New to the borad. | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=SusanneAUT]@MetisRebelOur psychologist suggested to think about trying to put her on medication to see if it would reduce some of the basic school problems such as focusing and the ability to remember things.
You can try it and if you don't the results, stop. You're both suffering and it's clear that you love each other very much.
Would you give her medication if she was schizophrenic? For a suffering ADHD'er--this is just as real.
About her father: He would not go to the psychologist with her. In his mindset that is "not his business". He does not go to school meetings either, talk to teachers or anything. It seems to me as if he doesnt really want to know whats going on. I keep telling him everything that happens in her life but the whole information stream there has been very one sided.
He doesn't want to know about his daughter? I have to say this. What a JERK!
I'm so glad you have custody.
My idea with the phonecalls worked last tuesday perfect. She talked to her dad over a half hour and she was very happy afterwards. She can't wait for next tuesday
I'm so glad that worked out.
Something like CHADD is nowhere in the area i live. Might be in vienna but i live over 100 km outside the city.
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@ommar
She tells me everyday about her day. About this one kid that always keeps bugging her. The other kids that laugh the teacher that, in her understanding, doesnt do anything about it. Teachers tell them to stop but they don't . I wished i could just go to school with her, sit down next to her and protect her. It tears me apart that she has to do this every day on her own. All i can do is give her a hug and tell her i am there. And it feels its so little that i can do
Does the school have an anti-bullying policy? If it does, you might need to see that it gets applied.
One evening, i thought she was sleeping already, she must have heard me crying. She painted a picture that has a big heart on it. On top of this heart she painted her and me (me with a sad face and her with a smiling one) as she hands me a gift. below it a written line: "This is the 'I love you rock, and that's what i do, i love you' .
It blew me away.
That was beautiful
And that is only one of the many many many awesome things about her. I wish everyone could see her the way i do.
Instead, all the feedback from school i get is "She doesnt finish the exercises, she picks fights with other students, she disturbs them, she does not sit still" and so on and so on. Tired of hearing this to be honest
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This child needs an opportunity. Please follow the psychologist's advice. She sounds like a wonderful child who can't get past the brain chemicals to show her best side.
I know that we're under a lot of pressure NOT to medicate. But do you honestly, in your mom heart, believe this child is making conscious choices to be difficult?
Or do you believe that her cognitive functions are not firing off correctly and she's suffering as a result?
Why don't you *ask* her, 'If mommy could get a pill that might make you act a little better--would you take it?"
And see it there isn't something you can do with that school.
It CAN be better.
First of all, thank you for the nice reply
To answer the questions:
We have a therapy together and she has a seperate one where only she talks to the psychologist. On top of that i got her into a social competence training i found in our hometown.
As far as medication goes i am a little scared about that. Not knowing how it works and generally the idea of putting an 8 year old on meds is a little weird to me.
I took her out of the school she visited in 2nd grade and got her into a school that also offers a program for children with special needs but even her current teachers still dont understand the "deal" with ADHD.
I want at all costs to avoid her ever hating to go to school. She has so much potential that would go to waste.
I tried to work out something to take the feeling her father doesnt love her away from her. But in all honesty its more than rough on my part. I gave him the option of not having to pick her up but instead to call her once a week on the phone on a set time (6 pm). On the other side i told her she can call her dad once a week to a set time (7 pm). My idea was following: He calls her an hour before she can call him that way she gets the feeling "Hey, dad couldnt wait for me to call him so he called first".
It is not ideal but its the best i could think of in this situation. It breaks my heart though having to use a kind of "cheating" for him to act like he cares. I hope it will do any good.
As far as parent support goes i have not found anything close to where i live. Maybe later on when i get a car i can look a little further outside.
You're welcome of course
We have a therapy together and she has a seperate one where only she talks to the psychologist. On top of that i got her into a social competence training i found in our hometown.
That's a great start.
As far as medication goes i am a little scared about that. Not knowing how it works and generally the idea of putting an 8 year old on meds is a little weird to me.
I'm sure it does feel weird. Talk to some of the parents here about it. Did the doctors suggest you medicate?
The new "targeting" medications such as Strattera might be more useful and less frightening for you, if you have a good drug plan.
If a medication is a good fit, it can buy your child the time you both need to implant some skills and lessen her [and your] struggle. When she has better coping mechanisms you can always consider taking her off them.
I took her out of the school she visited in 2nd grade and got her into a school that also offers a program for children with special needs but even her current teachers still dont understand the "deal" with ADHD.
The teachers need to educate themselves. Two ADHD kids in one class [and it does happen] can disrupt the whole room. Not because they're bad--but because their drive to move around and their distractibility is so great.
I want at all costs to avoid her ever hating to go to school. She has so much potential that would go to waste.
I know you're worried. Many ADHD kids are highly gifted. It's hard to get them to pay attention so many educators don't notice that they're brainy. But parents usually do.
I tried to work out something to take the feeling her father doesnt love her away from her. But in all honesty its more than rough on my part.
It's heartbreaking to see your little girl hurt. Does Father understand that the child has a cognitive disorder? It's not much different than dyslexia where things are backwards and upside down. In this case, the higher functioning is damaged causing attention inconsistencies.
I gave him the option of not having to pick her up but instead to call her once a week on the phone on a set time (6 pm). On the other side i told her she can call her dad once a week to a set time (7 pm). My idea was following: He calls her an hour before she can call him that way she gets the feeling "Hey, dad couldnt wait for me to call him so he called first".
That was clever!
Did it work?It is not ideal but its the best i could think of in this situation. It breaks my heart though having to use a kind of "cheating" for him to act like he cares. I hope it will do any good.
Will her father go to the psychiatrist and listen to what the doctor has to say? Will he come here and listen to what adult ADHD people [like me and others] have to say about what it's like?
As far as parent support goes i have not found anything close to where i live. Maybe later on when i get a car i can look a little further outside.
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Is there a CHADD in your area? [support group for adhd]
Keep us posted
I so glad to see people seeking peer support.
what caught my eye in your post was the "isolation"
is an underlying factor in adhd and emotional development.
frustration creates stress
stress leads to isolation
isolation leads to poor social skills
poor social skills lean toward negitivity amongst peers
it seems to never end.
try this as an underlying approach that has nothing to do with adhd , but can help over a long period of time
its something youre probably doing anyway in your own way.
create a trust time to talk practice talking about "what happened at school today" talks let her talk twice as much about what happned at school on good days and bad pay close attention to feeling words like " hate- mad - angry " encourage the child to explain deeper emoiontion words under those wose words disappointed - scared , sad , theres a bunch important part is here connect those underlying feelings to her outbursts teach her to understand wha time away is at first seems like punishment but is really just a place to calm down so she can re enter the group
after about a year she may recognize when her feelings are triggered and seek a time out place - to calm down on her own.
having a safe trustable time out space is important
after youve connected those feelings to behaviors a 1,000 or more times
she will start to do it on her own it may take a long time
doing this doesnt always bring on the best result , but it is a parental stucture
it accomplishes several things
it brings into focus true emotional developement not just age in years approach it creates a place for open talking that a child needs to trust the adults a way of devolping self talk - with the help of the adult's points of view the child can start to to recieve more mature ideas on how to handel situations bettter the next time.
positve rapore with adults time out - to calm down connect feelings with behaviors practice what to do differently next time re enter the group - come out of time out positve rapore with adults identify triggers remove triggers from environment learn coping skills to deal with triggers at cant be avoided use 5 minute prompts prompt her to get things in order in advance of deadline give enough time for her to be ready and calm before moving on to the next situation
I beg youre forgiveness on my spelling errors and grammer.
also try to understand what planned ignore is , and to follow it with positive attention for good behavior .
really get good at using non- verbal prompts like pointing
waving your hand down to lowerr your voice.- thing is in a crisis
loudness is so confussing that only 7% of speech is understood by adhd children when upset .
so knowing how to use body language to de escalte is sometime most effective.
On my unit of 29 deliquints sometimes a happy face in a sea of negativity is a magnet for attention seekers.
sometimes when i have to intervine between two angry people
having a extremely inviting face is enogh to get one to follow me creating time and space for them to calm down.
after taliking to both i try to get them to invite eachother to something in common . its ok to get mad its not ok to get even madder what were you guys tring to do before you got angry/and felt treated unfairly.
then i walk them through it in a postive way using non verbal prompts too .
things like covering my eyesor ears in proximity of triggers
its like role play and the trick is to let them figure it out .
in a months time I may have to suggest what to do differently several times before theybegin suggest it as thier own idea. then it takes hold in practice when im not around . when i see them practing it on hier own or teaching i to others i reward them with social attention. being the kid i talk to when heyre all gathered around.
creating a "club of thier own"
its the same pattern
rapore - inviting smile
time out from each other until calm
thier point of view with feelings my point of view
practice of what to do differently
re - enter the group
medication has a posiive impact too but because i dont use them nor am i an expert about medication i dont offer any medication advice.
just imagine being ten again.
all your peers seem to talk over your head just a bit socaially.
you still want to color while they want to be in "little clubs"
its frustrating and seems unfair but if you dont know the rules of the childrens club then your just out.
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we have whats called an IEP in the states Individual Education Plan
does anyone over there in europe know of something similar?
ommas39776.7352199074@MetisRebelOur psychologist suggested to think about trying to put her on medication to see if it would reduce some of the basic school problems such as focusing and the ability to remember things.
About her father: He would not go to the psychologist with her. In his mindset that is "not his business". He does not go to school meetings either, talk to teachers or anything. It seems to me as if he doesnt really want to know whats going on. I keep telling him everything that happens in her life but the whole information stream there has been very one sided.
My idea with the phonecalls worked last tuesday perfect. She talked to her dad over a half hour and she was very happy afterwards. She can't wait for next tuesday
Something like CHADD is nowhere in the area i live. Might be in vienna but i live over 100 km outside the city.
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@ommar
Thank you for this post there are a lot of things i can absolutley understand and use for us.
The isolation is one of the worst problems. What makes it so bad is that i feel so helpless about it. She has not a single friend in her class. I often think to myself if only one of them would bother to learn to know her better. She has such a beautiful personallity full of love and caring. She is smart and creative. Just hard to see when she is under stress. And she is stressed the whole day in school.
She tells me everyday about her day. About this one kid that always keeps bugging her. The other kids that laugh the teacher that, in her understanding, doesnt do anything about it. Teachers tell them to stop but they don't . I wished i could just go to school with her, sit down next to her and protect her. It tears me apart that she has to do this every day on her own. All i can do is give her a hug and tell her i am there. And it feels its so little that i can do
My only advantage is that i know exactly how it feels. When i was a child i had very similar issues. I grew up wth brothers and a sister though, i was not as alone as she is. The times when we can talk calm are what helps me through aswell. I think it would be even more painful if she was not able to talk to me about her feelings.
One of the difficulties i am having are when it comes down to making her do what she has to do (getting ready for school in the morning, doing homework afternoon, not to play with food, etc etc) and she just doesnt listen and even gets mad at me for telling her. Then i get mad too and we fight over the smallest things. Then the geneal mood at home is bad from that moment on until she goes to bed with a few lightened up moments. It feels like a minefield. One wrong word one wrong step and she blows up on me. Then she has days where she simply amazes me just by being herself.
One evening, i thought she was sleeping already, she must have heard me crying. She painted a picture that has a big heart on it. On top of this heart she painted her and me (me with a sad face and her with a smiling one) as she hands me a gift. below it a written line: "This is the 'I love you rock, and that's what i do, i love you' .
It blew me away.
And that is only one of the many many many awesome things about her. I wish everyone could see her the way i do.
Instead, all the feedback from school i get is "She doesnt finish the exercises, she picks fights with other students, she disturbs them, she does not sit still" and so on and so on. Tired of hearing this to be honest
Hello everybody.
I was reading a few of the posts and i really like this board so far :)
If you can spare a moment of your time to read my story i would appreciate it a lot.
I am a single mother of an 8-year old daughter who was diagnosed ADHD roughly a half year ago. We live in austria, middle europe, and over here ADHD is considered "not really a disorder" or in other words "made up by bad parents to justify their failure in parenting their children" by most of the people.
Now i am one of those "bad parents" and as mentioned i am alone with her.
During a normal day i go through heaven and hell with my child. She can be so loving caring and sweet and two seconds later yelling and screaming at me.
She is very intelligent but she is facing a lot of problems in school.
Other kids in her class do not accept her and isolate her. I try and cheer her up when she comes home, play with her talk to her and do my best to make her day at least a little better. Its rough at times because she takes all her anger out on me. I know, that is what im there for but i have to admit it is frustrating and it hurts.
She doesnt listen, doesnt sit still. Doing homework with her is a pain.
And every day i have to deal with complains from her teachers.
Her own father stopped picking her up because he cannot handle the way she behaves.
I have nobody to talk to or helping me in my family, nobody understand what my daughter and i go through. I am hoping to find people to share expieriences with on here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I would like to add that english is not my motherlanguage so i apologize for spelling and grammar errors :)
[QUOTE=SusanneAUT]Hello everybody.
Your English skills are great. Understood you perfectly
I was reading a few of the posts and i really like this board so far :)
If you can spare a moment of your time to read my story i would appreciate it a lot.
I am a single mother of an 8-year old daughter who was diagnosed ADHD roughly a half year ago.
Europe has better health care than here and stricter guidelines for mental health diagnosis. Are you/her getting some therapy or seeing a psych for this child?
Did they try any medication?
We live in austria, middle europe, and over here ADHD is considered "not really a disorder" or in other words "made up by bad parents to justify their failure in parenting their children" by most of the people.
That's a problem common worldwide, unfortunately. "Blaming the parents" is easier than finding workable solutions.
Now i am one of those "bad parents" and as mentioned i am alone with her.
You're not a "bad parent". ADHD is genetic. Raising an ADHD child alone, we congratulate you for trying. It's a tough thing to do.
During a normal day i go through heaven and hell with my child. She can be so loving caring and sweet and two seconds later yelling and screaming at me.
Most families here experience that sort of behaviour at times with their ADHD children. The trick is to see if you can cut down the incidences.
She is very intelligent but she is facing a lot of problems in school.
Other kids in her class do not accept her and isolate her. I try and cheer her up when she comes home, play with her talk to her and do my best to make her day at least a little better. Its rough at times because she takes all her anger out on me. I know, that is what im there for but i have to admit it is frustrating and it hurts.
It's not okay for the child to be abusive, either. You're a mom because you love this kid, problems and all.
For these kids, school is a nightmare.
Is there any "special needs" accommodations at the school? If you take a copy of the diagnosis there, is there some way you can get help for this child?
She doesnt listen, doesnt sit still. Doing homework with her is a pain.
And every day i have to deal with complains from her teachers.
This has got to be upsetting for you. Is there some sort of parent support you can get with this?
Her own father stopped picking her up because he cannot handle the way she behaves.
Poor kid and mom. Now the kid feels more rejected and you have less support and no time away.
I have nobody to talk to or helping me in my family, nobody understand what my daughter and i go through. I am hoping to find people to share expieriences with on here.
Many parents here are struggling just as you are. Hope that's some comfort.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I would like to add that english is not my motherlanguage so i apologize for spelling and grammar errors :)
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What supports are there for parents and children with ADHD? Can you access them?