Need encouragement | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=bigdreamer76]First of all thank you so much for your post. It put me both in tears and made me smile.
I'm glad you got something out of itYou know I think with everything that we have had to deal with. I completely forgot about the times when he would help me in the kitchen and be so happy that he did. Definitely going to start this up again. Chef hat and apron will be back on display. :)
See there ya go! You *knew* the answer otherwise he wouldn't have a little chef hat
The stress was just in the way of your creative thinking.His father is definitely dealing with the same issues. I dont think that either of us gives enough credit or leans on one another enough. I tend to hold this all inside and feel like its just me against him (our son), and not as a "unit" working together. We both realize that this is a big fault on our part.
How much time are you two getting out together alone? You're spouses as well as parents.
what you said about enjoying him. That is what hit me hard. Honestly, truely I dont recall the last time he and I spent quality time together and had fun. We need to do this. I need to do this!!!
Art supplies are the greatest invention for troubled kids I've ever seen.
My biggest frustrations are his aittude and anger. I just dont know what to do anymore to contain it, to help him have more self control.
You've got step one down pat, already. How long has he been going to his room under his own initiative? Soon, you might be ready for phase 2. It's one step at a time.
I am not looking for the Brady Bunch invasion (that made me laugh thank you :) ). But...in the same sense, I am wishing/hoping that this will get better, and wish I knew what to do to help him.
It will get better. If you got him this far, and he's only 5--you'll get him further
I do have to realize that I am not on my own. I try more now to rely on my husband to deal with the issues when they arise. I try to stop myself from the arguments with him, because I know that it does neither myself or my son any good.
Its just so darn frustrating.....
Yes it IS frustrating. You want to come home and have an hour's peace and quiet before the whole place is in an uproar. Eventually, that's something to work towards.
There are days when you just want to stick a gag in every kid's mouth and scream, "THERE! NOW MOM IS GONNA GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET Before SHE iS HAuLEd Off TO THE loCAL pSycH wArd in a whiTE cOat...
AT lEAst iT wIll BE QuIET in the RuBBeR rOOm!"
Okay, to start somewhat from the beginnging. My son is 5 years old, he was diagnosed in April with ADHD, and within the last 3 months, also with ODD. Issues have always been present since about the age of 2-3. Very hyperactive and out of control, would not listen, etc. He struggled through preschool, but also did not have very understanding teachers.
He is now in kindergarten and doing pretty well in school. His biggest issues are with his fine motor skills which we work with at both home and school, to help him... Attitude issues are really not a problem at school. He tend to sometimes have a lack of focus, but his biggest issues are keeping quiet. He will humm while doing his work, talk out, etc. And occasionally he does have his "hyper day". Thankfully he has a very understanding teacher who works well with him and can tolerate ALOT. :)
Now home life is a whole other issue. It seems that we are always in a constant yelling match. He tends to be worse towards me, than his father. He will yell, throw a fit at the drop of a hat. The only good thing is that we have told him that when he is upset and yelling, we will not talk to him, until he calms down. This usually causes him to stomp off to his room and he stays in there till he calms down and usually will come out after 20 minutes or so, and he apologizes for getting upset and his "bad attitude", all on his own, we do not prompt this. I just wish that he would realize the "bad attitude" when its happening, instead of afterwards.
I feel like my house is out of control. I dread hitting that garage door opener at night when I get off work, because I just dont know how the night is going to be. I dread dinner time, because he will say he is hungry and than throw a fit when its ready and not want to eat. I hate the fact that I feel so angry and anxious all the time and feel like its reflecting on my twin daughters too. I feel like his out of control behavior is also reflecting upon them and they see him act this way and think its okay. Which than leads to their time-outs because of their attitudes.
My son is on his (I think 4th med now). He currently takes Concerta 36 mg, once a day. Before that he took Focalin (worked for a while, than it just seemed to stop, plus he metabolized it way too quickly and he would wear off too soon), before that I believe it was Adderall (which made his temper worse).
He is not violent, just tends to yell when upset. He has never done anything physically to anyone or himself.
I just feel like I am at my wits end. I hate batteling with a 5 year old. I want that little boy who sometimes crawls up and leans on me for no apparent reason, and tells me that I am the best Mom in the world. I want him to not struggle, I want him to be successful and the smart kid that I know he can be..
Also...He does see a behavior therapist, which we have started to increase those visits to see if that will help. She does great with him and he really likes her, so i hope it does.
Excuse my ramblings/rant. I just needed to get this off my chest.
He is now in kindergarten and doing pretty well in school. His biggest issues are with his fine motor skills which we work with at both home and school, to help him... Attitude issues are really not a problem at school. He tend to sometimes have a lack of focus, but his biggest issues are keeping quiet. He will humm while doing his work, talk out, etc. And occasionally he does have his "hyper day". Thankfully he has a very understanding teacher who works well with him and can tolerate ALOT. :)
This is an improvement.
Now home life is a whole other issue. It seems that we are always in a constant yelling match. He tends to be worse towards me, than his father. He will yell, throw a fit at the drop of a hat. The only good thing is that we have told him that when he is upset and yelling, we will not talk to him, until he calms down. This usually causes him to stomp off to his room and he stays in there till he calms down and usually will come out after 20 minutes or so, and he apologizes for getting upset and his "bad attitude", all on his own, we do not prompt this. I just wish that he would realize the "bad attitude" when its happening, instead of afterwards.
If you've gotten him this far, at his age, with his struggles you are doing a tremendous job. Children that age rarely can even name their feelings, never mind prevent an incident.
It might not feel like much--but it really is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like my house is out of control. I dread hitting that garage door opener at night when I get off work, because I just dont know how the night is going to be. I dread dinner time, because he will say he is hungry and than throw a fit when its ready and not want to eat.
Have you considered giving him a "cooking chore" [snapping the ends off stringbeans, washing lettuce or something] or having him set the table or a small job that will keep him busy, distracted, yet give him a sense of time around when dinner is served plus some positive reward or praise?
I hate the fact that I feel so angry and anxious all the time and feel like its reflecting on my twin daughters too. I feel like his out of control behavior is also reflecting upon them and they see him act this way and think its okay. Which than leads to their time-outs because of their attitudes.
When was the last time you had:
An opportunity to enjoy this childSome recreational time for yourself away from the children?My son is on his (I think 4th med now). He currently takes Concerta 36 mg, once a day. Before that he took Focalin (worked for a while, than it just seemed to stop, plus he metabolized it way too quickly and he would wear off too soon), before that I believe it was Adderall (which made his temper worse).
He is not violent, just tends to yell when upset. He has never done anything physically to anyone or himself.
That also speaks volumes to the good job you've done so far.
I just feel like I am at my wits end. I hate batteling with a 5 year old. I want that little boy who sometimes crawls up and leans on me for no apparent reason, and tells me that I am the best Mom in the world. I want him to not struggle, I want him to be successful and the smart kid that I know he can be..
You're doing a pretty decent job, all things considered, of slowly turning him into a productive adult. Considering he's only 5 and he has a lot going on, your house is never going to be the Brady Bunch.
Also...He does see a behavior therapist, which we have started to increase those visits to see if that will help. She does great with him and he really likes her, so i hope it does.
Excuse my ramblings/rant. I just needed to get this off my chest.
You sound like you're not feeling very appreciated at the moment.
Where is his father in all this?
Really. Look at what you have accomplished with this child. I mean, really LQQK at it.
He doesn't hit, he goes to his room when he's angry then comes back sensible and apologizes without being forced. That's more than many a "normal" 5 year old can manage. He's doing decently in school.
You work. You have 3 very young children one of whom is special needs with cognitive/behavioural struggles and a pair of twins to double the fun.
Yes, you're frustrated and sad and feeling exhausted.
Who wouldn't be with all that going on?
MetisRebel39778.9189236111
First of all thank you so much for your post. It put me both in tears and made me smile.
You know I think with everything that we have had to deal with. I completely forgot about the times when he would help me in the kitchen and be so happy that he did. Definitely going to start this up again. Chef hat and apron will be back on display. :)
His father is definitely dealing with the same issues. I dont think that either of us gives enough credit or leans on one another enough. I tend to hold this all inside and feel like its just me against him (our son), and not as a "unit" working together. We both realize that this is a big fault on our part.
what you said about enjoying him. That is what hit me hard. Honestly, truely I dont recall the last time he and I spent quality time together and had fun. We need to do this. I need to do this!!!
My biggest frustrations are his aittude and anger. I just dont know what to do anymore to contain it, to help him have more self control. I am not looking for the Brady Bunch invasion (that made me laugh thank you :) ). But...in the same sense, I am wishing/hoping that this will get better, and wish I knew what to do to help him.
I do have to realize that I am not on my own. I try more now to rely on my husband to deal with the issues when they arise. I try to stop myself from the arguments with him, because I know that it does neither myself or my son any good.
Its just so darn frustrating.....