Heartbroken ADHD Mom | ADHD Information

Thank you all so much for your responses. I know these boards are going to help us a lot. Does anyone recommend a good book for me to read to start to understand his mind and ways we can help him? There are so many I don't know where to start.

Fortunately, my son is in kindergarten this year and his teacher says he is doing great. The only negative thing she had to say was he has a little trouble with blurting out and waiting his turn. She doesn't know about his ADHD. I haven't told the schools yet. I don't want him labled at this point if they are not noticing any difficulties. Learning wise though he is like a sponge and loves it, especially when it's something he's interested in. He definitely responds better in a structured environment and we have a lot of work to do around here to structure his home life. Any suggestions there? We will have to start the marble system that is a good idea and I've thought about it in the past but wasn't sure where to buy that many marbles.

His dad is heartbroken because he has absolutely zero interest in sports and his dad played college football so he is a sports nut. They do go golfing together but he's disinterested after about 3-4 holes. We forced him into t-ball and soccer this past year because we thought he was just a lazy lil boy who wanted to watch cartoons all day. He really would if we let him. I now see why t-ball and soccer were so hard for him but that is how I realized something definitely wasn't right. In t-ball (his dad helped coach) the coaches would tell him every 3 seconds to pay attention. Even after he got a bloody nose from getting smacked in the face with a ball he was back to drawing in the dirt and spinning in circles. He'd be up to bat and say "hey dad look at all the bugs around the lights"...."huh". He was the only kid more interested in the bugs around the lights than drilling that ball. In soccer he'd just run around aimlessly, no idea what was going on. He'd be chasing his shadow or rolling in the grass. To be honest it was embarrassing and I dreaded every game. We thought we were doing right by him trying to get him involved. Does anyone recommend anything he can do that he might actually enjoy and get him involved?

Selfishly, I grieve for that little boy I dreamed of having (sports star, mr. joe cool, everyone's frind kind of guy) but I wouldn't trade the one I have if that makes sense? He really is an amazing kid and his personality captivates adults. Kids just don't get him. But he's very silly and spunky and I can hear him upstairs right now dancing around to the Beatles :-)

So, these are all things I've held inside. I'm not comfortable talking with anyone except my husband about it. My family and my husbands family don't understand. They are the type that believe ADHD is way overdiagnosed and sort of made up for kids with behavior problems though they don't directly say that. My mom cried when I told her we were going to try medication. I said "mom, I am his mother don't you think that is the last thing I want to do but I just don't believe he is realizing his real potential without it." I don't want to let my friends in on our "private" chaotic home life. I don't think they'd understand.

Again, thanks for listening to my rants and for your encouragement!

Mommy,

I feel for you. He sounds a lot like Will and I'm sure most of everyone else's kid here.
My Will is so sweet sometimes and SO nasty at other times and I wonder if it's the meds that cause the nastiness. But without meds, he's the most annoying kid on the planet, he really is.. He just acts so silly and so loud and when I try to stop him, he just falls out in a huge laughing spell. And it's NOT funny.

Our families just don't understand either. They don't offer to help with him, or offer to spend one on one time with him. They mostly think he needs a good spanking and don't see what all these meds and med changes are doing to me. His dad doesn't really see it either. He's on board with me and tries to do whatever I ask but he doesn't have the emotional aspect to what ADHD is doing to our family..

I wish I could go back in time but I don't really know what I could do differently.

Will doesn't have any friends either. He's 9.5 and in the 3rd grade. He also says that everyone is his friend, but NO ONE ever invites him to do anything. He doesn't seem to notice but it breaks my heart.

And he just loses it if his little brother has company over. He claims they pick on him or whatever, so then I feel guilty because his brother cannot invite anyone over. I feel so sorry for Will, for myself and especially for his brother. He's a very easy going kid, NEVER ever gets anything other than smiley faces at school. But then I feel guilty because Will has ADHD, not cancer and isn't dying so why can't I just loverlook it, deal with it, help him and be thankful?

Well, truth is.. I can...but it's only when he's sleeping..

I'm sorry that I rambled on, I guess I needed to get some of that out..

Hopefully you'll see that you are not alone...

[QUOTE=MommyRN]

Again, thanks for listening to my rants and for your encouragement

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Have you read the book or seen the movie The Tale of Desperaux? We just saw it last night. It's so cute because IMO, it's suggestive that Desperaux is an adventurous kid mouse with a kind of ADHD type of personality. Very heartwarming. I recommend it.

I used to be a nationally ranked swimmer. I was very disappointed when I signed my son up for swimming and it turned into nothing. It was tough on me but I had to learn that my dreams are not his dreams and as parents we owe it to our kids to recognize it. I have nothing but sympathy for your husband though. I know the feeling.

You obviously appreciate his uniqueness and that is GREAT. Keep it up Mom! The way I'm seeing it... the question is.... what does he like? He must like something other than tv, even if that's all that it appears that he likes on the surface. My son likes tinkering with anything electrical or mechanical and that's his path. Sometimes our kids define their own paths and our job is to listen and watch for it so we can support them.

There was a time when we could go nowhere with my son, now 10. He has ADHD, Adjustment disorder, and anxiety pretty bad. We still have some problems if he can't buy something for himself, but with his medication, Concerta, He wouldn't be able to go. On the meds he is much better. He also has few friends he has met over the years. But likes to play with them ALL the time. It is only 3 people. Everything you are feeling is normal for the situation. My son was horrible on Adderal as well. we have tried 3 meds so far. But it does help with the social skills but some really need to be taught those, usually in a social skills class with a therapist.Good Luck on Your adventures Happy HolidaysHi,

I'm new to this board too. My son talks the most in the quiet before bed or if we are driving in the car. When I have time to listen to him it is kind of fascinating (and eye opening) to hear his stream of thought. The tidbits that pop out are sometimes amazing but I can see how getting through day would be hard work. That didn't start until the last year though. He is 9yo and in the 3rd grade now. He had a really hard time making friends in kindy and 1st grade (which he took twice). He was never quite in the same 'place' they were and he's not into/good at sports - which seems to dominate the playground. The year he had the medicine (2nd grade) he did start to make some friends

because he was able to stay on topic and stay focused on them etc.
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That's really good, but don't be reluctant to talk to the teacher, especially if your son likes him/her--this year, or in the coming years. I have found it makes a HUGE difference if the teacher is "with it" and has knowledge of ADHD. We do not have a 504/IEP because meds + basic behavior tools work. If they didn't, yes, we might have to put something on file. So far, so good. Last year's teacher was a total ditz and not much help. This year, we switched schools, and the teacher is so on-board with us, what a wonderful difference!

Ian's meds last from roughly 7 AM to 5 PM. Every day, we stick to a routine: up at 6:45 AM, meds at 7 AM, bus at 7:20 AM. His class has a pretty standard routine, and after school, it's homework FIRST, then dinner, then bath, then reading, then bed. I might shift the times a bit on weekends, but essentially, he knows the drill.

LOL, we have both the opposite and a similar problem. We tried gymnastics, and the coach was great--but then he moved out west (we live in a small southern town). Afterschool sports were just too difficult for us to schedule (I commute about 40 miles, DH about 15, but he's on the road a lot). So we chose Scouts, which has worked out well so far--some physical activity + creative play, and it's been pretty good.

I say our situation is somewhat similar in that both DH and I are bookworms and writers. DS reads only what he must, and he detests writing. His big passion is math. Yeah, that had us scratching our heads--we always assumed we would get a bookworm/wordworm--and we didn't. So, we have done our best to encourage the love of math (and science) and be patient on the reading/writing.

Sports with ADHD (before meds) must have been very challenging for you and your son--no wonder his interest was low. Maybe now that he is being treated, or within the next year or so, he'll find a physical activity he really loves.

I feel your pain on relatives who think that "good kids sit silently until spoken to" and that "ADHD is an excuse by lax parents to explain 'bad' kids." Yeah, right. That is so wrong. I'm currently trying to get DH to present some of the information I've gathered on ADHD to share with his parents. They don't like DS (the grandchild they BEGGED us to have) and you can tell they just are counting the minutes until he leaves--and they bring up any tiny infraction of manners as if DS had committed a crime.

OTOH, our friends have been mostly supportive. Many were very compassionate and understanding. You may find that some friends may be going through similar issues.

Good luck, and I hope the holidays aren't too stressful for you.

dee [QUOTE=MommyRN]

Start with Driven to Distraction. It is miles above anything I read.

It's my ADHD Holy Book.

At the bottom I'll put my bit on how to talk to an adhd'er. I have trained all my friends

We will have to start the marble system that is a good idea and I've thought about it in the past but wasn't sure where to buy that many marbles.

Any Dollar stores or Walmarts or five and dimes around? You could always use those little rocks people put in candles and such...

Absolutely. Video will fascinate him when he's old enough. It's due to the speed of the editing cuts and such. Most ADHD'ers I know of ALL ages are video gaming junkies. Real life is too slow with too few rewards. Helps shut off the brain chatter.

I now see why t-ball and soccer were so hard for him but that is how I realized something definitely wasn't right. In t-ball (his dad helped coach) the coaches would tell him every 3 seconds to pay attention. Even after he got a bloody nose from getting smacked in the face with a ball he was back to drawing in the dirt and spinning in circles. He'd be up to bat and say "hey dad look at all the bugs around the lights"...."huh". He was the only kid more interested in the bugs around the lights than drilling that ball.

I am SO there! Although I was a road hockey addict because it moves much faster and we played in our neighbourhood--no big expectations. Baseball, gymnastics and such bored me senseless.

Think about it for a second. Bashing a ball around to get points in a game you couldn't care less about when there are butterflies flying across the field and if you think about it REALLY REALLY hard--maybe one will land on you. That is real. What's real about bashing a ball around?

In soccer he'd just run around aimlessly, no idea what was going on. He'd be chasing his shadow or rolling in the grass. To be honest it was embarrassing and I dreaded every game.

I think I already love this kid. I'd rather lay in the grass watching pictures in the clouds or climb trees or wander about aimlessly. Or ride my bike. You're describing my childhood. Everyone is trying to turn him into Tom Sawyer and he's Huckleberry Finn.

We thought we were doing right by him trying to get him involved. Does anyone recommend anything he can do that he might actually enjoy and get him involved?

Try non-team sports that go fast--like skating, tobogganing, martial arts. No pressure stuff.

Which Beatle is he? I always wanted to be Ringo [and I'm a girl LOL]

Let me lay this on you. This kid is special and you know it. He may not be the dream you had as parents but he is a bolt of blue lightning rocketing through the universe while the rest of the world is trailing in his stardust. I can *smell* it. Call it that ADHD 10th sense.

Again, thanks for listening to my rants and for your encouragement!

Absolutely. You made my night

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HOW TO GET AN aDhd pErSoN's ATTENTION:

First off, with 40 trains of thought flying around upstairs, you are competing with a lot of brain chatter to get through.

Assume that when they are flying by like a manic, in another room or are not looking directly at you, they haven't heard a word you said.

Make eye contact. Sometimes touch helps, like a gentle hand on a shoulder.

Don't say more than 3 sentences. Remember, you're trying to make your point with a lot of noise going on in there. Anything after that is just blah blah blah blah

Then get the person to repeat back to you what you said. Make sure they processed and understood your instructions.

And a Finishing Note:

THE TEN-ONE RULE:
Use ten parts praise/thank yous to 1 part criticism/correction.

MetisRebel39802.9277314815

Hi all

I am new to this board. Got online tonight to patch some holes in my heart after another terrible night with my DS. We are newly diagnosed with ADHD. My son is 6 years old and I'd noticed for some time he just wasn't like other kids his age but tried to convince myself he was just immature. I finally woke up and decided there was more to it than that. I actually took him to a child psychiatrist thinking he had Aspergers (a high functioning form of autism) because he just seemed like a social misfit. He's also clumsy, does these spin moves, freaks out with sudden loud noises. Long story short the psych said absolutely not Aspbergers but definitely ADHD. After they pointed out things and asked lots of questions it became very clear to me that was an accurate diagnosis. He's always been a very squirmy little guy. Never remembers where he puts anything and can go to look for something, freaks out cause he can't find it when it can be right in front of his face.

Anyway, the most trying thing for us at this point is his emotional outbursts and the daily battles to do ANY and EVERYthing. It's exhausting for us and him. Tonight he had a throw himself down on the floor at the mall because we told him he couldn't have a cookie (he'd already had a pretzel with cheese). My husband is about to explode, I'm about to cry and people are looking at us like OMG get control of your kid. Going anywhere with him is usually chaos.

We tried him on Adderall XR. He started out at 2.5mg once a day after 2 days we are like this is doing absolutely nothing so went up to 5 mg. This just made him worse. The outbursts were worse and he was so defiant. We said no more Adderall. He's not taking anything now. I'm not happy with how is treatment is being managed so I am turning over the care to his pediatrician temporarily until we can get in to see this specialist in May. I would like to try a new med as well as begin behavior therapy.

Is it hard to talk to kids with ADHD? Sometimes it's nearly impossible to get information out of our son. Q. How was your day today? A. Great Q. What did you do? A. I don't know. The whole time he's flopping around. It's usually just 1 to 2 word answers unless he's initiating the conversation.

Just when you think it can't get any worse tonight we learned that he plays by himself at recess. We asked don't you have any friends and he says everyone is his friend. He's such a sweet boy and wears his heart on his sleeve he just has a hard time relating to other boys and probably comes off wierd. He does much better in a 1 on 1 situation. Do ADHD kids have trouble making friends? Is this something the medicine can help? I'm just beside myself and overwhelmed. I love my son so much and just want him to be a happy kid. Right now our family life seems miserable. I don't think he acts this way at school cause if he did his teacher would have phoned me by now. Is this typically worse at home?

Sorry this is so long. I needed to vent and just need to hear from someone who knows what I am going through. I've got a lot of educating myself to do. I'm so happy I found these boards for some moral support.

Hey, welcome to the board. My DS sounds a lot like your son--just very different, unable to sit still even during a movie or a story. We had a terrible time with his teachers. Finally, we went through the long rigamarole of getting him diagnosed and treated. He takes Metadate 20 mg once per day.

We were told that we may have to try several medications before finding one that worked. We were lucky that Metadate worked well from the start. So, does your pediatrician feel OK about trying something besides Adderall?

You can start some behavior modifications yourself. Put a schedule into place. Make sure there is a quiet place where he can do homework (supervised). Put some sort of visible system in place for consequences (i.e. the marble system described here). Make sure that whenever an adult is talking to him, the person is making careful eye contact. Ask DS to repeat any instructions given to him. This doesn't sound like much, but it really does help.

Good luck, and I hope you find the right medication as soon as possible.

Dee
[QUOTE=MommyRN]

Hi all

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Oh boy, do I ever remember those days. The nice thing about going places and dealing with being constantly stared at it is that sooner or later, we moms tend to get thicker skin. I use to be mortified when my son when do something obnoxious but after a couple years he stopped because he found out I didn't care what people thought anymore. LOL. HE would get embarrassed to be with ME. ROTFL. Oh well. He's so good now at 9 years old and we were in a living hell when he was first diagnosed at 7 years old (actually we were in a living hell practically from the start), so don't lose hope. I've seen so many parents start off where you are and struggle through their daily lives and eventually there comes a day where they say wow, wow... it's really better now. It can and does happen.

As for talking with my son (I can only communicate my own experience really), yes it is hard to talk with him but it's MUCH easier to talk with him when he's all settled and snug in bed for about 15-30 minutes before he goes to bed. I always make SURE it's never negative talk. I don't criticize him. I coax him and nurture him and I've found he'll share loads of info with me at that time... and it bonds us.

As for friends, yes, he had a terrible time making friends. I don't think he really had a playdate until 3rd grade and he certainly didn't have TWO playdates after the first one... until 3rd grade, when he started figuring it out. Even then it wasn't totally smooth. Now he's in 4th and I think he's really getting a hang of it. This is the same kid who was crawling under his desk in second grade and running out of the classroom and locking himself in the school bathroom and getting sent to the office basically everyday. Things can change. We have been working with a private behavioral specialist with a lot of experience for the past year who comes to our home and coaches us. It's not as expensive as it may seem and it's been helpful. Plus the meds of course are a Godsend. I was totally against them at first but gave in and couldn't believe how much they worked for him. I'm really grateful for that since he had such a hard time, he really deserved some kind of break.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed. I went through years of hairpulling madness. I needed someone to call and tell me I was going to be okay there for a while until I was able to tell myself everything would be okay. It's a lot to deal with but it makes us strong, other-centered, loving, educated about these matters, assertive, genuine, and it cultivates unconditional love for our kids. This trouble is an absolute blessing in disguise.... and it's easiest to see that when you get past the most difficult parts. It's hardest to see it when you're starting out and everything is moving too fast. Keep your chin up. :)

[QUOTE=MommyRN]

Hi all

I am new to this board. Got online tonight to patch some holes in my heart after another terrible night with my DS.

That's what we're here for

We are newly diagnosed with ADHD. My son is 6 years old and I'd noticed for some time he just wasn't like other kids his age but tried to convince myself he was just immature. I finally woke up and decided there was more to it than that. I actually took him to a child psychiatrist thinking he had Aspergers (a high functioning form of autism) because he just seemed like a social misfit. He's also clumsy, does these spin moves, freaks out with sudden loud noises.

I've sooooo been there! I used to run back and forth chanting doddle-oddle-oddle for hours. My siblings thought it was funny. It drove my mother nuts. Actually spinning, dancing etc. seem to be ways of releasing the mental chaos.

Long story short the psych said absolutely not Aspbergers but definitely ADHD. After they pointed out things and asked lots of questions it became very clear to me that was an accurate diagnosis. He's always been a very squirmy little guy. Never remembers where he puts anything and can go to look for something, freaks out cause he can't find it when it can be right in front of his face.

The day I went to see the psych I spent over an hour finding my glasses and keys--which I had put in obvious places to be on time for the appointment For him--that's normal.

Anyway, the most trying thing for us at this point is his emotional outbursts and the daily battles to do ANY and EVERYthing.

An ADHD child starts the day at 80-99% percent frustration level just from daily coping--add something new in and it tends to spill over into rage.

It's exhausting for us and him. Tonight he had a throw himself down on the floor at the mall because we told him he couldn't have a cookie (he'd already had a pretzel with cheese). My husband is about to explode, I'm about to cry and people are looking at us like OMG get control of your kid. Going anywhere with him is usually chaos.

Malls are overwhelming for ADHD'ers. If one of you can keep him home, you'll find life a great deal easier. I'm an adult and I avoid them like the plague. There's a dozen different kinds of music playing, bright things everywhere, people rushing about, too many directions to go in, it's completely overwhelming.

Actually, remind me to write a piece on "shopping with ADHD"--because the one strength I have is, as an adult I can articulate what goes on inside my head. A child can't--they just freak out.

You aren't doing anything wrong. It's just too much going on for him.

Try getting him used to stores, if you can. Take him to the same ones, over and over. Little mom and pops, a small clothing store, a little fruit stand--places with few people, softer music, that sort of thing. You can't teach him "store manners" when he's completely overwhelmed.

I'm glad you have plans in place--that's a great start. For now, we'll do what we can for you and the little fella.

Try a scale system and concrete questions to focus him. On a scale of 1-10 how good was your day? What was the worst bit? What was the best bit?

Just when you think it can't get any worse tonight we learned that he plays by himself at recess. We asked don't you have any friends and he says everyone is his friend.

That question won't get you anywhere, unfortunately. He hasn't developed much of a definition of what a friend is, at this stage.

He's such a sweet boy and wears his heart on his sleeve he just has a hard time relating to other boys and probably comes off wierd.

That's ADHD alright. Other kids sense something "off". Since he's a little sweetie, you'll have to be alert to bullying.

He does much better in a 1 on 1 situation. Do ADHD kids have trouble making friends?

Yes. Quite frequently.

Is this something the medicine can help?

What medication CAN do, is slow his brain down enough to teach him the necessary skills. It won't give him the skills. That's learned behaviour.

I'm just beside myself and overwhelmed. I love my son so much and just want him to be a happy kid. Right now our family life seems miserable.

Find something he likes to do--and go do it. Swing on the swings with him, play in the sandbox, go toboganning together. Pick something. Because you need to enjoy this little fella no matter how disruptive it all seems. And he really needs the positive attention.

And you need the leverage of that attention to get compliance.

I don't think he acts this way at school cause if he did his teacher would have phoned me by now. Is this typically worse at home?

For some kids, the structure in school helps calm the mental chaos. If you're not a "routine" sort of person--try to start. Routine calms his world. It's one less distraction.

Welcome aboard!

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Here's a humourous version of what goes on in the ADHD kid's mind...

INSIDE THE MIND OF AdHd

Parent sends kid to find cat in garage.
Here Buffy, where are ya puss? Oh look my red truck! I was looking for that all day. That reminds me why am I wearing my blue sneakers, I like the red ones better--where ARE my red ones? One of my shoelaces is coming untied. Was it 'round and 'round the bunny ears or was it...There's my truck! I've been looking for it all day. Better put it away before little bro walks off with it again. Is that picture on the wall new? I don't like the yellow sunflowers and now I gotta pee. Where does the water go when you flush? I'm gonna take the top off and find out where it comes from. Drat! Knocked over mom's bath salts again. Is she gonna be mad. Now where is the broom?

"Did you find the cat, yet?"

What's she on about now? What cat? I didn't know the cat was lost. I was looking for a broom. What did I need a broom for? To get the cat out from under the bed, that's what. There's no cat under this bed!

"Did you find the cat, yet?"

"It's not here, Mom!"

"Did you check the garage, like I asked?"
"Uh, no--why would I look in the garage?"

"What is the MATTER with you? Don't you ever LISTEN?"

MetisRebel39802.4026157407

Adderal is a bit much at that age, IMHO. That's a really heavy duty stim. BUT the insurance companies consider it a first-line med, and you have to try one of those before you can get authorization for other types.

Jessica N39806.5446875

Sorry to be joining the conversation so late, just got back to work this evening. Haven't had much time to read these boards.

I too have a son, who is 11 now. When he was your son's age he was the same way. He is very hyper, impulsive, immature when his meds are not in effect. Once they are, he is a totally different child. He is awesome. The best behaved, the best student, the most compassionate, thoughtful, oh my I could go on and on.

I wished I started the meds while in kindergarten. Son was labeled, made fun of by the time he was in first, kids notice and look for things to pick on others for, sad but true. The last thing you want to do is give them something for them to pick on!

He is on concerta, since he was shy of 6. He is also on tenex/guanfacine for overstimulation, anxiety, self regulation.

This combo is my son's life preserver. It has saved his life.

We tried others, strattera, adderall xr, but this has been the best for HIM.

WE spent 6 months finding the right med and dosage before he leveled off and got his life back.

Yes, he suffered labeling, and bullying (still does actually ) but he is going to make it.

You are so smart to start researching everything now. You will be prepared. I feel very guilty for starting the meds at the end of 1st grade. I could have saved him some of the consequences if I hadn't been afraid of meds.

Keep posting any question, we are here for you and your son!!

Beth

hang in there, get the meds in place

[QUOTE=beanmom]I am new to this board & new to accepting this diagnosis as well. My DS is an only,the love of my life but also just pushes me to the very brink of my sanity.At best it's like having a mischievous gremlin/imp in the house-locking us out of rooms,pulling bookmarks from books,leaving trails of garbage & destruction in his wake... At worst,I feel so sad because he doesn't fit in socially at school-yet doesn't realize it either-the teacher says the other kids blame him for everyhting-even on the playground after school,I hear the other parents whisper "see that kid in the orange coat? He is SOOO rude"Also my husband & I are both well read & literate-we own a bookstore!-but our son flounders academically,despite tutors & summer school & my own commitment to teaching him.We see a friend's son the same age ranking as a chess master,my husband is one as well & yet our son does not have the attention span to get through candy land! It is hard not to be disappointed & gut wrenchingly guilt inducing to feel that way. [/QUOTE]

I can relate on so many levels. I read a lot as well; especially when it has anything to do with health/medicine (I am a registered nurse). I knew a lot about adhd but when it came to my own child I tried to justify or dismiss many of his behaviors (oh he's just immature, or he was an only child for 4 years, blah blah blah).

It is so hard for me to witness his social interactions. Sometimes he does great and other times it is a total disaster. His 5th b-day we invited some kids over from his daycare and every time one would arrive he'd run from them and say no go away. I was so embarrassed (this was before his diagnosis). That's just the tip of the iceberg. But today he was over sledding with the neighbor boy who is the same age and he usually gets along very well with at home. I don't think they play together a lot at school though.

I get so jealous/angry when my friends with boys the same age talk about their child's accomplishments. Sometimes I feel like they are rubbing it in my face but I know they aren't and they are just being proud moms. My best friend sent out her holiday brag letter and she has a boy the same age as my son. Talking about how he played this sport and that sport over the summer and ran his first junior 5K. I felt so resentful and I know that is just awful of me because I should share her pride. Her boy has been riding a bike without training wheels for nearly a year and my son just started riding his bike with training wheels this past year. Having to admit to her that he couldn't ride a bike for years was gut wrenching.

I have to remind myself that he is unique and that this is something that we can and will work through. He has a very loving and supportive family. Although his grandparents are a little reluctant to embrace the adhd diagnosis they are coming around. I think I will pass along the books I read to them once I've finished.

Happy Holidays!

I am new to this board & new to accepting this diagnosis as well. My DS is an only,the love of my life but also just pushes me to the very brink of my sanity.At best it's like having a mischievous gremlin/imp in the house-locking us out of rooms,pulling bookmarks from books,leaving trails of garbage & destruction in his wake... At worst,I feel so sad because he doesn't fit in socially at school-yet doesn't realize it either-the teacher says the other kids blame him for everyhting-even on the playground after school,I hear the other parents whisper "see that kid in the orange coat? He is SOOO rude"Also my husband & I are both well read & literate-we own a bookstore!-but our son flounders academically,despite tutors & summer school & my own commitment to teaching him.We see a friend's son the same age ranking as a chess master,my husband is one as well & yet our son does not have the attention span to get through candy land! It is hard not to be disappointed & gut wrenchingly guilt inducing to feel that way.

beanmom,

ADHD is genetic. It all begins when the infant is in the tummy and is being wired with what color eyes, hair, how tall, etc. ADHD is born when the child is born. It develops later, however, I can recall my baby not wanting to sleep, motor driven, he never crawled - just got up and started learning to walk at 7 months. He was always hyper but for a baby. Even moms got mad at him when he was just months old in gymboree because he was impulsive and wanted to play different with their kids.

I remember leaving a class at 18 months old and crying. I called the owner of the program and explained what happened. She called me back and said there was a complaint. I knew then things were going to be different. Then Early Intervention came in for speech delay and they found sensory. I then read up on ADHD and knew it when he was 2. He was officially diagnosed at almost 5.

People have been cruel for years, but people are cruel to even those who aren't ADHD. It is truly a cruel world.

Do not blame bad parenting, too much sugar, all those myths. It is genetic, just like my son has brown eyes and not blue like his sister's. You did nothing wrong. It was all in the pre-wiring back in the beginning. And it could be from either your son's father side and/or your side.

Do not blame bad parenting, those people are ignorant.

[QUOTE=graiae66]
As an educator, I think one of THE most important steps (not the only thing, of course) in being a good teacher is organization.
[/QUOTE]

I'd have to 2nd this! My daughter does so much better when her teacher is organized.

[QUOTE=beanmom]Does anyone have any really positive success stories of these kids turning into successful & popular young adults? The statistics are so depressing.[/QUOTE]

beanmom, Do you recall Michael Phelps the olympic swimmer who won all the gold medals this past summer, he is ADHD and his mother a BIG advocate as well as a teacher. There are tons of actors and actresses with it, as well as historians. Where should I begin??!!

Do you know that at NASA with the flights to space, that so many of the designers, builders, etc have ASpbergers because they are brilliant just no into social situations and this allows them to have their space and do their brilliant work.

I have a 11 year old son who is a straight A student, plays sports each season, even hits the home runs and defends against the touchdowns. He is a brilliant computer whiz as well as video games, even finishes them. His teacher has told us he will be a brilliant engineer someday.

There is a place for all our children to be successful, but they also have to want to be. I just allow my son to do what he loves and he is succeeding so far.

I should end my post with mentioning, as I do often, My son is medicated and I am proud. He would NEVER be this successful. My son also needs glasses, another prescription. Imagine if I didn't get him glasses, which he needs, just like I wouldn't medicate him, which he needs. He would really have a hard time in life.

I am not a med pusher by all means, but I know what it is like to be afraid of meds and to allow my child to suffer. I did it also. But I now know better. I feel so bad for the children suffering for their own parents/guardians fears, remember it is still and always the child who is really suffering, not the adult!!

Yes,thank you both for your sound & thoughtful advice. We found a psych we feel will be right for us & will follow his advice regarding meds - however,he wants to implement some classroom strategies first & see if that helps him focus in school better. He said that his opinion was that he would prescribe meds down the road but that it would be irresponsible of him to do so without first using non med intervention techniques which I think is very reasonable...although things have been so hard for so long that I am willing to try anything at this point. I wonder if other parents feel responsible for their child's adhd? I constantly worry that I'm not a good enough mother or I did something wrong during pregnancy...I know this is about him but I feel like such a failure - which I'm sure isn't helping anyone. Also,I have a hard time with the constant head shaking & finger wagging & tsk-tsking of my family,other parents,strangers in the supermarket-I want to scream out:"This isn't MY fault! I'm a good parent!" but people,especially family are always making me feel ashamed & embarrassed & blaming everything from spoiling to sugar to tv to toys- & I'm a really responsible mom-I don't indulge in any of that! Yes-Sam-Crisis is the word for where our family is too. Beanmom, people can be so cruel and thoughtless. Metis came up with some very snazzy replies somewhere on the board when people say silly things. Maybe she'd be willing to repost? :)

My father is blind and walks with a white cane. People are usually so helpful and kind to him (he walks about 1 mile a day to a local restaurant for breakfast). Yet with the ADHD exceptionality, there is no "white cane" for people to see that there is an invisible exceptionality, and hence, the remarks/looks/glares are thoughtless.

You ARE a good parent! This is NOT your fault. Could you stick your tongue out at the naysayers? THat's what I am sometimes tempted to do!

Dee
Hmmm... I wouldn't worry too much about sports. Odds are that you will find a particular sport that your son excels at. Jessica N39806.5453240741

beanmom,

I had that "stuff" that you mention happen as well. I think a lot of others here can also relate. Our kids are impulsive, hyper, easily overstimulated, BUT mean no harm. Nor is a lot of what they do pre-mediated, if you know what I mean. Things happen because they do not think before doing.

Please join us here whenever you need others who understand.

I am glad you have joined and look forward to reading your posts.

WOW, I thought my son (age 5.5) was the only soccer kid that chased his shadow on the field. After I read your story about soccer an tball, I thought OMG, this was was my son. He played soccer at age 4 and evey game was "Jacob" stop chasing your shadow, "Jacob" get the ball, "Jacob" pay attention. As for tball, age 5, it was "Jacob" quit picking the grass, "Jacob" stop playing around, "Jacob" pay attention and he would talk to the people around the fence. He could never play infield, because they were afraid of him getting hit with the ball, since he wouldn't "PAY ATTENTION".

He's not on meds yet, he appt is not until mid January. I myself have tried most everything to get his behavior in line. He was taking singulair for his asthma and aftering doing some reseach about the behavorial problems from this drug, I took him off of it. He has been off for 6 weeks now and is much better. But, I think he still needs a little help. The only problem we have with him is he TALKS all the time. He is in k-garten and can't keep his mouth shut. As for his grades, he is fine. The counselor was surprised that he was doing so well accedemically.

He is adopted and I have had a hard time accepting the fact that "my son" may suffer from ADHD. I tend to forget that he is made up from another mold, because I love him so much and his is my world. I did start the marble reward program and it has worked wonders. I LOVE IT.

I also have family member that are against meds and some that are okay with it. I myself have struggled with medicating him, but I am going to try it, if the Dr. feels he needs it. I am not goint to let my little guy suffer anymore. You have to do what is right for your son and once the family can see the difference, I'm sure they will agree.

My son also spent all of t-ball drawing pictures in the dirt with his
fingers! At least he's creative-I find art helps him alot-he's good at it &
maybe he feels confident & not criticized in that area.
After 3 yrs (he's now 6.5) of denial ,crying & fighting with teachers who I
strongly believed just wanted nice easy sedate children in their
classrooms,I took him to a highly regarded psych who has handed down
the official ADHD diagnosis. He thought we were using the right behavior
modification techniques at home(I've read every book on the subject
even while fighting with everyone who even hinted at those touchy buzz
words-focusing,distraction,impulse control),but he wants the school to
implement some structure & organizational techniques before trying
meds (which I swore I'd never relent to..)
Mommy RN your story & grief,strikes a similar chord for me.Does anyone
have any really positive success stories of these kids turning into
successful & popular young adults? The statistics are so depressing.I think one of the things I learned during the diagnostic process was never say never. I too was very reluctant about the medication, but even the low dose DS started with was just...amazing. I know not everyone has the same results, but it just made such a huge difference for our family.

As an educator, I think one of THE most important steps (not the only thing, of course) in being a good teacher is organization. If your son's teachers can help out with classroom structure and specific interventions in the classroom, you will find this is a big help! (I hope!)

Dee

There are success stories, but you won't find that many on boards like this.

Jessica N39811.531724537beanmom wrote:
Does anyone have any really positive success stories of these kids turning into successful & popular young adults? The statistics are so depressing.

You don't see a lot of success stories here because people normally come here when their children are in crisis. Those that have a good support system and effective treatment have the best shot at success. Statistics are normally about people that have untreated or ineffective treatment for adhd so I wouldn't ignore them, do nothing and assume things could work out regardless. Those that do well untreated are not the norm and any adult with adhd can attest to that. If the majortity of those with adhd did well without effective treatment then having adhd would be a non issue and you wouldnt see so many people on this message board crying out for help and answers. BETHANN, your post was spot on! Great advice :)

I am new to this board too, my son is 9 with ADHD and PDD-NOS (we also thought he had Asperger's - in fact he was diagnosed incorreclty for 2 years)

It is a hard journey, I love my boy with all my heart and soul but so much want him to be like other boys his age, he is pretty full on, I have to pick my moments for outings, like when and when absolutely not to hit a shopping centre. He too gets frustrated and angry when he can't have something he wants, he goes on and on and on and on about it, he would be a good sales rep!

My son has 3 stepbrothers who find him hard to connect with and my heart breaks that he wants friends at school but is often so intense and gets too attached that kids can't breathe that they move away, he wants a friend so bad that he suffocates anyone who shows interest.

My son is also hard to talk to when "on the go" he gets focused on activity and often can't even hear me, I try to connect with him at night for about 20 minutes, last night was very special when he told me that he had his first kiss at school with a nice girl and it was our special secret, he wants a girl to like him so much and wants to go on a "date" cute as he is only 9. Sometimes he gives me golden nuggets, other nights he is so wound up with anxiety and pain from his day that he puts himself down and I have to talk him "up" again, his self esteem really suffers.

My heart hurts for him too, but he keeps me going to help understand him, love him with all his annoying habits and try to help the world around hiim accept him (that's the hard part)

In regards to medication our lives changed when he went on Ritalin (10mg in the morning and 10mg midday) wow what a change at school, he moved back to mainstream class after being in a special unit for behaviourally challenged kids for 2 years, he had also been held back a year at school as struggling with the work especially reading, he is still behind with reading for his age but much improved. His teacher reported that he was able to concentrate, focus and not give up on tasks and was more settled, he used to run out of class, climb on table and be very frustrated and angry, different now. So Ritalin worked for us, we tried the slow release Concerta but that did not seem to work as well for some reason, our doc said it really depends on the kid.

Be encouraged you are not alone and the journey will have it's good days and bad. Hang in there.

PumpkieMum