holding my child back on school | ADHD Information

My son has a double whammy--summer birthday and adhd.  As he is my first, I was not on top of things (as in I missed the memo that boys with his profile should begin kindergarten later).  He ended up repeating kindergarten (full time) and it was hard for him, he knew what was going on even though we called it Senior Kindergarten. 

He is now in 3rd grade, has been at a new school since 1st grade (his classmates don't know about the repeat K) and it turned out to be a good decision.  His doctors were behind it.  If we did not repeat K, he would have been the youngest in his class instead of the oldest.  Looking forward, this means the youngest in his class to drive, go to college, etc.  Emotionally and socically he is still behind, but nowhere as far behind if we had not held him back.  This is a very difficult and controversial topic.  I have heard about studies that show repeating a child after the 4th grade can be very damaging.  We choose to bit the bullet while he was younger.  My son began meds in 2nd grade. He has responded well to focalin XR 10mg, with a booster on days when he has chess club after school. 

He just rec'd his best ever report card.  You may see much maturity and development between the ages of 6 and 8.  Good luck.  Our kids are counting on us to provide them with the tools to succeed in school, which is their own full time job.

I love the idea of the "early 5s" program--sounds like it would be very beneficial to your son. Lacking entrance into that, is there anything else you could do--perhaps try out the regular K5 if you can't get into the early program?

Dee
I agree with you that waiting a year to start kindergarten, especially full-day kindergarten, is in your son's best interest. I wouldn't even call it "holding back;" it's just waiting to start kindergarten. Lots of people do this, especially for boys. My son even has a friend (who he's known since kindergarten!) who is almost two years older than him; they're juniors in high school. No big deal.
If I were you I would do whatever makes it possible for your son to do 1/2 days next year and have a positive experience. Then hopefully that positive experience will continue on into full-day kindergarten the following year.
Good luck!

As soon as school gets back in session I will be calling this school that offers this program.  If for some reason we cant get in, then I'm going to have to put him in kindergarden and just deal with it because there is no other school around here that offers that program.

God i hope I can get it.  Another thing that I'm worried about is that the parent meeting for this program is on march 9 and the sign up in march 11.  I am currently preggers with my second child and due march 3.  I'm hoping this wont interfere with us having a chance to sign him up because I'll be in the hospital or something.  I guess time will tell.

If your son doesn't get into this program, couldn't he just stay in preschool another year??
Is there someone who could go in your place to sign up your son in case you are in the hospital? Maybe you could explain the situation and have the school send you the paperwork in advance, if possible, and then have it all ready to go just in case.

I have considered another year of pre school, but I dont feel this is enough for him.  My husband and I have also been hit terribly with this falling economy and pre school has been pretty expensive for us but we also make too much money for the free pre school programs.

It's possible that I could just send my hubby to the meeting if it needed to be done.  I would really love to go hear for my self what it's all about.  I'm sure the school would be very cooperative with my situation and send me the forms but it's first come first serve, so we'll see.

 

I don't know what the laws are like where you live, but here in Oregon a child is not legally required to attend school until the age of 7. Would it be possible for your son to attend kindergarten for half the day? And perhaps next year, do the same thing. This would give him a chance to go to school but would ease him into the stresses of going full time. My ADHD son had 1/2 day kindergarten but the schools have since switched to full day. My youngest doesn't have ADHD but I was worried that he would find being gone from home all day too hard. He is physically small and very attached to his Momma. I thought about having him attend only 1/2 the day but I've been a stay at home mom for 17 years and, selfishly, really wanted some time to myself. So I sent him all day. Luckily, my worries were unfounded. He's doing great. He is still very happy to see me after school, though. Do you have a program where you are called Early Intervention? The reason for the question is that where we are we do and my son was enrolled due to he wasn't talking. He has a horrible speech delay, but things are really great now.

Through their program, they lead us to another for preschool - Integrated preschools. There are children with disabilities, such as adhd, aspbergers, autism, some maybe down syndrome or just learning disabilities and preschool was free. They also have a number of slots open for those children with none of the above. These children just go to the school WITH the others to befriend the others, teach the others, etc. I don't want to use the word and offend anyone, but they chose, "MODEL STUDENTS" they would model behavior, etc for the others.

These children paid like nothing for each day they went. It really is a great program for those in need of assistance, whether due to disabilites or financial. I know that preschools can cost as much as a private elementary schools sometimes. I completely understand the concern in that department, but I also understand that your son needs to go, just like mine, and you will need the time for your new baby!!

Contact your town/cities education department, it is run by the state and they can direct you as well.

Best wishes to you and your family!!
I enrolled my son who was diagnosed shy of 5. He is the youngest in his class, is behind in some ways socially, but is one of the smartest in his class. I talked with his kindergarten teacher about not moving him to first grade but she mentioned he would be so bored, and again he was too smart.

Some kids are ready and others aren't. I would not keep him moving up just because he is adhd. There are always some more ahead socially, but then again, he may be still socially behind next years group.

I have read that our adhd' ers can be up to three years behind socially that is why some like to play with younger children. My son just does what makes him happy and that is that. He is ahead academically but behind socially, or he just has different interersts.

We didn't medicate our son until the end of first grade. My biggest reget. I wish I had medicated in kindergarten. our son is very hyper, impulsive, etc. He became labeled by the school, kids, and parents. Please if your son is the hyper, impulsive type, not the inattentive type, keep an eye on this. It is amazing how this happens and follows a child through school for years.

I would talk to the school about your concerns.

Best wishes!!
BETHANN39814.2420138889

I enrolled my son in kindergarten when he had JUST turned 5 yrs in August. He had alot of problems in preschool and was socially behind by at least a year. However, he was academically ahead. So we thought "Why not let him try it?'

It was a HUGE mistake for him. He spent the entire year in trouble for his impulsiveness. He was actually suspended and expelled and banned from a field trip.

At that time we did not have a diagnosis and I stumbled upon this website. I had known something was not right for a long time but reading the posts here helped me realize DS needed to see a doctor.

He was diagnosed and started adhd meds in January 08 and has been doing much better ever since. It has truly been like a miracle for us. We still had some issues and took DS to a developmental pediatrician at the end of the school year. He diagnosed DS with adhd and mild aspergers.

To say the least we were devastated at first. But I have been comparing aspergers and adhd symptoms and many are overlapping.

DS is taking focalin xr 10mg in the am and 5 mg in the afternoons to help w/ the bus ride home and homework.

First grade has gone beautifully this year. But if I had it to do over I would have held him back at the PRESCHOOL level. He is still very immature, but academically advanced.

I am one who did not hold their son back in pre-k because he was a genius kid. He had an outstanding vocab and mean math skills. but now I regret it as he is 10 and the youngest in 5th grade and is nowhere near ready to start 6th grade. I say hold him back! My biggest mistake.

I have a 4 year old son who is now in preschool.  He is due to start kindergarden in the fall and I am very adament about this.  Starting next fall, where I live, they are now starting full day kindergarden.  Our son was just dx with ADHD just a few months ago and he is about 1 year behind his peers socially and academically.  I have 2 nephews who are now in kindergarden and am amazed what they are teaching and expecting these kids to know so early.  Let alone a child who has a hard time concentrating as it is.

After speaking with my husband, doctor, phyciatrist, and teachers we all feel the same...that our DS needs to be held back somewhere. 

I am very reluctant to send him to full day school because I dont feel he is ready for such structure as of yet.  However, it's either we put him in and risk daily meltdowns because he says he "cant do it" (a common complaint in our home)  and knowingly expect the first year of kindergarden to be hell.  Then keeping him in kindergarden for and extra year to catch up.  or......I have found a fantastic early 5's (or kindergarden readiness is also what they call it) program that he can really benefit from.  It's a little more than pre school but not quite as much as kindergarden.  Basically how it was explained to me was "it's like how it was when we werein kindergarden"  the catch??  A waiting list from here to china and since we are out of that school district, they would first pick those in the district then move along to the rest.  It's not impossible to get it, but there is a good chance we might not.

Have any of you had to hold your children back??  If so what did you do and what was the outcome?  Have any of you tried the early 5's program and what did you think. 

I should also note that we are currently not medicating our son. 

 

My oldest son is 9yo now.  He was diagnosed at 7yo - his second year of first grade. 

He has other Learning Disabilities that were diagnosed at the same time.  Honestly I don't think holding him back did a bit of good but I will say 2nd grade (first year on meds) was his best year socially and for learning.  The two years of first grade accomplished nothing.  Now - one reason it didn't help him is repeating the same thing twice doesn't do diddly to address the learning disabilities so we just lost a year on that front. 

I did have my second son do the year of pre-kindergarten at 5yo.  The school talked me into it and freaked me out after the oldest was having such a hard time.  He started real kindergarten at 6yo.  It was a mistake for him.  He was bored.  He's in first grade now and still bored.  He doesn't have ADHD or any other LD though.  So I made another mistake.  I'm sure they are all different but his pre-kindy class was the same length as the regular school day but the primary focus was on behavior. They worked on very basic academic skills too but classroom behavior was clearly the focus. 

I have two kids that will be 19yo before they graduate and I have some serious concerns about that.  My husband is totally unconcerned about it though. 

The year of pre-kindy at 5yo is called redshirting.  If you want to search long term studies use that term.  By and large, it does not improve outcomes, but individual kids have individual needs.  Do what you think is right.  Another factor is that in my oldest son's original class - it just so happened most of the boys were redshirted and even though he started at 5.5yo, he was the youngest.  As murphy would have it - my second son (also started at 5.5) is the one of the only one's redshirted in his class so he is by far the oldest.  If there is way to find that info out, it might be helpful to know.