New and love to hear from other parents | ADHD Information

Yes, I did stress that it was ok, as long as she wan't hurt. When she cried about how this was the 3rd thing she's broken this year, I laughed and told her that that was a good year, because I have broken more things than that!

She did keep the flowers, and she found a couple of the rocks that weren't mixed in with glass to keep. We went to the thrift store the next day, but she wouldn't even think about looking for a new vase. Everytime it was suggested, she teared up.

Our "special box" is her toy box (LOL). Lately she has gotten better about us giving away things, especially if she knows they're going to her two younger cousins.

I believe in Corelle because of the amount of dishes I break--can't keep a normal set going for 2 months

Well, she's getting better at it, anyway--good job Mom

Thanks for the advice Paul. I think this was intersting that you wrote ADHD kids do better in non-team related sports so this one could be a win. My son freaks out when he doesn't win. Even if it's a board game, video game or anything at all. He can't take losing. We're trying a behavior chart with him, it's going ok.Thank you beth. I'm hoping it gets better as he gets older. He is horrible at the store. He will just take off on you. He has been like that ever since I can remember. He is very impulsive.

MetisREBEL

Thanks for this.

INSIDE THE MIND OF AdHd

[QUOTE=leokat]

I feel for you! My dd is 9 1/2 going on 30!!! She is ADHD, and very smart. MentisRebel, I loved your illustration about what goes on in an ADHD kid's mind! It also sounds scarily like my own mental process!!!!

Hahahaha--get tested

My question out there is: does anyone else's child form an extreme attachment to objects? Let me illustrate: Friday evening, Christina is in her room looking for something ( I don't know what!). Onher dresser is a vase filled with glass rocks and a fake flower arrangement. She pushes something around on the dresser, knocking off the vase, which falls to floor and shatters. Enter the drama queen, crying hysterically (no, she isn't hurt in any way). I come to the rescue with the broom and dustpan, to which she become even more hysterical, begging me not to sweep up the pieces and throw them away. "please momma, put it back together!" I tell her I can't, and she tries to fight with me for possession of the dustpan. I walk her into the living room, ask my mother to comfort her, and make a break for the room to dump the dustpan. She becomes even more hysterical, and it takes all my strength not to go off the deep end. I explain it's in too many pieces to go back together, and have to try and redirect her.

This happens every time something of hers breaks, or something is thrown away. It get shrugged off when I try to speak to a doctor about it. Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

[/QUOTE]

A couple of things to keep in mind about breakage.

ADHD'ers tend to fly through rooms like a jack russell terrier on cocaine. We often break things. Adults often yell at us telling us to "be more careful" or "LOOK AT THAT--you broke Auntie's favorite vase! This wouldn't happen if you didn't go running around in the house!"

After a few years of this--we FREAK OUT if we break something. We want someone to fix it. We don't want to upset them. Things become more important than our feelings. We're scared they'll be angry with us. We didn't want to hurt someone's feelings and so we cry. It's a conditioned response.

So you get the fun job of unconditioning it.

If something gets broken, calmly ask, "Are YOU okay?" Make your first concern, the child's safety.

Then ask the child to either pick up the mess [if it's not dangerous] or ask them to help you [get the dustpan or vaccumm or whatever] no matter how much drama is going on.

Stress People are more Important than Things.

Yeah, I know it's tough to do that when they've just smashed a 300 year old antique heirloom from playing ball in the house and you really are tempted to ship them to juvie camp but...

...Do you want them as adults to care more about their car's paint job, or people?

Priorities here people, priorities

This happens every time something of hers breaks, or something is thrown away. It get shrugged off when I try to speak to a doctor about it. Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

its' the its mine and doesn't want to lose it syndrome how long did it take for her to get over it after you threw it away. My daughter turned 10 3months ago and she's been a drama queen since 6. and my DOS doesn't forget anything. you have to threw the things away when they aren't there.

My son went through a phase when he was a little younger (4 to 5 years old). He wanted to keep everything! If he got a new hot wheels car we could not throw away the plastic and card board from the wrapper it came in! We worked on helping him manage this need to keep everything in a more appropriate way.

We talked about how if we kept everything eventually we would be surrounded by mounds of stuff, even went as far as to ask what he thought would happen to the garbage men's jobs if we never put any garbage out. Then my father helped him build a "special keep box." It is about the size of two stacked shoe boxes. They planned, built and painted it together. He was then allowed to keep anything he could fit in the box. Trust me at first even wrappers from a toy went in if he could stuff it! Then came the day when it was full. We then talked about how we decide if something is special enough to keep and also started regular reviews of what was in the box and whether or not the item was still special.

Not much goes in his box now, but he loves to look through the things in it occasionally. He is 9 and is beginning to understand how nice his room can be when we pick up and clean once in a while. I hope by the time he goes to college he will be able to clean it on his own without constant direction and assistance from me.

I wonder if something like allowing your daughter to keep a glass rock and a flower from the arrangement, or some non injury inducing piece of anything that gets broken will help her get over the emotional hurdle of throwing the rest away. I found it very rewarding to talk to my son about how memories are made and how if we feel we need it a small memento of something can help bring back those memories. He has learned that some memories don't need those physical reminders from it all.

kstarspa1

Brilliant idea about the special stuff box!

Pass that one around parents!

My mother once found me sitting on the garbage can weeping when she bought new pillows sobbing, "Goodbye old friends" to the old ones.

Children are strange

Hey, maybe I need one of those boxes NOW

Pop for some adhders calm them down we used to give our son mt. dew and it would make him fall asleep

wierd because when he broke his coller bone the doctor gave him Tylenal with coden and he stayed up all night long when he was 3.

I had valium once and was hyper and awake for two days....

So I wouldn't be surprised if a morphine derivative would make your son go boppy boppy
Valium makes you do that wow. I'm on that and 2 other muscle relaxers and I get like this

Robaxecet doesn't hype me, it puts me to sleep.

SSRI's send meon the Magical Mystery Tour...

I have to take prednisone sometimes. Low dose=tired. High dose=hyper and psychotic.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Who are they testing these freakin' drugs on? Certainly not ADHD'ers!

I pity my doc

He is in boy scouts. But, he has a hard time there because his meds have completely worn off by then and he's in all the kids faces and he is so loud. Is there some way to give him a short acting med [say a ritalin top up] just on Scout's night?

Some parents find, as bizarre as it is--that a simple can of cola can do the trick.

Is there some way to give him a short acting med [say a ritalin top up] just on Scout's night?

Some parents find, as bizarre as it is--that a simple can of cola can do the trick.

That is interesting. He is on 20 mg of focalin right now. What is the theory for giving them pop?

[QUOTE=angelicmom77]Thank you beth. I'm hoping it gets better as he gets older. He is horrible at the store. He will just take off on you. He has been like that ever since I can remember. He is very impulsive.[/QUOTE]

My Dad used to point out a marker when we entered the store [such as the security desk] to go to if I wandered off and they would come and find me.

Stores are very tempting to ADHD kids. Lights, colour, sound--it's overwhelming.

Have you tried that?

Thanks for the compliment MetisRebel.

I myself have an old Tinkerbell Jewelry box that houses the things from my youth that I found important at the time. I've often thought I would like a new box to keep things in......sounds like a weekend project for my father and son.

Hmmmmm, when is the next time I can send him out there for one of our parents night out weekends....

kstar:

Brilliant idea

The funny thing about scouts is that A LOT of the other scouts are ADHD or Aspbergers in troops near us. A co-worker is a leader with an aspie and he just told me that three more with aspbergers just joined.

Any others in the troop that you may suspect or even know has adhd or something similar?

You may not be alone!

They should test them on one that isn't and one that is so they know what questions to ask .and no malpractice suits whats up with that?One med I was on [not adhd] had FIVE PAGES of class action suits and they're still handing it out.

Turns out if you have asthma it increases fatal attacks. It wasn't tested on asthmatics even though it's for pulmonary disease which goes hand-in-hand with asthma in most cases. And they keep prescribing it for asthmatics.

Now how messed up is THAT?

I've known a number of people who got -5,000 for testing anti-depressants by faking the tests. I don't even WANT to think about how many are faking ADHD because they need the money to pay a bill.

And people wonder why I think the older drugs are better

wow almost 5,000 dollars Ever seen those stupid ads? They wanna test these drugs on people who aren't taking any other drugs.

Then the obvious occurs. Nobody knows what happens to people on that med, plus another one until the bodies start piling up.

ArghNess!
Rachel,

You are SO not alone. My son was exactly the same. We didn't start meds until he was 7 and I wish we had started sooner.

We have found a fairly successful med cocktail with Concerta, Tenex, and Zoloft. The Tenex was a great addition. He was angry and impulsive and that really helped relax him a little. He still struggles with anxiety, but we are going to increase the Tenex and Zoloft and hopefully that will help. He goes to a charter school for special ed kids, so that helps with the social issues too. You might check to see if there is a school he could get into where the kids are more like him. I think it helps them feel less "different" if they are around kids the same.

The thing I seem to be "slow" catching onto is social situations, the holidays, etc. He is awful at other peoples homes, out to dinner, or when we have people over at our house. After reading another post, I realized that maybe the last two days have been bad is becuase of all the Christmas unpacking, etc. He has lot of fun, but there is this overstimulation that really affects his moods.

So, hang in there. It is a constant learning process! My son really has no friends and plays mostly by himself, but I can't seem to change that since he hates taking classes, sports, Sunday school, and doing things outdoors. Just know that things do get a lot easier as they get older and you adjust your expectations. You are definitely not alone!!

Rachael,

My son had the same things going on when he was your son's age. He is ADHHHHHHHHHHHD, speech delayed, sensory integration. We started meds when he was about to turn 7. Kids didn't like him either for getting in their space. parents didn't like him because they couldn't hadle his overstimulation and hyperness, plus it was a great excuse for them to blame someone else instead of looking at their own children! He became their scapegoat. No playdates, no birthday parties, etc.

Meds changed his life. He too was on an IEP. He received speech and an OT for sensory. It helped.

He is 11 years old, is an A student, plays sports, and he does have friends, but is cautious due to what happened to him when he was younger. He remembers. I think he is smarter because of it. He is also compassionate, sensitive, and loving ( he was born with those characteristics.)

Life does get better, but he really needs you!! Advocate for him and let him know how much you love him and he is just fine the way he is.

FInd his strengths and make them stronger. Get him involved with whatever they are. He will love you for it. Stand next to him whenever he needs you, and believe me, he will. Stand by him forever. Tell him just that!

Find activities for him so that he can have some type of social life, he needs one. Leave your town and go the next town over where no one knows him. Let him meet new children, etc. We used the rec center for chess, lego camps, etc. Also, swimming lessons are good at his age. Anything to keep him around other children. he needs to feel good about himself. Build up his esteem, even exaggerate a bit if you have to!

I am glad you found this place, it will also be a saving grace for you on some days, especially the emotional ones. We are always here!!

Beth

[QUOTE=angelicmom77]

Kids are not fond of him because he does Not respect personal space. He is very loud, touches kids, gets up in there faces and they get frusrtated. Parnts think he's bad and all this breaks my heart.

[/QUOTE]

Hey, Rachel,

I'm new here, but sounds like many of us feel your pain. I think the social issue--helping ADHD make and keep friends--is very, very hard. We can manage the schoolwork and other tasks with meds and behavior management--but making friends? That's hard even WITHOUT ADHD. Kids can be fickle creatures. We've not had tons of luck, either, but Scouts seems to be a good avenue for us.

It is heart breaking indeed. Hope things are going to get better for you soon.

dee

[QUOTE=MetisRebel]One med I was on [not adhd] had FIVE PAGES of class action suits and they're still handing it out.

Turns out if you have asthma it increases fatal attacks. It wasn't tested on asthmatics even though it's for pulmonary disease which goes hand-in-hand with asthma in most cases. And they keep prescribing it for asthmatics.

[/QUOTE]

What are the meds? I'm asking b/c I have asthma. I hate using my inhaler b/c I wind up bouncing off the walls. I use Combivent inhaler, and when I have to use it, I absolutely CANNOT function. I get even more jittery, can't concentrate, can't think. Things just become overwhelming for me. Noises become too loud, smells too much.

Your child is doing the exact same things that our guy did at that age, so you're not alone.

First, realize that a kid with ADHD lives in the moment. When they're engaged in any activity, they don't think back for more then a minute or two nor the same into the future. So experience from past consequences or the threat of future consequences have little impact on current behavior. Imagine your child fishing in a boat, trying to reel in a five pound bass and heading towards a water fall. It's not that he doesn't care about the waterfall, he's only focused on landing that five pound bass. So, when he takes money that doesn't belong to him, he's only thinking about immediate gratification and not about consequences. When he blurts out words that should only be thought, again, he's only thinking about here and now, not about the reprocussions of his words or actions.

The good news, is that over time he will slow down and gain better control due to a combination of meds, behavior modification and maturity.

It also sounds like he is experiencing a lot of negative feedback related to his behavior and actions. Not saying it's not warranted but there needs to be positive spots in his life as well. Suggest, enrolling him into a martial arts class with an instructor who is familiar with ADHD. He can measure his personal gains by the colored belts he earns over time. The higher the belt, the more respect from other members in the class. It also provides a more structured and modeled environment for social interaction. ADHD kids do better in non-team related sports so this one could be a win. Next, have him participate regularly in your church's bible school. This provides a different learning experience then normal school without the pressure of grades while also providing a different social circle to draw for play dates. Speaking of which, supervised play dates are real necessity but need to be structured for feedback both real-time and afterwords. There are several child development books that detail how to ensure successful play dates with challenging kids.

Finally, find yourself a family therapist who is familiar with ADHD kids. You've probably already determined that your standard parenting tools don't work. A good family therapist will give you new ones tailored for you and your child. The therapist will also be your advocate when you need to initiate 504 or IEP developmental plans for school. Many are also experience with meds and though they can't prescribe, will work closely with your psychiatrist to dial in the right ones.

Hope this helps.

Paul

I've typed this message out so many times now for stressed out parents--that I'm going to save it in a file this time and just add or delete bits as necessary. So, thank you for the motivation angelicmom77.

INSIDE THE MIND OF AdHd

Parent sends kid to find cat in garage. Think it's simple? Think again...
Here Buffy, where are ya puss? Oh look my red truck! I was looking for that all day. That reminds me why am I wearing my blue sneakers, I like the red ones better--where ARE my red ones? One of my shoelaces is coming untied. Was it 'round and 'round the bunny ears or was it...There's my truck! I've been looking for it all day. Better put it away before little bro walks off with it again. Is that picture on the wall new? I don't like the yellow sunflowers and now I gotta pee. Where does the water go when you flush? I'm gonna take the top off and find out where it comes from. Drat! Knocked over mom's bath salts again. Is she gonna be mad! Now where is the broom?
"Did you find the cat, yet?"
What's she on about now? What cat? I didn't know the cat was lost. I was looking for a broom. What did I need a broom for? To get the cat out from under the bed, that's what. There's no cat under this bed!
"Did you find the cat, yet?"
"It's not here, Mom!"
"Did you check the garage, like I asked?"
"Uh, no--why would I look in the garage?"
"What is the MATTER with you? Don't you ever LISTEN?"

HOW TO GET AN aDhd pErSoN's ATTENTION:
First off, with 40 trains of thought flying around upstairs, you are competing with a lot of brain chatter to get through.Assume that when they are flying by like a manic, in another room or are not looking directly at you, they haven't heard a word you said.
Make eye contact. Sometimes touch helps, like a gentle hand on a shoulder.
Don't say more than 3 sentences. Remember, you're trying to make your point with a lot of noise going on in there. Anything after that is just blah blah blah blah

Then get the person to repeat back to you what you said. Make sure they processed and understood your instructions.And a Finishing Note:

THE TEN-ONE RULE:
Use ten parts praise/thank yous to 1 part criticism/correction.

MetisRebel39776.7204398148Don't worry--you're not on them. They're for COPD, not asthma--the problem comes when someone has COPD+asthma. Oh cripes it's been awhile, I call them purple spaceships...is it Advair?

I get all those symptoms from the asthma attack and ventolin doesn't work so I'm pretty much screwed.

Every time I smell cologne I run out the door heaving for air. Blech.

Lysol for me. And of course, what do the janitors use?Yeah I can. I don't know why they're handing that crap out like candy. I was on Spiriva which had NO side effects. I just kept forgetting to take it

and I don't know why they don't give THAT out--it's more effective and no side effects for people that have asthma. My grandma uses that and my aunt they both have COPD and I believe my MNL has it I don't pay much attention to what she has because we don't get along very well she's bipolor and my husband is an only child so can you see my dilimia

Hi. I'm new here and thought I'D SHARE MY STORY. My 6 year old son has ADHD. W found out last year and he has been on 5 different medications since then. He is very impulsive. He takes money and things that aren't his. He is very hyper active. He really struggles. We have taken him to many different doctors. He has speech and vision problems. He is on a IEP. This year he is doing well academically. Kids are not fond of him because he does Not respect personal space. He is very loud, touches kids, gets up in there faces and they get frusrtated. Parnts think he's bad and all this breaks my heart. He is a sweet boy and I feel so bad. Most days are exhausting with the struggles of him not listening, being hyper and impulsive. When we go somewhere even to families houses it is very stressful because he can't behave and they get frustrated. I would love to talk with other parents. I feel so alone.

Thanks!

Rachel

Well you aren't alone here angelicmom77--lotsa people here can talk to you from both ends, as parents and as people with ADHD

It's good to see he's doing better academically.

If he has vision problems maybe that's why he gets so close to people? Makes it easier for him to check out what's going on?

He's not 'bad' he's "alternatively behaved"
Most folks just don't understand the alternative

You said you'd seen many different doctors. Do you have on doctor or someone who can case manage for you to oversee all the little guy's medical/social/emotional needs?

The little fella seems like he has a lot going on. And that has to be a lot of struggle for you, too.

Hang in there, somewhere around here is the calvary

Thank you for your comments. It's good to know others are going through this as well. He sees his pediatrician and she does his meds. They just upped his focalin. We've taken him to a nuerologost, behavioral physcologist, and he seems a pyscologist every 2 weeks. And, in 2 weeks he will be seeing a pysciatrist. I don't see a big difference when he is on the meds. The only thing I see is he can concentate a litle better at school. When he has any time unstructured at home or school it is not good. Over the summer he really was acting out. I really wish I could find a parent support group.

I wish I had some good advice but the other people here have been at this longer than I have.

Do you have support from your family?

The medicines have not helped with the social interactions and impulsivity?

Just take it one day at a time and of course allow yourself some much needed you time.

I do want to say that I do know how frustrated, isolated and alone you feel. So please know that you are not alone. I am sure you will get some encouragment and support from the great people on this board.

Brandi

I just read the bottom of your post--you have 5 kids and they're ALL diagnosed ADHD? How did that work? Mendelson would have a fit... good heavens. that's more than a handful

sure is and it's funny I took my daughter to the peds doctor and she says your keeping us in business because they have 4 to 5 doctors each. [QUOTE=kstarspa1]

MetisRebel,

I love that! That perfectly shows what a child with ADHD is going through. As a mom that is not ADD/ADHD I struggle daily to understand this and learn strategies and skills to help me help my child. (Unfortunately I am a wordy explainer of why we should do what we should do type of person - doesn't mix well with ADHD!)

Well you get the big learning challenge of making impact rather than requesting then explaining the reason for the request, a common failing amongst those of us who love to gab

Now do you have one to simulate what a goes on in an adult man with ADD's head when talking with his wife? That I need right now!

Men--now there's a challenge!

IRATE WIFE: Pick me up at the mall at 6pm.

ADHD HUBBY:

5:30pm: Well I better get ready to pick up the wife. Plenty of time. Start looking for the keys now, just in case I can't find them. Where's the dish with the keys? She moved it again! Oh no...here they are right under the towel I tossed on the table when I dried my hair. Reminds me, put the towel in the bathroom or wifey will pitch a fit. The kids are out tonight and I wanna get lucky so don't want to pizz wifey off tonight. Whoo hoo! Hope she doesn't want to light candles again, last time I nearly burnt my hair off reaching over the bedside to get her the glass of water. *BANG* Oh crap! Must that woman move the furniture every time I'm not looking? How long has this been here? A week? Where is my head? What was I doing? [throws towel over shoulder].

Oh yeah, pick up the wife! Where's the car keys? [checks pockets]. Crap! Where are the keys? On the table in the dish. Right. Crap! Why aren't they HERE? I'll check all my coat pockets. Okay not there. Recheck pockets? Oh, here they are--forgot I had that pocket.

SAMMY STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER! What is wrong with that kid? Everybody--go to your rooms and stay 'til I get back or I nobody gets pizza tonight. I've got to pick up Mom now.

Why is it, every time I get in this car it smells like sweat socks and bubblegum? Man, I gotta clean out the back seat. Kids. I hate this 'club'. Better someone should steal the freakin' car. Takes an hour to get the idiotic thing off. Who invented that annoying device, anyway? Home shopper's club. Worse than soap operas. What time is it now? 5:45. Oh man, I'm gonna be five minutes late. Oh well, that's not too bad.

Wow, look! The hardware store has a sale on those doors the wife wanted for the kitchen. I can afford that price. They're not the right colour but I could get around to painting it. Better grab one before they close. She'll be thrilled and the kids are sleeping at Grandma's tonight so this oughta make her really happy and then I'll get lucky. YoWzA!

7pm AT THE MALL:

WIFE: WTF is WRONG with you? It's 7pm! I'm standing here outside a closed mall freezing my buns off for an hour already! Why do you have a towel stuck in your collar? And what the he11 is a purple DOOR doing jammed into the back seat of car?

HUBBY: *sigh* Women, they're never happy. I'm just trying to make her happy and now she hates me. She'll never forgive me. Why can't I be on time for once?

I'm such a yutz.

So much for tonight's entertainment....

[/QUOTE]

Uh, well, that's how guys think...anyway
MetisRebel39779.5364236111

Your really not alone my son is just the same, i dread taking him out places because of how he acts, we also have try'd many different meds and none seemed to work, now hes on Concerta XL 27mg and we have seen a massive improvement, he can concentrate for alot longer then before.

I to use this site alot it has helped me with some of the issues that we have come across it helps when you hear that your not alone, keep smiling

my son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. and i know how you feel to be isolated and stressed at other peoples homes. my son would not sit still for more than 5 seconds and then he was into everything and anything. running around, nearly breaking things not listening to anyone. now with the diagnoses and meds he is starting to get better. we bring what we call our out bag. it has books that he chooses coloring books and crayons and some little cars sometimes a movie in it. that is what we take with us to my family and friends houses. this has helped alot. he is now on guanfacine 1 mg only in the morning. it has helped so much at daycare and home. but im still very nervous about going out places in fear that he may just have a "bad" day so i try not to go over peoples houses as often as i want.

MetisRebel,

I know that my son has improved with age and maturity, so angelicmom77 - hang in there! I know the road is tough and the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away that it is a pin dot, but before you know it you will be able to see the improvement and will have wonderful days with your child. Sometimes there will be long stretches of wonderful before a couple of difficult days arrive!

Check back here often if even just to read. It has helped me over the years to not feel so alone. I've gotten good ideas and felt praised myself when I read something from a parent going through what I am or have gone through and someone else tells them good job. Try to take it one day at a time and find time for you so you can recharge and be ready for the next new twist in the road.

Happy Thanksgiving!

That sounds like a good plan for the little fella, amanda. Letting him pick his own stuff to take probably cuts down a lot of problems too.

Good idea and well done

MetisRebel,

The Husband and Wife Section you wrote on here had me busting up laughing so hard Tears came out. I was laughing because reminds me of my husband and myself but luckily he can't drive anymore so now it's reversed. hehehe.

[QUOTE=shaliscomiru5]

MetisRebel,

[/QUOTE]

REVENGE!!!! Have you forgotten him anywhere yet?

Glad you enjoyed it

I wrote a few around here I can't find on [obviously!] what a kid thinks too.

No I didn't get his Chew to him on Time. But he was okay with it. hehehehe Oh I liked that one too. My kids do that alot.no my husband has adhd I have add/aniexity but not on meds my daughter has add and my son has adhd my youngest son has adhd/separation aniexity