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Hey All,

Where does one start?

42 yr. old, Male, married (2nd), 3 kids (youngest JR. in H.S.) Good job, Good income, toys...What's the problem right?

Diagnosed, at 7 or 8 yrs. as having a disorder of some sort, remember hating my parents for thinking of me as a freak consequently I always looked for ways to not take meds. Figity, disruptive etc. in classrooms but always regarded by teachers as very intelligent (I think "our kind" tends to be very intelligent, I for one can't see past my own failures to embrace it though) At age 13 I fell victim to abuse, this of course triggered issues ranging from crime, drug abuse, you name it. A ward of the court at age 14, group / foster homes, detention, a GED and a full time job were all mine by age 16. Much too young to be an adult and nobody to help me.

It's weird, as I write visions and recollections fill my thoughts, it's taken me nearly an hour to write this much.

Married at 20 immediately had 2 kids, I can't put to words the daily pain I endure knowing how I've negatively impacted their lives, only now do I recognize why. Work became my first perscription to myself, I screamed up the "company ladder", my first marriage ended leaving my kids in a wake of turmoil that I felt helpless to stop. Self Medication would work for awhile but with incomplete results and too many side affects.

My current wife is my best friend and I've told her things that nobody else has ever heard, 4yrs. today. I see our relationship disinegrating before me and I feel powerless to stop it, my step son(good kid)deserves a good Dad. I can only imagine his true perception of me.

Symptoms, sure I've got em(lots) some have been and others have become more and more extreme. Counselors, Therapists seen em all, lots of them during my life, usually turn it into a mental duel when they start getting too close. Taken their meds, as an adult, some made matters worse some didn't do anything. Always ended unresolved.

Just can't think of myself as retarded(my apologies to those who suffer that affliction) But I guess I am, a tough pill to swallow for someone who "wills" his way through adversity, very shameful and weak indeed.

Tired very very tired of the constant turmoil and non stop mental abuse I subject myself and others to, something's gotta give and soon.

How do you find someone to treat you for things such as these, the amount of trust needed for that goes against ever fiber of my being. I need to relax, rest and sleep at night, stimulant based meds don't sound like the ticket for me.

Men my age out there?

[QUOTE=RJ037]

Hey All,

Welcome aboard!

Where does one start?

42 yr. old, Male, married (2nd), 3 kids (youngest JR. in H.S.) Good job, Good income, toys...What's the problem right?

Yeah, many of us seem to have that struggle

At age 13 I fell victim to abuse, this of course triggered issues ranging from crime, drug abuse, you name it. A ward of the court at age 14, group / foster homes, detention, a GED and a full time job were all mine by age 16. Much too young to be an adult and nobody to help me.

That's a pretty big load to carry, friend.

It's weird, as I write visions and recollections fill my thoughts, it's taken me nearly an hour to write this much.

Yes, because all those intrusive and painful thoughts come flying in--feeling like it just happened yesterday?

Sounds like a great deal of regret and shame there.

So you are presently in crisis, from the sounds of it?

Were you ever treated for trauma? So you could build up the reserves to deal with all the other baggage before there was a lot of stomping where angels fear to tread?

Were you being treated for ADHD at the time of the counselling so you could focus enough on the places you needed to go?

It's very emotionally hard for a pitbull to be bested by one's inner poodle.

It's that, "Why can't I just pull myself up by my freakin' bootstraps just one more time? mentality. You know what though? Pretty hard to do that when we've been tugging on that strap so long and hard, the leather finally snapped...

Tired very very tired of the constant turmoil and non stop mental abuse I subject myself and others to, something's gotta give and soon.

Be patient with yourself and us. Let's see if we all can't seek some respite and problem-solving for you.

It was pretty trusting of you to throw this post out onto the universe to see what came back.

Stimulants may not be a solution for you. Perhaps you could sit down with your health care provider and discuss possible solution.

Men my age out there?

[/QUOTE]

There's probably some guys around here in the calvary

I feel your pain man.

I'm 43, married with two young kids. Good job, big house.

Even as I type I feel like I'm complaining because on paper everything looks good. Right?

But you know as well as I do, it's not right.

My marriage is falling apart and I have pushed away everyone that I was ever close to. My successes in life pale in comparison to the failures.

I got booted out of college, defaulted on a student loan, got fired from my first two jobs and had a car repossesed.......Man, I long for the good old days!

You are not alone.

I think we need to get past the "excuse" thing altogether. It's part of that blame mentality.

Someone doesn't do something because they are either not able to do the task, or the task is extremely unpleasant and the reward doesn't justify the effort.

We take the garbage out, not because the task is pleasant, but because the consequences of NOT taking it out are dire. Then we have a sense of reward for a well-done job.

If one does not have any sense of satisfaction, then one will avoid the task. Or, if one will be pained, physically or emotionally, by that task--we all avoid pain.

The number one reason people who were surveyed liked their jobs was NOT pay, it was NOT that the job was a 'good job' and it was NOT that it was a wise "career move". The causes of of job satisfaction were; feeling appreciated, feeling like a valued contributor and feelings of fairness in the workplace.

Just absorb those concepts for a while.

So we blame people for "chasing excuses" if they do not complete school, or change jobs or so on and so forth. Yet really, how much satisfaction were they getting out of it?

We can all stand some struggle for a while if we get something out of it. Some people have more tolerance than others for that sort of stress. However, when it becomes more stressful than the reward what are the obvious results?

Maybe we need to look at better ways to include people in the processes of making decisions that affect their own lives. That means in work, education and home life.
How do spouses "view" all this, because most would never tell you to your face that they are disappointed to find out their involved with an "impaired / disabled" person? What should be the level of their level of involvement, should they have a say in treatment? [QUOTE=RJ037]How do spouses "view" all this, because most would never tell you to your face that they are disappointed to find out their involved with an "impaired / disabled" person? What should be the level of their level of involvement, should they have a say in treatment?[/QUOTE]

Well, what would happen if you were married or dating someone and they were in a car accident and became physically disabled, possibly to the point of being unable to work? "Disappointment" might be one emotion but it certainly might not be the only response.

What if that accident resulted in a head injury?

We have a bias against the mentally ill in this society. Many are capable of working, raising families, being good parents etc.

The reason we don't notice them is because the stigma is so severe that most don't disclose that information unless they realize that you don't share that bias. I had a brother-in-law with severe epilepsy as well as kidney dysfunction. He could not have been a better worker, husband, parent or friend.

I have great friends that are consumer/survivors.

It's a prejudice that we all need to fight.

Well put. It is suprising to me that so many have extremely similar thoughts, feelings and symptoms, encouraging although, the resistance to become an "excuse chaser" makes it difficult to seek help, certainly the affliction prevents it's own cure. How does one break that barrier, such questions could be keys to life indeed.