Heartbroken and discouraged | ADHD Information

I will give that a shot. We do like to sing nursery rhymes together and do the motions along with them.

Tommy's hearing is fine now we had the tubes put in two years ago. So he is hearing fine. I just wish he was listening.

Have a good day,

Brandi

Metisrebel

Get a thorough mental health and learning disabilities assessment on this child.

We are in the process of getting in to see the Develpmental peds, Hall psychatric institute and with a private psychatrist. Now it is just a waiting game.

When he was a baby, did he not sit in your lap because he couldn't sit still, or because he hated to be touched? Those are two very different symptoms.

He could not sit still long enough. I thought he was just being a normal baby and I delt with it. I try not to compare my boys But after having my other son, I know now that my boys are night and day. Tommy was very high maintenance and always needed to be entertained. My youngest is so calm, hell I thought something was wrong with him. Connor is a breeze. he will play by himself, sit down and play with the musical books or crawl in my lap with the book or something that interests him and he will acutally sit there.

What did they say when his hearing was tested?

His hearing has always tested within normal limits. His ENT has referred to his hearing as hyperacoustic. Loud noised really bother him. Ex: Public restroom toilets. He holds his hands over his ears in anticipation of the dreaded flush. (I will never forget the day we came into contact mith the motion sensor flusher, that one caught him off guard)

Bethann

My son, who is now 11, was in early intervention for not able to speak, but receptive has always been great. He still has speech in school

My son has always been able to understand things also. 2 step verbal commands no problem, just not able to express. His receptive ability has been in the normal limits for his age. I saw his speech teacher at the beginning of this school year and she is just so happy with the progress he made over the summer and commented that she may release him soon. I was like wait a minute. Yes he is doing great considering a year and a half ago he was barely speaking but he is not where he needs to be age wise and he is not ready to be released.

DS is ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHD. He was diagnosed just shy of his 5th birthday. I knew it, I diagnosed him from reading about it. He fits all the criteria.

My son fits the criteria too. I am also ADD so he has it in his genes.

DS was medicated the end of 1st grade, sufferered labeling & bullying.

I worry about the labeling & bullying.

I am so glad for you. I have hope.

He is sensitive, caring, compassionate, all the good things we want in our kids, and YES he is ADHD, so he can be a lot of work.

My son is all of those things but sometimes it is hard to get past the behaviors to see those wonderful qualities.

medication has helped his speech, it slows him down when he talks. His life is better due to them. What he couldn't do before we started meds due to the ADHD, he now masters with his meds in place. AND DS will tell you this for himself.

That is what his early interventionists told me today after she read the teachers Eval form for the Develpmental peds. His thoughts are racing and he may not be able to get out what he wants to say or be able to sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation.

Get a full Pediatric Neuropsychological evaluation. It will tell you all about your son and what you have been "thinking" all along. Our pediatrician referred us to the doctor we saw.

We are in the process. It just makes me feel so helpless that all I can do is wait for the appt.

Little country girl

You said you couldn't get another appt for 2 months. Is this with developmental peds or his regular dr?

The waiting list for the Dev Peds in our home town is 1 year. So I called around to some other ones. There is one an hour away and there wait is 1 month so I had to call his Dr. and get a referal sent there. I am waiting on the paperwork. I don't think his Dr. is working against me. I just don't think she will diagnose him. We had an appt. One day and she saw him in full action. I told her about the trouble at school and the trouble we have at home and she immediately sent the referral for Developmental peds and a private psychiatrist. I asked his Early interventionists if she knew of any pediatricians that would feel comfortable making a diagnosis and she could not think of any. I guess that is why there is a 1 year wait for the Developmental peds around here. Go Figure!

Metis rebel

You are truly a gem. I want you to know that your response put me at peace. I did start crying but it was a good cry kind of comforting. I do have a clear picture of what I need to do and I will get it done. My sons success depends on it. I will not let him down!

Is he being bullied? Does he like it there? If he's happy there I'd let it ride.

He seems happy, I am just worried because my son has never been aggressive and he has started being very aggressive since he started. I wonder if he is learning it from another child or if he feels that lost, that he is taking his frustration out on me. The aggression is starting to scare me. My son and I will get through this no matter the outcome. I just have to stay strong and we will prevail.

Bethann

I am just logging on and read your post, yours was first in the list. I so agree with MetisRebel's comment about "enjoy your son" - I spent so much time worrying over him and about him, that I never enjoyed him. I love him soooooo much. ANd he loves me soooo much too. He knows that I will defend him to the ends of the world, he truly knows that because there have been times that I have!!

That is exactly what I have been doing. Worrying about him. I really think that he can tell. Tommy is super sensitive to my emotions, so I know that he can tell something is wrong with me. I have slowed down and enjoyed what we have right now because I will never get it back. You guys have truly put that into perspective for me.

I wish I medicated early to prevent things that unfortunately, for my son, he needed the meds in his life.

I am not against meds. Meds have changed my life. Failure in middle school on. I am in college now with a 3.2 GPA and the only reason it is 3.2 and not higher is because I did not start meds until my third semester. I know as long as I have my eye on him I will be able to see if something is working or not. I know my son better than he knows himself. It does hurt sometimes to think he may need meds, but if that is what it takes then that is what I will do. No questions asked.

Get the evaluation ASAP - then let the professionals to their job and tell you what they find. Come on back here , let us know and we will all be there with you to discuss the results and your next step. We will be here while you wait for your appointment as well!!

hang in there, you are where you need to be on these boards, we are all living similar lives to yours - now go enjoy your little guy!!

have a great weekend!! And post if you need us!!

Horsemom

This may be totally unrelated but is your son on any medication for the recurring ear infections (which we used to have and then turned into sinus infections once we had tubes)?

No, he has not been on any medications other than prevacid. He took many rounds of antibiotics while he was having the ear infections. Since he had the tubes put in we have only had one ear infection and we caught it so early I don't think it was bothering him. But we have had a lot of colds. Thank you for your input it is appreciated. Good luck with your daughter.

ommas

Thank you for your reply. Like I said I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to give me support and encourage me. My son is a such a special person and I have always known that. Yes he does frustrate me very much sometimes but my son is who he is and I accept him for who he is and I love him dearly. I feel blessed to have him in my life and I know that he makes me a better person. Tommy and I will make this journey together and he will never be alone and I know now that I will not be alone either. Thank you everyone that posted and everyone that has read and not posted (I hope you get the answers you are looking for.)

I will keep everyone updated on the progress that we make. Full steam ahead!

Brandi

worleyb39774.9546875worleyb,
I know this is not your main concern, by far, but I wanted to share that when my son was very young, he wouldn't sit still or cuddle while I read a picture book either. But I found some books that depended more on fun language than on pictures and I would read while he bounced all over the room, and, yes, he was listening even though he was bouncing all over the place. One favorite that I remember working particularly well is called Jamberry. It rhymes and has a musical sound and is wacky. Of course if your son isn't hearing well due to ear infections, this might not work well. (My son had a ton of ear infections too.) Poems by Shel Silverstein are fun too. Music, singing, and dancing can be great options too. Kids "learn" language this way too.
Best of luck!
PS: I just noticed the bit about the loud toilets. My son used to get freaked out by those too. I'd forgotten all about that!

[QUOTE=worleyb]

Wow, that was quite an answer! I'm duly impressed
Metisrebel

We are in the process of getting in to see the Develpmental peds, Hall psychatric institute and with a private psychatrist. Now it is just a waiting game.Ah, that's a great start!

What did they say when his hearing was tested?

He is sensitive, caring, compassionate, all the good things we want in our kids, and YES he is ADHD, so he can be a lot of work.

My son is all of those things but sometimes it is hard to get past the behaviors to see those wonderful qualities.

Get a full Pediatric Neuropsychological evaluation. It will tell you all about your son and what you have been "thinking" all along. Our pediatrician referred us to the doctor we saw.

We are in the process. It just makes me feel so helpless that all I can do is wait for the appt.Patience sux, [pun intended] don't it?

Metis rebel

I figured if you were crying anyway, you might as well water the plants

He seems happy, I am just worried because my son has never been aggressive and he has started being very aggressive since he started. I wonder if he is learning it from another child or if he feels that lost, that he is taking his frustration out on me. The aggression is starting to scare me.
I think the aggression part is the first part of the learning around discipline. Hitting [unless one is hit first] is not okay [you know that]

Well what are you waiting for? The monkey bars await BOTH of you The best bit about having a kid around is you can always do something completely daft and tell the neighbours, "Hey I was just amusing the kid!"

Thank you so very much. I can say writing this post is the best thing I could have ever done. My friends do not understand; they are dealing with the normal upsets of their children, and I think they feel sorry for me but that is not what I need right now I need people that understand. I do not feel so alone anymore. I also have hope.Well you need support, some common sense parenting and of course, a large dollop of humour.

The next time you are 'down' and feel 'hopeless' I want you to google Lee Evan's [he has severe ADHD] videos. He'll look just like an adult version of your kid. If you need to--check the age restrictions because some of his stuff is "adult" [mind you I think those are his funniest bits]

He even talks about forgetting stuff, and not listening, and has this zig zag mind that anyone who has contact with an ADHD'er will recognize.

Even the kids will love his Bohemian Rhapsody take off and his song about only being able to remember anything for 3 minutes

[/QUOTE]

Onwards and......

............................................slightly sideways!

good times don't last long but niether do the bad.

slow down and enjoy with him many fasniations .

there is stuggles for all people .

its so nice to hear from a parent that cares so much

if youre heart is so deep his may also be need to be filled with compassion and support. thank fully he has you .

helping him with his difficulties and encouraging his strenghts.

worleyb,

I wish I medicated early to prevent things that unfortunately, for my son, he needed the meds in his life.

Enjoy him, he will only be this age once. Mine was in motion, sometimes even airbound, but no broken bones. Mine never crawled, just got up and walked at 7 months, even though he didn't get what he was doing!!

hang in there, you are where you need to be on these boards, we are all living similar lives to yours - now go enjoy your little guy!!

have a great weekend!! And post if you need us!!

worleyb - This may be totally unrelated but is your son on any medication for the recurring ear infections (which we used to have and then turned into sinus infections once we had tubes)?

My daughter is having asthma type symptoms - mostly exercise induced. The asthma/allergy doctor wants to try her on Singulair - so I did a little research on it last night. In some cases, it is causing depressions, aggression, and mood issues. Kids on this medication are getting diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar when it is really a reaction to the medication. Don't know any more than what I have read on the net - which as we all know can paint a bad picture for anything - but if he is one it, you might consider alternatives and see if it helps his behavior.

[QUOTE=worleyb]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read such a long post.

We're all chatterboxes here. No apologies necessary

Probably because this sort of subtle "difference" isn't in his/her line of expertise. They're child doctors, not child psychiatrists

I feel like I am sinking into a depression this is consuming me and my every thought I feel helpless like there is nothing I can do for him I also feel guilty I should have gotten help before now.

That's a relatively common response. However, right now, you need to focus on getting the little fella the right help. There IS "something you can do for him" and you are doing it.

So, hang on Snoopy, Snoopy hang on

Should I pull him out of preschool until we get everything squared away with the Evaluation and Diagnosis. I don't want him to be labled or bullied.

Is he being bullied? Does he like it there? If he's happy there I'd let it ride.

Kids have it hard enough as it is. I am crying again; I need to pull myself together and be strong for him.

Finish your good cry first. You're worried about the little fella and that's what Moms do

Then go play in the park with him or something and enjoy him for a while.

I guess the realization has hit me that he is not going to be like the other kids. Which is not a bad thing I just know personally he is going to have a harder time than the other kids and it hurts me so much.

Brandi

[/QUOTE]

And if you didn't care so much, you wouldn't be the right mom for him. Keep that in mind.

He might have a harder time of it than other kids, but resiliency to deal with life's extra struggles is built by being loved.

And your great love for him is splashing down your face, right now.

It shines through every word you write.

He must be a pretty wonderful little kid if you two got this far together when there was so little verbal communication. The fact you put that much effort into understanding him is the other part of the equation.

So fill out the forms, get him assessed, do what you must and plow forward with this.

Ditto, get the evaluation.

My son, who is now 11, was in early intervention for not able to speak, but receptive has always been great. He still has speech in school, thank you "Mr. Principal" at Middle school for caring.

DS is ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHD. He was diagnosed just shy of his 5th birthday. I knew it, I diagnosed him from reading about it. He fits all the criteria.

DS was medicated the end of 1st grade, sufferered labeling & bullying.

Meds changed his life, he just couldn't live down the label and bullying. He is an A student, plays sports, and is really smart, not just cuz he is mine, teachers tell us - "future engineer" was the latest comment. He is sensitive, caring, compassionate, all the good things we want in our kids, and YES he is ADHD, so he can be a lot of work.

Your post describes my son. Medication has helped his speech, it slows him down when he talks. His life is better due to them. What he couldn't do before we started meds due to the ADHD, he now masters with his meds in place. AND DS will tell you this for himself.

Get a full Pediatric Neuropsychological evaluation. It will tell you all about your son and what you have been "thinking" all along. Our pediatrician referred us to the doctor we saw.

Please let us know how you make out!!

Your son sounds so much like my youngest at that age. You said you couldn't get another appt for 2 months. Is this with developmental peds or his regular dr? If you can get an appt with his regular dr, tell him that you are positive that your son has ADHD and could he prescribe a medicine until you can get in to see the other dr. Like my oldest son's dr said when I went to him with the same problem: It won't hurt him to try. If it makes a difference, then you are already one up on the other dr.

Ok I just saw the part where you said his pediatrician wasn't being very cooperative. It sounds like you need another dr. I don't know what your situation is with insurance, etc.. but if it is possible to see another pediatrician or family dr, then do so!
litlcntrygrl39773.2827777778

Thank you so much for taking the time to read such a long post.

I want any parent that reads this to learn from my mistake. Throughout the baby net early intervention. I kept telling them something is just not right. There is something there I just can not put my finger on it. I got the same response time after time. He is fine, just a little immature the speech issues are a big part of what is going on. Just wait it out. If you have ANY concerns about your childs development. Get them check, you know your child better than your child knows themselves. I truly believe in mother's intuition.

Re; Get a thorough mental health and learning disabilities assessment on this child.

I am filling out the novel as we speak (eval form) for Developmental pediatrics, but get this they are booking out a year from now. So in the mean time we are going to see a private practice psychiatrist. I don't understand why his pediatrician can not or will not help us. I feel like I am sinking into a depression this is consuming me and my every thought I feel helpless like there is nothing I can do for him I also feel guilty I should have gotten help before now.

Should I pull him out of preschool until we get everything squared away with the Evaluation and Diagnosis. I don't want him to be labled or bullied. Kids have it hard enough as it is. I am crying again; I need to pull myself together and be strong for him. I guess the realization has hit me that he is not going to be like the other kids. Which is not a bad thing I just know personally he is going to have a harder time than the other kids and it hurts me so much.

Brandi

worleyb39773.2595023148

I am so frustrated with myself. I have know for a long time that something was not right with my son. He was active from infancy and I really did not realize how active until my other son came along. The pediatrician would ask me at well visits, are you reading to him. Well lets see If I can catch him long enough for him to maybe touch the book. There was not any of the lap sitting and cuddling.

Tommy needed constant attention was not able to entertain himself. He did not respond to things the way other kids did emotionally, Hard to calm down when he did get upset. Seemed like he was in his own world a lot. I remember him having a puzzled look on his face a lot.

When my son was born I kept a composition notebook faithfully every few days I would write in it about all the things he was doing, how our day went. You know the normal things parents want to cherish and never forget. I am so glad that I did this because my child was the same way 4 years ago that he is now just with less independence and the inability to speak.

My son developed what seemed to be normally milestone wise until it was time to talk.

When he was not talking at the appropriate age, I asked his Dr. and she said it was due to the numerous ear infections he was having. So off to the ENT we go. At 18 months he had tubes put in and to no avail the speech did not follow. I had to go through the runaround "oh just give it time" so finally after demanding further evaluations and of course waiting for an appt. At 24 months we had a speech eval done and he was of course severley speech delayed. (12 month age level). So we find out about baby net and immediately start getting him services. Speech and an early interventionists. That went really well until he turned 3 and was released from baby net and put into the public school system for speech services 1 day a week. No problem whatever we need to do to help him be successful. Through out all of the meetings with the therepists there has always been attention and behavior problems. I would like to add there is a lot of improvement with his speech but strangers still have a hard time understanding him.

So he goes through a year of speech through the school and this year he has started the 4k program.

The teacher has concerns; here is the checklist she filled out for Developmental peds that I have set up. I had to call his teacher and ask her how he was doing. When she starting telling me about all the concerns she was having I am thinking why haven't you called me sooner. I guess I just thought she would let me know how much progress he is making (or not).

Rating scale 1-3

1=not a concern

2=somewhat of a concern

3=a major concern

Attention

Random and purposeless behavior (in general) 2

Fidgets with clothes, taps pencil, feet, fingers 2

Talks out of turn and inappropriately 3 (Tommy blurts out and yells out-outbursts may not have to do with topic)

Cannot stick to one topic or attend to one activity 2

"caught up" by any new stimuli (eg, light, sound, movement) 2

Has an extremely short attention span 2

Other: Tommy will continue to repeat a question or call your name until he is addressed.

Emotional Stability

Characterize by lack of prdictability 2

Becomes easily upset 3

Overreacts emotionally 2

Learning Behavior

Difficulty changing tasks 3

Verbal Concepts

Difficulty comprehending conceps

Difficulty understanding concept of time (eg, tomorrow, yesterday, soon, before, after, etc)

Interaction

Participates effectively in peer routines such as games, sports, and verval exchanges (May get in peers "persoanl space" and doesn't always pick up on verbal cues to back up)

So now I am left with all of these concerns and I can not get a Dr. appt for another 2 months. My son needs help, I need help.

I am reluctant to think anything is going to fix this.

We've had tubes (oh this should fix things)

We've had adnoids removed (now he will get better sleep so he will not be so uncontrollable during the day)

At this point I don't know where to turn. I have a four year old with out the ability to really discuss things with me. He does not play well with his peers, social skills seem to be at the level of a three year old, constantly on the go.

I am frustrated with him, his teacher is frustrated with him and above all else I am sure this can not be a walk in the park for him! He has also been sad over the past 6 months. I feel like our already tense relationship is unraveling at the seems. I am the main caregiver and I am overwhelmed and becoming mentally exhausted.

Lets not even talk about discipline Nothing Works 5 minutes later he is doing the same thing. I also feel like his tantrums yes we still have at least 5 really good meltdowns during the day are becoming more aggressive. He looks at me with hatred or resentment or maybe it is just my guilt, it scares me.

I feel like my son is in there but how do I get him out. We still do not have conversations chats are very monologue. I want so badly to figure out what is going on.

I would also like to add that I have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and my mom says that Tommy is a spitting image of me when I was that age and that when I call her to talk about these things that she remembers having the same talks with my grandmother 20 years ago. The only difference between myself and my son at this age is that I was an early speaker. Also his biological fathers has a lot of Bi polar/manic deppressive on his side of the family. Would something like that show up this young?

He is also very smart in other areas he is writing words all letters knew colors, #'s and alphabet early. He was writing his letters on a chalkboard at two years old. This seems like a twisted joke and unfortumately it is at the expense of my innocent son.

Please any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated at this point. I am so tired of feeling isolated and alone. Any one have a similar problem.

Sorry if any spelling errors.

worleyb39772.8785648148Get a thorough mental health and learning disabilities assessment on this child.

When he was a baby, did he not sit in your lap because he couldn't sit still, or because he hated to be touched? Those are two very different symptoms.

What did they say when his hearing was tested? If he's hearing impaired, he hasn't a foggy clue what's going on half the time--never mind repeating it back to anyone. If there's a cognitive impairment between what he hears and what he processes, that's another possibility.

There's so many different physical or mental struggles this child could be having, it's impossible to track.

You really need to get this child a full assessment.