feel like i’m at the end of my rope.. | ADHD Information

first let me say i'm new here and just hoping maybe some other parents can offer some advice or perhaps this may help relieve some stress. my son is 11yrs old and was diagnosed w/adhd years ago. Since i have had to remove him from schools, deal with suspensions from both school and off the bus, & emergency removals. Only after his removal from 2 schools and repeated failing grades with no improvements did i decide to allow him to take meds. He is currently on adderrall xr. the med which worked best for him he can no longer take because my insurance will not cover it and i can not pay for it out of pocket. My sons aggression is getting completely out of control.He has violent outbursts and directs anger frequently towards my 10yr old son.I find myself yelling often and my patience is wearing thin. His Dr. just prescribed tenex for him and i'm wondering if anyone has any experience with this med they can share. Also i'm wondering if anyone has there child being seen by an occupational therapist and if it was a help

There is no such thing as "not covered" meds, there is just an insurance process that needs to be addressed. It's called Prior Authorization.Jessica N39812.6070023148

To reply, yes he's always had behavior issues. But with certain events in our lives it seems to worsen. He does not respond well to change. And he feels guilty or bad when he can see his actions or others hurt someone. He is the first one to come to my aid when i'm sick or he thinks my feelings are hurt. And the few times I've shed a tear in front of my children he becomes upset and consoling. He gets upset with stories in the news or the paper when someone is hurt. Although, it bothers me that unless some other child were pickin on his brother he is not sensitive to his brothers feelings at all. They are very close but he seems to take out his frustration on him.

Three things that are great about my son.....he's so smart, sometimes i can't believe the conversations he'll initiate with me. He's very loving despite it all and I still get a kiss every morning and every night. Even when he goes to bed mad because he got in trouble again he comes back down the steps to kiss me goodnight. Last, when he decides he wants to do something he gives it his all. This doesn't always work out to my advantage but never the less i love him for it.

Thanks again & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp;

[QUOTE=johern]

Then you're on the right track. You might be raising Lee Evans [the wildly ADHD comedian] but you are NOT raising Hannibal Lecter

And the few times I've shed a tear in front of my children he becomes upset and consoling. He gets upset with stories in the news or the paper when someone is hurt. Although, it bothers me that unless some other child were pickin on his brother he is not sensitive to his brothers feelings at all. They are very close but he seems to take out his frustration on him.

Is it his little brother?

Well there ya go. There's definitely plenty of hope there for his future. You're just hitting some rough patches in the road.

Thanks again

[/QUOTE]

You're welcome and I hope you have some hope now [is that even a real sentence?]
thanks for the responses...first, my insurance does cover the adderrall so thats why he's back on it. he was on vyvanse which worked so much better for him but even with the dr authorization they would not cover it. As far as a mental health assessment, i'm working in that currently. The thing is I feel like there are alot of things i know i should or could be doing, I'm a nurse for crying out loud. But putting these plans into action has been easier said than done. Most things I've tried work very short term for him. I do believe at this point something more than adhd is going on with him, OCD for one. my son never takes rsponsibility for anything he does, its always someone elses fault no matter what he did in the end. He is super sensitive and emotional and takes everything very personally. I love him so much but i feel like I'm angry with him most of the time and I'm sure he feels this and it's makin him feel worse. He told my mom some time ago he doesn't think i love him. Now i cont. make it a point to tell him no matter how frustrated i am, especially on his worst days. I have three children in 3 different schools, i work full time... And i feel my own anger rising i'm a single mom and this summer after about 6 yrs of absence their father reappeared and has subsequently gone missing once again. I feel horrable and i thought i was doing the right thing because they had fiinally come to the age to ask about him and beg me to find him. So when i ran into him and he wanted to be a part of their lives again i said ok. This has only intensified my sons donward spiral. I'm starting to fear either prosecution d/t his absences from school or losing my job because i have to stay home with him. I know i'm being a baby but just venting here helps a bit... [QUOTE=johern]

Okay, this is now critical mass. The violence has to stop if that's what's happening here. All the other behaviour can wait.

Have a full mental health assessment done. Top to bottom. There may be adhd combined with another disorder.

He is currently on adderrall xr. the med which worked best for him he can no longer take because my insurance will not cover it and i can not pay for it out of pocket. My sons aggression is getting completely out of control.He has violent outbursts and directs anger frequently towards my 10yr old son.

This, medication or not--you are going to have to deal with. Are you getting any behavioural/psych counselling to deal with this child?

I find myself yelling often and my patience is wearing thin. His Dr. just prescribed tenex for him and i'm wondering if anyone has any experience with this med they can share. Also i'm wondering if anyone has there child being seen by an occupational therapist and if it was a help

[/QUOTE]

What is an OT supposed to do? You need a psychiatrist or psychologist at this point because this child is dangerously out-of-control and you need to learn the skills to manage his behaviour.

As for the meds, if adderal is working can your doctor call the company that makes it and beg if for you? My doc did that with Strattera. This is important!

My son is on both concerta and tenex. concerta would NOT work as great as it does if it wasn't for the tenex.

My son is also 11. He would NEVER be as successful without the concerta. My son is sweet, but acts immature, silly goffy, etc.

Can't you receive some assistance from the state or the med. company themselves? I would look for the thread that is on the main page here on the boards and call the number. I tried to get my price lower, my insurance covers all but each month. I also believe that your state should have a med program for children, like they can get free dental. There has to be something out there for help.

Do you believe he could suffer from depression on top of the ADHD? I am sure he is depressed at everything going on. I just don't want him getting into any trouble with the police.

first off you are NOT being a baby, you are being a caring and concerned mother!! - sending your hugs as well

He may sense your anger and have his own, especially when a father leaves, only to come back and leave again. that could very well expain A LOT.

Any other thoughts? Has he always had the behavior issues or did he change and become this way?

[QUOTE=johern]thanks for the responses...first, my insurance does cover the adderrall so thats why he's back on it. he was on vyvanse which worked so much better for him but even with the dr authorization they would not cover it.

Adderal is the predecessor to Vyvanse. For some people it's superior. And I get the drug card thing. I'm having the same problem here and it's demmed frustrating!

As far as a mental health assessment, i'm working in that currently. The thing is I feel like there are alot of things i know i should or could be doing, I'm a nurse for crying out loud.

This must be so disempowering for you

But putting these plans into action has been easier said than done. Most things I've tried work very short term for him. I do believe at this point something more than adhd is going on with him, OCD for one. my son never takes rsponsibility for anything he does, its always someone elses fault no matter what he did in the end.

Sometimes that happens in ADHD and other disorders because after being blamed a million times when we honest-to-gears didn't take in the information it becomes self-protection.

He is super sensitive and emotional and takes everything very personally.

Exactly. What's his guilt level like? Does he feel it when he hurts someone?

I love him so much but i feel like I'm angry with him most of the time and I'm sure he feels this and it's makin him feel worse. He told my mom some time ago he doesn't think i love him.

Tell me three things you think are great about him. [really. honest. this is going somewhere--trust me for a post or two

]

Now i cont. make it a point to tell him no matter how frustrated i am, especially on his worst days. I have three children in 3 different schools, i work full time... And i feel my own anger rising i'm a single mom and this summer after about 6 yrs of absence their father reappeared and has subsequently gone missing once again.

Lady, you have my absolute and unconditional respect. You have done an amazing job considering your circumstances.

Stand up and cheer for yourself!

I feel horrable and i thought i was doing the right thing because they had fiinally come to the age to ask about him and beg me to find him. So when i ran into him and he wanted to be a part of their lives again i said ok. This has only intensified my sons donward spiral.

What a self-absorbed jerk. Really. Now you get to pick up the pieces, again. That has to take a toll, too.

I'm starting to fear either prosecution d/t his absences from school or losing my job because i have to stay home with him. I know i'm being a baby but just venting here helps a bit...[/QUOTE]

Stop. You're not "being a baby". You have more on your plate than someone should have to handle. And considering the circumstances, you're doing pretty darn well in my book.

Deal with only ONE thing with your son. Pick the most important. Everything else can wait. Think of it in dog training terms. Make a list and work your way down it. Number the behavioural importance and pick your battles. Otherwise you are going to drive yourself insane.

You can't train a dog to "sit" or "stay" when it's biting you