off topic but need advice | ADHD Information
Geez, there was an article in my local paper about a 22 yr old swim coach just busted for inappopriate touching of a 4 and 7 yr old girls at a local y. This was touching, not a kiss on the cheek, but still.
It has to be addressed and stopped. I hate to be paranoid, but you cannot be too careful. So sorry that your child had to be placed in this situation at such a young age. This is what High Five's were invented for.
Wow tough one. In today's world we can never be too careful but then sometimes we judge situations the wrong way. I think if she has no other issues with him then I would just tell him it made her uncomfortable and then keep an eye on him. We had a teacher in the highschool that would put his arm around students while he talked to them, especially if they seemed down that day. One student complained after she received detention from him and it created a HUGE issue. Alot of kids stood up for him and told the board that they knew they could count on him to care about them. It ruined his name and hurt him alot. But then he could have been a child molester. Geez, who knows. Sorry I'm not really helping. Okay here folks, let's get a grip shall we?
Yes, paedophiles ARE attracted to jobs where they can meet children.
However, all the paranoia isn't stopping molestation from happening. What it IS doing, is driving a lot of good people, with skills to teach kids--away from doing so because they read the newspapers too. Leaving more closet paedophiles as the available choice in hiring.
False and overblown accusations destroy careers and families. Finding out afterwards is trying to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Most paedophiles choose children who will not tell. They aren't stupid. They rarely choose children who scream or fight. They take advantage of kids who are not heard and who are taught to respect authority at all costs and/or those seeking adult attention. They have good radar for it.
If a child tells you a confidence and you freak out--you're only traumatizing the child. You must stay calm and let the child tell you the whole story, with as little prompting as possible.
chinamom:
Your daughter did the right thing. She told you. That's important. She did the right thing. You deserve credit for building her trust and for not overreacting.
If the coach was "testing" the child's availability, your prompt response will show him that your child is not available. If he honestly was reacting to her good behaviour--then he will know better in the future.
Some people come from big "touchy" families where a lot of physical contact with children is normal. Until someone points out that not all people operate this way with children--they may see it as normal. Or, out of excitement, it may be their natural response. So, by telling them, you're doing them a favour.
Go with your gut on this one- a man in his late forties should know that that kind of behavior is not acceptable. A high- five, a pat on the back, or a thumbs up would have worked just as well to celebrate a good dive.
Make it clear that you expect the coach not to have any physical contact with your daughter to. You may also want to find out if the Y does background checks on employees/volunteers who work with the kids.
I'd advise that you have a quiet talk with the man alone and tell him your daughter felt very uncomfortable with being kissed. Don't be accusing--just be honest. He's likely to be pretty embarrassed if it was taken 'out of context'.
Tell him that a pat on the shoulder might be more comfortable for her [ask DD first what she's comfortable with].
If she complains AGAIN after the little talk then you might have a problem.
Even if he is a weirdo, he knows that he'd be caught immediatly if it's your DD because you are paying attention and she is disclosing to you. He's unlikely to be that stupid.
If he is just a guy who cares about kids--he wouldn't want your daughter to feel uncomfortable around him and that's why I'm suggesting, at this point, keep it calm and quiet.
Hi, Ladies.
I apologize for posting this here, but you all are so sensible and I need to
unload. This incident involves my beautiful non-adhd 9 yr old dd.
Both of my girls are on the swim team at the Y. Annie told me that a
coach (a male coach who is there only occasionally) kissed her twice on
the cheek after she did a particularly nice dive last night. I think this is
wierd. We have a call into the head coach to discuss this but haven't
heard from him yet. My feeling is that Annie would not have mentioned
this if she didn't feel uncomfortable. She really doesn't know why she
feels wierd about it, she just knows it was inappropriate. I don't know
the coach at all, but he seems very outgoing, loves to teach the kids
songs and dances (he's also a musician) and when I have seen him
actually coach, he really gives good instruction. I would say he is in his
late 40s. What would you all do?
I agree with Metisrebel. You don't want to ruin a mans life becasue of a mistake. Could have been inocent.
if it's school policy then its between your family and him
if this is not school policy then it needs to be reported.
if it was innocent, which was a poor choice and no one else has come forward then he might be on his toes and not be so foolish.
if it was not and there has been other incedents allbeit hushed.
then he needs to be removed from working with girls.
i didnt say children just the girls.
Children are too vulnerable to be wih adults that dont know boundaries.
let the school decide
and let your dd that its not her fault.
---
caring gesture
is one of those things in life that help us get through tough times.
i dont see kissing a girl as a caring gesture.
a hug , a hand on a shoulder , a hand shake .
I personally dont like the football pat on the butt.
that would really be inappropriate in swim class.
one thing im certian of
i wouldnt do nothing.
are you able to be a fly on the wall at the classes to observe before confronting.
but dont embarrass the girls by making a scene if its minor.
ommas39777.8900578704Thank you, ladies, for your words of wisdom. My dh talked to the head
coach about it, and he said he would handle it.
In thinking back this particular (the kissing coach) coach is very outgoing,
friendly and almost hyper! (maybe he has adhd!) He's always happy and
upbeat. Maybe a quick smooch on the cheek is just his way. I don't know.
At any rate, we are not making a big deal out of this. We'll see if it happens
again. Good job chinamom.
Keep us posted on how your daughter is with all this!
The coach may also not realise that kissing an unrelated person on the cheek is not socially acceptable behaviour, and need to have it pointed out to him. He may have been treating your kid the way he would his own. Good job getting his boss to address the problem. I would also encourage your daughter to let people know right away when they are making her uncomfortable in the future. Kids need to know they are allowed to ask adults to back off. "Please don't do that," or "I don't like that" are NOT rude or disrespectful phrases, and your daughter has the right to speak up to defend her personal space.