' (which is what she'll say) she was trying to get your son to realize his behavior. That's a crock! YOU need to be notified BEFORE any changes are made. omgiamgoingnuts39775.3435069444Wow. Very sad. This teacher as well as the school administrators need to get with the program. This sounds like something that could have happened back when I was in elementary school -- not something that would occur in the present, considering all that has been learned and implemented since the 1960s. That teacher is dodging you, and a meeting is definitely in order, etc., etc., per other great suggestions from other posters!
I hope all goes well for your child and you. I hope this doesn't affect his outlook on school in general.
P.S. Note to KelliTwins: That letter to the teacher that you composed says it all. 
Also - kudos to you! You sound like a wonderful teacher, and I bet parents are happy to have their children under your wing. Keep up the good work.
Right on, Jessica
kalstolyn
Well put
I thought about this some more.
Dianne is right. Play ball enough to get all those offered services IN WRITING.
But get your kid either out of that class or get that teacher reprimanded because she is, as kalstolyn said, a bully trying to play the system. And bullies are GOOD at it.
Your kid can't be the only kid. If he is, she may be scapegoating him but if she is that creates a dysfunctional environment, the other kids are being damaged by watching it.
Please, please keep us posted.
Be careful, YOU don't really have anyone advocating FOR YOU. They work for the school, not you, so their loyalty is there.
Not to put a damper on your success of finding help. That in itself is wonderful AND you HAVE to play nice with the school, you absolutely have to or it'll be all uphill. BUT remember you are on your son's side and only you (unless you hire a professional advocate).
Lunch buddies are GREAT social skills programs. ALL elementary schools should do that for kids. It helped my daughet a LOT. At one grade they even used that as a behavior "reward", they'd let her pick anyone she wanted to bring to lunch in the counselor's office. She loved it and all the kids wanted to be the one invited.
I had a horrible teacher in grade two. She was verbally abusive, she lied about my behaviour, and she generally made my life miserable. My mother was concerned about the situation and spent several hours per week "volunteering" in my classroom -- grading papers, sorting handouts, whatever the teacher needed -- in order to observe the teacher. Now (20 years later) my mom and I both wish she had pulled me from that class. The bullying and abuse from that one teacher was more damaging to me in the long run than the years of bullying from other students could have ever been. Of course, this would have meant the hassle of moving me to an entirely different school, since mine only had one grade two class.I want to think that your son's teacher might be facing some kind of backlash from the vice principal that you're not hearing about, but I cannot imagine the school administration allowing her to avoid taking responsibility for her actions. What she did was horribly wrong -- more wrong than forcing an 8-year-old with dysgraphia to write 7 legal-sized single-spaced pages of lines reading "I will complete my work in class" and another page of "I will not be late for class" after (the teacher) lying about the circumstances of both the unfinished classwork and the tardiness. Both of these punishments are basically torture.
Your son's school appears to be trying to support him, suddenly, but it looks like the damage has already been done, and no one is bothering to acknowledge it. The teacher is not willing to admit that she made a mistake, and she is trying to blame your son's exceptionality for her own poor judgement. What a horrible burden for the little guy! Kids know when teachers don't like them. I would be looking at moving him to another class -- the school year is only halfway through, and he should not have to suffer under her duress all the way to June.
I believe you live in the United States, in which case the legislation regarding special education for students with exceptionalities is much clearer and much more on your side than it would be up here in Canada. Your child has the right to a classroom environment that is both inclusive and that is adapted to suit his educational needs. He has the right to be free from discrimination or abuse related to his exceptionality.
Most of all, someone needs to stand up to this teacher. She sounds like a horrid bully, and the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them.
I am horrified by this teacher's actions and would love to see the look on her face if given the suggested "alternate letter." However, I agree that the correct response is to rewrite the letter to be about how your child's ADHD impacts his actions and how he looks forward to having him, his parents, his teacher, and the rest of the school staff work with him to help him be the best person that he can be. If you have any recommended strategies, I'd include them in the letter.
If you and the teacher don't come to an understanding quickly, I would make an appointment with the principal and maybe even take this higher up the ladder to the superintendent level.
First of all let me first start off by saying a huge THANK YOU for all of the replies and the advice as well. I appologize for not getting back sooner. I have been meaning to reply, but I myself have the wonderful ADHD and have thought of y'all every single day with the intent of responding and then I forget. (haha)
My husband and I decided to keep my son home from school the next day. I was still so shaken that I knew that I couldn't talk to her (the teacher) and I was POSITIVE that my husband couldn't! He called the school to have an "emergency" meeting with the principal, but he would not have been able to meet with us until Fri. Long story short...the vice principal stayed after school to meet with us. They didn't know why yet. It was not something that we wanted to give warning to.
So, when we sat down I just handed her the letter and asked her to read it. We both watched her face, and she tried her best to hide any response, but I knew it bothered her. Another long story short, we scheduled another meeting this time with the teacher and the vice principal. They could not find the psych evaluation that my husband gave at the beginning of the year (our neighborhood is so large, that they had to move all the elementary students to a different school than before) so I was to bring that as well.
During the first meeting (w/ vp) there was a lot of discussion about my son and how I knew how it could be with him, but that I also knew that no matter what he did no child deserved to get a letter like that. At one point when I was trying my hardest not to cry, she got all teary with me. I know it's strange, but I finally felt like an administrator at ANY school he's ever gone to actually was empathetic as opposed to condemning.
The VP herself is actively getting everything together for my son to begin an RTI with hope for expediting all of the steps that have to be done. On Thurs. we met with the teacher and she NEVER appologized!!!! All she wanted to do was talk about all of the things that she has "noticed" about him. I asked her why didn't I hear about it before, but she didn't have an answer for that. She was talking about how he is "always saying that people are mean to him and that he doesn't have any friends". At that point I took my opportunity again to ask her that if she felt like he was having emotional issues then what in the world would prompt her to have him write a letter like this (as I handed it to her :) ). She studdered and then said that she had thought of having him write a letter to the child that had cried, but and this is exactly what she said "unfortunately, this is the letter that I had him write". My husband and I just sat there dumfounded! She turned to the VP and asked if we could now move on.... grrrrr
The counselor was available, so she joined us at this point. I could talk forever....Long story hopefully shorter.... The counselor is going to see him once a week as well as put together a group of kids "like him" to have some social interaction with them in a safe place. There is a boy in our neighborhood that my son has bonded with, but he's in fourth grade and my son is in 3rd. They don't get to see eachother often, so the counselor is going to set up some "lunch buddies" so that they can have lunch together with her every once in a while. There is also a program that she told us about called Avita Community Partners at the school. They are a different set of counselors that are "licensed, trained and experienced at walking kids through depression, anxiety, alcohol or drug use, and other behavioral challenges". I had never heard of this program before. I had begged at his other school when he was in kindergarden for them to help and no one ever took me seriously. I guess you could say that I lost a lot of my steam with 3 years of a school that could care less. By the end of the year last year I had ALL of the teachers giving me the evil eye or just avoiding me. I would pick him up from school and they wouldn't even say hi to me, of course that is UNLESS they had something to say about my sons behavior in the car rider line. That was nice and frequent! I even had a mother that would work as a volunteer (lives in my neighborhood) YELL at me that he needed to stay seated at ALL TIMES! I think that they had all just wished that I would come to school every day and hold his hand and make him behave. WHATEVER!!!! The whole point was for him to realize and learn that mom and dad were not the only people that expected him to behave himself. That life is full of things that are expected and I wanted him to truely learn that for himself, not just because I said so. BUT, where are all of the good teachers out there that don't treat a 5, 6, 7 AND 8 year old boy like he is some inconvenience to their life? Why is it so hard for them to actually talk to the child and get to know him for who he is and NOT for what he does? Sorry guys, I get on a roll.....
What I had been trying to say above is that FINALLY (deep exhale) I have some advocates! The counselor was asking me if I would mind (WHAT??? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) if he talked to one of the Avita counselors as well as herself. She also said that she should be able to get a new psych evaluation from them asap because this has been going on at other schools and she wants to be PROACTIVE! HALLELUAH!!!!! Can you hear the angels singing? Okay, maybe not, but I can :)
There are a lot of other things, but I won't write a novel here. I am very impressed with the way the school administration and the counseling dept is handling this situation. That being said, I am all too aprehensive of his teacher. We did not ask for a different teacher, yet, because of all of the things that are going to be different for him. I don't want him to switch classes just yet. If he is just starting to learn things from the counselors and such I would like him to try to be different with the children in his current class. The kids there know him and they might be able to see a change in how he interacts. I don't want too many transitions all at once.
So, I don't really have anything to report when it comes to the teacher herself, but the school is a whole other story. I don't know if I want to push the issue with her because of all the are doing. They might be doing it all because of the letter itself, but at least they are eagerly moving forward with very intricate plans for my son. At this point, that is all I can ask for. I am sorry for such a long post
.
THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT!!!!
I am dumbfounded that she wasn't reprimanded for the letter and was allowed to move on. I wouldn't have allowed it. That is why you had wanted the meeting in the first place and it needed to be addressed. I am glad that the VP is going to help, but this teacher should be spoken to and she should definitely be apologizing. I am stunned.
Let's hope that something is happening to her but we don't have priviledge to that information. She is a horrible teacher and she also sounds like a control freak!!
I still would be open to moving him. His teacher does NOT seem to GET IT!! I also don't trust her!!!
What she did was unappropriate, unacceptable, unprofessional. I would want her spoken to by her boss so that she NEVER does this again to anothe child, but I am sure she has and will, at least until she gets it!
I give you credit for not wanting to move him and to think that the children may see a change in him. If he was my son, I would move him ASAP. I would be concerned with labeling, especially from the letter. THat has to leave an impression with children at that age. And they may be too young to even give your son credit and acceptance. Unfortunately, the damage may already be done.
This teacher took no ownership for horribly debilating your son's self esteem and the meeting was about HER AND HER BEHAVIOR, not your son and his issues. The administartion took no steps to hold her responsible for her actions and I also agree that your child should be removed from her class.. No good will come from keeping him there and unless she changes HER behavior and approach, I guarantee you that this won't be the last time she does something this despicable to a defenseless child I know that your trying to work with the administration for the betterment of your child but it's of my opinion that counseling for your son will not remedy the situation in terms of his behavior and it's certainly not helpful for him to remain in her class. The adminsitration is doing what they are doing to cover their own butts and the fact that they didn't reprimand this teacher tells me the whole story. Your son is not the villan and no matter what interventions your son recieves at this point, as long as he remains in that class nothing will help because this teacher doesnt see anything wrong with her behavior or approach nor does the administration.
Please keep us posted and thanks for the update. Keeping my fingers crossed that things work out in your son's favor.
Luvmykids0239778.4824421296No matter if they've offered to tapdance on the table and play Dixie out their ears--they're playing CYA.These people are looking at a reprimand from the school board, if not a lawsuit. Hope you kept the letter!
I would demand discipline of that teacher or take it to the school board. Period. And I'd want a public apology for my child.
And get all the stuff they are promising you IN WRITING. Demand it. Letters. Now.
Otherwise, when the wind blows the other way--your kid is screwed.
There's no point in 'helping' the kid if she is going to continue to damage him. I can get you all the counselling and assistance you want but if I continue to slap you stupid, what is being accomplished?
Not trying to pizz on your parade here but you went to the school to get this mess with the teacher straightened out. That didn't happen. You were sidelined, and you were manipulated, very effectively, I might add. Which leads me to suspect this isn't a first for this school.
They turned it around on the kid as if he's a crackpot needing massive mental health services.
If they really gave a sh*t in the first place--they'd have called you up about his behavior and put all those programs in place long ago--without you having to march down there ready to kick their butts because his teacher is psychologically abusing him.
That teacher is manipulative, irresponsible and vicious.
If you can--get him out of that class. ASAP.
[QUOTE=AddSahm]
"I am writing this assignment because my behavior has disturbed other students and the teacher. Any student who acts the way I did is showing others that he doesn't understand the meaning of common courtesy. This kind of immature behavior should not happen in a classroom. It deprives other students of a good education and it could hurt other people either physically or emotionally. Which kind of student am I? Do I respect the right of others, or am I too immature to control my actions while people are trying to learn?"
That was it. I was speechless, violently trembling and hurt. I was hurt for my son. I am no wilting flower and I always give the teachers the benefit of the doubt. I figure hey, I live with the boy, he's my son, I know how difficult he can be, but in my opinion NO 8 YEAR OLD should ever be forced to write a self depricating and demeaning letter to his parents for them to sign and return.
You're absolutely right. This child is being demeaned and making him write that letter is outright bullying on the part of the teacher. I'm furious just reading it and it isn't even my kid. If a parent ever made their kid write that, child services would be screaming "abuse!" right through the roof [remember the kid they took away when his mom made him sit in front of a store with a sign that said, "I am a thief? Same thing]
My question is was this out of line on his teachers part? I feel as though he was violated by her in the cruelest way possible.
He has been demeaned. It would be one thing if he had to write a note that said, "I was noisy today. I promise try my best to be quiet during math time tomorrow" or whatever. Making him write that letter is a form of sadism , pure and simple.
She has never once sent home a note, called me or even ask for a conference even though they were last week. Just two weeks ago, he told his father that he requested to speak to the counselor because he was feeling sad that everyone makes fun of him, calls him annoing, avoid him and also tell them they hate him. He spoke with her one time. The school didn't inform us of this at all. I am at a loss of what to do. Please tell me what you would do.
I'd march into the principal with that note in hand and tell him to drag that teacher in immediately. Then I'd demand disciplinary action of the teacher for bullying and refusing to stop my child from being bullied by others.
If possible I'd move the child elsewhere if I could. If not, I'd make it abundantly clear that I was contacting my lawyer.
Then I'd do it.
I know that he is not an easy child, he never has been, but how can his teacher think that he deserved to be treated like less than.
There are parents here that will give you much better advice than I can about your school system.
All I can say is that you are absolutely right, even a "difficult" child deserves respect and protection from cruelty and this child is being bullied all the 'way around. All I can do is say that your gut instinct is unequivocally correct and I'm sure some of the parents here can give you good advice.
[/QUOTE]And tell the little fella I say that "Nobody has the right to "should" on him!"
MetisRebel39771.0740162037 [QUOTE=KelliTwins]
P.S. My defiant side wants you to have your son rewrite the letter. Maybe something like:
"I am writing this assignment because I am disturbed by the behavior of my teacher. Any teacher who acts the way my teacher does is showing others that she doesn't understand the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This kind of immature behavior should not happen in a classroom, especially when it is the teacher displaying it. It deprives the students of a good education from an educated , caring, understanding teacher, and it could hurt the students emotionally. Which kind of teacher are you? Do you respect the feelings of your students, or are you too immature to control my actions while students are trying to learn?"
And then you should sign it! But that's just me! 
I LOVE your letter. I worked for years in mental health and I swear, some teachers and some workers are drawn to those fields just so they can kick someone around.
That teacher is the Nurse Ratchett of the education field
tit for tat
have her write a muture equivalent
from your words and when she doesnt
then use that as proof of just how wrong the writing was.
many times i see in schools teachers aka real people
be harsh bullies just to keep the structure in control .
dont get me wrong i see the writing as a poor harsh lesson.
but is an opprotunity to help the teacher to use empathy instead of lables.
I guess another thing that i see is that the teacher may be oblivious to just how deeply emotional depression can be felt.
what a normal thinker (NTer) might just shrug off . we ADDers might internalize into poor self esteem. and on certian drugs could manifest into self harm acting out.
I do however give credit to the youngster for completing the assingment that resulted in him telling on himself at he risk of being punished.
so dont shoot the situation in the foot by putting the student in the middle.
from here it should be between the adults!
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I just don't get teachers sometimes. I'm a special education teacher myself. I teach in a school for students with emotional/behavioral disorders, and have taught here for 9 years. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's frustrating. We have children that show OUTRAGEOUS behaviors here. Still, I have never and would never send home a letter like that. It's just ridiculous! The only thing I can say is that some teachers just don't "get it". What she did was wrong, period. I would absolutely demand a meeting with the principal ASAP, and would confront her about her actions face to face. I would make it absolutely clear that this type of behavior from her will not be tolerated. It is really so unfortunate for your son. I hope everything works out!
P.S. My defiant side wants you to have your son rewrite the letter. Maybe something like:
"I am writing this assignment because I am disturbed by the behavior of my teacher. Any teacher who acts the way my teacher does is showing others that she doesn't understand the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This kind of immature behavior should not happen in a classroom, especially when it is the teacher displaying it. It deprives the students of a good education from an educated , caring, understanding teacher, and it could hurt the students emotionally. Which kind of teacher are you? Do you respect the feelings of your students, or are you too immature to control my actions while students are trying to learn?"
And then you should sign it! But that's just me!
I don't have anything to add, except to agree with everyone else that this is way out of line and you need to talk to the administration, etc...that's so unfair for your son!
Other than that I am sending hugs and prayers your way.
Vicky
omg!! that made me cry! i cant believe she would make him write that! my son had a teacher like this for kindergarten and although she would call our house and complain she never followed through with suggestions in our meetings and kept bullying him. i had to pull my son out and homeschool him until we could get him into another school. his self esteem was going down hill bc the teachers and kids were mean to him. my son actually had 2 hour time outs with his head down while all the other kids went to lunch. he was a 6 yr old eating with 4 and 5 graders by him self. the principal wouldnt change his teacher. and the teacher lied and said none of these things happened. anyways i think u need to pull your son out of that school if he cant go to another classroom where he wont be bullied. esp if he is coming home so sad like that and ppl are mean to him all day. it makes me so sad thinking of how he feels when ppl treat him that way! thats horrible!! i hope u get everything straightened out. give your son a hug for me! no one deserves to be treated that way esp not a little boy. i wonder if they can get in trouble for treating him this way since he was in fact diagnosed? maybe something to look into.
kim