Diagnosed yesterday, having a rough time | ADHD Information
I had absolutely no clue that I might have had ADHD before yesterday. It was pretty much one of the biggest shocks I've had in recent memory...Yesterday, I was really, really excited -- The more I thought about my life and the struggles I've had, the more at peace I was with realizing that there was something that might have been responsible for it, that I may/may not have had control over. I still don't know what all ADHD-I entails, I've read the literature and poked around on the internet, but, yeah...This is a completely alien and yet very well-known new world for me.My parents, family, and church were always supportive of me, and definitely always tried to help. I know that I'm mainly responsible for the attitudes I have towards looking for help -- I've always been very private and I rarely ask for help, whether out of embarassment or fear of looking stupid. An example, I guess -- I sew/create costumes and cosplay stuff. I started getting into it around...16/17, I guess. It's not socially "acceptable" in most parts of Texas for a young male adult to ask about how to use a pattern or the best thread to use on a particular fabric. I taught myself, in private, and it's something that I'm just now starting to "open up" about. ...That was way too long and involved, I'm sorry.
I didn't know that about "co-depence," actually.
And thank you. I just got off the phone with my mom before finishing this up, telling her what's going on and everything. Between you, her, and a few select friends...I feel a little better about everything now, and despite the fact that I'm probably going to dwell on recent news for a few more days and just kinda let everything sink in, I really appreciate your words, and will definitely take them to heart. I really needed to hear all that. Thank you.
[QUOTE=Pony]I had absolutely no clue that I might have had ADHD before yesterday. It was pretty much one of the biggest shocks I've had in recent memory...Yesterday, I was really, really excited -- The more I thought about my life and the struggles I've had, the more at peace I was with realizing that there was something that might have been responsible for it, that I may/may not have had control over. I still don't know what all ADHD-I entails, I've read the literature and poked around on the internet, but, yeah...This is a completely alien and yet very well-known new world for me.
Well yeah, it's going to be a bit of a roller coaster for a while.
My parents, family, and church were always supportive of me, and definitely always tried to help. I know that I'm mainly responsible for the attitudes I have towards looking for help -- I've always been very private and I rarely ask for help, whether out of embarassment or fear of looking stupid.
I think because we get so flustered trying to learn some things--we push people away because the pressure just adds to our frustration. I find I have to have someone show me--then go away and leave me to learn it. And we tend to get told a lot, "Well you're smart. Why aren't you getting it?"
An example, I guess -- I sew/create costumes and cosplay stuff. I started getting into it around...16/17, I guess. It's not socially "acceptable" in most parts of Texas for a young male adult to ask about how to use a pattern or the best thread to use on a particular fabric. I taught myself, in private, and it's something that I'm just now starting to "open up" about. ...That was way too long and involved, I'm sorry.
That is so very, very cool! You have won my heart As a hard-to-fit person, I admire people who can make clothes!
I tried to use a sewing machine but I couldn't thread it [that left/right thing] I just wound up with thread everywhere like a bad cartoon. So they tossed me out of home ec and I was only the 2nd girl in the school to take auto mechanics where I beat all the boys in marks
I didn't know that about "co-depence," actually.
And thank you. I just got off the phone with my mom before finishing this up, telling her what's going on and everything. Between you, her, and a few select friends...I feel a little better about everything now, and despite the fact that I'm probably going to dwell on recent news for a few more days and just kinda let everything sink in, I really appreciate your words, and will definitely take them to heart. I really needed to hear all that. Thank you.
You will do just fine. Take a little adjusting is all. So I take it your mom was really supportive?
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..."I see and can actually feel the way that my brain is failing me"
how perfectly put
RJ03739785.7535763889 [QUOTE=MetisRebel]
I tried to use a sewing machine but I couldn't thread it [that left/right thing] I just wound up with thread everywhere like a bad cartoon. So they tossed me out of home ec and I was only the 2nd girl in the school to take auto mechanics where I beat all the boys in marks
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I don't use sewing machines. I don't know why. There's something relaxing about hand-sewing stuff. That's cool about the auto stuff, lol. :)
And yeah, my mom was and has been really supportive of me throughout my life. I'm really privileged to have parents that are still together and that love me. My folks have been dealing with my little brother (He was diagnosed with ADHD a while back) a lot, so mom kind of knew what to say to me. And...I really hope that I can, in turn, help my little brother and my parents who're trying to deal with them.
My mom was saying about how he couldn't remember which month August was, and that when she tried teaching him how to do it, he didn't want to learn, just have her tell him -- She wanted to know why he didn't "want to learn." And a lot of stuff kind of clicked right then for me, too, about the past and my troubles with school. I told her that it's not that he doesn't want to learn, but that his brain is telling him it's too hard to learn.
[QUOTE=Pony] [QUOTE=MetisRebel]
My mom was saying about how he couldn't remember which month August was, and that when she tried teaching him how to do it, he didn't want to learn, just have her tell him -- She wanted to know why he didn't "want to learn." And a lot of stuff kind of clicked right then for me, too, about the past and my troubles with school. I told her that it's not that he doesn't want to learn, but that his brain is telling him it's too hard to learn.
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Well and if we honestly think about it--in the day of PDA's and desktops the "month" is right there
So are whole calendars. Without external cues, I haven't the foggiest notion of what day it is. I've accidentally showed up at work on more than one holiday and wondered why nobody unlocked the door
He'll probably learn the months over time just by exposure.
Well now you can be a role model to little bro, too.
what's the next step you think you should take?
Well, I'm going to a job fair tomorrow, gonna see what I can do there. I know my resume's good, I've had a lot of people look it over. Getting a job lined up is #1 priority for me. But I'm excited about it (thank GOD) so it's not a boring lame task, which would end up with me on my folks' couch. LOL.
Step two is to get a place to live ined up. Even if I get out on a General (Under Honorable Conditions) discharge, I still qualify for a VA Home Loan. I'm really excited about that, too. The sooner I can start putting money into a house, the sooner I can pay it off and not have to worry about that. Right now I'm looking at South Jersey, Tennessee, Kentucky, or Texas. I have a lot of costuming/cosplaying friends that live in Jersey, so that's my main focus. I think I'd have a lot of trouble going somewhere and having to start all over again with friends. Texas would be all right, I'm from there so I'd be close to family, but I just don't see there being a big market for my job skills there.
Eventually, my long-term plan right now is to get a job that pays decent enough for me to get my debt paid off, pay off my truck (year and a half left), and save up enough to be able to start raising horses. If I can end up doing that full-time, I'd be pretty much set for life.
[QUOTE=Pony]Well, I'm going to a job fair tomorrow, gonna see what I can do there. I know my resume's good, I've had a lot of people look it over. Getting a job lined up is #1 priority for me. But I'm excited about it (thank GOD) so it's not a boring lame task, which would end up with me on my folks' couch. LOL.
What sort of job would interest you?
Step two is to get a place to live ined up. Even if I get out on a General (Under Honorable Conditions) discharge, I still qualify for a VA Home Loan. I'm really excited about that, too. The sooner I can start putting money into a house, the sooner I can pay it off and not have to worry about that. Right now I'm looking at South Jersey, Tennessee, Kentucky, or Texas.
Sounds like a plan...
I have a lot of costuming/cosplaying friends that live in Jersey, so that's my main focus.
What is "cosplaying"? Some of us are old y'know
I think I'd have a lot of trouble going somewhere and having to start all over again with friends. Texas would be all right, I'm from there so I'd be close to family, but I just don't see there being a big market for my job skills there.
Eventually, my long-term plan right now is to get a job that pays decent enough for me to get my debt paid off, pay off my truck (year and a half left), and save up enough to be able to start raising horses. If I can end up doing that full-time, I'd be pretty much set for life.
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One step at a time. And keep those bright eyes open for opportunities that crop up.
Also, seriously consider getting some support through CHADD or a psychologist with the ADHD. That will help you formulate practical plans and support you in following through on them.
I really like running cables and audio/visual system installation. Like, being a roadie for a band or something is ideal. But that's not too likely. I also really, really enjoy the creative aspects of shooting video/film and/or editing said video or film. I think that the way my brain works is ideal for it. I picked up on it really, really quick when they first taught me how to do it at my unit (I'm a camera/TV repair/maintenance guy in name, but all I've ever really done is combat documentation), and I freakin' love doing it. It's very, very cerebral and there's a lot of room for personal preference in stuff. Other than that, some menial task like mailwork. I used to run the mailroom for my Company, and I really enjoyed it. It was easy, slightly challenging sometimes, and rewarding.
Cosplaying/Costuming is imitating characters from TV, Movies, Video Games, Books, history, you name it. My main character that I cosplay as is Jack the Ripper (I've got a good friend that cosplays Sweeney Todd. We have a lot of fun. :D). I've also got a pony costume that I wear with body armor to a few costuming conventions, and right now I'm working on a Satyr costume to wear to MAGFest (video gaming convention in Virginia) in January, and hopefully I'll be able to figure out the character enough that I can do it at the next Rennaissance festival. Being able to be someone else and "acting," in a sense, has really been good for me over the years -- It's a way to just kind of shut off your brain or apply it in different ways and just have straight-up good fun.
What is CHADD? I haven't heard of them/it.
[QUOTE=Pony]I really like running cables and audio/visual system installation. Like, being a roadie for a band or something is ideal. But that's not too likely. I also really, really enjoy the creative aspects of shooting video/film and/or editing said video or film. I think that the way my brain works is ideal for it. I picked up on it really, really quick when they first taught me how to do it at my unit (I'm a camera/TV repair/maintenance guy in name, but all I've ever really done is combat documentation), and I freakin' love doing it.
OllY UcFay! those are great skills [and yes I make video too!]
Gaming is BIG BUSINESS. Especially with this new WII stuff. It's far surpassed the movie biz at this point.
All those talents and skills are going to be very useful. Have you considered costuming in 3d, or other 3d programming in the areas that interest you to enter the gaming field?
It's very, very cerebral and there's a lot of room for personal preference in stuff. Other than that, some menial task like mailwork. I used to run the mailroom for my Company, and I really enjoyed it. It was easy, slightly challenging sometimes, and rewarding.
Cosplaying/Costuming is imitating characters from TV, Movies, Video Games, Books, history, you name it. My main character that I cosplay as is Jack the Ripper (I've got a good friend that cosplays Sweeney Todd. We have a lot of fun. :D).
Sounds like a blast
I've also got a pony costume that I wear with body armor to a few costuming conventions, and right now I'm working on a Satyr costume to wear to MAGFest (video gaming convention in Virginia) in January, and hopefully I'll be able to figure out the character enough that I can do it at the next Rennaissance festival. Being able to be someone else and "acting," in a sense, has really been good for me over the years -- It's a way to just kind of shut off your brain or apply it in different ways and just have straight-up good fun.
Hahahaha Furries
What is CHADD? I haven't heard of them/it.
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Google CHADD. They are a group for ADHD'ers and they have chapters everywhere.
Also get the book "Driven to Distraction" and look up "creative subtype" because it describes YOU
[QUOTE=MetisRebel]
Hahahaha Furries
Also get the book "Driven to Distraction" and look up "creative subtype" because it describes YOU
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Branded! XD I like to think I'm not the typical, run-of-the-mill furry, but yeah. :P I actually bathe and have a life outside of it. :D
Most definitely will check those out! Well, maybe not the book...I used to read a helluva lot when I was a kid, but I can't do it anymore. Books "waste" too much of my time. :/ I'll see if there's an audiobook or something lol
I have a few questions that would help me give you a better answer. I want you to think about this and anything you are uncomfortable with, you don't have to answer.
Did you know about the ADHD before you went in for the testing?
What attitudes did you grow up with around seeking help for mental/physical struggles?
Are you aware that the term "co-dependent" is thrown around frequently, yet it actually does not exist in psychological terms?
All people are interdependent on each other to a greater or lesser degree. Could you watch TV if you weren't dependent on the people that make TV's, the people that get the electricity flowing or the people that produce the TV shows?
Have you considered that all people have limitations? And all people have strengths? If you do not discover both of these, for yourself--how will you excel? Einstein was physically unable box and Tyson does not have the mental capacity to do higher math due to head injuries. Yet each excelled at something. Neither were "victims" because they were unable to do something.
It's not about using your ADHD as a "crutch". It's about understanding cognitive limitations so you can make a choice about which ones you can overcompensate for, which ones you need a "boost" with and which ones you'd be best to avoid basing your life's work on if you want some kind of success.
I'll give you a simple example. I get lost. Can't tell left from right. Now, I could drive myself and everyone else crazy with this by being late, going the wrong way and missing the appointment etc. etc. I KNOW this is a problem. No matter how much I train myself, that won't change.
Now, KNOWING that's a limitation--Google Maps are my friend. Before I go anywhere, I print one off. I leave early and I can get anywhere with my little map. Problem solved!
It means I can never be a professional bus/ambulance driver, or dispatcher or a floor tiler but you know what? Being an ambulance driver would actually be dangerous. What if someone died if I took a left turn, instead of a right turn? There's a million other things I can do I would like a LOT better, anyway. I can take any job where getting somewhere isn't dependent on knowing left and right quickly and where I can get there with my maps. And I can always ask someone for directions, in a crunch.
Clearly, you need to find out just which areas you are struggling with. Once you've figured that out--it gets a LOT better because you can figure out how to deal with those areas.
Sometimes it's a waste of energy to climb the mountain when the most productive route is around it.
I'm currently being chaptered out of the Army for failing my physical fitness test (specifically the run). I don't like running. I don't care about running. I really don't want to run faster. But I have to, and I'm no good at it.
Yesterday, I went in for my seperation mental evaluation...Spent about three hours in there, answered a lot of invasive and not-so-invasive questions from a counselor and psychologist, and filled out a bunch of self-report questionnaires. Generally, I low-ball them, because the one time I answered one truthfully (I was having a lot of issues with anxiety and symptoms of agoraphobia earlier this summer) they wanted to refer me to the alcohol/substance abuse program. Anyways, I'm rabbit trailing. After they reviewed all these questionnaires and the responses to my questions, they brought me back in and started talking to me about ADHD-Inattentive disorder. ...Even with me low-balling the answers on most of the forms, I still scored high enough that they told me I have "moderate ADHD-I." Which makes me wonder how really jacked up I am.
I DON'T want to use this a crutch. I refuse to. I can't stand people that whine about "OH, I have such-and-such, I can't do this or that" or make excuses because of their situation. But... In just the last day, ever since I saw the mental health people, I see and can actually feel the way that my brain is failing me. Being able to give it a name and demonize it, finally, other than just laziness...it's so refreshing, but frustrating at the same time. Last night I was flipping out over not being able to figure out how to finish a project I was working on, and I just said that it was because of the past couple days being rough....but I knew that it was because of this "new" disorder I have. It's not new, I've been in a constant fog and haze for as long as I can remember.
Part of me really hates myself and feels guilty for blaming my shortcomings on ADHD. Loads of people have it and succeed just fine, and normal people don't want to hear the excuse. I want so bad to just give up and just be all "ADHD. Can't help it!" The way I see it...there's really just two types of people. Those that are victims, and those that say f**k nature, f**k my feelings, f**k the system, overcome it, and change the world.
I'm not saying that I can change the world, or that I can overcome it. It's so easy to just give up, quit mid-project, and move on to something else -- That's how I've always done it, it seems. I made myself a promise one day when I was in Basic, that I wasn't going to fail this time around. That I was going to do what I had to do to succeed. I'm six months away form my end-of-time-served date and pending a chapter for APFT failure. This needs to be the point that I start changing the world. Or at least /my/ world. And all I want to do is cry right now, because it's so easy for me to just give up. There's so many excuses that I can give, so many ways to quit. I can't do this on my own, I know I can't. But I can't make anyone FORCE me to do it, either. That's not doing it on my own and overcoming it, that's being codependent. I can't and won't let myself beat this like that.
But despite all these eloquent words, I know that I'm going to give up and fail. It's what I always do. And I hate that I feel helpless to control it. There's so many things that I love more and would rather do...It's so easy for people to say "Just suck it up and do it!" They don't understand. And it seems like the people that I talk to that do understand have already figured out their coping mechanisms. I feel like I got thrown into the middle of a baseball game with no idea how to play it and expected to succeed.
Can /anyone/ help me figure out how I can help myself?